Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Friday funnies!

  • 06-09-2004 7:05pm
    #1
    Hello Kitty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 442 ✭✭


    A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her
    a beautiful African Grey parrot. "What about this one, Madam? A beautiful
    bird, I'm sure you'll agree and it's an absolute steal at only ?20."
    "Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.
    "Well", replies the assistant, it used to live in a brothel and as a
    result its language is a touch fruity"
    "Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up,"I'm broad
    minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".
    So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once safely in his new
    home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman.
    "F**k me, a new brothel and a new madam"
    "I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel" says the woman indignantly. A
    little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive
    home.
    "A new brothel, a new madam, and now new prostitutes" says the parrot when
    he sees the daughters.
    "Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes" complained the
    girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.
    A short while later, the woman's husband comes home.
    "Well f==k me, a new brothel, a new madam, new whores, but the same old
    clients..... How ya doin', Dave?!!"






    Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly,deeply
    and passionately in love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic
    relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears."We
    can't see each other anymore..." she sobbed. "Why?" gasped Declan.
    "Daddy says that crabs are too common", she wailed. "He claims you are a
    mere crab and a poor one at that and crabs are the lowest class
    of crustacean... and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can
    only walk sideways." Declan was shattered and scuttleds sideways away
    into the darkness and began to drink himself into a filthy state of
    aquatic oblivion. That night the great Lobster ball was taking place.
    Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making But the
    Lobster Princess refused to join in,choosing instead to sit by her
    father's side, inconsolable. Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan
    the crab strode in! The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess
    gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne. Slowly, painstakingly,
    Declan the crab made his way across the floor....and all could see that
    he was walking, not sideways, but FORWARDS!!!! One crab claw after
    another! Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he
    finally looked King Lobster in the eye.There was a deadly hush across
    the room.
    Finally, Declan spoke.......
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    "Jaysus, I'm locked"


Comments

Advertisement