Let's start a new story with hastily constructed killer robots, and cack shatting

Baz_

There was an eery silence in the room, the kind of silence that's usually broken by an amorous couple in the next room of a cheap motel like this. I don't like it thought Alberto...

Hendrix_Nighn

"Did you do it?" Said the hastily constructed killer robot with his laser elbow pointed straight at Alberto's head.

"YES, PIG, they don't call them silent but deadly's for nothing." he spat. Under his breath he cursed - "you good for nothing lump of killer fridge freezer bot, if I live through this I'll disassemble your parts, I swear I will"

Alberto had just last week won the sbd award for the most life threatening fart ever known to man, but today he made a calculated error.

"I don't like it though, I think... Oh god, I think I just....

JustHalf

Wannabes. I am the *KING* of hastily constructed killer robot stories!

Seriously though, nice thread title!

Baz_

[continuing from hendrix]
...shat my cacks"

But there was no time to clean the runnings up now, he needed to flee and there'd be plenty of time to clean up when he got to heaven.

Alberto swiftly tackled the hastily constructed killer robot with a kick to the testicles but with no effect damn these hastily constructed killer robots with their no testicles he thought doesn't anyone appreciate quality workmanship anymore. It was just at this point alberto realised that he thought a mite too long, because just then...

Neil3030

he thought of a plan. he decided to travel back in time and find the inventor of the hastily constructed killer robots and slipped him a tenner to place testes in the design. Due to this quick trip his kick to the testes took immediate effect and the hastily constructed killer robots went down.

but suddenly....

plastic membrane

...Alberto's Leather slacks, already chaffing with the steaming, bulging cack, burst their seams and Alberto was left without any pants, wearing nothing but his Mother Theresa underpants. This was a trifle embarrassing to poor Alberto. But not that much. For he was suddenly reminded of something. His mind flashed back to that night in Hong Kong, the motel room, the oriental prostitute, and the sheep....

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Damn it Jim, im a doctor, not a Beefy King !

[This message has been edited by plastic membrane (edited 05-06-2001).]

Baz_

...and the shat dribbling down his leg, turning his quite dark hairs brown, or was it yellow, his memory was vague but he was sure he'd had a mild curry that night, after all when in China, eat chinese. But something else about that night in Hong Kong was similar about tonight, it was...

Dont be at yourself

....the distinctive scent of Jimmy The Sheep.

Alberto glanced around the darkened room. At first he didn't see it, but on closer inspection, he noticed his glaring eyes - those same eyes he first saw from across the crowded Hong Kong casino.

There was something different about him, as Jimmy moved into the light, the difference was clear.....

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Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham! You just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."
hello.

azezil

...he had been infected by the dreaded anal-probe virus, a deadly virus introduced by the People Against Anal Discharges. By this stage it had already...

Shiminay

...corroded through Jimmy's colon and was making swift work of the small intestine.

"I'd like to say it's good to see you" said Alberto

"Baaaaaa"

"Don't give me that crap! I know you can talk"

"Baaa?"

"That's more like it. I can see your time is short - looks like those P.A.A.D. Bastids got you bad"

"Baaa. Baaaaaaaa baa baaaabaa"

"Good stuff. What about the girl?"

Jimmy was about to answer when the Hastily constructed killer robot's laser elbow spasmed and took Jimmy's head clean off.

"Shíte" thought Alberto as he administered a severe fisting to the robot...

---

All the best!
Dav
@B^)
We were all set for a game of Ice Hockey when Frank Williams says "Sorry lads, I've forgotten my skates!"
[honey i] violated [the kids]
Tribes 2 Goodness
The Dawn of the Beefy King approaches...

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

whos ur daddy... said the hastily constructed robot is a deeply hastily constructed robot's voice..

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- Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"> Man causes all problems. No man, no problems. - Stalin </font>

Bard

Suddenly, a black masked dark cloaked figure who seemed to be suffering acute breathing difficulties wandered up, poked the killer robot with his finger and said (sounding just like James Earl Jones)... "Hastily constructed killer robot!!! I am your father!!!"

The hastily constructed killer robot promptly shat his cacks and forgot his daydreams about Princess Breasts.

"Bugger", he said.

And so began the quest for...

azezil

...her royal hiney-ness, princess Bootyest Maximus a world renowned authority on anal discharges!

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

then he shat his cacks

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- Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"> Man causes all problems. No man, no problems. - Stalin </font>

Celt

Sorry, I just got the urge to LOL! at the topic

plastic membrane

Suddenly, Lemmy from Moterhead entered the room:

"Hi, im looking for (Cue over the top music) THE GANGRENOUS LEG OF TOM EXTRAPOLATION ! Have you seen it ?"

"No mate, wrong story."

"Oh right, sorry."

"No Problem"

Lemmy left, leaving Alberto to ponder. But not for long, as the hastily constructed killer robot suddenly stuck a razor through his chest and flayed him like a gizzard. The killer robet, or Imelda to his mates, threw the carcass of Alberto "The Horse" Fugazi, Spy and Italian porn star, to the floor, and in a heroic voice boomed out: Now, to find Princess Bootyest Maximus, and find out the true meaning of anal discharges ! AHA !

Just then...

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Damn it Jim, im a doctor, not a Beefy King !

smoke.me.a.kipper

he cacked his shats.

and suddenly the mighty robot rose from the ashes!!

Bard

... and said "OI LEMMY! GET YO A$S BACK TO THE PRINCESS BREASTS STORY!!!"

The robot was annoyed at this stage... so annoyed in fact that he...

---

Bard

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"Have a gorilla!" ... "No thanks, I'll have one of my monkeys, they're milder."

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by smoke-me-a-kipper:
he cacked his shats.

and suddenly the mighty robot rose from the ashes!!</font>

cacked his shats??

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- Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"> Man causes all problems. No man, no problems. - Stalin </font>

azezil

...stompted his feet!!!

Meanwhile back at the palace, princess Bootyest Maximus and her step-mother 'Queen Bloated Festering Malformed Puss-filled Slug for a Butt' were siting down to dinner when suddenly Woolly The Wonder Sheep came crashing through the window...

---

"just because you're not paraniod, doesn't mean they're not after you!"

Dont be at yourself

"You're number's up!" growled Woolly as he took out a handgun and took aim.

Suddenly, the lights went off and the room was plunged into darkness. When they came back on....

azezil

...Woolly was nowhere in sight and Queen Bloated Festering Malformed Puss-filled Slug for a butt was wrestling with a piece of mutton caught between her teeth!

Baz_

With wooly and Jimmy dispatched from this universe there was now only one sheep strong enough to take on the might of princess bootyest maximus, and her name was...

plastic membrane

..Meryl Streep. But she can't act, so she's not taking part in this story.

So Woolly had died in vain, just like his comrade, Jimmy The Sheep. Members of the spy faction FHS (F ucking Hard Sheep), they had been on a top secret mission to fulfill the destiny that had been prophesised by the great wise old ram, Alison, about Princess Bootyus Maximus's death uniting the world in common love for both anal discharges, and sheep. Something that Alberto "The Horse" Fugazi, had been trying to prevent. Now, all that stood in the way of the prophecy becoming nothing but the rantings of a dead sheep who had a problem shatting his cacks, was Imelda the robot. But he was stuck in a motel room thosands of miles away. How could the prophecy be fulfilled ? How indeed ?

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Damn it Jim, im a doctor, not a Beefy King !

[This message has been edited by plastic membrane (edited 09-06-2001).]

[This message has been edited by plastic membrane (edited 09-06-2001).]

Bard

... only by the mythical hairless blue pig of Quantar Flaxilgon 3 in the dimension of Durgletwick... of course.

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Bard

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"Have a gorilla!" ... "No thanks, I'll have one of my monkeys, they're milder."

[This message has been edited by Bard (edited 10-06-2001).]

Bard

The old man stopped reading and removed his glasses to wipe his brow and blow his nose.

"I'm not sure I want to hear the rest of this story, grandad" said the lurgi-stricken young boy, who was sitting propped up by 4 pillows in his bed.

"Sorry, Timmy, but when I visited the library, the story that didn't have cack-shatting and killer robots had been checked out already."

Wearily, he read on...

Dont be at yourself

...oblivious to the killer jumping mice from outer space who were slowly advancing from the kitchen, singing sea shantys as they marched on

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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

suddenly...

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- Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"> Man causes all problems. No man, no problems. - Stalin </font>

Bard

...as if by magic...

Kolodny

...the old man shat his cacks. The smell was so over powering that the killer jumping mice from outer space were forced to flee from the house and the old man (after cleaning up the mess) was able to continue reading the story. He cleared his throat and began again...

BNC

wearily...

smoke.me.a.kipper

"wait a minute! thats not the shopkeeper!!" shouted the spoon.
"it's not?" said a passerby
"no" said the spoon! "it's Mr. T!! look out though he is helluva tough and his van is helluva fast!

Mr. T had a glass of milk. "milk makes me helluva strong. foo!" said Mr. T...


then Mr. T jumped into his helluva fast van...



then with a screech of the tyres Mr. T's hulluva fast van took off....



[This message has been edited by smoke-me-a-kipper (edited 15-06-2001).]

Bard

...he explained that the stench from the old man's cack-shatting was actually helping to cure the young boys chronic lurgi.

After explaining this, he offered the old man and the young boy a few costumes to try on so they could have wonderful adventures dressed as their choice of a smurf or a deep-sea diver.

smoke.me.a.kipper

and then smoke-me-a-kipper (the real hero of this story) entered. he kicked all the robots ass' and cured the little boy.


but SUDDENLY smak was attacked from behind by....

[This message has been edited by smoke-me-a-kipper (edited 15-06-2001).]

Kolodny

...a killer jumping mouse from outer space which in turn was being chased by a gigantic hastily constructed killer robot! Our hero's only chance of escape is...

smoke.me.a.kipper

...get help from Mr. T.

smoke-me-a-kipper gets a hold of Mr. T on his nokia 3310.

"Mr. T can u help me??" says smoke-me-a-kipper

"what u sayin foo"? said Mr. T

"there's robots and their going to kill a load of school kids" said smoke-me-a-kipper

"quit yo jibba-jabba" said Mr. T. "u know i'll help u"

and them Mr. T was there, beside smoke-me-a-kipper to help defeat the robots.

but then Mr. T and smoke-me-a-kipper....

Kolodny

werw suddenly sucked into a portal created by a rift in the time/space continuum and appeared a few seconds later in the castle of Princess Bootyes Maximus surrounded by an angry mob of killer sheep....

"Whoops" said Smoke-me-a-kipper. "What do we do now?"

Kali

"but calculon.. we thought you were dead"

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

we make robot/human love...

oo baby oo baby..

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- Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"> Man causes all problems. No man, no problems. - Stalin </font>

Bard

"Cylons!" ... yelled Calculon.

"Surely you mean 'SILENCE!' said Smoke-Me-A-Kipper, disgusted at this apparent lack of any grasp on the English language and it's basic grammar.

"No, imbecile. <bzzbt>", said Calculon... "Cylons... millions of them" - and he pointed out the window to where there were, indeed, millions of p|ssed off Cylons baying for S-M-A-K's head.

But why? What had Smoke-Me-A-Kipper ever done to p|ss off the Cylons and now face certain death at their clammy metallic hands?

"I know what to do!!!" shouted a voice... and in strode the owner of that voice... none other than Charles J. Haughey himself... who was looking a bit more spritely than usual...

Kolodny

...meanwhile, the sheep got bored and went back to their farm...

smoke.me.a.kipper

so with the help of Mr. T and Charles J. Haughey, s-m-a-k defeated the robot armies... but then a trans-fluxiol-poleronic-inter-dimensional-gateway opened in Charles J. Haughey mouth and out crawled none other than....

plastic membrane

..Tom Selleck..

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Damn it Jim, im a doctor, not a Beefy King !

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WHAT ABOUT THE DRAINS IN HACKNEY ?

Bard

and THEN the shopkeeper appeared

Kolodny

"Damn!" said the old man, "Will I ever get this story finished.....".

"Sorry to interupt..." said the shopkeeper, "...but I have some rather important news...."

azezil

..."well that's the last time i sign up for a package holiday!" exclained Tom.

Just then a hastily constructed Robot jumped form the bushes! "WHAAAZZZZZZUPPPPP" cried the robot as he...

---

"just because you're not paraniod, doesn't mean they're not after you!"

amp

..popped open a can of Budwieser the proud sponsors of this story (Now in New Tasty Non-Urine flavour!)

Tom Seleck rubbed his manly moustache and hid behind a tropical bush amazed at this strange product placement. The hastily constructed killer Robot continued to slurp on it's beer, until slowly it's laser eyes focused on the huddled Hawaiian P.I.

Suddenly it belched and roared "BITE MY SHINEY METAL ASS!!!"

Tom cacked his shat right there and then...

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Lunacy Abounds! GLminesweeper RO><ORS!
art is everything and of course nothing and possibly also a sausage

Dont be at yourself

...in a cloud of smoke and a flash, Selleck's arch nemisis Columbo appeared.

"KILL!" he roared to the robot, "KILL!"

Just as the robot raised the bottle over his head...

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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

smoke.me.a.kipper

... smoke-me-a-kipper grabbed it from his clutches, but not before...

azezil

...he finished off his tuna and radish sandwitch.

Unbeknownst to S-M-A-K Columbo was standing behind him with a shoval *wack!*, S-M-A-K fell to the ground, as he lay on urine soaked ground he couldn't help but think to himself what a fool he had been to write himself into a story ( )...

Bard

...and then the Cylons reserve army, who had been waiting patiently in their spacecraft, beamed down to the surface and began pummelling the whole area with laserfire.

"<Zum><Zum>... bring me the head of Smoke-Me-A-Kipper!!!" said their leader. "<Zum><Zum> Okely-dokely!" said a grunt nearby.

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Bard

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Fitter, happier, more productive.