The stupidest thing anyone has said to me today is:

The Sweeper

"Are you eating yoghurt with a chopstick?"

...I'm sitting at my desk with a small tub of taramasalata and a couple of thin breadsticks.


Some people just leave their brain at the door. Pity they wouldn't leave their vocal chords too.

smoke.me.a.kipper

me: can you click on the start button please
stupid person: where is that?
me: down the bottom left corner of the screen
stupid person: oh, you meant start.

Flukey

Well not said as such, but from a regular contributor on another board that I post on, in relation to fox-hunting saboteurs:

Fresh from imposing their Puritanical will on England, the British anti-hunt fascist groups are threatening to export their politics of envy, class warrior crusade to Ireland.

They say they will come over here mob handed and teach local saboteurs how best to disrupt a good day's sport.

My reply was:

You mean they are going to disrupt Gaelic Football, Hurling, Soccer, Rugby, Golf, Basketball, Athletics, Cycling etc?

Imagine that. Here was I thinking they were coming to disrupt the disgusting, inhumane, savage practice of men and women in circus outfits riding around the country with dogs, ripping foxes to shreds for absolutely no reason whatsoever and then calling this barbaric escapade sport.

Me: Good afternoon, (insert my company name here) open til 6, how can I help you?
Caller: What time do you shut?
Me: Em 6. (Duh)

Zombienosh

one time a while ago
i was outside walking to the shop and it was raining i mean pissin down
lashing out of it....
and this guy stops me and asks "sorry, is it raining?"...

edit: didnt notice the today part in the thread name

D!ve^Bomb!

work mate: Do you want a sweet?

dumba$$

me: of course i want a ****ing sweet

BolBill

Stupidist thing:

Craig David interview.
Interviwer: So Craig you must spend a lot of time making sure your beard is perfectly angled?.
Craig David: Yeah you have to, otherwise it looks stupid.

skywalker

smoke.me.a.kipper wrote:

me: can you click on the start button please
stupid person: where is that?
me: down the bottom left corner of the screen
stupid person: oh, you meant start.

oh god that brings back memories. they never change, do they.

FranknFurter

9am this morning.......

"Dya find these days that soles on shoes fall apart ofter a damned month?!?"

Me: "um..... lmao"

lol

B

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

happens to me

FranknFurter

lol Mordeth, but I bet you would realise its hardly gonna be an issue for somone who has an electric wheelchair! LOLOL

Tyrrial

[conversation about very tall basketball playing friend of mine, playes for Ireland this is common information to everyone involved]

stupid person: He's really really good at basketball.
me: yeah he should join a team or something
stupid person: he did!!


......made my head hurt

Dr. Dre

Not today, but a couple of weeks ago in the “smoking shed” at work:

Female Induhvidual 1: “It was my sisters birthday on Saturday”
Female Induhvidual 2: “Really!” (excitedly) “Same as mine!”
Female Induhvidual 2: “Except mine was on Sunday”

?????
WTF

Unit00

Once I was asked "is this the stairs going up?"

Nasty_Girl

Me: Are you stopping in Clonmel?
Bus Driver: I'll stop wherever you want.
Me: Ok so!
Bus Driver: So where are you headed then?

(AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH)

cajun_tiger

better still

guy-see this thing here
me-yes
guy-whats it for
me-its a tipx mouse
guy-a what
me-T I P E X mouse
guy-how do ye work it

after 5 mins of a demo he sits quitely for 1HOUR!!!!!! playing with it

guy-how come it wont work now(over his divid)

so i walk over and see whats wrong

me-well the way youve decorated every sheet of paper on your desks probably means it run out.

guy-realy... aw... can i get more??

stagolee

cajun_tiger wrote:

better still

guy-see this thing here
me-yes
guy-whats it for
me-its a tipx mouse
guy-a what
me-T I P E X mouse
guy-how do ye work it

after 5 mins of a demo he sits quitely for 1HOUR!!!!!! playing with it

guy-how come it wont work now(over his divid)

so i walk over and see whats wrong

me-well the way youve decorated every sheet of paper on your desks probably means it run out.

guy-realy... aw... can i get more??

i take it you teach kids art for a living?
(you see i dont just quote stupid things, i say 'em)

Cactus Col

Workmate: "How are you today?"

ME: "Fine, you effing gumba!!!!"

that showed him.

sliabh

From an American I was working with:
"I couldn't return your call as I don't know how to dial internationally"

Gordon

Every few weeks I get told, when making a Powerpoint presentation, that the presentation is needed to be:

"Wow."

However, occasionally I am told that my presentation has to be:

"Super Wow."

I guess it must be a fine line between perfection and not knowing what the f*ck you are talking about.

Piste

Not really something I said but I managed to misspell CTYI at the weekend, how can you misspell initials??????!!!

Victor

"Hi, I don't have any euros, would you be able to take some dollars or sterling"

Alana

well it wasn't today, however yesterday in work i think they let all the looney people out and put them on a bus to where i work

1) do you work here...?
I'm wearing a big **** off bright t-shirt with the stores name printed all over it...ok granted i get this all the time

2) can you play dvds in cd players....?
why yes, yes of course u can, just squint into the back of the machine and u'l c the picture...

3)because i work on grafton st do i get a discount...?

what the ****...?!?!?!

4)whats this...?
customer says holding a dvd
reply" a dvd"
C:What?
me:a dvd that plays movies if you stick it in a dvd player
C: but i thought videos played movies.....

christ... head wall bang repeat....

Lump

Victor wrote:

"Hi, I don't have any euros, would you be able to take some dollars or sterling"

Just say company policy is to give a £ for € comversion rate.... keep the sterling and put the euro in the till.... you're a winner.

*NOTE* Doesn't work quite aswell with dollars... expecially Polish Dollars (I made that up)

John

cajun_tiger

stagolee wrote:

i take it you teach kids art for a living?
(you see i dont just quote stupid things, i say 'em)

no better still i work with civil servants I'm not one but he is

(guy in my previous post)

Spalk0

This is when i customer was checking records in the 1880's!

Customer : This is wrong, he wasnt living there at that time!
me : Well thats what the books say!
Customer : Well, can i speak to the valuer who entered this record!
me : I doubt it, since its in the 1880's the person who entered this is long dead by now!Though we can allways try and resurrect him! :rolleyes:

WTF!!?!?!?!

landser

heard this recently in a court case for a personal injury

Barrister: were you in charge of the car at the time of the accident.

witness: no, i was just driving it

barrister: so, you were in charge of it then

witness: no

barrister: how can that be

witness: i was very drunk at the time, that's why i crashed, so i couldn't say that i was in charge of it

445279.ie

cajun_tiger wrote:

no better still i work with civil servants I'm not one but he is:p

Now, now - don't generalise. Not all us civil servants are that thick. Some I work with are even thicker!!!

How come you work with them, but are not one yourself??

cajun_tiger

temp temp temp temp tee hee hee

Spalk0

Eh Cajun, i certainly aint thick!

445279.ie

cajun_tiger wrote:

temp temp temp temp tee hee hee

Lucky, lucky, lucky. I'm signed up for life!!!!!

Spalk0

rebel72 wrote:

Lucky, lucky, lucky. I'm signed up for life!!!!!

Same here!.....Ive got 38 and 1/2 years left in my sentence!Allthough i should be eligable for some parole soon enough!hehe

BolBill

cajun_tiger wrote:

no better still i work with civil servants I'm not one but he is

(guy in my previous post)

Really? Where?


Only 30 years left !!!!!!! Should be a doddle. Then again I might end up in the sticks...... :rolleyes: (feckin hate Ahern !!!)

Spalk0

cajun_tiger wrote:

no better still i work with civil servants I'm not one but he is

(guy in my previous post)

I can safely say that isnt me!

Sposs

Funny Site http://rinkworks.com/stupid/



Customer: "I want to get the new Netscape from you people."
Tech Support: "I'll need to charge your account $30."
Customer: "What do you mean? I pay for this service."
Tech Support: "We're providing the registered version of Netscape. Netscape charges us, so we have to charge you."
Customer: "Well, my son is a socialist and I spent a year in Spain. What do you have to say to that?"
Uh....
Customer: "I thought so." [click]

Superman

Lump wrote:

Just say company policy is to give a £ for € comversion rate.... keep the sterling and put the euro in the till.... you're a winner.
John

Yeah! that was my ol' petrol station trick too, my exchange rates were nuts:
€1 = £1
€1 = $1.50

probly the only perk of the job!

seamus

Actually, in UCD I did have an American student come up and ask me why none of the machines took dollars, and thought it was preposterous that "a tiny country like this" wouldn't take US currency. :rolleyes:

WhiteWashMan

someone says something incredibly stupid on this website every day.

cajun_tiger

Trigger! wrote:

Eh Cajun, i certainly aint thick!

so trigger how did that table quiz go???

stagolee

cajun_tiger wrote:

so trigger how did that table quiz go???

not so good i hear , no matter how many questions he asks it the table just wont answer him

Spalk0

It went rubbish!Our team came third last!But a knoweledge of history and general knowledge doesnt define if someone is thick or not!But i presume only someone who was thick would think that :rolleyes:

Oh and by the way, did you even attend the quiz?I seem to remember you telling me you were terrible at quizzes!

If im also so thick how come you arnt as high up in the ladder for interviews as i was after the apptitude test ay?they are much better tests on telling the capabilites of someone!

So, HARDY HAR HAR!!!!!

cajun_tiger

eh 128 on a list of 500??? so blahhh
anyway i ddn't go coz no sitter the last quiz i went to me and our team lost for the simple reason that we could speak spainish(the language the test was held in) yet we got a few marks!!!!! trigger i'd never consider you as a civil servant i don't know you come across as one.(",)

445279.ie

BolBill wrote:

Only 30 years left !!!!!!!

Same here!! Well 29 years and 10 months.

Spalk0

Ye What?!?!?!?!

Here's another one

Customer : So do you's close for lunch
me : no!
Customer : so what time do you's reopen then?
me : eh, tomorrow morning like every other day! :rolleyes:
Customer : ok, can i leave these books out here and come back after you reopen after lunch!
me : em, we dont close for lunch!
Customer : Thanks.....and he walks out the door!

hehe some people just dont listen!

rainbow kirby

A while ago, but:
Customer: So, this Playstation 2, do you need a high-spec PC to run it?

Another customer: So, have you got that Zelda game? The Wind Breaker?

azezil

me: what version of windows are you running
customer: lindows 97

*beeeep*

climaxer

Not saying for one moment that my ickle cousin is stupid but I just thought this was funny. He (4 yrs) was in my house on Sunday and asked me to make the toy in the Kinder Egg. I asked him why don't he try make it himself and he says he can't cos he lost the injections

smoke.me.a.kipper

*set a customer up on x-box live through internet connection sharing.*
customer: so how do you download the free x-box games. i heard tyou can do it on something called torrent
me: you'll have to contact microsoft regarding this.
*gave ms number*

woosaysdan

LOL that was just pure evil smak!!!

Canis Lupus

Have a mate who worked on a tourist info line and was asked by an American lady thinking of visiting Ireland if womens sanitary products were available in Ireland or should she bring some with her.

viking

I made a call to one of our clients in England, we are based in Dublin. The guy I'm talking to is fully aware of this.

Me: ...I'll take a look into that for you and give you a call back later when I find out. I rang your main switch to speak to you so can I have your direct dial number please.
Him: Sure its 0181.......(pause) are you able to ring England from over there...? :eek:
Me: Emm... I should be able to, but I'll check later to see if the international line is free...

Needless to say, the office was in stitches after that.

Gobshíte...