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Lets cook v.1

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  • 17-11-2005 12:34pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,322 ✭✭✭


    With all this collaboration going on I thought I'd throw this in.

    On another board of which I'm a member I started a project where members would contribute a line to a song.

    Maybe it could work here. So in an effort to help shape the direction of the collaborations, how about we try it here?

    It goes like this...

    How about we write the lyrics for a song together.

    Say if i give the first line. someone else gives the second, someone else the third and so on...

    then when thats finished maybe the lyrics can be fit to one of the collaborations?

    what you think? worth a try.

    Some rules are needed though. lets keep it kinda standard for this one.

    On the other forum it worked like this:

    OK. we'll have

    verse
    verse
    chorus
    verse
    chorus
    Middle 8
    chorus to finish

    each verse, chorus and M8 is 4 lines.

    You can post more than one line but only one line per segment. ie. you cant write more than one line in each verse or chorus. And if say you do the last line of a verse you cant do the first line of the chorus.

    the chorus can be different from each other as long as its agreed that they work. they should be the same theme set by the first chorus.

    Also if rhyming, dont rhyme with the precedeing line. in other words we dont want

    i said to my cat
    dont you sit on that mat
    ill throw you through the door
    if you s**t on the floor

    make it

    I said to my cat
    ill throw you through the door
    if you sit on that mat
    ill throw you through the floor.

    know what i mean? poor cat.


    It doesnt HAVE to rhyme either. sup to you.

    AND LETS TRY AND STAY AWAY FROM SAPPY LYRICS. I LOVE YOU MISS YOU ETC ETC

    OK? who's up for it then?

    If we ever make any money out of it we can donate it to a childrens charity like Barnardo's.

    I'll start. hmmmm....


    V1-L1) FORTUNE SMILED ON ME TODAY


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,949 ✭✭✭SouperComputer


    eghhhhh,

    couldnt believe the news


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,322 ✭✭✭Maccattack


    Do it like this:

    V1-L1) FORTUNE SMILED ON ME TODAY
    V1-L2) COULDN'T BELIEVE THE NEWS


  • Registered Users Posts: 47 rootjuse70


    V1-l1) Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-l2) Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-l3) I Should Looked The Other Way


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,848 ✭✭✭✭Doctor J


    V1-l1) Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-l2) Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-l3) I Should Looked The Other Way
    V1-l4) Should've kept my eyes on my shoes


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,849 ✭✭✭condra


    V1-l1) Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-l2) Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-l3) I Should Looked The Other Way
    V1-l4) Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-l1) Lady Luck came by to say





    * PS- kool thread *


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,141 ✭✭✭eoin5


    V1-l1) Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-l2) Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-l3) I Should Looked The Other Way
    V1-l4) Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-l1) Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-l2) Theres no way I can lose.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,322 ✭✭✭Maccattack


    V1-L1) Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-L2) Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-L3) I Should Looked The Other Way
    V1-L4) Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-L1) Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-L2) Theres no way I can lose.
    V2-L3) But I knew there'd be a price to pay


    Ok , just to interject for a second. A theme has started to develop here. its important to stick with it. V1-L4 is kinda the defining line. so bear that one in mind when you think of a line. Otherwise it'll turn into gobblygook.

    Whoever gets the first line of the chorus has an important job too. Think hard. Theres something going on. Fortune has visited but theres a sting in the tail. what is it?


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,849 ✭✭✭condra


    V1-L1] Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-L2] Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-L3] I Should've Looked The Other Way
    V1-L4] Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-L1] Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-L2] Theres no way I can lose.
    V2-L3] But I knew there'd be a price to pay
    V2-L4] to play or to refuse.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 25 CatalystGuy


    V1-L1] Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-L2] Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-L3] I Should've Looked The Other Way
    V1-L4] Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-L1] Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-L2] Theres no way I can lose.
    V2-L3] But I knew there'd be a price to pay
    V2-L4] to play or to refuse.

    V3-L1] Someone told me there was a way


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,849 ✭✭✭condra


    V3-L1] Someone told me there was a way

    not sure about that one.. sorry - just offering my opinion, I know its not my thread. :o


    I think it might be better to go away from the "aay"s and "ooh"s for the chorus?


    Not up to me anyways- u guys decide.. It is definatly goin well though. I just think the chorus should offer new rhyming options and stuff? maybe?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 213 ✭✭HarryHoudini


    V1-L1] Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-L2] Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-L3] I Should've Looked The Other Way
    V1-L4] Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-L1] Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-L2] Theres no way I can lose.
    V2-L3] But I knew there'd be a price to pay
    V2-L4] to play or to refuse.

    V3-L1] Someone told me there was a way
    V3-L2] A way to curb these blues


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,946 ✭✭✭red_ice


    V3-L1] Someone told me there was a way
    V3-L2] A way to curb these blues
    V2-L3] I have a Blue plum floating in a bowl of male aftershave
    V2-L4] the clock struck two

    HEAVY!:v: never was the lyricist

    /me starts to flick his fingers with the beatnicks


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,849 ✭✭✭condra


    mac attack i think you should try to put some shape back into this


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,322 ✭✭✭Maccattack


    yeah come on settle!

    We should be up to the chorus now. Not the third verse.

    I say we scrap (at least for the moment) whats written above for the third verse and go for the chorus.

    Who wants the first line?

    Remembering two things. 1. Fortune has smiled. 2. Its not all good news.

    We havent established what the news is yet or what the negative aspect is.

    So the chorus should tell us.

    I would say the 'news' should be established by the second line of the chorus at the latest.

    Abit of a challenge here then. The first line of the chorus needs to be fairly open ended to allow whoever does the second line to be able to announce what the news is.

    Come on songwriters. Thinking caps on. whats the news? Sounds like its some sort of game. whats the game? gambling? mind games? the game of life?

    looks pretty good so far...


    V1-L1] Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-L2] Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-L3] I Should've Looked The Other Way
    V1-L4] Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-L1] Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-L2] Theres no way I can lose.
    V2-L3] But I knew there'd be a price to pay
    V2-L4] to play or to refuse.


    C1-L1] ...

    next!


  • Registered Users Posts: 47 rootjuse70


    C1-L1) I'm damned if I do and dead if I don't all things considered, I know that I won't


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,849 ✭✭✭condra


    C1-L1) C1-L1) I'm damned if I do and dead if I don't all things considered, I know that I won't

    you mean:

    I'm damned if I do
    and dead if I don't
    all things considered
    I know that I won't

    ???

    personally... I think this would work better as verse 3..

    Macattack is right- we need to find out exactly whats going on in the chorus.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,849 ✭✭✭condra


    How about:

    V1-L1] Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-L2] Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-L3] I Should've Looked The Other Way
    V1-L4] Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-L1] Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-L2] Theres no way I can lose.
    V2-L3] But I knew there'd be a price to pay
    V2-L4] to play or to refuse.

    *
    C1-L1]
    C1-L2]
    C1-L3]
    C1-L4]
    *

    V3-L1 I'm damned if I do
    V3-L2] and dead if I don't
    V3-L3] all things considered
    V3-L4] I know that I won't

    this is just a suggestion..

    Its getting quite hard to make sense of all this.

    Why would Lady Luck offer someone a raw deal? Is it the devil in disguise?
    What are the 2 choices? Does our hero have to make a choice between something fundamentaly important such as love, and something tempting such as money?
    There is a feeling of impending doom, Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

    I think its coming along nicely in terms of rhymes and sounds, but we need to cement the scenario sooner rather than later, perferably in the chorus.

    This is just some thoughts, Im not trying to be patronising, its just worth making an effort to keep our song cohesive.


  • Registered Users Posts: 47 rootjuse70


    Well Lads,

    I disagree, you dont have to find out exactlywhat the big reveal is by the chorus. you can find out the repercussions of it, i you are damned if you do and dead if you dont, here dead doesnt mean really dead, it is figuratively speaking. "all things considered, i know that i wont", is intentional line, intended to leave it open ended as to what happens next, and i think those four lines should be the first line of the chorus, who says that the chorus has to follow the same structure.

    what the first line says to me, is like in life, the way you are so often caught between a rock and a hard place...and so often we choose to do nothing. sure we may weigh up the points bad and good but then do nowt. thats what i am trying to get at....

    so taking this reading of it, i dont think it is necessary to make a big reveal, by the start of the chorus, use this chorus to describe the actions, or repercussions. keep it ambiguous, mysterious. thats what i think anyway.

    keep rocking :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,322 ✭✭✭Maccattack


    I guess yr both right,but if its not revealed soon it will get harder to do it.

    so my vote is that its in the chorus.

    Also.

    using all those lines:
    V3-L1 I'm damned if I do
    V3-L2] and dead if I don't
    V3-L3] all things considered
    V3-L4] I know that I won't

    is breaking the rules. ONLY one line in each Verse or Chorus per person!

    So if you want you can take the first line for the chorus.


  • Registered Users Posts: 47 rootjuse70


    can i have the following as the first line of the chorus? i think it would be better if the chorus moved away from the structure established in the verses....

    C1-L1) damned if i do and dead if i don't


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,322 ✭✭✭Maccattack


    fine by me. I'm not the boss though, but no one's really complaining so go on then.

    V1-L1] Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-L2] Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-L3] I Should've Looked The Other Way
    V1-L4] Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-L1] Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-L2] Theres no way I can lose.
    V2-L3] But I knew there'd be a price to pay
    V2-L4] to play or to refuse.

    C1-L1) damned if i do and dead if i don't


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,849 ✭✭✭condra


    V1-L1] Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-L2] Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-L3] I Should've Looked The Other Way
    V1-L4] Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-L1] Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-L2] Theres no way I can lose.
    V2-L3] But I knew there'd be a price to pay
    V2-L4] To play or to refuse.

    C1-L1] Damned if i do and dead if i don't
    C1-L2] Gamble with my true love to save my own life


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,322 ✭✭✭Maccattack


    V1-L1] Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-L2] Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-L3] I Should've Looked The Other Way
    V1-L4] Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-L1] Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-L2] Theres no way I can lose.
    V2-L3] But I knew there'd be a price to pay
    V2-L4] To play or to refuse.

    C1-L1] Damned if i do and dead if i don't
    C1-L2] Gamble with my true love to save my own life
    C1-L3] Everything changes with just one toke


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,849 ✭✭✭condra


    V1-L1] Fortune Smiled On Me Today
    V1-L2] Couldn't Believe The News
    V1-L3] I Should've Looked The Other Way
    V1-L4] Should've kept my eyes on my shoes

    V2-L1] Lady Luck came by to say
    V2-L2] Theres no way I can lose.
    V2-L3] But I knew there'd be a price to pay
    V2-L4] To play or to refuse.

    C1-L1] Damned if i do and dead if i don't
    C1-L2] Gamble with my true love to save my own life
    C1-L3] Everything changes with just one toke
    C2-L4] Suddenly Ive nothing and the devil has my wife.


  • Registered Users Posts: 47 rootjuse70


    good work lads, so are we ready to jump into the next verse?


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