Lets write a non spam and muppet story!

Bard

"The banana is protruding from the nasal cavity of the hairy gringo", said Tim. As he sipped his drink, waiting smugly for the highly mysterious coded reply to his highly mysterious coded message, the second to next telephone box to him unexpectedly exploded.

Someone had obviously missed their target.

"Hurry the hell up, Mossgrove!", he thought to himself.

---

Bard

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"Henry! The cat wants to go out!" ... "Why, Min? Is he on fire?"

[This message has been edited by Bard (edited 05-06-2001).]

BNC

suddenly the lights go out, a helicopter can be heard circling overhead....

Bard

"awww crap", said Tom, ... 700 miles away, and not even thinking of Tim. Little did Tom know that Tim was his half-brother, - but that's another story.

Now, about this helicopter...

BNC

.....Tim thought to himself, as the Night sun illuminated the room. "How am i going to get out now?".......

Bard

Suddenly (because these things rarely happen slowly and predictably), the glass ceiling of the casino was shattered and 4 members of a crack marine squad descended through the resulting hole on ropes from the helicopter making it to the floor in no time at all. "Nice entrance" said Tim, forgetting momentarily about Helen on the other end of the telephone line.

"Thanks," said Corporal "Mad" Dan McCarthy, "- you're coming with us, oh Tim", - and in one swift move, he placed a tape around Tim's mouth and tied a harness around his torso. With a tug from him on the rope, the winchman in the chopper began to haul them away.

BNC

"let go of the phone", shouted "Mad" dan McCarthy,"You'll get us all killed". As the phone kiosk swung like a pendulum from beneath them....

Bard

"Mmmffmfmfff... mmff!! Mff? mmffeemfmm!" said Tim, forgetting that his mouth was taped over.

He let go of the phone and it, with the kiosk crashed down, predictably exploding on impact with the ground. "Jayziz", said Dan, as they were airlifted through the roof and winched towards the helicopter. Once all were aboard, the helicopter began to speed westward.

[anyone else like to carry on besides just me and BNC?... it's getting exciting ]

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Bard

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"Henry! The cat wants to go out!" ... "Oh dear, Min! Is he on fire, again?"

Hendrix_Nighn

*Chokachockachochokazzzzwwhhhoooozzzz* Tom had to duck as a helicopter whizzled over his Lego man hairdo.

"Hmmmm," he thought "I feel a familiar presence." "Now to open this case" he quickened.

Tom fumbled inside his shirt like a prepubescant blind boy looking for a pillow. The key fitted chastily into the silver Samsonite lock beside the initials E.M. *click* *click* - went the latches.

Tom had to use his elbow grease to open the by now rusted case, he couldn't believe the contents.
Disbelief ... "a .. solid gold... banana?"
"... and... and...

BNC

...two AA pencil batteries. Tom fixed his hair with a puzzled expression on his face. Why had the golden banana been sent to him, what were the AA batteries for and where would he get some good hair advice? There was only one person who could answer these question.....

Thrasher

.... Jon Bon Jovi, his evil twin who had foreseen this chain of events and knew of
Tom's passion for crooked fruit. Holding a battery in each hand, Tom concentrated on the
task at hand and.......

Kolodny

...stole away down a quiet back street. Tom carefully inserted the batteries into one end of the heavy gold banana, checking over his shoulder for signs of anyone watching. With the batteries in place he crept back out onto the street, seemingly unnoticed, slipping the banana into his jacket pocket....

WhiteWashMan

had died in a freak trout fishing accident months ago.
however, if he could get to colorado, he knew he could try to meet up with a man known only by his codename....
'Condorman'
stupid name, he thought to himself, as he busied himself for the oncoming...

Bard

... improvement in the quality of this story.

Kolodny

Just as Tom was about to set off, he suddenly remembered the suitcase. He dashed back to the place he had opened it found nothing where the case had been. A shiver went up his spine. "Someone knows I'm here." he thought to himself, "Someone has taken Mossgrove's case".

Tom looked up and down the dirty street frantically, trying to locate the nearest safe exit. Before he could move his feet he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder and heard a somehow familiar voice say....

BNC

...chiquita.....

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

no..

---

- Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"> Man causes all problems. No man, no problems. - Stalin </font>

smoke.me.a.kipper

...tom turned around and saw the ex KGB agent Valentina Omerovsky standing there. he was tired, but he know he needed answers. he knew she would help him unravel the mysterys of the previous days. they shared a taxi to a trashy motel. here she would reveal everything...

BNC

..Helen watched from the shadows as Tom and Valentina entered the hotel. She had gotten the activation code word from Tim two days ago, but before she could reply there had been an explosion on the other end of the phone line.
She stepped from the shadows...

LoLth

Helen hoped that Valentina didn't know about the hiding place for the chip. Most security being male, they were unlikely to examine the "banana" too closely, let alone the batteries... but it was a common trick among female agents, maybe more common than she thought. She had to get Valentina away from Tom. How to do it without Tom discovering her interference was another question....


quick note: I've "rewound" the thread, to avoid the obvious porn path being followed.
Don't take offense if yours was deleted. Kipper, take offense, and either behave or post somewhere else.

smoke.me.a.kipper

she entered the hotel. a greasy haired bellboy was behind the desk. the person in charge had obviously stepped out for a while.

she approached the inexperianced young lad and said...

LoLth

"State and county Health department" in an official tone while briefly flashing a library ID card, knowing full well that this hormone riddled kid would refuse to remove his eyes from her cleavage.
The kid squeked and cracked out... "ummm yeah?"
"yeah. We have a reported rat sighting. I need to see the kitchen"
"uhhhhh"
"you *do* have a kitchen don't you?", damn the only motel in town without a kitchen, that's just be typical of the day she was having..
"uhhh, yeah, around the back.."
"fine"
"wait miss! I'll go get the supervisor. You can't go back there alone, and I'll be killed if I leave the desk for long"
"OK, you go get him then honey. I'll wait here"
"uhhhh, ok.. I'll ah..heh.." blushing and sweating the kid backed away toward the grime streaked door.
'Jesus!' she thought, ' what a geek!' Now, she could look at the register unseen (a quick glance around under the pretense of doing a "wella" with her hair ahd already ruled out the slim chance of a cctv system).
Turning the register, she quickly skimmed the latest entries. Only one in the last half hour, room 31b.
She quickly replaced the register and re-revealed her cleavage as the spotted kid returned, her best smile faded as his supervisor, a rat looking middle aged woman entered behind. Obviously her tactics needed to change and time was running out for Tom...

note: bugger! I hate doing dialogue....

[This message has been edited by LoLth (edited 22-06-2001).]

fisty

.....looking around the dank kitchen she felt a tense feeling in the bottom of her taut stomache move through her body, the kitchen was turning her on. She was thinking af the dirt and filth and grease and loving it. Spinning around to find an adequate banana she stepped on toes only to look up and see a 6 foot chef staring down at her with empty eyes, she quickly pullet out her beretta and......