friends trouble

LegacyUser

hi i've been going through a rough period with my friends over the past few months and it begining to take it's toll on me personally. i've never had any major fallout with my friends but there's been many minor incidents or ways in which they act towards me that has left me contemplating getting away from them.

ok the story. i've havent ever been close to my friends in the way i could chat to them about anything or feel completely comfortable to be around with. i haven't liked this but have had to put up with it. i've always never been as important to them as some other members of our social circle with (example) like me always been the last to be consulted about doing anything together etc. i've always seen many examples of how they can suddenly change when in the company of other people - (for example) me on my own with them we're talking away grand then if other people are around i'm ignored, literally hardly even acknowledged that i exist despite efforts from me to make myself noticed.

over the last few months a couple of my friends say friend 1. and friend 2. have formed a clique with friend 3. and some other people who until recently had been mere aquaintances to us. friend 3 starts at the same college as us a few months ago and conveniently becomes far more closer to us all of a sudden than been an aquaintance. i'm wary because friend 3 and me have been friends in the past and friend 3 has a strange power over people and has let me down in the past with been unreliable etc. so in recent months friends 1+2 become more attached to friend 3 and the others (i've signalled friend 3 out for a reason i'll explain soon) but i've been more left out of things since. i wasn't surprised by this because i've always noticed their tendency to act different around others.

however in recent months it has got worse. friends 1+2 have got very attached to friend 3. when i mean attached i'm talking about nearly everything they do together now involves friend 3 and i haven't been part of this much. i'm still asked to go out with them but it's always on the bat of me being the last to be consulted with friend 2+3 pulling all the strings with organisation. i've tried to organise things but this has fallen on flat so there is a case of friend 2+3 wearing the trousers and dictating things in the circle. why does this annoy me? (example) i suggested going to an event, nothing came of it and the other day friend 1. says that they all booked to go to this event - i wasn't asked - so this proves to me there is a heirarchy in the group and i'm certainly down at the bottom. other (examples) before we are meant to meet up somewhere, freinds 2+3 and others will have met up with each other even earlier together to have some time with themsleves without me being asked and i've been told of them frequently doing other things together where i would normally been asked but not been asked.

i think anyone would get fed up of this but on top of this when i'm with them things get worse. even when i meet up with these lads i always say ''hello'', ''whats up'' like any other normal friend would but they rarely even do this and i'll always get a cold ''huh'' response or something else along those lines. the other night about 6 of us out and friends 1+2. hardly once spoke to me. friends 1+2. when with friend 3., spend most of their time talking to friend 3. friend 3 is very popular and has always had this weird leadership power over other people. friends 1 and 2 (2 in particular) do have some infactuation with with friend 3 (i am not exagerating this). they agree with everything that comes out of friend 3's mouth, do everything the same as 3 and are what i call ''lickarses.'' friend 2 is like this with everyone while i'm there. i'll be out with him and as soon as other people/aquaintances are around i don't exist (won't look at me) and the people who he's talking acknowledge me/be friendly more than him. since friend 3. has come along they have changed but even when it was just me and them they show me more lack of respect in terms of sarcastic (but nasty) put downs/ridicules about things i say or things i do. i find friend 3 is idolised by friend 2, friend 1 plays along with friend 2+3 and this is to the detriment of my social life.

i'm not comfortable around them. i've become very shy recently around them and in my view they are using this as a way (not bullying) but to get one up on me. i'm not shy, but with them i am and no one should be feeling that way around their friends. i get on better/more outgoing with my personal aquaintances than around them. sadly various circumstances which i could explain all day have prevented me from expanding my social circle so they are literally all i've got. i have been placed at the bottom of this heirarchy in our social circle. i hate this because i treat people equal, act the same all the time which they do not as they clearly have their favourites and act differently around others. i could push myself more with thme but i have respect for myself and i'm not going to conform to their ideas and their ways just to improve my social standing with them. feel something more sinister is erupting and i'm getting really down over this. this isn't about me wanting to be or being jealous of not being the popular one, i just want to be treated in the same way and given the same respect as any one should.

i'm thinking about confronting them about the evident lack of respect towards me OR moving on from them. it isn't doing me any good being around them. what should i do? i'm at a loss here. do you think they are an odd/strange type of friends? before someone mentions join clubs etc. i'm looking at what to do now with them and getting involved in new things is something i plan on doing in the new year but i want to concentrate on how to deal with this current situation of mine

i know this is an extremely long post but there is more i wish i could get off my chest honestly. this isn't a ''bitch'' about my friends (please give benefit of doubt) but an effort to shed some exact light on my situation. i have been very restrictive on what i've said here as one of the people in question posts here and i'm known in person by many people here. there are many other examples i could use but can't for reasons on sentence above.

thanks for your patience

Nasty_Girl

Unfortunately this kind of behaviour can happen a lot, I've seen it happen a lot and if you go through some other threads here you'll see you're not the only one.

I still can't understand why some people act one way around me and another around other people.

I've been where you are, I'll never be able find a solution
the only advice I can give to you is to maybe stop expecting stuff from these people, just take them as they come, (I know its hard to do) try and meet new people (again hard to do sometimes) and the generic advice join a society, club, hobby, course etc, something that is fun and most importantly a social interaction that doesn't include these friends. But you already know that part.

If you have other social events in your life besides them you'll be a lot less hung up on their behaviour towards you.

Hope ya feel better soon.

Rantorama

down and out 05 wrote:

i'm not comfortable around them. i've become very shy recently around them and in my view they are using this as a way (not bullying) but to get one up on me. i'm not shy, but with them i am and no one should be feeling that way around their friends. i get on better/more outgoing with my personal aquaintances than around them. sadly various circumstances which i could explain all day have prevented me from expanding my social circle so they are literally all i've got. i have been placed at the bottom of this heirarchy in our social circle. i hate this because i treat people equal, act the same all the time which they do not as they clearly have their favourites and act differently around others.

I think you hit the nail on the head with that statement.Nobody should come away from seeing their 'friends' feeling worse than they did before.


However,I can understand you not wanting to dump them as they are all you have for a bit of a social life...you mentioned in your post that you plan to get more involved in clubs e.t.c in the New Year,until then use these friends to go out with,try and meet as many new people as you can.
As for confronting them about their attitudes it might be worth a go,maybe they don't realize how much this is affecting you.And its affecting so much because they are all you have.
But If you decide there isn't going to be any change and you do move on,make sure you have a good network of new friends