Scariest/Funniest Drunken experiences

Nasty_Girl

I'd like to hear from people about what the scariest things that have ever happened to them why under the influence, things that are really funny in the morning or in a few days though! Nothin heavy!!
Mine is when we were too drunk to stop one of my mates deciding to slide down the bannister of 6 story apartment block. He fell out but my other mate caught hold of him just in time!!! It shocked me sober but the next day it was hillarious...but I still get a jab in my heart when I think about ti!

SoupyNorman

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=2006359#post2006359

was done not so long ago

pretty-in-pink

bravestarr082 wrote:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=2002487#post2002487

was done not so long ago

this is different, that was a lazy thread this is a drunk thread.

hmmmm my story would be the time i came home from a night out, my fella was staying over, we had a dumb drunk fight, anyway i went to the kitchen to feed the now awake cats(i think we may have woken them up when we stormed into the sitting room and took over the couch), anyway i started to cry (im a woman gimme a break), my hand slipped and i cut it on the sharp edge of the cat food can, i started to bleed, turned to full scale panic, fired my hand under the hot tap initaly, copped i was burning my self(cue bigger tears)turned on the cold tap fully, my fella came in to see what the fuss was (to make fun of me for crying like a sissy over a fight i supect) saw the bloody floor, cleaned me up, we attempted to put a plaster on it, gave up(its very hard to put a plaster on a wet bloody hand when your drunk!!), wrapped a bandage round my hand and went to bed. the cat food can was still bloody in the morning, but we had made up so it was ok.


poor cats never recovered fully.............they run a mile from the smell of drink

SoupyNorman

naughty_girl wrote:

this is different, that was a lazy thread this is a drunk thread.

oki doke, i'd just be telling the same stories again so i'll leave u to it.

Canis Lupus

welll I posted this before in the last thread but what the hell I'll air it here again.

Live in Kerry. Was up the side of a mountain after being on the total piss. Was windy as **** up there and we were out of the car, headlights on. Stepped behind a boulder to get out of the wind to light me cigarette (headlights shining on the boulder so pitch black behind it). Stepped behind the boulder and promptly fell off the mountain cos the boulder was at the edge and there was no ground behind it....... I dropped and slid a good few feet in pitch black. Scared the life out of myself but also didn't hurt myself thankfully.

Also when I was younger and more foolish I was totally plastered and walking up the street when I realised I couldn't see straight. Also realised then that it wasn't cos I was drunk rather my glasses weren't on my face any more... My version of events is that I looked around for a bit with my mates then got grumpy and went home when in fact I apparently crawled around for 30 mins on my hands and knees vomiting and looking for my glasses at the same time although thats more embarrassing than scary/funny. I also had to be at work at 8.30 the following morning with no spare glasses and working with a computer screen. (I never got that drunk again and never found my glasses either)

Spalk0

Was on the piss in the Cock tavern just a few miles up the road from me in the middle of nowhere!anyways, when we were leaving i spotted something hanging in this doorway and when i got closer i saw is was a dead pheasent so i decided to take it and managed to smuggle it back to my mates house were i drunkedly proceeded to pluck the damn thing and put it in the freezer!the next day i didnt even remember it but my friend who's freezer it was in said it was perfectly plucked and all!.....more embarassing that really!lol

RuggieBear

Well, these didn't happen to me but i was there.....all these stories happened to the same mate ...he's diabetic, english and shouldn't be allowed drink!

walking by Pearse street garda stn, this friend kicked the wing mirror off a taxi...with the driver in it and 4 garda watching him. We all just looked at him in total shock as he ran 10 yards and then continued to walk normally as if nothing happened....he got arrested,spent the rest of the night in a cell. It went to court and the whole thing cost him about IR£300.....

Another time at club 92 (leopardstown race course) he decided to take a short cut thru the course and was climbing over the fence when he slipped and fell on one of the poles which had a spike on it....it went right thru his bicep and missed his artery by mm.Ambulance called. He is still scarred.

after a night out, we headed back to his place to discover he had forgotton his keys...so he decided to break a window....but instead of using a stone or something...he punched it....and managed not to break his fingers but gash himself severly on the wrist....again missed the arteries but i didn't think it at the time and ambulance called.

Went to Sydney for the year with himself and a few mates,one day we went on all day drinking binge with a few mates, his girlfriend was at home, so it was just the lads. We decided to go to a strip club in Kings cross about 2am...all going grand, till i went to the bathroom and on returining to the main room, see the same mate climbing on stage...at first i thought he was trying to drunkenly go after one of the strippers and i went to try and get him and protect him from the huge bouncers but one of the bouncers stopped me and told me it was "part of the act"...so i sat down again and watched the stripper give him a lap dance in front of everyone....and then lie heim down on the stage, take his pants off, blow him and then put a condom on and ride him on stage......i didn't know where to look... :eek:

All scary to me....

anthonymcg

RuggieBear wrote:

...so i sat down again and watched the stripper give him a lap dance in front of everyone....and then lie heim down on the stage, take his pants off, blow him and then put a condom on and ride him on stage......i didn't know where to look... :eek:

... and the name of that place is?

Dr. Loon

RuggieBear wrote:

Well, these didn't happen to me but i was there.....all these stories happened to the same mate ...he's diabetic, english and shouldn't be allowed drink!

walking by Pearse street garda stn, this friend kicked the wing mirror off a taxi...with the driver in it and 4 garda watching him. We all just looked at him in total shock as he ran 10 yards and then continued to walk normally as if nothing happened....he got arrested,spent the rest of the night in a cell. It went to court and the whole thing cost him about IR£300.....

Another time at club 92 (leopardstown race course) he decided to take a short cut thru the course and was climbing over the fence when he slipped and fell on one of the poles which had a spike on it....it went right thru his bicep and missed his artery by mm.Ambulance called. He is still scarred.

after a night out, we headed back to his place to discover he had forgotton his keys...so he decided to break a window....but instead of using a stone or something...he punched it....and managed not to break his fingers but gash himself severly on the wrist....again missed the arteries but i didn't think it at the time and ambulance called.

Went to Sydney for the year with himself and a few mates,one day we went on all day drinking binge with a few mates, his girlfriend was at home, so it was just the lads. We decided to go to a strip club in Kings cross about 2am...all going grand, till i went to the bathroom and on returining to the main room, see the same mate climbing on stage...at first i thought he was trying to drunkenly go after one of the strippers and i went to try and get him and protect him from the huge bouncers but one of the bouncers stopped me and told me it was "part of the act"...so i sat down again and watched the stripper give him a lap dance in front of everyone....and then lie heim down on the stage, take his pants off, blow him and then put a condom on and ride him on stage......i didn't know where to look... :eek:

All scary to me....

Sounds like a few people I know. Although none of them are English, or diabetic that I'm aware of.

Canis Lupus

anthonymcg wrote:

... and the name of that place is?

Hey Tony remember when u fell asleep wrapped around a toilet.... Thats fairly tame compared to the rest of the stuff but was still funny

BolBill

Went out on the rip one Friday night, got the 77 night link instead of the 7 !!!! Thought I was seeing double !!! Anyway woke up at the Square, had to get a taxi home, Taxi driver nearly wet himself laughing when I told him what I'd done.
Another night I fell asleep on the nightlink and woke up in Donneybrook garage, had to squeeze out the middle doors and get a cab home !!!

Moral of the stories : get taxis everywhere or just get the last bus home

RuggieBear

Dr. Loon wrote:

Sounds like a few people I know. Although none of them are English, or diabetic that I'm aware of.

Yeah....sorry i started with some other stories about him which made those bits relevent but then typed other ones....

The english bit because he once stood up in a known Ra pub and sang God save the queen.....that scared the **** out of me.....

and the diabetic bit because after a trinity ball at 5am....i had to test his blood sugar and then inject him while i thought he was going into hypoglaecemic (sp?) shock.....

besides diabetics aren't supposed to drink heavily as the sugar in beer can **** them up.

I have more stories about him which aren't scary but ****ing priceless!

anthonymcg

Canis Lupus wrote:

Hey Tony remember when u fell asleep wrapped around a toilet.... Thats fairly tame compared to the rest of the stuff but was still funny

Yeah that was class alright. Passed out and then woke up watching Jerry Springer on the sofa.

Dr. Loon

RuggieBear wrote:

I have more stories about him which aren't scary but ****ing priceless!

Has he ever píssed on a fridge? Or broken into a strangers house?

RuggieBear

Dr. Loon wrote:

Has he ever píssed on a fridge? Or broken into a strangers house?

lol....i think he once told me he pissed in his wardrobe by mistake.....did you break into a strangers house!?

Dr. Loon

RuggieBear wrote:

lol....i think he once told me he pissed in his wardrobe by mistake.....did you break into a strangers house!?

No, a friend of mine. Bit of a nutter.

RuggieBear

Apologies for going off topic but i've actually, just remembered another story about this mate of mine....not scary!

At Halloween, in the buttery (TCD bar) we were all dressed up and hammered and he went to the bar and started chatting up this guy dressed in drag...altho my mate didn't realise it was a bloke...the guy in drag played along as he thought my mate was just ripping the piss until he realised he wasn't and got a horrified look on his face and went "I'm a bloke".....

Nasty_Girl

RuggieBear wrote:

Apologies for going off topic but i've actually, just remembered another story about this mate of mine....not scary!

At Halloween, in the buttery (TCD bar) we were all dressed up and hammered and he went to the bar and started chatting up this guy dressed in drag...altho my mate didn't realise it was a bloke...the guy in drag played along as he thought my mate was just ripping the piss until he realised he wasn't and got a horrified look on his face and went "I'm a bloke".....

Well it was scary for him so it counts I think!!

opr

While being very drunk one night in supermac's in Dublin i was pissed off waiting in the huge cue that had developed and i went behind the counter myself. Started to pour some cokes and get chips then proceeded to hand them out to my freinds ............. needless to say security removed me soon afterwards!!

joejoem

I went on the piss in Lahinch for the weekend a few months back with two aussie mates, we got rat arsed in a ****ty nightclub and at the end myself and one of the aussies were walking out and this minibus of girls started calling us so we got in with 11 of them and went back to the houses they had rented on the cliffs of doneen. anyway four of us (me,my mate and two girls) went into one of the houses and then coupled off. After a bit of foreplay my phone rang and I replied "Im in some birds house" she then took my phone from me, and threw it against the wall and said whats my name, I couldnt remember so we contiued. after a while she asked if aI had a condom, I said no but we could go down on each other, so away she went. But when I finished I pretended to be asleep, thinking Ill wait tills she goes asleep then head off but I fell asleep.
In the next room my mate was naked with the other girl who refused to do anything, no mater what he did to her she would do nothing back and would not sleep with him, so when she fell asleep he did it himself ontop of her and got up and left.
The next morning I woke up in a house on the cliffs of dooneen and walked into a room with 11 girls giving me dirty looks. My phone was broken, so I asked to use theirs. THey said they had none and I should leave. I had to walk back to the B&B in the morning sun and it took 3 hours. It was fun telling the story the next day. They had obviously been sitting around talking about what had happend to them. Moral of the story - dont try pull a guy outside the nightclub!

kaimera

feel asleep in the shower under the cold water last semester for two hours before my house mate found me. cant remember a thing from the time i opened the door till the time i was found.

slight hypothermia was a side effect.

Dr. Loon

joejoem wrote:

I went on the piss in Lahinch .
In the next room my mate was naked with the other girl who refused to do anything, no mater what he did to her she would do nothing back and would not sleep with him, so when she fell asleep he did it himself ontop of her and got up and left.

So your mate's a real nice guy then?

joejoem

Yeah Champion, he is Australian what do you expect. When he gets locked he does "Car surfing" where he grabs onto the back of a car and skids along the road on the soles of his shoes. He knows no consequence

steveland?

I started a thread like this a while ago but i really couldn't be arsed lookin for it (it was about not remembering things you did and then getting told about them)

Anyways I had a night where the last thing I remember was someone suggesting we go to the bar to get shots and then every time i went to the bar i got a pint of bud and a sambuca. I was setting fire to the sambuca in my mouth and everything till the bouncer came over to me and said "look buddy if we want to set fire to ourselves, we do it outside."

I was told I went out to the banklink and came back half an hour to 45 minutes later with 15 euro (ATMs don't give out fivers!!!) and i apparently saw loads of people i knew and somehow i got back into the pub without the doormen stoppin me.

I don't remember leaving but my friend who walked me home says I kept shouting at equally drunk people on the way home and nearly got in a huge fight with this massive guy on Westmorland St but he had pulled me away so I couldn't fight him (I only weigh about 10 stone and am skinny as hell so I wouldn't be much good in a fight) and eventually i got home and vomited in my sleep.

Scariest part was waking up surrounded by sick... wouldn't want to go out the John Bonham way now would we?

I woke up at 12.30 and thought "Ah balls... I was meant to be in work at 12!" so i rang work and told them i wouldn't be in till 1 and cleaned the place and myself up and my Mam came up and reminded me the clocks had gone back by an hour.... Saved... got into work on time and all was well with the world


That's my only real scary/funny drunk story (the only time I've blacked out) cos I have a stupidly high tolerance to alcahol for a skinny fella (makes it a bitch to get drunk though)

Gandhi

I was living in London with some other Irish lads. One night we went out getting the cheapest alcohol we could find, and came back with cases of no-name, horrible beer and this Romanian wine that tasted like after-shave. Anyway, we downed it and headed off out.

I have no recollection of the night (except for an image of some parallel lines) so my friends had to fill me in on what happened.

While we were waiting for the tube to head downtown, I decided to jump down onto the tracks. I was apparently playing hopscotch on them, with all these women screaming, thinking I was going to get killed. Luckily, one of my friends managed to grab me and pulled me up.

We continued down to Stockwell and went to "The Swan" - rough enough Irish pub. The lads sat me down at the bar to keep me out of trouble. A few minutes later the lights went out and the music came grinding to a halt. The lads looked around to see where I was, and I was walking towards them with a triumphant grim on my face and all these ripped-out wires in my hand. They grabbed me and we ran off.

We go to another pub, and as soon as we walk in the door, I march straight up to a crowd of skinheads and ask them if they have ever considered the benefits a communist society could bring. Again, friends grab me and we exit stage left.

Eventually, they bring me into Club UK and I manage to fall asleep on top of a speaker. Pounding headache the next morning was my souvenir from that one.

When I did wake up the next day, the lads were telling me I was lucky to be alive. I pulled all these wires out of my pocket, and they had to explain to me where they came from.

Jaysis, I loved London. I had to leave, though. I'd have gotten killed.

Pet

Mine's not really funny, but when I was about 14 or so, I was knacker-drinking in a field in the middle of nowhere with a mate. I drank almost half a litre of vodka (that's a damn lot for a 7 stone, 5'2" kid), and fell into a coma with only my equally drunk mate aware of my state and whereabouts. I woke up about 4 hours later, lying on my back with puke all over my chest. So, not really funny, but quite scary.
On the plus side though, I have a much better attitude towards drink now, know my limit, and have never gotten anywhere near that drunk since.

ven0m

I only have one scary drunken experience & it's where I tried to off myself & failed [thank jebus!!!]....

Funny one - mate asked me to draw a swastika on his forehead for a lugh [how was that even funny] in the middle of a pub with his g/f's lipstick & without a second thought, I drew a big cock on his forehead instead which he waltzed around the pub with for about 2 mins before realising...


::: ven0mous :::

azezil

this one time, i got really drunk and kissed a guy!!!

woosaysdan

this one time i fell asleep on the bonnet of a car after the disco!!! the owner of the car wasnt impressed

Blub2k4

joejoem wrote:

so when she fell asleep he did it himself ontop of her and got up and left.

Is that a very cryptic way of saying that he raped her?

landser

i shared a house with 4 blokes in 2nd year in college. went our one night and got blathered (surprisingly). my room amte had a bird back so i slept in the single room whose owner was in his girlfriends. the only problem with this was that in the right hand corner of my own room was the ensuite, equipped with toilet. in the right hand corner of the room i stayed in was a wardrobe notably bereft of urinating facilities. obviously at some point in the night i felt a need to relieve to myself and in a drunken stupor headed for the right hand side of the room

i have no recollection of thye events of that nite but was awakened the next morning by the owner of said wardrobe, holding up a years worth of yellowy sodden history notes and beating the head off me.

Roar

I was down in a mates gaff and we went for a few pints down the local. we came home and continued drinking, although i'd run out of cans so i decided to tuck nto a bottle of wine. so the bottle was drank within five minutes, and, naturally passed out.

so me buddy tries to get me into a bed, so he picks me up and makes me walk down the hall. he has to guide me cause i can hardly stand, but i stop outside the bog and say i'm headin in. my buddy says "right, you're on your own here" and leaves me in.

My buddy says all he heard was two huge THUMPS and he thought i was after cracking my skull off the sink or something.

so he rushes in to find me curled up in the bath fast asleep, snoring....

that happened four years ago and he still talks about it....

orangerooster

Great thread!Quite a few of these are recent actually:

Last Tuesday night after inventing a new drink in the sports bar in UCD I ended up in the muck with only one shoe under the watertower there I stayed until a good samritan bar worker heard my ramblings and escorted me onto a free taxi-champion!

Uprooting a brickwork path and proceeding to place the bricks behind the four wheels of every car I could in my local towns square-people werent happy.The same night I burned a considerable amount of election posters in a bonfire and then dug-up my mates back yard and tried to put a railway sleeper through this girls window.It started out as a funny kind of thing but when my mate copped his yard it got scary very, very fast!

Setting my beard on fire with sambucha and then torching a girls pair of best jeans with same-again started funny got scary pretty damn fast.

Drank two neat triple whiskies and five shots of tequila in the space of twenty minutes having drank 13 pints-felt grand (if being 13 pints drunk is grand to you-it is to me) for about an hour then it all hit me.I fell face first out of a taxi into Portlaoise's pub area-then trashed a table in my friends pub-passed out 4 times in the time it took me to leave the bar. Friends found me in a state outside the court house beside my vomitted dinner. (They later told me it was indentifiably steak and chips). Now in my locality im known as "The Liver" and seeing that I was vomitted they reckoned it was stomach pump time for rooster. Ambulance arrived and the guy ran me through the standard questions etc. etc. got to hospital was assesed to have had "a bit too much to drink" ended up getting a free medical exam, a free bottle of water and a free taxi out of it-not too bad really!

Knacker drinking in UCD and then proceeding to trash the place was memorable. Pissing in one of the entrance alcoves to the student residences was great fun! Then I tore down the posters for some event that was being organised and was subsequently cancelled because the "security guys had taken them down to stop activism on the campus" -got in the paper and all-a proud moment for me!Then did the standard:chucked bins in the lake-pissed in the lake on the main mall of the uni and then attacked a bike with a 2x4 piece of wood.Got a "chase" from security and ended up trashing the bus stop by throwing bins on top of the shelters. Then pissed in Crumlin Gard station (not in the toilet mind).

If I can think of anymore I'll post them up!

Dr. Loon

orangerooster wrote:

Great thread!Quite a few of these are recent actually:

If you're any older than 15, you're a twat.

Sleepy

What is it about drunk people going asleep in baths? One of my brother's mates is always doin' that too!

Sleepy

Dr. Loon wrote:

If you're any older than 15, you're a twat.

Even if he is 15, he's still a twat.

Dr. Loon

Sleepy wrote:

Even if he is 15, he's still a twat.

Indeed.

Fionn101

on a bus to drogheda with Dr Loon and our mate Foggo who was listening to his walkman, anyway he got a bit locked and as we were trying to wake foggo up he kept shouting "i'll be up in 10 mins da", and also "i'm already in school" heh , then when he finally awoke he started slagging the guy in the seat across from us ,
Now foggo still had his walkman going and was slagging your man so loud the guy could easily hear him (so could half the bus) , foggo thought only we could hear him and we were so busy falling around laughing that we couldn;t tell him how loud he was. the poor bloke in the seat across from us was too afraid also to say anything to a group of lads so just stayed staring straight ahead, thus making foggo think he was being quiet.

eventually when we got the laughter under control we informed foggo to turn off the tunes and perhaps not talk so bloody loud. classic all the same .

Dr. Loon

Fionn101 wrote:

on a bus to drogheda with Dr Loon and our mate Foggo who was listening to his walkman, anyway he got a bit locked and as we were trying to wake foggo up he kept shouting "i'll be up in 10 mins da", and also "i'm already in school" heh , then when he finally awoke he started slagging the guy in the seat across from us ,
Now foggo still had his walkman going and was slagging your man so loud the guy could easily hear him (so could half the bus) , foggo thought only we could hear him and we were so busy falling around laughing that we couldn;t tell him how loud he was. the poor bloke in the seat across from us was too afraid also to say anything to a group of lads so just stayed staring straight ahead, thus making foggo think he was being quiet.

eventually when we got the laughter under control we informed foggo to turn off the tunes and perhaps not talk so bloody loud. classic all the same .

Yeah. Then later that night I got the head beat off me. Good times.

Nasty_Girl

landser wrote:

i shared a house with 4 blokes in 2nd year in college. went our one night and got blathered (surprisingly). my room amte had a bird back so i slept in the single room whose owner was in his girlfriends. the only problem with this was that in the right hand corner of my own room was the ensuite, equipped with toilet. in the right hand corner of the room i stayed in was a wardrobe notably bereft of urinating facilities. obviously at some point in the night i felt a need to relieve to myself and in a drunken stupor headed for the right hand side of the room

i have no recollection of thye events of that nite but was awakened the next morning by the owner of said wardrobe, holding up a years worth of yellowy sodden history notes and beating the head off me.

that's the funniest thing I've ever read. My hat comes off to you

Fionn101

ahh you got a slap , it was funny(you were slagging his fat burd, i mean girl) , but you have reminded me how drunk you were.
Back in the house and we're all having a banter talking away. loon deftly puts his beer on the coffee table and then decides now would be a good time to pass out drunk , he splayed out straight onto the table which held his fatass for all of 5 seconds before collapsing itself , ahh class if you were there .

beer onto table, followed by loon , than all three taking a dive for the floor , least they won't fall any further .
we left him ther for some time as there wasn;t much point tryign to move anything, besides it looked rather Warhol-esque .

Dr. Loon

Fionn101 wrote:

ahh you got a slap ,

If getting a slap is 4 lads beatin' the bee jesus out of me and breaking a tooth then yeah. A slap.

Fionn101

your still alive aren't you ,

I should ask for my money back to be honest .....

joejoem

Blub2k4 wrote:

Is that a very cryptic way of saying that he raped her?

No!!!!!!!!!! He wanked ontop of her!

joejoem

orangerooster wrote:

Great thread!Quite a few of these are recent actually:

Last Tuesday night after inventing a new drink in the sports bar in UCD I ended up in the muck with only one shoe under the watertower there I stayed until a good samritan bar worker heard my ramblings and escorted me onto a free taxi-champion!

Uprooting a brickwork path and proceeding to place the bricks behind the four wheels of every car I could in my local towns square-people werent happy.The same night I burned a considerable amount of election posters in a bonfire and then dug-up my mates back yard and tried to put a railway sleeper through this girls window.It started out as a funny kind of thing but when my mate copped his yard it got scary very, very fast!

Setting my beard on fire with sambucha and then torching a girls pair of best jeans with same-again started funny got scary pretty damn fast.

Drank two neat triple whiskies and five shots of tequila in the space of twenty minutes having drank 13 pints-felt grand (if being 13 pints drunk is grand to you-it is to me) for about an hour then it all hit me.I fell face first out of a taxi into Portlaoise's pub area-then trashed a table in my friends pub-passed out 4 times in the time it took me to leave the bar. Friends found me in a state outside the court house beside my vomitted dinner. (They later told me it was indentifiably steak and chips). Now in my locality im known as "The Liver" and seeing that I was vomitted they reckoned it was stomach pump time for rooster. Ambulance arrived and the guy ran me through the standard questions etc. etc. got to hospital was assesed to have had "a bit too much to drink" ended up getting a free medical exam, a free bottle of water and a free taxi out of it-not too bad really!

Knacker drinking in UCD and then proceeding to trash the place was memorable. Pissing in one of the entrance alcoves to the student residences was great fun! Then I tore down the posters for some event that was being organised and was subsequently cancelled because the "security guys had taken them down to stop activism on the campus" -got in the paper and all-a proud moment for me!Then did the standard:chucked bins in the lake-pissed in the lake on the main mall of the uni and then attacked a bike with a 2x4 piece of wood.Got a "chase" from security and ended up trashing the bus stop by throwing bins on top of the shelters. Then pissed in Crumlin Gard station (not in the toilet mind).

If I can think of anymore I'll post them up!

Knob. Absolute pube head

Dr. Loon

joejoem wrote:

Knob. Absolute pube head

But your mate is grand for **** over a sleeping girl?!

Nasty_Girl

joejoem wrote:

Knob. Absolute pube head

that's the best insult ever

the_syco

A friend of mine started attacking bushes on the way to a house party. Had to stop him, in case he caused himself to be stabbed. Stupid bugger did it again next time he got drunk. I don't think he reliases that when you jump at a bush fast enough, there's a good chance of there being a pointy branch there, sticking out.

=-=

Another time, a mate and some random stranger had an arguement outside the nightclub on who is the best guitarist. The other guy did a fake head-butt (where you swing your head forward, but only a bit). Mate took this the wrong way. Luckily, me and a few others could restrain my mate (anyone who knows me; my mate is about the same height, but big build). He decided to wait outside the entrance of the carpark @ the nightclub. The funny part was when the manager of the nightclub came up to me, and asked me (he was an ex-boss, so it was civil enough request) to move my mate on, as the other guy wouldn't budge, untill my mate was gone (the other guy was terrified).
Goes to show you; never get into a drunken arguement with a stranger. The stranger may consider it "fun" to kick the **** out of you, after you pretend to hit him.

Pet

Dr. Loon wrote:

If you're any older than 15, you're a twat.

I couldn't have put it better myself.

ixoy

orangerooster wrote:

Great thread!Quite a few of these are recent actually:

<snipped HILARIOUS escapades!>

..If I can think of anymore I'll post them up!

Please do. While we're of the general consesus that your stories are the work of a selfish, thoughtless, infantile twat, any new stories might enable us to add a few more insulting adjectives to that list.

ro_chez

One night, good few years back when I was 16 I was in Eamonn Dorans with a couple of mates. Proceeded to get plastered etc. and went off home to bed only stopping off to excrete some urine before I hit the sack.

Came down the next morning with a bitch of a hangover and a full bladder, to be greeted by my parents loking stern faced and worried. Ignoring this I headed in to the bathroom and proceeded to do the buisness. Whilst doing this I noticed an object sticking out from under the toilet. There, were the toothbrushes from the bathroom sink hidden behind the toilet and as if that was'nt bad enough, there was toothpaste all over the sink. It appears, in my drunken stupor, I'd come in squeezed all the toothpaste into the sink, put all the toothbrushes behind the toilet, and headed off to bed!!

Needless to say the rents were a bit concerned as was I, scared ****less of ever touching alcohol again, which lasted for...almost a month.