Cant let go.

LegacyUser

Here goes,

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly two years now and we are far from happy- basically it's through habit that we're together at this stage but it's tipping away and there aren't any major problems there. He has hurt me really badly numerous times and of course I have hurt him back as I am a seriously vengeful person.

The problem is that about a year ago I started chatting to this guy (call him Mr X) and we just had so much in common and whenever we were around each other the chemistry was through the roof. Anyway long story short about 6 or 8 months into our little conversations we decided that we had lots in common and even though I had a boyfriend he thought it would be worth it to get together and keep it on the QT and he said he hadn't felt the way he feels about me about any girl in ages. Slowly but surely I fell in love with him just through chatting on the phone and whatnot and when I was finally with him I had the best time of my life. When I realised that I absolutely did not want to continue the relationship with my boyfriend I tried so hard to break up with him but he just wouldn't let go and kept asking me for a reason why- I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that I didn't love him anymore or that there was someone else. When we did break up for like an hour, I'd come home from work and he'd be there in my house etc and in the end I think Mr. X Thought he was being fcuked around and sort of gave up so I just convinced myself that I did love my bf and here I am still.

I just can't seem to forget about Mr. X and in my opinion there was too much said to just leave it for good and everything I do reminds me of him- every lovesong, everything that makes me laugh and in the end I just end up crying. I just wish I could tell him how I feel without making myself out to be stupid but I just don't know how as he is kind of Complex.

I'd just like to know if anyone has any advice or has been in the same position and how they overcame it- I just can't go on living a lie so any advice really really appreciated, Cheers.

Nasty_Girl

Ok well first off we'll leave Mr. X out of the equation for a sec.

You are not happy with your boyfriend, he's hurt you , you've hurt him and you've cheated. This is no way to be you have to end it now. Tell him you don't love him because you don't. There's nothing else you can do, it'll be horrible and you'll feel horrible but it is the best for both of you.

Sort that out first then get back to Mr X if you need to.

Nasty_Girl

ratboy wrote:

this thread bores me, if you wanted a solution to your problem, just read the thousands of other identical threads on the PI forum, please remove this thread, thankyou.

PI don't work like that hon. (as far as I know anyway)

Nasty_Girl

well, yeah the majority of it is, but PI is a bit diff because its for people to air their problems, even if they have been done before
If ya wanna argue about it take it to feedback.

Laguna

ratboy wrote:

first of all don't call me hon, and second of all that's bull**** because boards is supposed to be about interesting, original threads.

Surely the best solution for you is not to read or reply to the threads that bore you, that's my practice.


To the OP, you said it yourself in your last sentence

helpless(",) wrote:

I just can't go on living a lie

There's no point in keeping a relationship alive for the sake of it, it makes everyone unhappy and will only make the future (inevitable) breakup even more painful. Why not spend some time single?, that way you'll know what you want to do, it's not advisable (in my view) to jump from relationship to relationship without some breathing space in between.

Nasty_Girl

ratboy wrote:

admit it, nasty girl, you're acting under the guise of helpless, it's your fault for this post.

I wouldn't f*cking reply to my own post and give myself advice now would I :rolleyes:

Laguna

Ratboy & Nasty_Girl, Leave it out or one of the mods will ban you, seriously, I've seen people banned for less.

Victor

Nasty_Girl: warning
ratboy: banned

LegacyUser

Thanks Laguna,

The thing is that I just haven't got the heart to break up with my boyfriend and we have got so many mutual friends I think I'm more worried about losing the friends and losing my bf as a friend than losing a lover. I just don't know how to go about giving him a reason and he's the type that really needs it spelled out to him. And sorry Nasty Girl about you getting the warning I agree that certain people should just read posts that do not bore them instead of commenting on other peoples posts that are completely different.

WhiteWashMan

helpless(",) wrote:

Here goes,

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly two years now and we are far from happy- basically it's through habit that we're together at this stage but it's tipping away and there aren't any major problems there. He has hurt me really badly numerous times and of course I have hurt him back as I am a seriously vengeful person.

The problem is that about a year ago I started chatting to this guy (call him Mr X) and we just had so much in common and whenever we were around each other the chemistry was through the roof. Anyway long story short about 6 or 8 months into our little conversations we decided that we had lots in common and even though I had a boyfriend he thought it would be worth it to get together and keep it on the QT and he said he hadn't felt the way he feels about me about any girl in ages. Slowly but surely I fell in love with him just through chatting on the phone and whatnot and when I was finally with him I had the best time of my life. When I realised that I absolutely did not want to continue the relationship with my boyfriend I tried so hard to break up with him but he just wouldn't let go and kept asking me for a reason why- I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that I didn't love him anymore or that there was someone else. When we did break up for like an hour, I'd come home from work and he'd be there in my house etc and in the end I think Mr. X Thought he was being fcuked around and sort of gave up so I just convinced myself that I did love my bf and here I am still.

I just can't seem to forget about Mr. X and in my opinion there was too much said to just leave it for good and everything I do reminds me of him- every lovesong, everything that makes me laugh and in the end I just end up crying. I just wish I could tell him how I feel without making myself out to be stupid but I just don't know how as he is kind of Complex.

I'd just like to know if anyone has any advice or has been in the same position and how they overcame it- I just can't go on living a lie so any advice really really appreciated, Cheers.

been there, done that.

there is no point in being in a relationship that you dont want to be in. you know it.

it seems that the only problem here is that you are too afraid to break up for some reason. whether its because you feel guilty about having an affair, or you feel pity for this helpless creature im not sure, but at the moment, its you thats continuing it, and you thats wasting everyones time.

i sugget you pull yourself together, have a beer, and tell your boyfriend that you no longer want to be in a relationship with him. if he asks you why, just tell him that you fight, you do horrible things to each other, you no longer love him, youre screwing someone else, you just cant do it anymore, youre not having fun, whatever you want.

but the relief you will get when you finally do it is unbelievable.

tbh, you will continue to be in a crap relationship until he finds someone else willing to sleep with him, at which point you will probably be dumped, or until you dump him.
of course, you could just end up marrying each other and having kids in that typical way that two people who are completely unattracted to each other do, but prefer to remain in the comfort zone.

jimmidy_cricket

If you stay together on of two things can happen

1. You stay together, and things keep chipping away he hurts you, you hurt him in a tit for tat sort of way and at some stage you'll inadvertently sabotage your realationship, maybe even try to get him to break it off with you (so you feel less guilty). In this senario it'll probably end in a tirade of abuse with alot of tears and hate...not good if you share the same friends

2. You stay together and things are good, so whats next? You move in? and then the cipping starts again/niggly fights etc. So is now the time to call it off? Or do you stick it out? You fall pregnant, nows not a good time to call it, or is it, before he's to involved with the pregnancy?

Its never a good time to break some ones heart and you say that you haven't the heart to tell him the truth, but if you love him set him free, its not love to stick with him out of fear of hurting him. You've cheated on him, everytime you look in his eyes you'll feel shame, you'll do your best to hide it but you'll live in fear that he'll find out.

Forget Mr.X, every single person is there for a reason and he was there to highlight your problems with your current beau. If you and Mr.X are meant to be together then you will be, but fate will intervine at the appropriate time. Right now you need to find yourself. Start off by summoning the strength to break it off with your boyfriend. Tell him you're confused (you Are) and that you feel smothered. Realationships aren't meant to be full of niggly fights, granted they have there ups and downs but whom ever said that realationships aren't perfect must never have been in love. If you are with The One then it will be perfect because all tha crappy fights won't matter.

Best of luck. You know what the right thing for you to do is, I hope you find the strenght to do it.

LegacyUser

Thank you very much for your advice guys. It hit rock bottom recently when my bf resorted to violence to release his frustration but he soon realised that it was the most stupid thing he had ever done and I have never seen him so heartbroken over something. I have stressed that if he ever touches a hair on my head again I am going to kill him and his whole family (maybe I won't go that far but something along those lines!) so we'll see what happens. And thank you to jimmidy for stressing that Mr. X was there to highlight the problems it makes a lot of sense to me. Very grateful! I'll be seeing him soon so it will be interesting to see how things go and how I feel about him.
Cheers (",)