In need of advice on girl...

LegacyUser

Hey,

I am a 20 year old guy going on 21 in a couple of months. If I am being honest I get quite alot of very good looking women, almost one every night. Most of them are older than me also.

Anyway to get to the point, I met a girl a couple of months ago who I found really really attractive, stunning looks wise, smart, great personality, and we have alot in common. We got on really really well and I ended up being with her. We are still getting on really well to this day. As it turned out, she was two and a half years older than me (which is nothing new for me, because I look older than I am).

This has been the only real stumbling block I've had since I have been with her and she has since said that she just wants to be friends with me. But since this she has said that if I was two years older she would definately go out with me. She has also since said to a girl that works with me that she thought I was "stunning" and "if only he was a couple of years older".

This is really getting to me, I really want to be with her because I've always believed that if you like someone you like them and it doesn't matter what age you are (within reason obviously). And I am afraid that if I miss this oppertunity, I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Please advise me on what to do, I really don't want to miss this oppertunity of spending my time with a person who is in my opinion one in a million, but I really don't want to ruin our friendship by persistantly trying to get her to go out with me...

Regards,

toyboy.

Trix

if she likes u then im not sure what the problem is.she only two and a half yrs older then u .its not like your 18.could she be using the age thing as an excuse maybe without sounding harsh?

chuci

have you told her how much you act like her and how you feel bout her?are you mature for your age?not meant to sound insulting but you know some guys just seem to lag a little behind in the maturity in relation to girls. does she have a job while your still in coll etc? i could be totally off the point here and if i am sorry

Le Rack

I dunno, some women have a thing about age that they can't be really with a guy younger than them, or maybe she is using it as an excuse without being harsh, I know I really liked a guy but he evidently did not like me cuz he said I was too young, there's an 11 month age gap...
Try talk to her about it, she says you're stunning so maybe she's nervous of what other people will think of her going out with a "Youngin" and maybe take the piss out of her "toyboy" regardless...
good luck!

simu

It sounds like an excuse - if she was really into you such bagatelles would not enter the equation!

LegacyUser

chuci wrote:

have you told her how much you act like her and how you feel bout her?are you mature for your age?not meant to sound insulting but you know some guys just seem to lag a little behind in the maturity in relation to girls. does she have a job while your still in coll etc? i could be totally off the point here and if i am sorry

Yeah, I basically told her that I she was the most attractive girl I have ever been with and basically everything I felt about her.

I would say I am mature for my age. I know I'm the most mature of any of the lads I know, even ones older than me. I have a job, I work a 50 hour and I earn a good wage. I asked her when she said that I was too young whether it was anything to do with me being immature, and she insisted that it wasn't.

Le Rack wrote:

I dunno, some women have a thing about age that they can't be really with a guy younger than them, or maybe she is using it as an excuse without being harsh, I know I really liked a guy but he evidently did not like me cuz he said I was too young, there's an 11 month age gap...
Try talk to her about it, she says you're stunning so maybe she's nervous of what other people will think of her going out with a "Youngin" and maybe take the piss out of her "toyboy" regardless...
good luck!

I know what you are saying, I have a feeling that it could be something to do with her not wanting to get too involved with anyone because AFAIK she is going away for a year or so. By talking to her, she seems to be just out of a long term relationship which could be another reason for her not wanting to get too involved.

I was talking to one or two of her friends and I get on well with them. They don't seem to be sending out any vibes that would suggest that they are taking the piss out of her because of me. But who knows with women?!



I have been with girls since I was with her and she has been with guys also. One night we were actually both out in the same night club and after a bit of a talk we both went off to our friends and we both ended up being with someone. We bumped into each other with our partners for the night My friend said that the look on both of our faces when we saw each other was unbelievable. He said he never saw anything like it.

Afterwards she refused to go home with her sister and insisted that she would go home on the taxi with me. She asked me how I felt being with the girl that night and I said "it was good at the time but I still don't feel any different I still want to be with you". She was almost in tears.

Red Alert

my second girlfriend was 22 when i was 20, go look back about 2 years if you can search here that far back for the full details. anyway the age gap wasn't a problem, but she said that's why she'd never have made a move on me herself.

Blondie86Star

Well i know personally that i would never be with someone who was younger than me, not more than a few months anyway, especially at this age

Silverfish

I'm 29, my boyfriends 23.

We've been together for two years. I freak out over the age gap ( well not so much the age gap but my age) every once in a while, but if it was only a two year gap there isn't anything to complain about.

I suggest you tell her how you feel, she may change her mind.

Faith

Blondie86Star wrote:

Well i know personally that i would never be with someone who was younger than me, not more than a few months anyway, especially at this age

I completely agree with this

pickarooney

That's utterly ridiculous. What kind of bizarre neural programming would prevent you from being with someone because they were born a half-year after you (or two, or three, or fifteen years, for that matter)?

Do either of Faith and Blondie have any particular reasons for feeling this way ?

Tiriel

I must admit I wouldn't like it either, and it would probably have a big impact on whether or not I would go out with some guy. Even if I did really like him.. explanation?! I'm not sure. It's just one of those things, and I can't even say that it's a traditional thing as my Mum is 5yrs older than my Dad.. so eh.. it's just my own wacky thing

Ragazza

I think the older you get the less it matters.
I am 23 and my last bf was 37. I am older than my years and he is younger that his! (Age wasn't the reason we broke up)

I would be uncomfortable getting into a relationship with a guy my own age never mind younger.:eek:

dundalk cailin

i wouldnt mind a younger guy, but no more than a yr younger cos im 19, but in few years it wont make as much difference, i just think 17 is too young for me, 17 yr old guys tend to be a lot more immature...i have also been with older guys, 24-25

audge

Hey, I am two years older then my incredibly good looking boyfriend (I am a bit of a stunner myself, Ha ha )
We met in college, he was 18 (Nearly 19)and I was 20( nearly 21), so I was a bit freaked at first cos he was still in his teens and I thought I would get a bit of slagging from my friends and class mates. (Even though he looks older then he is, and even looks a bit older then me)
Anyhow, I liked him, so I had a choice, get over the silly age issue and go out with him, or not go out with someone I really like because of a silly age issue.
Needless to say, I got over it, we are now 22 and 24 years old, respectively, and very happy indeed!

If she really likes you, she will get over it, I reckon she's just waiting on a few mates to tell her what she already knows -

The age issue is ridiculous and it wouldn't stop them from seeing someone they really liked!

(By the way, I have to say this, you sound very move in love with yourself, maybe this is putting her off slightly. I know thats off topic put just thought I would mention it.)

g'em

when i was 22 i probably wouldn't have wanted to go out with someone younger than me, don't ask m why though, its a totally silly and superficial outlook. Now, slightly older but no wiser, younger men, older men, they're all fab. Hopefully she'll get over it. Have you any friends with older girlfriends/ younger boyfriends? Point them out to her, use them as examples.

And tbh, if she's that caught up in the age thing, leave her alone for a bit. She'll soon realise that a good guy is a good find, regardless of age.

dahooligan

audge wrote:

Hey, I am two years older then my incredibly good looking boyfriend (I am a bit of a stunner myself, Ha ha )

Aren't we quite the fabulous couple then?!

audge

Yup! Yup! Yup!!:p

~Leanne~

Oh it seems to me like she is making an excuse! Like seriously what is 2 years when you think about it! Its nothing!!
Im 26 soon and my bf is 20. I dont care what people think, my family and friends can see how happy i am and thats all that matters.
She seems to care too much of what her friends etc might think!

chuci

the age thing didnt bother my boyf when we met i was 18 and he was 21 i think because i was in 2nd yr of coll and him in 3rd that he didnt mind so much. ever think bout confronting her and asking about the age gap and if it is whats bothering her?

ferdi

she obviously is not secure in her own maturity. to me - letting a small age gap such as this stop you getting with someone you like is a sign of immiturity

the fact is she does not have the maturity or wherewithal to deal with a very insignificant age difference.

i've come across alot of girls in their teens and twenties with this problem. it seems to be related to their own fear that they might not actually be the perfect specimens of sophisticated female maturity and they cant bare to let themselves go and be who they really are because of their perception of what others may think.

el tel

audge wrote:

Hey, I am two years older then my incredibly good looking boyfriend (I am a bit of a stunner myself, Ha ha )

So who is that guy in your picture? Does you boyfriend know about him

Age gaps shouldn't matter, but they do to some people and that's their loss.
I wouldn't worry about it OP. Nobody is one in a million-there's always beter next time 'round.

whacker4fun

the fact that u awork a 50hour week and have a job doesnt mean you are mature....she seems to be genuinely intrested but she maybe is worried about getting hurt.has she had many serious relationships before?
age should not matter.

dudara

What you said about her going travelling sounds like the most possible reason for all this.

LegacyUser

g'em wrote:

Have you any friends with older girlfriends/ younger boyfriends? Point them out to her, use them as examples.

And tbh, if she's that caught up in the age thing, leave her alone for a bit. She'll soon realise that a good guy is a good find, regardless of age.

Yeah, I have two friends the same age as me going with older girls. One is 21 and he is going with a 28 year old, the other is 21 and is going with a 25 year old. I've pointed them out to her and she tried to avoid the the point I made and said that "it is wrong".

One other time I tackled her on the issue she said "what would your parents think when they meet me", I said "they would probably would be happy for us". She then gave me a long hug and a kiss on the cheek. And then we had just one of those moments that couples normally have, staring into each others eyes.

I definately know that there is something between us, its just some other issue that is just holding her back. I haven't figured it out yet but I am nearly positive it isn't anything to do with my age.

LegacyUser

what nonsense.... if you love somebody you love this person despite his or her age.

She's just not that into you....

NikNik

toyboy20 wrote:

I get quite alot of very good looking women, almost one every night.

I can't see why she doesn't wanna go out with you :rolleyes:

If she really liked you she wouldn't care about a couple of years age difference.

dundalk cailin

NikNik wrote:

I can't see why she doesn't wanna go out with you :rolleyes:
.

yea maybe its something to do with your rep and she's trying to let u down getnly?

playfulkitten

My bf in 7 yrs older than me but age isn't an issuse cause we get on and we are suited. Life is too short. I am sure that the girl is lovley but if she not willing to commit you desevre something who appricates you! you sound like a great guy