First against the wall: new laws for a better world...

trajan

ok, the barricades have come down, the smoke clears and utopia is here!
What ideas/laws have to be included in any utopia?


Just to get the ball rolling...

1. People collecting for charity on Grafton st. to be subjected to show trials as counter-utopians and sent to the salt mines of Lusk.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

people can practice whatever religion they like.. but only inside their own homes. Any mention of religion in a public area or building warrants banishment.

BolBill

Puff Daddy and people who like him, we'll save on bullets too because Notorious Fat Drug Dealing Bastard and Tupac are already dead......

Sleepy

As long as you don't harm anyone else, you have the right to ingest whatever you like or do whatever you like in the confines of your own home.

Nuttzz

reposses all chruch property and spend the cash on helping abuse victims and the homeless

monkeyfudge

A monkey in every home!

impr0v

Passenger cars come with a nose mounted 50mm cannon and steering wheel controls for same.

ven0m

Men will be required to have multiple sexual partners all of whom will be required by law to submit to them & fulfill their every sexual requirement..... aaahhhhhh what a world that'd be...... I'd be a professional f***er!!!!


::: ven0mous :::

BolBill

ven0m wrote:

Men will be required to have multiple sexual partners all of whom will be required by law to submit to them & fulfill their every sexual requirement..... aaahhhhhh what a world that'd be...... I'd be a professional f***er!!!!


::: ven0mous :::

as opposed to just being a f**ker right now.....

Cake Fiend

monkeyfudge wrote:

A monkey in every home!

Now there's a policy I can get excited about!

ven0m

BolBill wrote:

as opposed to just being a f**ker right now.....

Touché - Sir if I wasn't out of rep points, you would be positively repped on that one..... someone rep him!!!!!! NOOOWWW GODD DAMMIIIITTT!!!! LOL


::: ven0mous :::

Hobbes

monkeyfudge wrote:

A monkey in every home!

Or better yet a monkey butler.

bringitdown

Ban production and possession of all munitions and weapons: ballistic, chemical, nuclear or otherwise

Then my plan will have come into fruition:

Kang - "AAAAAH! He's got a board with a nail in it!"
Kodos - "They'll build bigger boards with bigger nails until one day they build a board with a nail in it so big, it will destroy them all!"

MWAHHH HA HA HA

Oh yeah a recurring theme of mine - BANNING OF ALL MULLET / MULLET related hair adornments

bizmark

Give me total control of the worlds armed forces....oh the fun to be had

/cue mushroom cloud

Cactus Col

ven0m wrote:

Men will be required to have multiple sexual partners all of whom will be required by law to submit to them & fulfill their every sexual requirement..... aaahhhhhh what a world that'd be...... I'd be a professional f***er!!!!


::: ven0mous :::

State sponsored rape ... what a world ...

ven0m

Cactus Col wrote:

State sponsored rape ... what a world ...

whooooaaaa dude..... :eek:


::: ven0mous :::

karlh

Reversible sterilisation at birth for everyone and a licence to reproduce issued only to those submitting to a drug test (smack), IQ (above monkey level) test and who can be proven to be able to look after themselves, and ultimately a child.....

BolBill

ven0m wrote:

Touché - Sir if I wasn't out of rep points, you would be positively repped on that one..... someone rep him!!!!!! NOOOWWW GODD DAMMIIIITTT!!!! LOL


::: ven0mous :::

How do you rep someone?

bringitdown

BolBill wrote:

How do you rep someone?

Click on the scales icon on the left hand side....

ohhh another - ban reputation points!

BolBill

bringitdown wrote:

Click on the scales icon on the left hand side....

ohhh another - ban reputation points!

All seems a bit harsh, live and let live and all that ****e...

Cactus Col

Restrictions on Religion, Freedom of Expression, State-sponsored Rape, restrictions on who and who can't have babies, abuse victims, homeless, cars with guns mounted.

I'd rather be poor in America under Bush.
(although the monkey sounds cool)

bringitdown

New laws for a better world.... oops kinda got carried away with the whole raping, pillaging and de-mulleting...

:eek:

Cactus Col

karlh wrote:

Reversible sterilisation at birth for everyone and a licence to reproduce issued only to those submitting to a drug test (smack), IQ (above monkey level) test and who can be proven to be able to look after themselves, and ultimately a child.....

IF people reversed the sterilisatoin illegaly .. would the babies be killed after?

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

taken away from the parents, and raised by the goverment.

we can't tell you what for, it's classified.

Cactus Col

would the parents be killed?

I mean if charity collectors are given show trials and sent to wherever for trying to help people .. then shouldn't these people be shot?

maybe the female could be sent to male prisons, and used to keep the prisoners happy.

ionapaul

Cactus Col wrote:

would the parents be killed?

I mean if charity collectors are given show trials and sent to wherever for trying to help people .. then shouldn't these people be shot?

maybe the female could be sent to male prisons, and used to keep the prisoners happy.

Bet you're real fun at parties....

frodi

First against the wall, anybody who give negative rep! (except where it is asked for)

smoke.me.a.kipper

Mordeth wrote:

people can practice whatever religion they like.. but only inside their own homes. Any mention of religion in a public area or building warrants banishment.

Hobbes wrote:

Or better yet a monkey butler.

i agree fully with the above.

Piste

People should be allowed to do whatever they want as long as it does not negatively interfere with another persons positive or negative liberty.

steveland?

In the words of Mr. Hicks: Pot wouldn't just be legalised... it would be MANDATORY!
Everyone would be chilled.

Good drugs (imo i know that this might spark an argument but this is my opinion, i dont care if you think drugs are bad) would be kept but all baaaaad drugs such as Heroin would be eliminated from the world and drugs like acid and mushies would be super-refined and only give the greatest buzzes in the world known to man.

Prisons would be done away with as would the death sentence and proper rehabilitation systems such as exhaustive therapies would replace them.

Busted, Avril Lavigne, Westlife, Ronan Keating and all other soul-less waste music (imo again) would all be cast into an alternate reality where only their music existed and they were forced to listen to it 36 hours a day (days would be longer to prolong the suffering) and all music with actual soul and heart such as Zeppelin, Rory Gallagher, Jimi Hendrix, Love etc would be the only music left and would be prescribed to criminals to mellow them the hell out.

The weather would be controlled by moi, Ruler of All! When I wanted it to be sunny, it'd be sunny... if I felt like sitting inside watching TV on a rainy day the heavens would part and it'd rain... It also wouldn't get dark at 4pm unless i really wanted it to
(hey it's my utopia)

Everyone would be chilled all the time and anyone showing any signs of uptightness would be forced into a room where they'd have to listen to Alone Again Or by Love followed by Blackbird by The Beatles and so on until they realised that life isn't meant to be taken so seriously.

People would be born with all the knowledge they'd need to pursue the career they'd chosen and wouldn't need schools/college and would be free to choose whatever jobs/lives they want.

(This will be a controversial one: ) Alcohol wouldn't exist. It makes people into bast@rds and they'd ruin my utopia. Don't get me wrong I drink QUITE a bit and even work in a bar but the world would be a better place without alcohol.

Finally, and I know I've mentioned this before but I think it's worth mentioning again, people would all realise that life is just a series of moments... each one independent to each other... there's no point stressing about what you have to do tomorrow, or what you might have said yesterday. Everyone would enjoy the present moment and just chill the hell out....

I leave you with this though: Straight outta the Bill Hicks hymnsheet--

!!It's just a ride!!

Wow i got into more of a rant than i meant to there... words just wouldn't stop flowing


...I'm off to the pub

impr0v

Cactus Col wrote:

Restrictions on Religion, Freedom of Expression, State-sponsored Rape, restrictions on who and who can't have babies, abuse victims, homeless, cars with guns mounted.

All of which goes to show why utopia cannot exist, seeing as people have their own (violently) different versions of utopia. It also demonstrates that it would not be good for some of us to ever gain control of the country.

Piste

I like Plato's idea of a Utopia

trajan

.. and another thing.. people who walk slowly on busy city streets wih vast umbrellas and
people who send 'receipt conformation' gimmicks with their emails...

to the salt mines...

sprinkles

Stalin had a good plan I thought.

Nuttzz

Louis Walsh would be hung, drawn and quatered with his head stuck on a spike on top of the o'connell statue as a warning to his type

dictatorcat

Nuttzz wrote:

Louis Walsh would be hung, drawn and quatered with his head stuck on a spike on top of the o'connell statue as a warning to his type

trajan wrote:

and another thing.. people who walk slowly on busy city streets wih vast umbrellas

WOW! you two read my mind!
I'd also create a special lane on footpaths for old people and lovey dovey couples who walk at two miles per hour. I'd also have an army of robots to do everything so humanity could just sit around and think and shag all day.

frodi

Nuttzz wrote:

Louis Walsh would be hung, drawn and quatered with his head stuck on a spike on top of the o'connell statue as a warning to his type

Why wait for the revolution, lets get a mob/posse together and start now. ........ Where's me torch and pitch fork?

goose2005

Prisons would be done away with as would the death sentence and proper rehabilitation systems such as exhaustive therapies would replace them.

Many of the people who go to prison are people with little concept of right or wrong. Whether an innate cruelty or a harsh upbringing is the cause of this doesn't matter: you cannot have a society in which those who hurt others are unpunished - if you do, these people will abuse the benefits you give them, over and over again. How many people work but still draw the dole? How many supplement their heroin habit with State-provided methadone? Rehab only works if the person wants to change. And usually, he/she doesn't.

steveland?

goose2005 wrote:

Many of the people who go to prison are people with little concept of right or wrong. Whether an innate cruelty or a harsh upbringing is the cause of this doesn't matter: you cannot have a society in which those who hurt others are unpunished - if you do, these people will abuse the benefits you give them, over and over again. How many people work but still draw the dole? How many supplement their heroin habit with State-provided methadone? Rehab only works if the person wants to change. And usually, he/she doesn't.

I was speaking about my own little utopia... not the real world... i also said certain bands should be shot into the sun but i don't think this would work in real life either.

Let's just say in my little utopia I'd have mind powers or something to stop criminals...

pauldeehan

The Utopia myou guys are dreaming up seems rather hellish. Saltmines, guns, sexual dominance over women, the banning of public practice of religion and I think someone mentioned mushroom clouds.

And you've only been in power for a few seconds! Boy did power ever corrupt you guys.

I'm staging a coup and then I'll change things for the better (Which is to say, the better for me and my ruling elite).

frodi

pauldeehan wrote:

The Utopia myou guys are dreaming up seems rather hellish. Saltmines, guns, sexual dominance over women, the banning of public practice of religion and I think someone mentioned mushroom clouds.

And you've only been in power for a few seconds! Boy did power ever corrupt you guys.

I'm staging a coup and then I'll change things for the better (Which is to say, the better for me and my ruling elite).

First against the wall will be all those who stage coups (provided they are not successful, if they are successful "hail the new leader"

elivsvonchiaing

frodi wrote:

First against the wall will be all those who stage coups (provided they are not successful, if they are successful "hail the new leader"

That's encouraging news Frodi! You will be (dis)pleased to know I've started work on my robotic army- the ones that will take over the dáil and win me my dictatorship (at the moment this is in my garden shed and the generals don't work yet - so relax it's at least three week away!)

As Arch-Admistrator of Ireland, I will ensure that women rule men, except for the chosen 7 who are willing to submit to my will I don't believe in capital punishment so everyone will get away scot-free. I will run MagElevs every 2 mins from the arse-end of nowhere to the arse-end of nowhere else. Cubans will be welcome here to experience a superior health-service

On your advice I will be be doing a more thorough system test... and will be out of the country when I activate them...

I did overlook Eircom and everyone of them will - er - be vapourised

ixoy

When I rise up, I shall dissolve the current democratic systems and install a meritocracy wherein the intelligentsia shall rule.

Using our superior brain power, we'll decree a number of laws:

1) Religion shall not be banned but religious insitutions forbidden from interfering in any element of society. It will no longer be taught in any school, instead replaced by a system of social rules laid out by me.

2) A new system of crime laws introduced with a "penalty points" system. On committing a crime, the harshness of your crime earns a number of points. Earn a certain number of points and you're executed. Points accumulated may be reduced for good behavior or valid community work.

3) In order to greatly reduce social disorder, an intense study will be performed to determine social and crime blackspots. These will be compared against the current mean for crimes. Anything too far above the mean will be nuked from orbit. This mean will then be further reduced as a result, etc. heading to a near zero or perfect balance.

4) All unions will be dismantled. They are a tool of government oppression and I, as the government's head, do not wish to be opressed. A fair and equitable wage will be introduced based on productivity and meeting targets. All state employees will have to prove their worth on an annual basis. Failure to prove ones worth, as an economic asset, will result in dismissal. Any attempt to join a union or form a strike will be seen as an act of sedition and punishable up to, and including, the maximum number of "penalty points". This should greatly reduce the number of civil service employee bloat and create a more effecient system.

5) All queuing system, including those operating at a local level, will work strictly on a FIFO system. This means that anyone skipping in a queue, even if it's only a cinema queue, will be immediately liable for "penalty points". You will observe fairness and equality.
As an addendum to that, there will be time limits placed on certain queuing systems that have high priority. This would, for example, include ATMs. Anyone fussing too long at an ATM cash withdrawal, or shop counter, without having their card/money ready will be liable for penalty points. This will encourage people to move swiftly and ensure everyone gets around quicker creating greater productivity between work and leisure time.

6) All citizens will be free to act as they wish on the contigent that it does not infract any of the basic rules laid out. This enables them, if they wish, to partake in narcotics although they must not incur penalty points.

7) State welfare will be reduced to service a certain number chosen by a lottery system. With the reduction in crime rates, state running costs, etc. created under my plan there will be a greater economy and more jobs. If you cannot get a job, you may try and claim a benefit for that week from the state lottery social system. If you lose out, you don't eat that week. If you win, your name is withdrawn from the system for a month. This will encourage people to seek jobs and further their education, which they can receive at subsidised prices in keeping with the idea of a meritocracy rewarding intelligence.

I must think more on this plan now but the basics are outlined above. Who wants to elect me?

bizmark

I don’t know what’s more worrying the fact I want to take control of the military and possibly nuke the world or that ixoy apparently has put a hell of a lot of though into his plan

billy the squid

trajan wrote:

.. and another thing.. people who walk slowly on busy city streets wih vast umbrellas and
people who send 'receipt conformation' gimmicks with their emails...

to the salt mines...

my idea of utopia, faceless people who don't answer emails be given a public excecution.

oh and the national anthem would be any/all kirsty MacColl. songs

karlh

Cactus Col wrote:

IF people reversed the sterilisatoin illegaly .. would the babies be killed after?

By the time the technology is available to reverse the sterilization, we will also be able to give the illegal babies robotic legs. They would be hunted down on a live television show called 'Robotic Stupid Junkie Baby Hunt'.

Ironically, the person with the highest RSJBH tally will win a license to have kids. The law is strange like that I suppose......

I'm going back to bed.

Victor

Sico wrote:

Now there's a policy I can get excited about!

"Cooo... coooooo"