When is the right time?

LegacyUser

Just wondering if anyone can give me some advice, Ive been going out with a guy for just over a month now and were getting on really well Everything is going really well between us. We've done everthing except sleep together and the other night he asked me if we could.

We've talked about previous partners before, i've been with three, he's been with quite a few more and so the other night when he asked me I said I wasn't ready yet. He said he really respected me for my decision etc but I'm just wondering how long I should wait. I'm really attracted to him and do really want this to happen but don't want too much to happen too soon. I guess I want it to be really special especially as he has been with a lot of people before, anyway any advice would be appreciated, thanks

dundalk cailin

what age are you? thats positive that he respects u, and isnt forcing u to do anything ur not ready for

LegacyUser

I'm 19 he's 21

bp

there is no time limit...........when you feel comfortable enough for him to see you naked is usually a good indicator (it was for me anyway!!)! i have only slept with the one person and that was after nearly eight months but he was cool with it.........wait till you are ready really there is no 6month (etc) rule you know yourself

hope that helps

LegacyUser

Totally agree with you bp...I have only slept with one guy and he waited for over 8 months...although we are not together now I will always respect him for waiting for me to be ready.

EvilPixieOne

I suppose when you're sure and it feels right. He sounds like a nice guy

Turner

Dont leave it too long,

Many men wont wait for long periods of time, although you know him better than me.

Its an important part of a relationship and you are well old enough to be responsible in doing so.

Exon

Whenever you feel ready, as simple as that. But not too soon, a month is long enough if you know definitely likes you. It's not that big of a deal anyway imo

Sangre

Of course he said he respects your decision.

Its a classic line to win bonus points.

Whether he'll wait is a different matter

[Jackass]

Really respect the decsion What a smoothy! hehe, only messing.

I can't see why you wouldn't sleep with your boyfriend for a month! He obviously really likes you to hang around without the perks for so long, fair play.

I would say, personally, you should get it on..why not? you're going out with eachother and you're really attracted to him.

Is there a reason you want to make him wait considering you're not a virgin? You don't want him to think you're easy or a slut?

Cause you're so far from slut terretory, you're approaching fridget ground...I don't mean to offend, but that's how most guys would start to think if you ask me...

Lauragoesmad

when you're horny, sleep with him

Jesper

Give him an early Xmas pressie and jump his bones. He'll remember it for ever if you initiate it. Plan it the way you want it and he'll be delighted he's just getting it. Splash out and book somewhere nice if ye can.

annR

Wait until it feels right and you really want to. If he doesn't hang around, well at least you'll know.

>>Cause you're so far from slut terretory, you're approaching fridget ground...I don't mean to offend, but that's how most guys would start to think if you ask me...<<

Dubguy, what age are you? Just curious.

jcoote

yeah thats gonna be a tester for him/your relationship...its just when it feels right if u are having trouble doin it wit him maybe have a few drinks to lighten the mood or go for a meal and spend nice evenin together to make it better than just a shag...or as was already said if your horny hop on him..

azezil

I often feel the longer you leave it the more awkward it'll become, but in saying that, if I really like someone I prefer to wait about 4 weeks, thats usually time enough to weed out the guys who just want a quick shag.

el tel

Sangre wrote:

Of course he said he respects your decision.

Its a classic line to win bonus points.

Whether he'll wait is a different matter

100% agree.

A guy will say anything that will get him into those panties faster.
In this case he's just using reverse psychology.
But they'll usually wait - until an easier lay comes from someone else.

LegacyUser

Dub guy its not that Im afraid that Hel think im a slut.. just we only see each other once or twice a week and so a month isnt that long lookin at it that way.. Hes not pushy with me at all with stuff like this so I don't think its reverse psycology.. Saying all of that I don't think Im gonna wait much longer, it's getting way too difficult!

panda100

Sangre wrote:

Of course he said he respects your decision.

Its a classic line to win bonus points.

Whether he'll wait is a different matter

Dont listen to them-thats not true.If he's worth it ,he'll wait for you and until you're ready.The longer the leave it anyways the more exciting it is cos you can just let the anticipation and attraction build up.I waited four weeks before i Kissed my last boyfriend-we went on loads of dates and then when we finally kissed it was just the nicest kiss ever cos we'd both been wanting it for so long.

faceman

OP most of the advise uve been given here is very poor. There is no time limit on when u shud sleep with someone however if a person really cares for u then they shud be willing to wait. All of us men have used the "respect ur decision" sh1te, if he did respect u then he wudnt be askin in the first place. He just wants his rocks off.

Either way whatever u choose, make sure u use protection. Sex is important in a relationship but isnt by a long shot the most important thing.

Sangre

panda100 wrote:

Dont listen to them-thats not true.If he's worth it ,he'll wait for you and until you're ready.The longer the leave it anyways the more exciting it is cos you can just let the anticipation and attraction build up.I waited four weeks before i Kissed my last boyfriend-we went on loads of dates and then when we finally kissed it was just the nicest kiss ever cos we'd both been wanting it for so long.

Its completely true. I never said he wouldn't wait. Just because he said he respected it doesn't mean he does. Of course he is going to say that. Only time will tell what his true feelings are and whether he is 'worth it'.

four weeks?
Wow...

tbh

When you stop wondering if it's the right time - it's the right time. A moment before, and you'll regret it, even if only a little bit.

Caimin

Sangre

Caimin thats the kind of advice that sounds good but doesn't actually mean anything.

tbh

Sangre, thanks for the first half of that.

This is an issue that is troubling the OP. She's feeling pressure to sleep with this guy - albeit from herself - and it's on her mind. To me, that suggests that - on a subconcious level at least - she's not ready. When she doesn't have to think about whether she's ready or not, then it's not an issue for her anymore. What happens it the meantime, I can't say - but it looks like she is well on the road to being ready, just isnt there yet. And that brings me on to the second part of the post. The reason she's asking for our advice is because she's not sure about what she should be doing. Again, to me that suggests she shouldn't be doing anything. Again, in my experience, if you have a nagging doubt that you shouldn't do something, then you shouldn't do it. If you do, whether it goes great or badly, you'll always be - if even slightly - disappointed in yourself.

or, to put it another way

When you stop wondering if it's the right time - it's the right time. A moment before, and you'll regret it, even if only a little bit

Caimin

daRobot

How any guy would wait four weeks is beyond me...

Go for it asap and give both of you what you want. It's just sex,it'll take time for you to get used to each other in the sack anyway so don't worry if it'll be special or not.

What's special is the emotional closeness, not the physical.

panda100

Sangre wrote:

Its completely true. I never said he wouldn't wait. Just because he said he respected it doesn't mean he does. Of course he is going to say that. Only time will tell what his true feelings are and whether he is 'worth it'.

four weeks?
Wow...

Four weeks till i KISSED him not slept with him-im waiting till im married-but thats just me!op i agree with what most people of said its totally different for each individual couple so just wait till your ready!!

Sangre

panda100 wrote:

Four weeks till i KISSED him not slept with him-im waiting till im married-but thats just me!op i agree with what most people of said its totally different for each individual couple so just wait till your ready!!

I know exactly what you said.
I can't believe a guy would wait 4 weeks for a kiss.
I'd assume I was in friend territory by then and give up probably.

panda100

But its so much more fun the longer you leave it cos you can let all this tension and excitment build up.You just say little flirty things to him now and again and send lots of little flirty texts so he knows you are intrested in him than more than friends!From experience any guy i have kissed the first night of meeting him things have never lasted that long.But whenever i have made a guy wait those relationships have always lasted cos the guy knows that he cant get what he wants that easily and guys love a challenge.

Exon

annR wrote:

Wait until it feels right and you really want to. If he doesn't hang around, well at least you'll know.

>>Cause you're so far from slut terretory, you're approaching fridget ground...I don't mean to offend, but that's how most guys would start to think if you ask me...<<

Dubguy, what age are you? Just curious.

It's only like that for children As long as she doesn't want to wait untill yas get married or something. All the girls i've been with didn't want to wait long at all and they aren't sluts either. /me wonders why

Also it takes 2 to tango, we have bodys aswell. It's not just up to the girl tbh.

Sangre

panda100 wrote:

But its so much more fun the longer you leave it cos you can let all this tension and excitment build up.You just say little flirty things to him now and again and send lots of little flirty texts so he knows you are intrested in him than more than friends!From experience any guy i have kissed the first night of meeting him things have never lasted that long.But whenever i have made a guy wait those relationships have always lasted cos the guy knows that he cant get what he wants that easily and guys love a challenge.

So basically guys are only interested in you for your 'kisses'? That once you've given up the 'goods' they have no interest in you any more as a person. You're intelligence, charm and personality fails to keep them interested in you because they have gotten that elusive kiss?

Alf_Wiggum

Sangre/Panda, get a

http://www.nusalya.com/images/tantalus-room.jpg

AARRRGH

OP -

Sex is as natural as eating or breathing. Don't be afraid.

WhiteWashMan

Guest 12 wrote:

I'm just wondering how long I should wait.

wait until you feel ready to do it, or just do it if you want to do it.

there is no right and wrong.