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Laff yiz basterds.....

  • 16-09-2004 5:25pm
    #1
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭


    Another blonde joke, my wife hates these, she's blonde. She doesn't realise the only reason I married her is so that I could park in the handicapped spaces when she's with me. ;)


    A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....
    Cop: "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"
    Blonde: "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."
    Cop: "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"
    Blonde: "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."
    At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.
    Cop: "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful."
    Blonde: "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".



    Men are Like:

    Placemats - they only show up when there's food on the table.
    Mascara - they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
    Bike helmets - they're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.
    Government bonds - they take so long to mature.
    Copiers - you need them in reproduction but that's about it.
    Lava lamps - fun to look at it but not all that bright.
    Bank accounts - without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
    High heels - they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
    Mini skirts - if your not careful they'll creep up your legs.
    Handguns - keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.


    Once upon a time, there was a woman working at a lingerie counter,
    and a customer came to the counter with a pair of frilly panties and
    said she'd like to buy them, adding, "but only of you can embroider
    `If you can read this, you're too close.' on the back."
    So, the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in back, and
    described the rather unusual request.
    The tailor said, "Well, she sounds like a stick in the mud, but I can
    do that. Does she want block letters or script?"
    Since the saleswoman didn't know, she went back around to the
    counter, and asked, "do you want that in block letters or script?"
    The customer replied, with a smile, "Braille."


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