Best quote from anything

spudster101

Robert Duvall to Tom Criuse in Days of thunder

Robert>"I want you to drive up and hit the pace car"

Tom>"Why"

Robert>"Because youve hit every other godamn thing out there"

The Phenom

The Simpsons

Homer:How could you. Don't you listen to that guy on sunday in church Captain whats his name.
Why do you think i took you to all those Police Academy movies i did'nt hear anyone laughin except athat guy who did sound effects(does some sound effects then says)
Yeah were was i STAY AWAY FROM MY BOOZE

briano

From "Way of the Gun"

(to Ryan Philipe and Benico Del Torro)

Raving Bitch: You like to **** boys. He's gonna **** you in the ass, how do you like that he's not even gay but he'll do it just...
Bar Patron : Honey honey... She's got a big mouth but she's not kidding. I'm gonna whip you silly and I'm gonna **** you stupid. You wanna do the man dance? First dance is yours.

seanybiker

in the quiet words of the virgin mary...... come again .

Nolimits

From Buffalo Soldiers

These men know war is hell, but peace is boring.

From Any Given Sunday

There are no atheists in foxholes.

LoneGunM@n

My favourites have to be

From Matrix Reloaded:

Merovingian: Don't you love the French language? I have sampled every language, French is my favorite. Fantastic language. Especially to curse with. Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculé de ta mère. It's like wiping your ass with silk, I love it.

From The Usual Suspects:

Verbal Kent: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didnt exist.

From The Untouchables:

Jimmy Malone: If he pulls a knife, you pull a gun. If he sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way, that's how you get Capone.

LoneGunM@n

& of course my sig

catsup

anybody remember the eddie murphy film 'Coming to America'?

...its black awareness week in queens, new york and local chancer randy watson is to perform with his band...sexual chocolate. this is his intro:

you might know him as 'joe the policeman' from the 'whats goin down episode' of 'thats my momma'...please give a warm welcome to jackson heights own... mr randy watson!!!"

randy bounces on stage complete with soul glo afro.

maybe you need to have seen the film to appreciate the cringe factor of this scene.
if you havent seen this film. see it soon!

woosaysdan

from shrek
you may of seen a house fly, maybe even a suppa fly but i bet you've never seen a donkey fly"

Now, why don't you go celebrating your freedom with your own friends?" (Shrek)
" 'Cause, er, I don't have any friends. And I am not going out there by my self! Eh wait a minute I've got a great idea! I'll stay with you! You're a mean green fighting machine!" (donkey)

"Wow, that was really scary! If you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, then your breath will probably get the job done good!" (donkey)

"Stop singing!!! It's no wonder you don't have any friends!!" (Shrek)
"Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest." (donkey)

"Like I hate it when you've got somebody in your face, and you're trying to give them a hint but they won't leave, and then you have that big ackward silence you know..." (donkey)
[Shrek stares at him, big ackward silence]

"Can I stay with you please?" (donkey)
"Of course!" (Shrek)
"Really?" (donkey)
"No!" (Shrek)

"Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?" (Shrek)
"Oh I do, I know where he is!" (donkey)
"Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? Anyone?" (Shrek)

"For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
"Example?" (donkey)
"Example. OK, er, ogres are like... onions! " (Shrek)
"They stink?" (donkey)
"Yes. No! [...] Onions have layers! Ogres have layers. D'you get it? We both have layers!" (Shrek)
"Oh, you both have layers. You know not everybody like onions! Eh, cakes! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers!" (donkey)
"I don't care what everyone likes! Ogres are not like cakes." (Shrek)

"So where is this fire-breathing pain in the neck anyway?" (donkey)
"Inside, waiting for us to rescue her." (Shrek)
"I was talking about the dragon, Shrek." (donkey)

"I don't want to rush in a ... physical relationship. I'm not that emotionally ready for a commitment of this, er, magnitude yet. [...] Er, we really should get to know each other first, maybe even as penpals you know." (donkey)

"Oh, it's another one of those onion things isn't it?" (donkey)
"No. This is one of those 'drop it and leave it alone!' things." (Shrek)

woosaysdan

"Once upon a time there was a lovely princess but she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and her true love's first kiss. (book)
"Ahah, like that's ever gonna happen! What a load of [page ripped and flushing noise]!" (Shrek)

"I think it's in there" (hunter, whispering)
"All right let's get it!" (second hunter)
"Hold on, you don't know what that thing could do to you!" (first hunter)
"Yeah! He'll grind your bones for his breakfast!" (third hunter)
"Well actually, that would be giants. Now, ogres, they're much worse! They'll make a soup from your freshly peeled skin! They'll shave your livers, squeeze the jelly from your eyes!. Actually, it's quite good on toasts." (Shrek)
"Back beast, back! I warn you!" (hunter)
[Shrek screams] "This is the part when you run away." (Shrek, whispering to the hunters as if reminding them the screenplay)

"You there, er, ogre. By the orders of Lord Farquaad, I am authorised to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated settlement facility." (soldier)
"Oh really? You and what army?" (Shrek)

"Attention all fairy tale things! Do not get comfortable! Your welcome has officially worn out." (Shrek)

"Ugh, it's hideous!" (Lord Farquaad about Shrek)
"Well, that's not very nice! It's just a donkey." (Shrek misunderstanding)
"Indeed." (Lord Farquaad)

"You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk." (Shrek)

"Eh donkey! Two things: shut... up." (Shrek)

woosaysdan

"Are you Princess Fiona?" (Shrek)
"I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me." (Fiona)
"Oh that's nice. Now let's go!!" (Shrek)
"Wait! Sir knight, this'd be our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful romantic moment?" (Fiona)
"Yeah. Sorry lady, wrong time!" (Shrek)

"You didn't slay the dragon?!!" (Fiona)
"It's on my to-do list." (Shrek)
"But that's not right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn and fight. That's what all the other knights did!" (Fiona)
"Yeah! Right before they burst into flames!" (Shrek)
"That's not the point!" (Fiona)

"You could've recited some poems for me! A ballade, a sonnet, something!" (Fiona)
"I don't think so!" (Shrek)

"Hey, hi princess!" (donkey)
"Oh it talks!" (Fiona)
"Yeah it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!" (Shrek)

"But how would you kiss me?" (Fiona)
"What? That wasn't in the job description!" (Shrek)

"You think that Shrek is your true love?" (Donkey)
"Well, yes." (Princess Fiona)
[Shrek and donkey burst in hysterical laughter...]

billy the squid

From The Lion King (refering to stars in the sky)

Timone "Pumba What do you think those little lights up there are...I guess they are like fireflies that got stuck up in that blue thing up there
Pumba "I used to think they were giant balls of burning gas millions of miles away."

From My big fat greek wedding

6-year old girl "Mom why do we have to learn greek?"
Mother "so you can write to your mother-in-law."

From Beaches Bette Middler

Ok enough about me what about you? What do you think of me?

Naos

Originally posted by
U Think ur big time ur going to die big time .. I forget what that is out of somthin to do with Scarface..

tsk tsk tsk. Its Carlitos Way

"Do you know the muffin man?..." hehehehee

_Kaiser_

The Simpsons....
Homer: "No beer and no TV make Homer something something.."
Marge: "Go Crazy??"
Homer: "Don't mind if I do!!!!"

Wall Street....
Gordon Gekko: "The point is ladies and gentlemen that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of it's forms - greed for life, for money, knowledge - has marked the upward surge of mankind and greed - you mark my words - will not only save Teldar Paper but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you. "

Full Metal Jacket....
Marines: [chanting] This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my rifle and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.

and...
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [Chanting] This is my rifle.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: [Grabbing their crotches] This is my gun.
Marines: This is for fighting.
Marines: [Grabbing their crotches] This is for fun.

Fuhrio

arnold schwartzennegger after firing a guy on a missile.

"You're fired!"

joe_chicken

bond is flying off the side of a cliff on a hovercraft

at the last minute (obviously) he grabs onto a large bell thats hanging from the side of the cliff

and as he hangs there and the bell gongs, he utters, with a cheeky smile... "saved by the bell"

sweet-sue

Oh Homer has so many...

Homer's dead and he needs to do some good deeds to get into Heaven, he asks Marge for help, she starts rattling off household chores...
Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not running for Jesus.

I liked a lot of Captain Jack Sparrows quotes as you can see by my sig.

Stand By Me
Gordie: Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a duck, Pluto is a dog. What's Goofy?...
Verne: Yeah that is weird, that the hell is goofy?!

Worst quote
Keira Knightly/Elizabeth Swann: You like pain? Try wearing a corset.

grumpytrousers

Phoenix nights....

Discussing what to do with an Giant Inflatable Penis

Young Kenny: Can't we disguise it?
Brian Potter: Yeah we can, we'll put a wool hat on it and say it's you.
Dougie Hayes: It's not what it looks Brian.
Brian Potter: Not what it looks. Not what it looks. It's a twenty-foot cock and balls man. It don't look like nothing else, it's not happening.

Evil_Bilbo

"I'll tell you what I want! I want Ken Railings to walk in here right now and say 'Pam Short's broken both her legs and I want to dance with you!'".

Ken Railings walks in and says: 'Pam Short's broken both her legs and I want to dance with you!' - strictly ballroom - love that movie.

Other funny quotes: Some Steven Segal movie (does it really matter which one?) - some guy comes accross 2 bloody corpses. "What happened here". Segal: "One of em thought he was invincible. The other thought he could fly. They were both wrong"

Arnie - "My friend is dead tired"
"Let off some steam bennett"
"Stick around"
etc
etc

Juggalo

Under Seige 2 - "Assumption is the mother of all fu*k ups"

Freak

First, 1 that I've heard but can't remember what it's from,

About women, "I never trust anyone who can bleed for 3 days straight and not die."

From Pitch Black, "You think a man can spend the first hours of his life in a alley with an umbilical cord around his neck and not believe in God, or spend years in slam and not believe. You got it all wrong about me holy man, I absolutley believe in God and I absolutley hate the ****er."

Finally, one I saw years ago in the cinema by a famous actor who's name I can't remember but which I have adopted as my own because it suits me to the ground,

"The only causes worth fighting for are lost ones!"

ixoy

Originally posted by Freak
First, 1 that I've heard but can't remember what it's from,

About women, "I never trust anyone who can bleed for 3 days straight and not die."

Mr. Garrison in South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut.

Finally, one I saw years ago in the cinema by a famous actor who's name I can't remember but which I have adopted as my own because it suits me to the ground,

"The only causes worth fighting for are lost ones!"

James Stewart in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington I believe...

DuFF-MAN

"I don't have time to bleed" - That red-neck from the first predator with the mini-gun.

mycroft

Christopher Walken "I'm the anti christ and I tell ya you got me in a vendatta kind mood."

and from Millers crossing;

"I bet you think you raised hell"

"Sister when I've raised hell you'll know"

Also

"Pete it's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart"

And finall

"My seed could not find purchase on her barren soil"

From two more gems of coen brother films Oh brother where are thou, and Raising Arizona.

ionapaul

Evil_Bilbo wrote:

Arnie - "Let off some steam bennett"

Probably the greatest quote from Arnie...a real classic!

therecklessone

mycroft wrote:

"Pete it's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart"

One of my all-time favourites!

bus77

Raising Arizona

"Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast?
Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby.
I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?"
Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside.
It's a crazy world."

therecklessone

Cool Hand Luke:

What we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach, so you get what we had here last week which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. And I don't like it any more than you men.

stevieg_irl

Happpy Gilmore-

-I eat Pieces of sh!t like u for breakfast!!

-U eat pieces of sh!t for breakfast?

-ahhh

therecklessone

Perfectly suited for boards.ie...

Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, it's not quite a puppet, but man... [laughs hysterically] So to answer your question, I don't know.

Sherifu

c sig!

therecklessone

Back with more Simpsons...

Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive.
Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke! It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa! Get in here. [Lisa walks in] In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!


Kent Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game Sunday morning.
Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.


Homer: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like -- I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't HANDLE the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!

Vikings

Oh brother where art thou:

"you boys are just dumber than a bag of hammers"

or

(*whisper*)"we thought you wus a toad"

And the all time classic from black hawk down:

"sir, theyre shooting at us"

and mcknight replies: "well shoot back" ... now thats a quote!

Healio

Mucaire in man about dog:

"Mo chara means my friend, and i am not yours."

ionapaul

Another great Homer quote:

"I can't take HIS money, I can't make my OWN money, I have to WORK for money - why don't I lay down and DIE!"

Fony Tenton

In bride of chucky when he stabs the girl and then says "Get off my knife"!

Loretta.

Adam : What are your qualifications?

Beetlejuice : Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT... NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY... NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I'm qualified?

*my thanks go2 imdb.com 4 savin me typin this out*

r if u wanna keep it short then u gotta luv

"im the ghost with the most babe"

Brock

dodgeball
{if u can dodge a wrench u can dodge a ball}
classic

SprostonGreen

Catch me if you can

FBI Agent - Why dont you tell a joke?

Tom Hanks - Oh you wanna hear a joke ?

FBI Agents - Yeah

Tom Hanks - Knock Knock

FBI Agents - Who's there?

Tom Hanks - Go f**k yourselves!!

Tiriel

Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe


[Evelyn is cut off in a parking lot]
Evelyn Couch : Hey! I was waiting for that spot!
Girl 1: Face it lady, we're younger and faster!
[Evelyn rear-ends the other car six times]
Girl 1: What are you DOING?
Girl 2: Are you CRAZY?
Evelyn Couch : Face it, I'm older and I have more insurance!

One of my fave films

Woden

starship troopers

"the enemy cannot push the button if you disable his hand"

"mobile infantry made me the man i am today"


and just discussing some arnie tonight from commando

"this is my weak arm"

"he's dead tired"

Redleslie2

Any of Robert Duvall's lines in Apocalypse Now.

KILGORE
"You wanna surf soldier ?"

SOLDIER
"Yes, sir."

KILGORE
"That's good, son. 'Cause you either surf or fight. That clear ?
Now get going. I cover for you. And bring a board for Lance.
Lance, I bet you can't wait to get out there. See, you can break
both ways. One guy can break right, one left simultaneous.
What do you think of that ?"

LANCE
"I think we oughta wait the tide to come up."

KILGORE
"Lance, come here. Look, look... The tide doesn't come
in for six hours. You wanna wait here for six hours ?"

Linoge

From Minority report:

"This is what we call an orgy of evidence. Do you know how many orgies I've had while in the force?"

From Analyse This

"You, you're good you!"

mycroft

Dataisgod wrote:

and just discussing some arnie tonight from commando

"this is my weak arm"

"he's dead tired"

I'm kind of appalling by the orgy of Arnie quotes and what it says about the quality and calibre of the people who post on the film board.

I don't care how many of you enjoy these quotes in some quasi ironic post modern bullsh*t way, theres a dirth of some of the best lines ever spouted in the english language up on celluloid and ya'll seem inraputured by inane quotes delievered by a man who's finest role consisted of fifteen lines delievered without emotion.

Try these on for size.

Betty Davis, all about eve
"Fasten your seat belts it's going to be a bumpy night"

Lauren Bacall, it happened one night
"You know how to whistle don't ya, just put your lips together and blow"

Lauren Bacall (again) the big sleep.
"I like to see how a horse runs, alot depends on who's in the saddle"

Orson Welles The third man
"Switzerland has had 500 years of peace and brotherly love, what have we got to show for it, the cuckoo clock"

I could go on and on......

Cactus Col

Elf:

"SANTA!!!"

LegacyUser

I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum. (from, they live)

Nasty_Girl

I like this from Team America
"I'm gonna cut your b*lls off and stick them up your ass so the next time you sh*t you'll sh*t all over your balls"

weerez

Barbrady:"Did you see anyone suspicious in the store"
StoreWorker:"Suspicious?"
Brabrady:"You know, Mexican,Middle Eastern"
StoreWorker:"Well, the only Mexican that came in bought tacos and burritos and we don't allow Middle Eastern people in the store"

not exact quote but close enough

callmescratch

apologies if it's been posted, didn't have time to read the whole thread

donnie darko:

First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have reproductive organs under those little white pants. That's what's so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. What's the point of living if you don't have a dick?

WhiteWashMan

wake up. time to die.