Funny but 18+

Hagar

Q. How do you fix a woman's watch?
A. You don't — there's a clock on the oven!

Q:What do a bungee jumper and a gay guy have in common?
A: If the rubber breaks they are both in deep ****!

Q. How do you know you are getting old?
A. “When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.”

This guy goes to the doctor after being constipated for two weeks. The doctor prescribes a heavy-duty laxative and tells him to take two when he gets home. The guy goes home to his fourth story apartment, pops two of the pills and lays down for a nap. When he awakens he finds that the laxative is so powerful that he has relieved two weeks worth of blockage all over the bed as he slept. Totally disgusted the man toils over what to do with the mess and finally decides to bundle up the sheets and pitch them out the window. About this time a wino comes walking along still hung-over from the night before and splat! The sheet lands right square on his head. After struggling for a few minutes the wino gets free of the sheet and as he's standing there looking at it, a policeman strolls up after seeing him wrestling with it. "What's going on here?" inquires the officer. "I'm not too sure," replies the wino "but I'm pretty sure I just beat the **** out of a ghost!"

The caretaker of a fishing resort notices the husband of a newly wed couple was spending all of his time fishing and not with his new bride. When he asked the man why are you spending all day out on the lake fishing when you could be making love to this fine young babe?
Well, the groom said, I would but you see she has gonorrhea!
Wow said the caretaker, but there are other things you can do to her.
I know said the groom, but you see she also has diarrhea!
But still there are other things you can do to her, said the caretaker.
Well she also has pyorrhea said the groom!
Damn dude, why the hell did you marry this bitch?
Well, she also has worms, and I love to fish!

Two matadors, Juan and Jose, are checking out the bullfight crowd, looking for nice babes.
Suddenly, Juan says to Jose, "Look, and way up at the top of the stands, the chiquita with her legs spread?
A mucho hairy pussy, and she's not wearing any panties."
Jose looks and says, "Yes, she is. She is wearing black panties."
To settle it, they send Pancho, the boy who scoops up the bull****, to go find out.
Pancho runs up the stairs, looks between the girl's legs, and lets out a loud, "Aye, caramba!"
He goes running back to Juan and Jose, and Juan says, "So, is it pussy or panties?"
Pancho says, "It is flies."

Dr. Loon

Filth. I'd give you rep of some form, but I can't seem to.

ferdi

heh

Hagar

Dr. Loon wrote:

Filth. I'd give you rep of some form, but I can't seem to.

That's probably because of the last neg rep you gave me.
You have to give good rep to someone else in the meantime.

As the pregnant hunchback said "It's all about balance"

Lenny

liked te 2nd long joke

Spunog UIE

ye 2nd one is awful

Dr. Loon

Hagar wrote:

That's probably because of the last neg rep you gave me.
You have to give good rep to someone else in the meantime.

As the pregnant hunchback said "It's all about balance"

Exactly, and you gave it back. So I needed to restore balance to the universe. I can feel the disturbance already.

kmart6

Brilliant

Nuttzz

excellent

Balls Of Steel

excellent especially the one about getting old