Friday Funnies - Enjoy

Hagar

A trucker in Essex stops for a red light, where a blonde jumps out of her car and knocks on his door. "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load", she warns him breathlessly. The trucker ignores her and continues down the street.When he stops at the next red light, the girl again catches up, jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly: "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her and continues down the street. At the third red light, all out of breath the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the window again. "Hi, my name is Heather", she repeats, "and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window and as she lowers it, he says: "Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm driving a gritter!"


An old cowboy went to a bar for a drink and as he sat there drinking his whiskey a young lady sat down next to him. She said to him 'Are you a real cowboy'? He replied 'Well I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding and branding cattle, riding horses& mending fences, so I guess I am. She said 'I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think about women'. A little while later , a couple sat down next him and say' 'Are you as real cowboy? He replied 'I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian'


Colin was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Colin how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Colin and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Colin! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Colin's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Colin that he thinks Colin's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Colin says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Colin says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Colin on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Colin, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Colin, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Colin. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Colin and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Colin says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Colin emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Colin returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Colin asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Colin?"

Tyrrial

i liked the last one a lot.

Blisterman

Yeah, I heard it before, but it's a good one.

MrVestek

LOL the last one is hilarious... very good

Linoge

Ok, I genuinely don't get the first one.

LoneGunM@n

The last one is great ... definately being e-mailed about!

joejoem

I dont get the first one either

Poz3D

The joke with the first one is that a gritter is a truck that spreads sand or salt on icy roads. The blonde thought the truck was leaking!

joejoem

ahhhhh thanks

garthv

explanation of a joke = ruined joke.

Poz3D

GaRtH_V wrote:

explanation of a joke = ruined joke.

True, very true!

Shaque attack

the first one wasn't much to begin with anyway but the third one was hilarious

memphis

Yeah, third jokes gets the thumbs up from me!

neuro-praxis

GaRtH_V wrote:

explanation of a joke = ruined joke.

No, sometimes the opposite is true. Example:

Lois's dad - Mr. Pewtersmidt, Ted Turner, Michael Eisner, Peter Griffin and Bill Gates are playing poker. Peter is dealing.

Ted: Are aces high or low?
Peter: They go both ways.
<Everyone laughs>
Ted: Like a bisexual.


PURE COMEDY GOLD.

Naos

LOL! That third joke is brilliant! gman hagar..

and family guy, ahh man.

/me eagerly awaits next series.

OLDYELLAR

lol