Anxiety

LegacyUser

I'm sure there's been similar posts to this but the search is disabled. This is a really ****ty pathetic problem compared to the other stuff that's on here but anyway, a chance to rant more than anything I guess.

I'm finding my shyness/quietness/anxiety is really starting to effect things in a bad way, and looking back on the last few years I'm starting to realise how much.

Two years ago I started college...didn't make many friends, hated lectures, hated practicals even more (smaller group of people), started missing a load of classes and ended up failing the year.

Last year I started going to a different college. Managed to make some friends and things were great...I still hated going to lectures, but it wasn't so bad with some friends around. But then came the exams. Small rooms, tension, bad atmosphere...couldn't hack it, turned my back and walked away. Stupid right? The whole year just wasted in moment. I regret that now but what's done is done.

Last September I decided I was gonna do something that I know I'd enjoy. Won't say exactly what it is, but it's cost me €4,500, up front. My own money, I couldn't let my parents pay for another year of college, things are a bit ****ed up for them at the moment anyway. First week seemed ok. Second week the same old **** started...really small classrooms, groups started forming, I know nobody, realised I was never gonna have the courage to talk to anybody. I've missed all the practicals for the year...seven so far I think. Just can't stand being around everybody. Can't help but feel it's all happening again, this time with a nice €4,500 kick in the face.

So I just wanna know from people who maybe have similar **** happen, how you get your act together? I know some poeple are gonna say **** like "just pull yourself together and bear it for the year", fair enough, but I've let it get the better of me twice before and I reckon it's gonna happen again. So any advice would be sweet.

Thanks.

Santa Claus

Try and forget about what happened at the previous 2 places as thinking about this will only help you convince yourself that it's not working out.

I notice you mentioned "small rooms" a few times. Do you think you could be a bit claustrophobic ?
If there's a college counsellor maybe go and talk to them, also have you joined any societies in the college ?

im doing 1st year science!its going grand!just have courage and go chat to someone in your class!its not as if they are going to bite your head off for talking to them!

lostexpectation

try to talk to your tutor, exit with grace and the ability to return when you go get yourself sorted out, that i don't know how, but i found just trying again and again after a break without really sorting the problem doesn't help.

LegacyUser

It's called Social Anxiety/phobia.....it has ruined my life. It's not something you can just snap out of, I wish it was.
Go to your doctor.

Watchful

Is there any patturn to your anxiety?
I wouldnt rush into saying you have an anxiety disorder of anykind, but it significantly affecting your life!
Do go to a Dr, you may get diagnosed and get specific treatment, you may not, but there will be something they can help you with, even if its just addressing the aspects of situations which make to feel so uncomfortable you have to leave and give up these significant things like education!

Do go to the Doc, but just for the record for what its worth- often an effective way with dealing with anxiety, (in many forms- ocd, specific..) is gentle but firm exposure to fearful situations. If you tackle the source of anxiety and come out having handled it, the next time you face it it doesnt seem that big a mountain. Steady, but firm, increasing the challenge each time. Do it on your own, or get a friend to help you keep on path if you think that will help.

Dont let it breed and become anxious about the fear itself!

Go to the Dr

Atrocity

that's amazing.. you're problems are almost identical to mine. I got an excellent Leaving Cert but am destined to waste my life and wither away without ever achieving anything. I've wasted time and money, gone to psychiatrists, hypnotherapists, doctors, tried anti-depressants, calming techniques, the list goes on. i've been addicted to sleeping pills, had a drink problem, been lower than i thought possible and back. Nothing worked for me and this has cost me everything really. i have gone through four years of law in college and i won't ever have a degree because i finally fell apart big-time and am quitting college in xmas.

not really the most positive response, but just try to do better than i did.

bug

wow, you're a fairly determined person, you managed to save/get 4500 to pay for something to try again! well done!

I found college really hard. Nobody tells you how hard its going to be, even in the whole social aspect of things, and your doing something that most of us (unless you have a calling in life), find sometimes can be very unfullfilling.

I mean, fair enough, its a course, but its not as if you get a pay check at the end of the week. And its a day-in-day-out slog for something, where, you're worried if you'll get a job at the end of it/ survive the course itself!

It is very hard, and its possibly even easier for you to give up second time round cos you paid for it yourself (you owe nothing to anyone)

My brother paid for me to repeat. I felt so guilty that I finished the course.
I liked the practicals, but I didnt have the attention span to sit in endless lectures....either way I had to pass because he had really put himself out for me to have a second chance.
I wasnt much interested in the value of education until later on in life.
But to be honest Im reluctant to do further study even though my current job requires it, purely because of my general experience of college life.

its either that you want immediate results for something that seems to slog on for ages... or you feel like its going nowhere and you havent got the interest...

if its the first of the two then try real hard to stick it out, but not at the expense of your own sanity, you can try as many time as you want.
Perhaps as someone eslse suggested you can defer? Maybe this will give you a little time to decide what you want.

The social aspect of college is a funny thing. People always divide into groups and do the "usual". If it was something that you were really genuinely interested in do you think this would matter to you?

Whatever you decide to do don't worry. You seem to have determination. I say that because you got the money together to go after something you thought you might have wanted, thats a very good thing.

It shows that when you do decide what you want, you will be well able and determined. Well Done.

LegacyUser

I get incredibly bad anxiety and panic attacks. It generally happens when I have to present college work in front of a group, say a talk that goes on 15/20 minutes. I have avoided such things in the past. It really wears me down as I've put a lot of effort into my work and have achieved good grades to get this far, but absolutely panic when ive to talk in front of people, shaky voice, nervous twitching, saying 'eh' all the time. It feels absolutely horrible and to be honest I want to leave my course. I don't know what a doctor would recommend, I'm thinking of definitely going to one very soon, as this is starting to take over my every moment in college. I get on with people in my group, theres a few moany people I do my best to get on with but irregardless of this I'm still always a nervous wreck. I don't think any of my friends would realise how bad the problem is. I don't want to give up just because of this.I did a presentation a few weeks ago, but i had drank quite a lot beforehand to calm myself down, that one went ok and luckily no-one noticed I was basically hammered but I don't want to get into a downward spiral of that.

LegacyUser

x456x

I've the exact same problem, don't know how to deal with it. I've had presentations before, and I basically made a show of myself each time. Nervous/going bright red..all that sort of thing, kills me. Even when someone mentions that a presentation is coming up some time I get nervous about it.

I was thinking of leaving my course too as it is just killing me to do this.

How did you avoid some of the other presentations if you don't mind me asking?

ando

go see you GP. There are relaxation drugs you can take that are very affective and could help calm you down when you are doing a presentation, but don't rely on them. You should use them to help yourself desensitize from the phobic situation

Roddy23

This happened me. I was going grand in first year, got good marks, went into second year, but started to slide. About halway through something happened me and it knocked my confidence for six. My confidence was shattered, and when I did go to college was always anxious in class, and just eventually that year, stopped going to lectures altogether. Did my exams that summer failed them all bar one. So repeated them in the repeats, and passed two, and failed 3.
Decided i wouldnt bottle all my work done in college so went to repeat the 3 subjects externaly. Ended up failing one of these, and then passed it in the repeats. Now this had cost me 2000£, not euros. But i still was so anxious about attending class, it didnt motivate me. So went into third year, ended up failing one subject, my attendance was much better but i was always anxious in class. I repeated this subject externally, and passed it no bother. All last year i was working full time and as my confidence began to rise I decided I would go away to Europe for a few months. I went o visit mates, but ended up doing a fair bit of travelling on my own. I had never done anything like this before, and I when I got back my confidence was sky high. So now finally after a lot of money spent on courses, i'm in 4th year,and Im going grand, havent missed a day this year.
In my opinion I had to rebuild my confidence. I was always a social person and all through college Ive always had good mates, but sometimes this wasn't enough to get me into college. Some people will call it laziness, but until your in that situation, they wont really know. To the OP, and anyone else in a similiar situation, keep trying, ye might have problems with your confidence as I did. If that is the situation ye will know yerself, and ye have to start doing things which ye enjoy which will build up yer confidence again, for me it was travelling.

napoleonJEEZ

I can sympathise. I went through all of college being really shy. I don't think
anyone would really know I was shy, until my downfall made it obvious which was to get really nervous and go red in situations and then leave as soon as I could.
I'm sure its why I didn't make that many friends in college. I found it too stressful to interact socially even though I had tons of friends outsidea school

The wierd thing is I'm not shy at all with my close friends, or when I'm out and sometimes I can put on a front.

Othertimes, like today about 5 minutes ago I was at work in the canteen and someone called me over and I just crumbled. Because of the claustrophobia, because of people looking at me (that really gets me for some reason - sometimes I feel like I want to hide behind a screen and just be a voice - but thats too wierd - I'm not ugly just shy) The social interaction really gets to me if I'm not prepared or in control?? I mumbled something in front of everyone and then just turned and fled and i'm sure it looked really rude but the truth is that I shaked for about 10 minutes afterwards.
Again, just to reiterate, I'm sure its the same for you OP? Sometimes you're fine and othertimes you crumble. I think there are different kinds of extroverts and introverts. I think for me, being an extroverted introvert I really panic in certain social scenarios but my funloving side wants it to be easier...wants to be okay all the time and be able to project the 'me' inside.

About the presentations I had to do one for work a few weeks ago. I completely panicked and five minutes before I was to go on (it was in a meeting) I really thought I was going to faint. I actually chickened out and only because I have such an understanding manager, I got away with nobody finding out the actual reason. Then a week ago I had to do a different presentation. I htink the fact of failing so miserable before gave me the strength to do it. I started off shaky at first (the fear of the downward spiral - stammering, shakiness, going red, going blank, going going gone...) but then gathered momentum and started to think it was going okay and the more I thought it was going okay..the more it kinda was.
The funny thing is that the insensitive approach to yourself about yourself sometimes does help. Sometimes it just takes one thing you can think of and that one sentence seems to hold the key. For me it was 'don't be so up yourself that you can't do this, imagine if you were in court defending someone you cared about' I found myself thinking that and it really helped me speak in the presentation! You have to find a sentence that empowers you. (my sentence probably won't suit anynoe else : )
That helps in situations like presentations and stuff thats planned ahead.

I think that its the unplanned situations where you're put on the spot that are the worst...I guess these are the areas that you can practise on. The more times you have fun, come across the way you want to come across etc.. all those times you can be proud of or are happy with do add up and hopefully desensitise and then hopefully the shyness thing falls out of your head and you don't think about it anymore - when you're not thinking about it it doesn't seem to happen so much.

Its like trying not to think of something - the more you try the more you think of it - the best advice i can give is just to do it - if you fail - you're the only one it really matters to - and when you succeed give yourself a pat on the back

(written by someone who ran away from a social situation only about 10 minutes ago - but i'm ok!!)

Anyway OP, i do sympathise.

napoleonJEEZ

'the 'me' inside
sorry
snort
but its TRUE : ))))