GTA Sa review by God

KdjaCL

There's a reason there's so much negative press surrounding this game. It's unfortunate that this game will sell very well, and so now us Christians must go into damage control and try to sheild ourselves from this digitized form of Satan.

Story

The story of this game surrounds CJ, a black gang-banger who has lost sight of God from an early age and his struggles in the gang dominated city of Los Santos. CJ, who had once fled from Los Santos, is forced to return after his brother younger brother Brian is killed from a tragic accident(Brian, the brother, accidentally took "a dozen tabs of X" thinking that it was actually "a baggie filled with uncut crack rocks". This accident is made even more sad by the fact that Brian was blind and was also celebrating his 12th birthday). CJ then finds himself in emotional and financial troubles and has to rejoin his old gang to try to make a living.

Game play

The game play is very similar to Vice City and GTA 3. However there are a few new features. The first is the addition of break-ins. My first break-in took place in an elderly woman's home. I pulled up in my suspicious looking white van, got out and hopped a fence to get into her backyard. From there I was able to easily sneak into her kitchen from an unlocked backdoor. The old lady sat in her living room, which was now in view from the kitchen, watching an old episode of Golden Girls (one of those subtle little jokes Rockstar always hides in their games). I approached her silently with my shotgun drawn until I was within 5 feet of her. She sensed my presence and turned around only to be greeted by the cold stare of my double-barrels. She screamed but my character was quick to tell her to "Shut the f**k up!". I then demanded money, and she gave me 200 dollars. The next event was an unfortunate slip of the controls by myself. I intended on pressing the cycle-weapons button, so I would no longer be so threatening to such an elderly woman, but I accidentally hit the pistol-whip button. So CJ hit the poor woman across the face with the back of his shotgun. Some children ran into the room crying and shouting "Grandma! Grandma!" as their Grandmother lay motionless on the floor.

Graphics

One complaint video game reviewers have often been to scared to make about the GTA series is the fact that the graphics are far below par. While this would be a definite disadvantage for most games, it actually works well for GTA: SA. When I accidentally murdered the Grandmother there wasn't any blood shown. This made my conscience feel Zestfully clean. In fact the violence is sometimes so poorly animated that it can make for some comical scenes. My wife, who is a clinician, had a hearty laugh when she saw me use a chainsaw on a fellow gangmember because the cadaver merely shook while on the ground as if the man was have convulsions. She even made a comment about how I probably wished I only shook when I had my power saw accident, and believe me I agree with her! With that being said, it's still important to understand that we are both university educated adults and so we can understand that chainsaws are capable of inflicting serious bodily harm. The average teenager may not know this, and when they see this in a video game many times they may actually begin to have unreal expectations of the power a chainsaw really has.

Sound

My biggest complaint about this game, aside from the violent content, is the vulgar language. Swear words are said almost every second word. The characters in game, with the exception of a few like cops, speak to eachother with so much jargon that I sometimes believe that Rockstar actually wants it's audience to not understand what's happening in their game. Also I found it extremely surprising that the black characters in this game actually refer to eachother by the N-word. The irony is astounding and so very offensive at the same time.

Appropriateness

As you could probably tell by the running theme of this review this game is extremely inappropriate. I didn't even play this game to the worst extent possible and I still found it extremely violent. By that I mean that players are actually capable of murdering those children who cried over the body of their deceased grandmother. The game would actually award "Respect" to the players who successfully kill those children and escape the police. And of course, even more respect is award if you kill those police who chase you (double points if you kill them off duty in their suburban homes). Every mission in this game is also inappropriate in that they require you to commit a crime. Mainly murder. Sometimes theft, but even that usually ends up in murder (GTA: SA players will know I'm refering to the mission where you have to steal a rival gang member's insulin). All in all it is extremely important that your children do not get a copy of this game. My son, who is currently studying psychology in university, said that playing GTA: SA is just as bad as watching Schindiler's List from a Nazi's perspective. In fact his last essay "Behaviour and Video Games: Killing For A New High Score" is actually being considered for publication. His other articles "Are Video Games A Loophole For The Murder Commandment?" and "Jesus Never Used Cheat Codes" have both recieved praise from critics. He has shown me studies that show the negative effects of gaming, and games like GTA:SA are the types of games that are most likely to turn your children into Satanists, or other types of misbehavior. Avoid giving this game to children at all costs.

Check out omse of the comments here.

http://www.gamerankings.com/itemrankings/launchreview.asp?reviewid=442340

Think God gave it 60%! Cjs mom died , the van is black,there is no pistol whip button. God must have got a beta.

Well that made me laugh :0


kdjac

mr_angry

I wonder where his wonderful statistics on teenagers not realising that chainsaws are capable of inflicting bodily damage came from? Could it actually be made up in his head? Why yes, I do believe it was. :rolleyes:

I don't recall many of my GTA-series-playing friends becoming satanists either. Where do they find these people anyway? (I suspect the mid-west of America. A Bush stronghold, ironically.)

JP Mulvano

KDjac I presume these aren't your views on the game?

is God supposed to be some kind of funny review from the prespective of god? or evangelists?

Strange review

KdjaCL

JP Mulvano wrote:

KDjac I presume these aren't your views on the game?

Umm its the Christian Game review website , they have more, tis not me.

kdjac

JP Mulvano

Post up a link there till, I need a good laugh!!

Retr0gamer

Is that the same site that said Zelda was crap because of all the pagan references.

fjon

KdjaC wrote:

The next event was an unfortunate slip of the controls by myself. I intended on pressing the cycle-weapons button, so I would no longer be so threatening to such an elderly woman, but I accidentally hit the pistol-whip button. So CJ hit the poor woman across the face with the back of his shotgun. Some children ran into the room crying and shouting "Grandma! Grandma!" as their Grandmother lay motionless on the floor.

Haha - yeah right!!

KdjaCL

Retr0gamer wrote:

Is that the same site that said Zelda was crap because of all the pagan references.

it is indeed. link in 1st post.


kdjac

Retr0gamer

Love this comment:

Lying is a sin! Have you actually played GTA:SA or did you just made stuff up to make it sound worse than it really is?

And here is one of the replies from the reviewer that really shows his mentality:

Sorry Josh, but that attitude will only lead your children into lives of darkness and anguish. Being liberal when it comes to video games is about the worst mistake you could make because it all leads down a slippery slope. See you start acknowledging the programming that goes into a God-forsaken game and then you actually begin to enjoy this senseless mind-ruining entertainment. It's sort of like allowing gay marriage. If homosexuals begin to marry, then sick freaks that God doesn't love will start trying to get married to animals.