Snappy answers to stupid questions!

Spalk0

Question:
Were you upset when the tornado blew down your house?

Answer:
- No, not when I realised we'll have tons and tons of kindling for when we rebuild the fireplace.
- No, my home is more feng shui this way.
- No, I always wanted to sleep under the stars!
- No, I'm a puzzle fiend! This will be a blast to put back together.

Question:
Do you need a waiter, sir?

Answer:
- No, just point me towards the kitchen and I'll serve myself.
- I'm sorry, I could'nt hear you over the sound of my stomach growling!

Question:
Washin' the car, huh?

Answer:
- No, I'm actually washing the driveway - the car happens to be in the way.
- No, I'm applying an an attractive coat of soap-coloured paint to my vehicle.
- I'm not sure, I have to get this filth off to see if its MY car!

Question:
Are you recording the match with your camcorder?

Answer:
- Yes, that way I can watch it later when there are no idiots around to bother me.
- No I have some dirt in my eye and I'm removing it with this state-of-the-art device.
- No I'm filming the lucious grass growing. I had no idea these goons were playing a match today!

Question:
Ooh, a talking weighing scale! Will it say my weight when I get on?

Answer:
- No but it will say a prayer beforehand!
- No, it has'nt learned to count past 300 lbs.
- No, it will say "To Be Continued".

Question:
Are you going to rob the bank?

Answer:
- No, I just opened a savings account and this gun and ski mask were my complimentary gifts.
- No, I want to take out as loan and I'm using this gun as collateral.

Question:
Doing your washing?

Answer:
- No, Im exercising my eyes by reading clothes labels as they spin by!
- Washing!? I thought this was a blender! Im making a smoothie in washer 3!

RE*AC*TOR

Homer: Ooh! Snappy answers to stupid questions! I'm great at these. Ask me if something smells funny in here, boy!
Bart: Does something smell funny in here?
Homer: I don't think so, STU-PID! Ahahahaha!
Marge: Homey, you want Pork Chops?
Homer: No, I want Roast Beef, you CLOD! Ahahaaha!

AdMMM

LOL

dont think anyone has asked me stupid questions like that before!

Maximilian

(that's my cue)

Say, being asked a stupid question, huh?

2oddsox

HA HA HA. VERY GOOD. BUT COULD I JUST ASK....
WHY IS AABBREVIATION SUCH A BIG WORD? :eek:

Bottle_of_Smoke

and dyslexic so difficult to spell

and whats the deal with "monosylable"

RE*AC*TOR

It appears I've fallen thorugh a space-time continuum, its 1997, Seinfeld is the most popular tv program in the US....

Ragamuffin

2oddsox wrote:

WHY IS AABBREVIATION SUCH A BIG WORD? :eek:

Dude, that is deep :eek:

2oddsox

Dyslexia Is K.o.
And Here Is The Club Moyyo......
Dyslexics Of The World Untie.

Healio

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...................................................

Optikus

Healio wrote:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...................................................

Roffle thats a good one.

Maximilian

What's another word for "thesaurus"?
etc.

Healio

Maximilian wrote:

What's another word for "thesaurus"?
etc.

I reckon lexicon might fit the bill there.

simu

Question:
Doing your washing?

Answer:
- No, Im exercising my eyes by reading clothes labels as they spin by!

That's class!

Bottle_of_Smoke

Who needs rheotorical questions?

greglo23

eschew obfuscation !!

Healio

He who cant dance, blames the DJ!!

billy the squid

Why are you late for school
um cos the bell went off before i got here.

Healio

Ah i see wot u mean now!! lol

Ivan

Just run away and pretend you never saw this thread, thats what I plan on doing!

Scubachick

Weather retorts:
"Its nice out today" "Well then leave it out"


A variation on the theme perhaps, but my sister is classic at using spoonerisms. Here are a few I can remember:

"Hyphen-etically speaking..."
"It's just a tapestry of justice..."
"I'm all fingers and elbows today..."

Cactus Col

ah, I see ... I thought up my own snappy answers to stupid questions:

Question: .. Washing the car eh?

Answer: Yes, now **** off!

QUestion: Reading the paper eh?

Answer: Yes, now **** off!

Question: Going for a walk eh?

Answer: Yes, now **** off!

I like mine better.

OLDYELLAR

ha some o dem are halarious

cailin dana

I liked those answers coz u never no when a tornado will blow down ur house esp in this country....i'm sorry, sometimes my sarcasism takes over. i really did like them
____________________________________
Q Why do seagulls have wings?
A To beat the knackers to the dump!

Pompey Magnus

Cactus Col wrote:

QUestion: Reading the paper eh?

Answer: Yes, now **** off!

Simply Brilliant!

Blisterman

I love Mad Magazine.

gimmick

When just back from holidays, or if you have not seen someone for a long time -

Is it yourself???

No, its not, Im a f*cking clone you moron.

daram

Spoonerisms??? Where?

Piste

Whatver you do DON'T FEED THEM.

Why is there an "S" in 'Lisp'?

Bard

2oddsox wrote:

WHY IS AABBREVIATION SUCH A BIG WORD? :eek:

Because you added an extra 'A' at the beginning?

pretty-in-pink

not quite the same, but here goes,

person1: "Hi"
person2: "Do I look like I want to talk to you- loser?"
person1: "Well I may not be sexy, or cool- but I'm the only person here who wants to talk to you"