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Let's start a new story with hastily constructed killer robots, and cack shatting

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2

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    #32
    smoke.me.a.kipper
    Registered Users Posts: 7,626 ✭✭✭smoke.me.a.kipper


    "wait a minute! thats not the shopkeeper!!" shouted the spoon.
    "it's not?" said a passerby
    "no" said the spoon! "it's Mr. T!! look out though he is helluva tough and his van is helluva fast!

    Mr. T had a glass of milk. "milk makes me helluva strong. foo!" said Mr. T...
    milkisgood.gif

    then Mr. T jumped into his helluva fast van...

    img43.gif

    then with a screech of the tyres Mr. T's hulluva fast van took off....

    img22.gif

    [This message has been edited by smoke-me-a-kipper (edited 15-06-2001).]


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    #33
    Bard
    Registered Users Posts: 12,309 ✭✭✭✭Bard


    ...he explained that the stench from the old man's cack-shatting was actually helping to cure the young boys chronic lurgi.

    After explaining this, he offered the old man and the young boy a few costumes to try on so they could have wonderful adventures dressed as their choice of a smurf or a deep-sea diver.


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    #34
    smoke.me.a.kipper
    Registered Users Posts: 7,626 ✭✭✭smoke.me.a.kipper


    and then smoke-me-a-kipper (the real hero of this story) entered. he kicked all the robots ass' and cured the little boy.


    but SUDDENLY smak was attacked from behind by....

    [This message has been edited by smoke-me-a-kipper (edited 15-06-2001).]


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    #35
    Kolodny
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,634 ✭✭✭Kolodny


    ...a killer jumping mouse from outer space which in turn was being chased by a gigantic hastily constructed killer robot! Our hero's only chance of escape is...


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    #36
    smoke.me.a.kipper
    Registered Users Posts: 7,626 ✭✭✭smoke.me.a.kipper


    ...get help from Mr. T.

    smoke-me-a-kipper gets a hold of Mr. T on his nokia 3310.

    "Mr. T can u help me??" says smoke-me-a-kipper

    "what u sayin foo"? said Mr. T

    "there's robots and their going to kill a load of school kids" said smoke-me-a-kipper

    "quit yo jibba-jabba" said Mr. T. "u know i'll help u"

    and them Mr. T was there, beside smoke-me-a-kipper to help defeat the robots.

    but then Mr. T and smoke-me-a-kipper....


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    #37
    Kolodny
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,634 ✭✭✭Kolodny


    werw suddenly sucked into a portal created by a rift in the time/space continuum and appeared a few seconds later in the castle of Princess Bootyes Maximus surrounded by an angry mob of killer sheep....

    "Whoops" said Smoke-me-a-kipper. "What do we do now?"


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    #38
    Kali
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,601 ✭✭✭Kali


    "but calculon.. we thought you were dead"


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    #39
    Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 579 ✭✭✭Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe


    we make robot/human love...

    oo baby oo baby..
    - Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe
    <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"> Man causes all problems. No man, no problems. - Stalin </font>


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    #40
    Bard
    Registered Users Posts: 12,309 ✭✭✭✭Bard


    "Cylons!" ... yelled Calculon.

    "Surely you mean 'SILENCE!' said Smoke-Me-A-Kipper, disgusted at this apparent lack of any grasp on the English language and it's basic grammar.

    "No, imbecile. <bzzbt>", said Calculon... "Cylons... millions of them" - and he pointed out the window to where there were, indeed, millions of p|ssed off Cylons baying for S-M-A-K's head.

    But why? What had Smoke-Me-A-Kipper ever done to p|ss off the Cylons and now face certain death at their clammy metallic hands?

    "I know what to do!!!" shouted a voice... and in strode the owner of that voice... none other than Charles J. Haughey himself... who was looking a bit more spritely than usual...


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    #41
    Kolodny
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,634 ✭✭✭Kolodny


    ...meanwhile, the sheep got bored and went back to their farm...

    sheep.gif


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    #42
    smoke.me.a.kipper
    Registered Users Posts: 7,626 ✭✭✭smoke.me.a.kipper


    so with the help of Mr. T and Charles J. Haughey, s-m-a-k defeated the robot armies... but then a trans-fluxiol-poleronic-inter-dimensional-gateway opened in Charles J. Haughey mouth and out crawled none other than....


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    #43
    plastic membrane
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,219 ✭✭✭plastic membrane


    ..Tom Selleck..
    Damn it Jim, im a doctor, not a Beefy King !
    WHAT ABOUT THE DRAINS IN HACKNEY ?


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    #44
    Bard
    Registered Users Posts: 12,309 ✭✭✭✭Bard


    and THEN the shopkeeper appeared


    rolleyes.gif


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    #45
    Kolodny
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,634 ✭✭✭Kolodny


    "Damn!" said the old man, "Will I ever get this story finished.....".

    "Sorry to interupt..." said the shopkeeper, "...but I have some rather important news...."


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    #46
    azezil
    Registered Users Posts: 11,397 ✭✭✭✭azezil


    ..."well that's the last time i sign up for a package holiday!" exclained Tom.

    Just then a hastily constructed Robot jumped form the bushes! "WHAAAZZZZZZUPPPPP" cried the robot as he...
    "just because you're not paraniod, doesn't mean they're not after you!"


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    #47
    amp
    Registered Users Posts: 11,446 ✭✭✭✭amp


    ..popped open a can of Budwieser the proud sponsors of this story (Now in New Tasty Non-Urine flavour!)

    Tom Seleck rubbed his manly moustache and hid behind a tropical bush amazed at this strange product placement. The hastily constructed killer Robot continued to slurp on it's beer, until slowly it's laser eyes focused on the huddled Hawaiian P.I.

    Suddenly it belched and roared "BITE MY SHINEY METAL ASS!!!"

    Tom cacked his shat right there and then...

    Lunacy Abounds! GLminesweeper RO><ORS!
    art is everything and of course nothing and possibly also a sausage


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    #48
    Dont be at yourself
    Registered Users Posts: 10,581 ✭✭✭✭Dont be at yourself


    ...in a cloud of smoke and a flash, Selleck's arch nemisis Columbo appeared.

    "KILL!" he roared to the robot, "KILL!"

    Just as the robot raised the bottle over his head...
    The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.


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    #49
    smoke.me.a.kipper
    Registered Users Posts: 7,626 ✭✭✭smoke.me.a.kipper


    ... smoke-me-a-kipper grabbed it from his clutches, but not before...


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    #50
    azezil
    Registered Users Posts: 11,397 ✭✭✭✭azezil


    ...he finished off his tuna and radish sandwitch.

    Unbeknownst to S-M-A-K Columbo was standing behind him with a shoval *wack!*, S-M-A-K fell to the ground, as he lay on urine soaked ground he couldn't help but think to himself what a fool he had been to write himself into a story ( tongue.gif)...



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    #51
    Bard
    Registered Users Posts: 12,309 ✭✭✭✭Bard


    ...and then the Cylons reserve army, who had been waiting patiently in their spacecraft, beamed down to the surface and began pummelling the whole area with laserfire.

    "<Zum><Zum>... bring me the head of Smoke-Me-A-Kipper!!!" said their leader. "<Zum><Zum> Okely-dokely!" said a grunt nearby.
    Bard
    Fitter, happier, more productive.


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    #52
    plastic membrane
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,219 ✭✭✭plastic membrane


    ..the leader being S-M-A-K's evil alter ego, the yang to his ying, his opposite, yet his mirror image reflection. It was of course, Fry-Me-A-Hallibut..
    Damn it Jim, im a doctor, not a Beefy King !
    WHAT ABOUT THE DRAINS IN HACKNEY ?


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    #53
    Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 579 ✭✭✭Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe


    dam it man his arch nemesis is grill me a haddock!!!!!!

    ok so grill-me-a-haddock then lept ovewr to s-m-a-k ling on the urine soaked ground,, when suddenly a loud crash came from the ally behind bill's house.. they all looked over when suddenly stephen hawkins appeared, and said in the greatest of greatest robot voices...
    - Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe
    <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"> Man causes all problems. No man, no problems. - Stalin </font>


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    #54
    Dont be at yourself
    Registered Users Posts: 10,581 ✭✭✭✭Dont be at yourself


    "By The Power Of Greyskull!"

    And with a twinkle of his eye and a touch of his nose, all the christmas presents appeared under the tree.

    "I'll be back" he said, as he turned on his heels and left the room.

    And indeed, he was back. And he wasn't alone.....
    The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.


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    #55
    smoke.me.a.kipper
    Registered Users Posts: 7,626 ✭✭✭smoke.me.a.kipper


    then smoke-me-a-kipper got up and squared off against grill-me-a-haddock. it was s-m-a-k vs g-m-a-h.

    the robot army watched on from the sides...

    s-m-a-k said "IF YOU STRIKE ME
    DOWN,... I SHALL BECOME MORE POWERFULL THAN YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE."

    with that the epic battle began...

    [This message has been edited by smoke-me-a-kipper (edited 18-06-2001).]


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    #56
    GreenHell
    Registered Users Posts: 2,621 ✭✭✭GreenHell


    BUT sadly this epic battle took far to long for these hastily constructed robots so they hired some cheap actors.....


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    #57
    bugler
    Registered Users Posts: 3,436 ✭✭✭bugler


    Who promptly quit due to the excessive amount of cack shatting that was required of them.


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    #58
    azezil
    Registered Users Posts: 11,397 ✭✭✭✭azezil


    ...because as everyone knows S-M-A-K is so full of shít that no actor could come close to keepin up!


    [editorial laugh: HA HA tongue.gif]
    "just because you're not paraniod, doesn't mean they're not after you!"


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    #59
    Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 579 ✭✭✭Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe


    haha lol lmao rofl...

    lads keep this goin come on..

    so then s.m.a.k decided to take his yearly visit to thialand whee he met up with his oldest and dearest bestest pal in the whole wide world...
    - Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe
    <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2"> Man causes all problems. No man, no problems. - Stalin </font>


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    #60
    LoLth
    Registered Users Posts: 10,339 ✭✭✭✭LoLth


    And just as he came to this decision, S-M-A-K was indeed struck down. The hastily constructed Killer robots, returning to see how their cheap actors were getting on, all gasped, or at least those of them designed as pleasure bots and thus had lungs gasped, hte rest just held up hastily constructed gasp signs written in killer robotic language which is closely related to machine code but more aggressive (for example, a machine will request access to a server or section of memory, a hastily constructed killer robot programmed in hastily constructed killer robot code, will kick in the door, butcher anything that moves, kick in the TV and steal the data it needs and a little bit that it doesn't need for good measure).

    Those robots fitted with Urinary tracts leaked uranium, while those outfitted with cacks had them shatted by an automated cack shatting machine.


    However, despite S-M-A-K's warning, it turned out he was a big liar and fear turned to robot laughter as death relaxed his bowel muscles and released the shat to shat all cacks.

    While ther attention was diverted by this, they failed to realise that.....


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    #61
    Bounty Hunter
    Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 22,729 Mod ✭✭✭✭Bounty Hunter


    ...That it wasnt indeed S-M-A-K but a very similar and very hastily constructed S-M-A-K lookalike robot.
    S-M-A-K himself was making a gettaway to his safehaven otherwise known as cork in search of the un-shatable-cacks b'cos god knows he needs them.
    I do what i want you have problem


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