Something wrong with me?

LegacyUser

Well hello,
the word "meh" PRETTY much sums up my life.
I'm basically finding things very boring and feel I don't have any friends at all. The only decent friend I ever had moved away last year.
This time last year I thought I had loads of friends, I was always there for them, a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on, a bank, a tutor and much more, but in my hours of need not one of these favours was ever returned.

It all kicked off when I started going out with my boyfriend, my friends became jealous and started always putting me down and trying to start arguements with him so they'd have an excuse to hate him (or so it seems I don't really know why tbh),
I mean really childish arguements over stupid stupid things, and when he's calmly and politely pointed out the errors of their side they reply with garbage like "uh well I'm blonde so its not my fault so there" or "shut up I'm a girl" or "Go away you're foreign". We're all in our mid 20s for christ's sake.

I don't see these people as much now, part of me longs for the old days and how we used to all hang out and have fun but the other part as no desire to see them. They have boyfriends, but they're assholes so I guess while I was single they still felt they had "one up" on me so to speak.

I hung around with my boyfriends friends for a while but they are just as immature if not more so.
I feel like i'm too judgemental or something I find it very hard to find people I actually get on well with and am resigning to the fact that it must be me. I try to do my best for people and I'm known for helping out anyone who asks, regardless of my personal opinion of them, I just hate seeing people upset or worried.
I think I'm very lucky to have my boyfriend but I feel like its just him and me all the time because he doesn't want to see his friends coz I don't. I feel like I'm stopping him from having any fun.

What can I do?
Am I doomed to wander the earth alone or should I just get on with it?

pants on fire

ah shut up.
Go have a ****. You'll feel better.

dundalk cailin

theres' no need to be rude

whinger thats unfortunate to discover these *friends* are actually like this, u need to move on and find people who are true friends. ihad a group of friends who werent true friends, and broke away from them when i started college, now ive better truer friends, and im a lot happier. hope it works out

WhiteWashMan

whinger wrote:

Well hello,
the word "meh" PRETTY much sums up my life.
I'm basically finding things very boring and feel I don't have any friends at all. The only decent friend I ever had moved away last year.
This time last year I thought I had loads of friends, I was always there for them, a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on, a bank, a tutor and much more, but in my hours of need not one of these favours was ever returned.

It all kicked off when I started going out with my boyfriend, my friends became jealous and started always putting me down and trying to start arguements with him so they'd have an excuse to hate him (or so it seems I don't really know why tbh),
I mean really childish arguements over stupid stupid things, and when he's calmly and politely pointed out the errors of their side they reply with garbage like "uh well I'm blonde so its not my fault so there" or "shut up I'm a girl" or "Go away you're foreign". We're all in our mid 20s for christ's sake.

I don't see these people as much now, part of me longs for the old days and how we used to all hang out and have fun but the other part as no desire to see them. They have boyfriends, but they're assholes so I guess while I was single they still felt they had "one up" on me so to speak.

I hung around with my boyfriends friends for a while but they are just as immature if not more so.
I feel like i'm too judgemental or something I find it very hard to find people I actually get on well with and am resigning to the fact that it must be me. I try to do my best for people and I'm known for helping out anyone who asks, regardless of my personal opinion of them, I just hate seeing people upset or worried.
I think I'm very lucky to have my boyfriend but I feel like its just him and me all the time because he doesn't want to see his friends coz I don't. I feel like I'm stopping him from having any fun.

What can I do?
Am I doomed to wander the earth alone or should I just get on with it?

what is stopping you making new friends, or finding friends that have no pre convieved misconceptions, or even people who are just adult?

Gordon

pants on fire wrote:

ah shut up.
Go have a ****. You'll feel better.

banned indefinitely.

audge

The answer is NO, there is nothing wrong with you.
I am happy, hyper, friendly and sociable, I have an active social life, but I only have one "real" friend.
It happens, I used to have a circle of what I thought to be "real" friends, but then I got together with my boyfriend, and also entered into my final year of college which was really time consuming, and when I celebrated my birthday this year, not ONE of my "real" friends where there.
It is sad, but it can easily happen.

old_lady

AUDGE is right, it is something that can easily happen. Maybe lighten up on your boyfriends mates, do any of them have girlfriends? If you did decide to give them a second chance and just let yourself be a bit silly in their company you might find you have a bit of fun and don't feel half as stressed or depressed.

dahooligan

Ah friends are wierd at the best of times. When anyone goes into a relationship, the close friendships are strained cos suddenly they aren't the priority in your life etc. Everyone goes through this as far as I can make out. All we can do is regroup, re-asses what the important things in life are and then plough ahead as normal.

You'll only get depressed if you let yourself, I firmly believe that if you want to you can turn the situation around like. Those friends didn't seem to be much use in the first place so I wouldn't be too worried about losing them.. everyone will probably say 'take up a hobby' or 'sure ya can just make new friends'... this is always way harder to do than it is to say, but it is do-able. Alls I can say is chin up, your other half sounds like a decent bloke (.. well ya haven't said anything bad about him) so just build on that.

Things could be worse.. you could have no legs! > http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054847829

Jonny Arson

I'm quite the same way as I'm not *close* to any my of friends. I get on with my friends in that I can have a laugh but I wouldn't have even one friend who I can talk to about absolutely anything, talk about anything deep or completely comfortable with so in that way I feel alone to a degree not having a close friendship with anyone.

Bottom line is most people are not reliable and trustworty. I find everyone is in it for themselves these days and don't give much of a toss about the people who've been there for them. I'd keep my distance for a while from these ''friends.'' Keep in contact to a degree but make sure you're not dependent on them and make sure they'll see that so then you can really see how much or how little they appreciate your friendship.

watsgone

You're not strange.

Anyone who can count their real friends on one hand is a lucky person. You will make more friends and maybe hopefully a real one or two.

I promise though it seems like idle talk now it will happen be patient

megachick

I completely agree about the friends thing.I found myself single again recently and it made me realise who my friends were.Having a boyfriend was great but you do end up spending alot of tme together.It didnt hit me for a few weeks how dependent I had got on him.I dont think i could do that again.
So important to have your own friends that you can have separate time with.

shakaman

as my father always said to me when I chose friends over family in my teens.....

friends come and go, loved ones are there forever.

Don't worry about friends you don't like to spend time with, find some new ones, join a club, log on to chat websites and meet new circles etc. As you grow up, primary, secondary. third level and work you think the friends you make will last forever, the truth is everyone's paths take different courses except those you choose to follow the path with, your loved one and your family.

MF2HD

It's not uncommon what you're going through. I think it's made worse though when you look around and see everyone else with their great friends. Chances are though they are in the same boat. A Real friend is a very rare thing indeed and I wouldn't go beating your self up over having none at the moment. You don't know who you will meet tomorrow, next week,....

Kell

whinger wrote:

What can I do?
Am I doomed to wander the earth alone or should I just get on with it?

First thought. Ask yourself if you genuinely miss the company of your old friends. If the answer is yes, ask yourself why? If the answer is that everytime you meet up you have a good time, then leave that as your only expectation.

The only reason why people fall out with mates is because expectations of eachother get skewed. If you have no expectations of your mates other than that you can go out occasionally and have a good time, then you cant get it wrong. If you expect your mates (all of them) to be A-Z then thats a lot of room for fúck ups. Try and work of the concept of "when I am meant to meet them, I will and not before". I doesnt help to get stressed over these things.

Also you stated that you also saw yourself as a good friend to other people and when you needed them it was not returned. You shouldnt use your own example as a yardstick in relation to other people. They are, after all, their own person and cant be compared to what you would do. Doing that just leads to a load of bitterness and frustration.

Also, are you wearing rose tinted glasses in relation to your BF? Peoples friends are very often the best gauge of what the person is "actually" like as opposed to a facade he might be wearing around you.

Above all, learn to be all things to yourself. It really helps.

K-

Nala

I used to be friends with group of girls who constantly put me down.
If got any attention from boys: "You're a slut".
If got new clothes: "You think you're something special!".
If I was sitting/standing in such a way that my skin folded even the slightest: "You're so fat!".
This was favoured by the underweight one, who weighed only 7 stone and never ate. I was a size 10 which wasn't exactly heifer-ish.
I had serious problems with paranoia, so they took great delight in telling me how everyone was talking about me. I also had really bad depression for months and wanted to kill myself, which they found hilarious.
Basically, they were really insecure, really immature and picked on me non-stop to make themselves feel better.
When I went to college, within 2 months I had cut 2 of them off completely, the rest went within the next couple of months.

I'm 100 times better now. I have friends that don't care what I look like, who are secure and confident in themselves, and who accept me the way I am. There is nothing wrong with cutting your losses and moving on, you are not obliged to stay friends with people just for the sake of it so just cut them out.

dundalk cailin

fair play nala, that was tough, but ur well rid as im sure you know. the girls i used to hang round with were a bit like that, not so bad, but still made me feel so bad bout myself

bungeecork

OP. I thought I was where you were once, but now I can see that I wasn't. Take a look at your friends lives. Do they have a lot going on right now? Do any of them need you right now? Could you do more for any of them?

Put another way - if any of them felt as you do now - would you know about it?

It's just helps sometimes to step outside your life and look in from the outside. Apologies if it doesn't apply here

mysterious

Hmm, I read right down thru this thread and to my amazement everyone has some sort of simular experience of beeng left out in the cold

From my own experience

We will come to a stage in our lives where we feel so alone and have no choice to put things right for you without friends by you , until you do, friends will attract their way back to you but only if you get out there and make the change,

I have 2 real friends , funnily enough i never see them much, or well havent for some time, but know I know its real, and thats all that matters:) If I meet my pals or aquaintances I have the craic there just like they are having, If you don't interfere or get seroius about things things won't get all carried away. but that's all another story.

I do think the world today is horrid in terms of everyone out for themselves , me me me etc. the thing is you, might be doing the same yourself and is mirrored. We are becoming a selfish nation, sad really.

I see jelousy and gossiping everwhere, it is sick , I personally don't gossip, if i have something to say I'd say it to the person up front and that is that,

Say thanks to those unreal friends and walk away, people like them only drain on you, that is why some of us feel so crap and beytrayed guilty etc because we are denying our own self worth and let sick people do sick things to us, other than that i try not read into to much more friends come and go just like you, feel hurt just like you.
So Get up and make new friends,

LegacyUser

Hey, just wondering where the OP lives? It can be really hard to find friends in rural areas where its the same old faces every day.

old_lady

Where you from OP?

audge

whinger wrote:

Well hello,

I'm basically finding things very boring and feel I don't have any friends at all.

It all kicked off when I started going out with my boyfriend, my friends became jealous and started always putting me down.

They have boyfriends, but they're assholes so I guess while I was single they still felt they had "one up" on me so to speak.

I hung around with my boyfriends friends for a while but they are just as immature if not more so.

I feel like i'm too judgemental

I think I'm very lucky to have my boyfriend but I feel like its just him and me all the time because he doesn't want to see his friends coz I don't. I feel like I'm stopping him from having any fun.

What can I do?
Am I doomed to wander the earth alone or should I just get on with it?

It all kicked off when I started going out with my boyfriend, my friends became jealous and started always putting me down.

They don't sound like they where really good friends to begin with, so no real loss there. You are not missing friends, you are missing the company of girls your own age.


They have boyfriends, but they're assholes so I guess while I was single they still felt they had "one up" on me so to speak.

You think their boyfriends are assholes, so you never made an effort to get on with them. Funny, because it seems like they have done the same thing to you and you don't like it.

I hung around with my boyfriends friends for a while but they are just as immature if not more so.

Define immature.
Is having fun immature? What is it about the way these lads enjoy themselves that makes you call them immature?

I feel like i'm too judgemental

This might be true. Why don't you just relax when your out with the lads, let yourself have a bit of fun. You seem worried about how others percieve you, and you want to come accross as mature and refined, sophisticated. Thats all well and good, but you wont have much fun if your worried about what others think. It doesn't seem to bother your boyfriends mates, and their having a great time.

I think I'm very lucky to have my boyfriend but I feel like its just him and me all the time because he doesn't want to see his friends coz I don't. I feel like I'm stopping him from having any fun.

Well you know how important friendship is, you have said so yourself, that you would do anything for anyone. You should be happy for your boyfriend, he's really lucky to have such a close group of mates, and even though you might be jealous, you shouldn't get in the way of that. Especially not when you could be part of it, if you wanted to.

What can I do?
Am I doomed to wander the earth alone or should I just get on with it?

Not at all, I think you need to unwind and start letting yourself go a bit. Fretting gives you wrinkles:p
Its hard for me to give advice without knowing where your from. If your from Dublin, or any city, There are a million ways to meet more girls your own age, with similar interests to yourself.

dahooligan

Hmmm.. a fairly comprehensive round up of everything there. Does the OP have anything to add? A lotto win might help the whole situation to no end

LegacyUser

[QUOTE=audge
You think their boyfriends are assholes, so you never made an effort to get on with them. Funny, because it seems like they have done the same thing to you and you don't like it.

.[/QUOTE]

The boyfriends are assholes to them, cheating on them, lying to them etc, well this is what they tell me.

audge

I wasn't having a go at you, it just wasn't explained very well. I thought you mean you felt they where assholes, as in, you just didn't like them.

Sorry.

If your friends are staying with boys they claim are repeatedly cheating on them despite your advice then theres not much you can do.

a) they are idiots and suckers for punishment
b) they are making it up for attention - poor me, I am a victim

Either way, I think we have established you deserve better from your friends, or accept the fact that they are nothing more then social friends (good for a fridsay night out in the pub etc, but not good for confiding in.