My turn

Aava

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mum on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The parents stop and his mum quickly dismounts, pulling the covers around her.
"What were you and dad doing?" the boy asks his mum.
"Well, your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it," she explains.
" You're wasting your time," says the boy. "When you go shopping the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

Aava

>Dear Tony:
>
>I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to
>my daughter. Will you forgive and forget? I was much too
>sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoos and pierced nose. I now
>realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really
>should not have reacted that way to the fact that you have never
>held a job. I am sure, too, that some other very nice people live
>under the bridge in the park.
>Sure my daughter is only 18 and wants to marry you instead of
>going to Harvard on a full ride scholarship. After all, you can't
>learn everything about life from books.
>
>I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a
>fool. I have now come to my senses, and you have my full blessing
>to marry my daughter.
>
>Sincerely, Your future father-in-law
>
>P.S. Congratulations on winning the lottery

Aava

Little Jonny applied to medical school needless to say he never made it because these are the answers he gave...


ANTIBODY - against everyone
ARTERY - the study of fine paintings
ASPHYXIA - get a "Butt Job"
BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria
BENIGN - what you be after you be eight
BOWEL - letters like a,e,i,o,u
CAESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of poker playing
COMA - punctuation mark
CYST - short for sister
DILATE - the late British princess
DISLOCATION - in this place
ENEMA - a girl who is not a friend
FALSE LABOR - Alfred Sant
GENES - blue denim
HERNIA - she is close by
LABOR PAIN - injury at work
LACTOSE - person without toes on the foot
LIPOSUCTION - a French kiss
MENOPAUSE - I no wait
OBESITY-City of Obe
PACEMAKER - inventor of Nobel Peace Prize
PROTEIN - in favour of teens
RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula
SEMEN - sailors
SERUM - sailors' drink
TABLET - small table

Aava

Aava

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Aava

Three nuns are in a car crash and all three die. Expectedly they get up to heaven and their all standing outside the pearly gates. St. peter asks the first nun "whats the worst thing youve done?" she starts crying and says she saw a mans erection. st peter says wash your eyes in the holy fountain and all will be forgiven. you may pass.
the second nun comes before st peter and he asks her the same question. she breaks down and says she gave a man a hand job. he says wash your hands in the holy fountain and you will be forgiven.
Just then st peter sees a nun cut in the front of the line. He says there is no need for that. the nun replies "but i want to wash out my mouth before sister mary sticks her ass in the fountain."

Aava

Three Americans and three Maltese are in London traveling by train to a conference in Birmingham. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Maltese buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?", asked one of the three Americans. "Watch and you will see", answers one of the Maltese. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats, but all three Maltese cram into the toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please". The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Americans decide to copy the Maltese on the return trip and save some money from their travel expenses. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Maltese don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you
going to travel without a ticket?", asks one perplexed American. "Watch and you will see", says one of the Maltese When they board the train the three Americans cram into a toilet and the three Maltese cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Maltese leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."