Married man.....

koneko

Crunchy Nut wrote:

Not yer disgusting one night stands that you pick up in town, but a decent relationship with a decent guy who just happens to be in a marriage that should never have taken place. We both know the details and that is for us to deal with it, not for you to make judgements and false opinions. As for calling me the "home wrecker"... his home was already wrecked 7 years ago, way before I came on the scene.

A mutual-understanding, one night stand, that doesn't hurt anyone, is disgusting, yet sleeping with a married man isn't? If the marriage isn't meant to be and you should be together, and it's been wrecked for 7 years, let him get a divorce or leave his wife and THEN date him. Right now you're just kidding yourself if you think this is a trusting real relationship, he's married to someone else!

You don't know anything about his relationship with his wife, you're hearing his side (and remember, he's the one cheating on his wife, not exactly a good resume for honesty). For all you know he's telling his wife he loves her and will never leave her, telling her the same things he tells you.

Zombrex

bit of a mess wrote:

i know what you ll all say, but i keep finding myself going back, its just nice.

Crunchy Nut wrote:

This will sound soppy but I know he is honest when he touches me, I know what he feels for me is real, and that is all you need to trust as well

I was going to write a very softly softly response to this, gentle explaining how thinking you are in love isn't an excuse to disrespect people (the wife and kids), and that if he can lie so well to his wife of a few years who isn't living in a dream world, it should be no problem for him to lie to you when you only hear and believe what you want to hear and believe.

But feck it anyway this is like the 4th "I know I shouldn't do this, but I really think he loves me more than his wife" thread in so many days and I all I find myself saying is Jesus Christ! Who are these men!!

Seriously! What is their secret??

To be able to convince someone you are a totally honest and decent stand up guy and that you only have eyes for them when you have a current marriage with a fecking wife and bunch of rug-rats in tow! Wow, it is putting Darren Brown to shame.

Fair enought these girls are coming off incredibly naive (when I touches me I know he loves me ... seriously, wtf?), but still you got to be some kind of expert con-artist to pull something like this off. I mean do they just try every girl they can till they get to one who doesn't slap them in the face and walk off. Or are they that good they could convince any girl they are genuine

I go to the shop to get milk my girlfriend thinks I am have a peek at the Playboy section in Spar. Even if I haven't I go bright red and simply her looking at me with her "I know you!" eyes.

These women completely trust these guys stories about "sham marriages" (bet the wife doesn't think it is a sham), and "only staying together for the kids" (yeah right and regular sex and a hot breakfast on the table each morning :rolleyes:) even though they go straight back to there wives at the end of the night or in the morning. Seriously, wtf??

These men should be put to work for national security, inflatrating Al Queda or something, their obvious talents are completely wasted on these girls

To the OP, you have too choices here, the easy one or the hard one. It sounds like you are going to pick the easy one, obviously you don't have much of a problem being the other woman (its called dignity and self-respect, I suggest you look it up), and if you do you have absolutely no one to blame but yourself when it goes t*ts up .. and it will go tits up, and you will cry and go "I thought he really loved me blah blah blah", and the rest of us will go :rolleyes:

koneko

Wicknight, you said it better than I could, fair play.

Dragan

The thing that i find funny is that people in these relationships ( i personnally thing you are all giving guys too much credit, women can play this game too gentlemen, remember that ) BELIEVE that they relationship they are building will somehow last.

Folks, people get married because they are in love. 99% of the time anyway. As much as he/she tells you he loves you now, he loved her/him once as well.

Cruchy Nut, you say your guy tells you he loves you and all that good good stuff, well i'm sure his first wife heard all that as well at one point. Do you think his wife never felt that loving touch? Please!

Past, present or future he is a cheating bastard, so should things go wrong that people in your situtation really act suprised. "Oh my god, i never expected him to cheat on me!!"

Why not, when a foundation for a relationship is built on lies???

If this guys home was ruined seven years ago, he should have taken the steps to fix it, or too simply get the divorce then. Or is he still legally married to her now???

Either way, i have no respect and never will have for people like him, or come to think of it, like you.

Don't sit and preach about how nobody can judge when you obviously seem to be sugar coating your own level of responsibility!!!

People in both camps are fools if you ask me!

Crunchy Nut

Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong - Dandemis

Like I said... maybe I am wrong in staying with him. But staying with him right now is my choice and my choice alone. If I make a mistake then "feck it, I made a mistake and so be it". People make mistakes all the time, nobody knows all and unless you have been in the same situation, you cannot make any clear judgements.

As far as Bit of a Mess concerns, I understand her totally but would never judge her or anybody else in this situation. It would've been great if others could do the same.

BoozyBabe

Crunchy Nut wrote:

maybe I am wrong in staying with him. But staying with him right now is my choice and my choice alone. If I make a mistake then "feck it, I made a mistake and so be it".

It's all well & good making mistakes & learning from them. Like you said, people make mistakes all the time.

The difference is:- your mistake is affecting other peoples lives & will affect them for the rest of their lives.

You can't just say 'feck it' & 'so be it', how is it so easy for you to just shrug your shoulders in such a 'who cares' manner.

Other people are getting / will get hurt & it's because of you.

Do you always intentionally hurt people because that's what you're doing right now.

Zombrex

Crunchy Nut wrote:

Like I said... maybe I am wrong in staying with him. But staying with him right now is my choice and my choice alone.

Maybe you should ask his wife how she feels about that choice ...

Crunchy Nut wrote:

If I make a mistake then "feck it, I made a mistake and so be it". People make mistakes all the time, nobody knows all and unless you have been in the same situation, you cannot make any clear judgements.

I hate the style of argument, the ridiculous "unless you have slept with a married person you can't say it is wrong" , that bs in my opinon, and a bit of convenient Catch 22 cause if I had actually ever cheating with someones wife I would be in exactly the same situation as you and it would be a bit hypocritical to say it is wrong. It is preciesely because I have not done it I can say it is wrong.

Its wrong cause its wrong, not because someone has done it and then decided yes it is in fact wrong.

The only question is Does his wife know (and I mean does she really know, not just he says he thinks she knows)

If she doesn't, its wrong what you are doing, pure and simple.

It is completely irrelivent if you are madly in love, it is completely irrelivent if he touches you nicely, it is completely irrelivent if he is having trouble at home. If she does not know, then it is wrong. Pure and simple. She doesn't have to give him premission, she doesn't have to like it, but if she doesn't know the relationship is based on a lie. He is disrespecting her and his marriage and his kids and you are helping him do this.

If you actually don't care about her, or his kids, thats fine. But then just say that, stop the bulls**t that the way you feel towards each other some how justifies what you are both doing as ok. It doesn't.

Sleepy

OP - you're his mid-life crisis bit of tail.

Nothing good can come out of this so get out of it as fast as possible. There's plenty of nice single guys your own age around (look at this board for example, there's a thread at least once a month from some guy in his mid-twenties wondering why he can't find himself a decent woman).

The best that could possibly come out of this from your pov is that he leaves his wife and settles with you, could you live with yourself if you deprive his kids of their father?

Chrissy

Sleepy wrote:

The best that could possibly come out of this from your pov is that he leaves his wife and settles with you, could you live with yourself if you deprive his kids of their father?

..............& that you've settled for a guy who cheats?

You have a few kids together, you get older, are more tired, go about in tracksuit bottoms, or whatever is comfy for minding the kids, greasy hair scraped back in a pony tail, etc, etc, etc.

you think he won't go looking elsewhere again????

No offence, but where guys like this are concerned, there's nothing special about you. You're just a hobby that he's currently into.

Leave this situation & do better for yourself.

koneko

Guys, there isn't much point replying, she doesn't care that her "choice, and hers alone" is affecting other people because this is the romance of the century! (even though he won't leave his wife.... yeah he reeeaaally loves you though!). Oldest trick in the book but some people still far for it apparantly.

tbh

OP, Here's the deal. You can have your cake if you want it. But you have to pay for it.
Somewhere down the line, there is a price to be paid for this relationship. Either he leaves his wife and kids for you, in which case the price to be paid is a guilty conscience. Or, he leaves you and goes back to them, in which case the price to be paid is a broken heart (yours - not his).

Either way, you have to pay - and you don't even know what the price is going to be yet. Doing nothing is not an option. If you don't leave him today, how much harder is it going to be to leave him in six months - or six years? This isn't like a savings club - the more you invest, the higher the penalty for withdrawing. Don't kid yourself. Even ignoring the whole "What goes around comes around" argument, you are blindly stumbling towards heartache. If you want him to be with you, give him an ultimatum. Tell him you are willing to carry on seeing him, but only if he leaves his wife today

I bet he won't. And whats more, I bet you don't ask him.

Because you know what the answer will be.

Don't you?

Caimin

WhiteWashMan

Crunchy Nut wrote:

Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong - Dandemis.
[/COLOR][/FONT]

Let he who is without stone cast the first stone - jebus.

it may be deep and philisophical, but it doesnt mean its right either....

Crunchy Nut wrote:

Like I said... maybe I am wrong in staying with him. But staying with him right now is my choice and my choice alone. If I make a mistake then "feck it, I made a mistake and so be it". People make mistakes all the time, nobody knows all and unless you have been in the same situation, you cannot make any clear judgements.
.

we all make judgements. you have called everyone here judgemental. thats a judgement. carefule with that ax there eugene....

im sure you are happy, and good for you too. but who is better in bed?
you or his wife?

its easy to say that your one night stands are disgusting etc etc etc, but really, at what point do you believe that carrying on an affair with a man who is attached to someone else is good for you? if you really have that great a relationship and that wonderful a time together and he does love you, he would leave his family for you. men are simple beasts. they go to where to grass is greenest. i know. ive been there. id suggest your grass isnt the greenest.
do you compare yourself to his wife much? do you feel you stimulate him intellectually more than she does?
does he tell you that 'she never did those things in bed' (coz thats a classic line)
is your figure better than hers?
does he smile at you the way he smiles at her?

i only ask, becuase im curious to know really. i dont understand a man that really loves a woman and yet stays attached to someone else. it makes me think he may *gasp* be lying *gasp*

i suggest that he is actually happy having a loving wife and family, and yet getting some kicks with some other chick.

how and ever, tis none of my business, although, posting about it on the interenet certainly gives me the right to pass judgement on you

Crunchy Nut wrote:

As far as Bit of a Mess concerns, I understand her totally but would never judge her or anybody else in this situation. It would've been great if others could do the same.

we all judge. the trick is to learn to be tolerant. everyone is allowed an opinion.

Heyes

hey im the one that is also known as " a bit of a mess" ... i appreciate everything you have all had to say, and it has certainly got me thinking about it a lot. I met him last night, and i started talking to him about it a lot. I know its not a good situation to be in. And no im not desperate, and i would like to think im not ugly, that i have just said ah ye good situation so lets go with it.

Crunchy your a star thank you for your imput, it really did help to see it from both sides, and ill reply to your pm.

I know you are all probable thinking im an absolute b***h for doing this, and no harm is ever intended, i have just gotten myself into a difficult and heart felt situation.......

Beruthiel

Heyes wrote:

i have just gotten myself into a difficult and heart felt situation.......

then imagine how his wife, the mother of his children, will feel when she finds out

Heyes

Beruthiel wrote:

then imagine how his wife, the mother of his children, will feel when she finds out

I cant help but think about it...

BoozyBabe

Heyes wrote:

I cant help but think about it...

Then give your mind a break & get away from him.
Unlike Crunchy whatever, you obviously know it's wrong, so do yourself a favour.

How can you have any respect for this guy anyway.
He's low-life scum

Heyes

BoozyBabe wrote:

Then give your mind a break & get away from him.
Unlike Crunchy whatever, you obviously know it's wrong, so do yourself a favour.

How can you have any respect for this guy anyway.
He's low-life scum

I know your totally right, its just hard to walk away from someone you ve fallen for. i know its the right decision, its just actually getting up and walking away that i find so hard. but i know it has to be done

Beruthiel

Heyes wrote:

I know your totally right, its just hard to walk away from someone you ve fallen for

perhaps it is hard
however, as he is already married to another woman, he's not yours to begin with and all you are doing is getting in deeper, the deeper you go, the more pain there will be at the end of it - that's a fact

Zombrex

Heyes wrote:

I know you are all probable thinking im an absolute b***h for doing this, and no harm is ever intended, i have just gotten myself into a difficult and heart felt situation.......

You can't say there is no harm intended if you know what your doing will cause harm

Beruthiel

Wicknight wrote:

You can't say there is no harm intended if you know what your doing will cause harm

indeed
I'm sure his wife and kids will be thrilled to know that no harm was intended, I'm sure it will make her feel a lot better about the whole rotten situation.
OP
at least be honest with yourself and your behaviour, you know the facts, yet you carry on regardless, the intention is there

Heyes

Beruthiel wrote:

indeed
I'm sure his wife and kids will be thrilled to know that no harm was intended, I'm sure it will make her feel a lot better about the whole rotten situation.
OP
at least be honest with yourself and your behaviour, you know the facts, yet you carry on regardless, the intention is there

ye i know.

lazydaisy

Don't you think you deserve better than this? He is dishonouring you, dishonouring himself and dishonouring his wife.

Where do you think this is going? Are you just going to f*** him until one of you finds someone better? Do you think you're the only woman he is seeing? He's a liar. You know that already. What makes you think he doesnt lie to you all the time. I cant even have lunch with someone I know to be a liar, let alone a relationship.

All this BS talk about sparks and chemistry and feelings... you made a choice. There was a moment when you knew you were attracted to him and you could have walked away but you didnt. You chose to love/care for whatever your feelings are this man. If he loved you he would think you deserved better than what he is giving you now. No one is saying its easy but we are more than our feelings and you are choosing to remain attached to him.

Walk away. Its hard but people do it all the time. This has nowhere to go but pain for a lot of people.

On the other hand, you could actually be supporting and aiding the marriage without even knowing it. Maybe without you, the marriage would evolve to its natural end, but you are actually enabling its dysfunction.

galwaydude

To the original poster i hope you see sense and leave this guy, hes only using you, your his hobby for now. Just leave him, how do you know that hes not cheating on you.Once a cheat always a cheat.My gf has been cheated on before and even today shes a bit weary regarding trust issues even though it was years ago by an ex.This guy has no respect for you. Do yourself a favour and find someone that will love you unconditionally and give the respect that you deserve. I know its hard but you can do it.At least you realise thats its mistake and wrong.Just think for a minute how would you like it if it was your dad cheating on your mom and you found out.Thats what going to happen. I can only imagine its awefull to find out that your partnet is cheating. Finally you deserve way better than this joke of a man.

Crunchy sorry to be blunt but cop on to yourself, your fooling yourself if you think he really loves you.Guys are great at faking relationships like a previous poster pointed out.There are plenty of single guys with no strings out there for you. Just think of his wife and kids.There are other people involved and they will get hurt when the sham of a relationship is found out. You prob have lost some respect already, i know if one of my friends was cheating on his partner, that would change my view towards him.As i said earlier once a cheat always a cheat.

If you didnt want opinions why post the affair on boards.Boards.ie is all about opinions as im sure plenty of people reading this thread would have been in his wife shoes or your shoes.

Mods sorry for the rant but i think this situation deserved one.

secret_squirrel

galwaydude wrote:

Once a cheat always a cheat

Im sorry this phrase is always bandied about on these kinda threads and to be frank Im not sure its anywhere near true. People cheat for different reasons and under circumstances that may not always apply.

Unless anyone can prove that statistically speaking its true can we stop using such simplistic and unhelpful phrases?

Who here hasnt hear of a relationship that been going strong years after one of the couple started out as the 'bit on the side'

It also worth considering that when some alleged cheats say their marriage is a sham it might be exactly that. The world is full of wierd and wonderful domestic arrangements. I agree kids need to be protected from the generally f*cked up adult world but still its not necessarily as simple and as black and white as most posters here seem to assume.

Lets have some thoughful posts on the subject for a change eh?

Heyes

secret_squirrel wrote:

Im sorry this phrase is always bandied about on these kinda threads and to be frank Im not sure its anywhere near true. People cheat for different reasons and under circumstances that may not always apply.

Unless anyone can prove that statistically speaking its true can we stop using such simplistic and unhelpful phrases?

Who here hasnt hear of a relationship that been going strong years after one of the couple started out as the 'bit on the side'

It also worth considering that when some alleged cheats say their marriage is a sham it might be exactly that. The world is full of wierd and wonderful domestic arrangements. I agree kids need to be protected from the generally f*cked up adult world but still its not necessarily as simple and as black and white as most posters here seem to assume.

Lets have some thoughful posts on the subject for a change eh?

Thank you

secret_squirrel

Heyes wrote:

Thank you

Depends what you are thanking me for - I have no intention of defending anyone directly on this thread. Im merely pointing out that life is not as simple as most of the posters here would wish it to be. (and that probably includes yourself too )

You arent living the dream - you are potentially in a horrible mess. But Im not prepared to support or condem anyone in your situation without knowing exactly whats going on with the other parties involved in that mess. And lets face it 3 posters all in a love? triangle is about the only post we arent likely to see on PI anytime soon - so I will keep my own counsel on this one....

I suggest you take steps to find out exactly what the situation your are in the middle of actually is, not what you believe, what you have been told, or what you would wish it to be....

American Dream

OP I think ultimately you know what you should do with this relationship, but for whatever reason you appear to be settling. Settling for somebody else's husband. The fact that you are even seeking advice indicates that you know this is an impossible situation. Find your self-respect please and realize that you deserve much more than what he can offer you right now. When you find that respect, tell him to go home to his wife.

Good luck.

lacuna

OP, for how many more pages of this thread are you going to just agree with all the people telling you to walk away from this man but not do it?

It might be hard, but these things generally are. It builds character...

iguana

Perhaps this man's marraige really is irrepairable and will end regardless of your involvement. Or perhaps what ever problems he is (or isn't) having in his marraige and however much he likes you, deep down he will choose his marraige.

I can understand the situation you are in, you fell for him assuming he was single and now you don't want to lose what you thought you had. If you can't walk away then you should ask him why he has not left his wife if he no longer loves her. Ask him if he is intending on leaving her in the future.

If he says no, for any reason, then you know for your own sake that you need to leave him. You are in a relationship with no future, with a man who is sleeping with and decieving another woman. A man who you can not introduce to your family. A man who will never be with you on Christmas day or New Years eve, or even a bog-standard bank-holiday weekend. A man who lied to you to begin your relationship, but never had any intention of fully being with you.

If he says he is not sure, then you need to back off and give him space to find out. If you keep your situation the way it is at present he will never change anything as he gets the best of both worlds right now and why would he change that. He may choose to end his marraige, or he may choose his wife, or he may choose to forget you and find another young woman to take your place while keeping things the way they are with his wife. Either way you will have done the best thing for you and your future. And you know that even if the result leaves you feeling awful right now it is far better than the next 5 years feeling as you now and to feel far worse when it ends then.

If he says his marraige is over and being with you has shown him how over it is and he will get legally seperated and give your relationship a real shot, then you once again need to take a break until he does this. Tell him that you will wait for him (if that is what you want) but that until he talks to his wife and she is aware the marraige is over you will not see him again. Don't tell him this as an ultimatum as this will make him defensive and I guarantee you will end up feeling that you are in the wrong. Just tell him that it is what you need to do to make this easier on both of you.

Heyes

She may have found out and i dont know what to do or say

Endurance Man

Heyes wrote:

She may have found out and i dont know what to do or say

Someone has to say it: Told ya so!!!
You shoulda walked away a long time ago, you only have yourself to blame.

Heyes

Endurance Man wrote:

Someone has to say it: Told ya so!!!
You shoulda walked away a long time ago, you only have yourself to blame.

I know i know, i just dont know what to do...

Endurance Man

Heyes wrote:

I know i know, i just dont know what to do...

Oh lord, you do no what to do. Contact this man and tell him to leave you alone, you do not want to see him again, its very simple. Its his problem to sort out the situation with his wife.

Heyes

Endurance Man wrote:

Oh lord, you do no what to do. Contact this man and tell him to leave you alone, you do not want to see him again, its very simple. Its his problem to sort out the situation with his wife.

I already told him to forget about me, and priorities what is important, which is not me.

im absolutaly gutted, but i made my own bed and now have to sleep in it. I wish i had listened to all my friends before i had gotten feelings for him.

my loss.

WhiteWashMan

Heyes wrote:

She may have found out and i dont know what to do or say

you sound upset.

why?

Heyes

WhiteWashMan wrote:

you sound upset.

why?

I am upset because i have strong feelings for him, i also feel so guilty that i might be the reasons for causing problems.

WhiteWashMan

Heyes wrote:

I am upset because i have strong feelings for him, i also feel so guilty that i might be the reasons for causing problems.

expand.

Heyes

WhiteWashMan wrote:

expand.

I have realised lately that i have a lot of feelings for him. I was talking to him today and he mentioned what may have happened. I suddenly felt so guilty and upset. I would never want to be the reason for causing problems to a wife and kids... A major part of me bloked that out of my mind in the past because I liked him, and for other reasons which im not going to go into.

I know i knew the situation ie: family etc, but some part of me bloked that out. I dont know why, everyone around me that knew kept watching my back and told me to not go there, but for some reason i went there, and now have gotten a shock by him telling me this. A friend said to me today that its his problem he was involved not me...but im no b*t*h i care to much about people, that i feel so guilty for this happening, and upset that i ever fell for him. i was also told that it might be his way of dumping me, but a massive part of me believes what he tells me.....

WhiteWashMan

so basically, it was ok when you were fúcking him, but now that his wife knows, you feel guilty....?

why do you feel bad about it?

are you upset that his home life has fallen apart, or are you upset that your affair may have ended?

i suspect you are more afraid of losing him now that his wife knows.

Heyes

WhiteWashMan wrote:

so basically, it was ok when you were fúcking him, but now that his wife knows, you feel guilty....?

why do you feel bad about it?

are you upset that his home life has fallen apart, or are you upset that your affair may have ended?

i suspect you are more afraid of losing him now that his wife knows.

you have me so wrong

1: I have not slept with him yet !! -- i held back because of his situation
2: i am more concerned about his home life than me

WhiteWashMan

ah, then i have you confused with the OP. sorry.

on the other hand, now i have no clue what you are talking about.....

his wife found out you love him, and........?

there has to be something more.
if my wife found out someone was in love with me, shed demand a bag of popcorn and front row seats, and permission to throw peanuts and laugh loudly and rudely.
although, she is a bit funny like that sometimes....

Heyes

WhiteWashMan wrote:

ah, then i have you confused with the OP. sorry.

on the other hand, now i have no clue what you are talking about.....

his wife found out you love him, and........?

there has to be something more.
if my wife found out someone was in love with me, shed demand a bag of popcorn and front row seats, and permission to throw peanuts and laugh loudly and rudely.
although, she is a bit funny like that sometimes....

I am the op !

his wife found out that he may have been meeting up with someone, that someone been me.

jonny68

bit of a mess wrote:

Right going unregid for this one, basically a few weeks ago i met up with a guy, and found out after the second meeting that he was married and had kids. I know i should walk away and not even second guess this one, but we have met up a good few times, and i can see myself falling for him.

Of course a part of me already knows nothing is going to become of this but we seem to just enjoy each others company. I know i should walk away and find a better situation for myself, and find a better future...

by the way, hes 38 and im 25....

i know what you ll all say, but i keep finding myself going back, its just nice.

Right...what would you do ? fallen for a guy, hard to walk away know the right decision, but cant seem to put thought into action....

It's like the thrill for you,you know he's married and basically nothing will become of it but you like a lot of women are attracted to this type of sceanairo ive seen it so many times,in order for you not to get really hurt and not to hurt others do the decent thing and walk away now.

Think about his wife and kids,do you really want to be a part of ruining a marriage if/when she finds out?He should be ashamed of himself as well.

Heyes

jonny68 wrote:

It's like the thrill for you,you know he's married and basically nothing will become of it but you like a lot of women are attracted to this type of sceanairo ive seen it so many times,in order for you not to get really hurt and not to hurt others do the decent thing and walk away now.

Think about his wife and kids,do you really want to be a part of ruining a marriage if/when she finds out?He should be ashamed of himself as well.

she may have already found out. This was not something for cheap thrill, im not that kinda person. When i fall for someone i tend to fall deep.. its one of my bad points. But i know im just going to have to walk away. He on the other hand may have ended up with a lot of problems at home because of this, and i blame myself for that, i just feel so bad.

mad m

Ah well,loads of people out there in same situation.You wont be the last....Bite the bullet and try and move on.You made your bed so has he.Its probably best his wife found out,something like this no matter when,where,time is never easy.

WhiteWashMan

Heyes wrote:

I am the op !

his wife found out that he may have been meeting up with someone, that someone been me.

why did i think youd been having sex?

hmm, anyway, what were you meeting for?

what did he get out of the meetings?


i have been in that situation before, many years ago. in fact, i was on both sides of the coin with the same woman. while iw as with someone, and then while she was.
while i was with someone, it was about being able to tag someone along, to have that power to be able to get someone to do things they wouldnt nrmally do. its not a nice thing, but i was a lot younger, and i dont think i quite knew what it was i wanted or what i was doing.
while she was with someone, it was pretty much the same thing.
i think it was about my own lack of self confidence. it was about being made special by someone else, even though it hurt them, it hurt the partner involved, adn ultimately, it did nothing for me except make me feel bad about myself and wonder what kind of a monster i was.
but i took a lesson from it. dont fúck with other people. dont fúck other people that are fúcking other people. and stop fúcking yourself.
thats what i took from it. im sure everyone takes something different however.

Heyes

WhiteWashMan wrote:

why did i think youd been having sex?

hmm, anyway, what were you meeting for?

what did he get out of the meetings?


i have been in that situation before, many years ago. in fact, i was on both sides of the coin with the same woman. while iw as with someone, and then while she was.
while i was with someone, it was about being able to tag someone along, to have that power to be able to get someone to do things they wouldnt nrmally do. its not a nice thing, but i was a lot younger, and i dont think i quite knew what it was i wanted or what i was doing.
while she was with someone, it was pretty much the same thing.
i think it was about my own lack of self confidence. it was about being made special by someone else, even though it hurt them, it hurt the partner involved, adn ultimately, it did nothing for me except make me feel bad about myself and wonder what kind of a monster i was.
but i took a lesson from it. dont fúck with other people. dont fúck other people that are fúcking other people. and stop fúcking yourself.
thats what i took from it. im sure everyone takes something different however.

Ye in fairness i feel a good deal of that

Zombrex

Heyes wrote:

she may have already found out.

And you are surprise by this?? Why??

Heyes wrote:

But i know im just going to have to walk away.

So you keep saying but honestly are we supposed to believe you at this stage? You were told all this nearly a month ago, yet you keep on with the "i never meant for this to happen" ... sorry, who are you trying to kid, us or yourself?

You are that type of person, you knew this would happen. It is time you started taking responsibility for your actions. As I said to you a month ago you can't say you mean no harm when you know what you are doing will cause harm. Doing it anyway and then seeming shocked and surprised and doing the Deer-in-front-of-the-head-lights "I'm really really upset" routine isn't going to fly.

Heyes wrote:

and i blame myself for that, i just feel so bad.

Good, its large part your fault, you knew what you were doing and you should take responsibility for has happened.

Maybe feeling bad about this means you won't be so increabily naive in the future (though I am not quite sure how it can be considered naive when you have been told a hundred times what will happen and you do it anyway).

Heyes

Wicknight wrote:

And you are surprise by this?? Why??


So you keep saying but honestly are we supposed to believe you at this stage? You were told all this nearly a month ago, yet you keep on with the "i never meant for this to happen" ... sorry, who are you trying to kid, us or yourself?

You are that type of person, you knew this would happen. It is time you started taking responsibility for your actions. As I said to you a month ago you can't say you mean no harm when you know what you are doing will cause harm. Doing it anyway and then seeming shocked and surprised and doing the Deer-in-front-of-the-head-lights "I'm really really upset" routine isn't going to fly.



Good, its large part your fault, you knew what you were doing and you should take responsibility for has happened.

Maybe feeling bad about this means you won't be so increabily naive in the future (though I am not quite sure how it can be considered naive when you have been told a hundred times what will happen and you do it anyway).

thanks for your imput, but then again you were quite nasty. i know i should have walked away a long time ago. but every thing i say is truth, im not trying for the poor me tactic that you imply. im just saying how i feel... but thanks

Zombrex

Heyes wrote:

thanks for your imput, but then again you were quite nasty. i know i should have walked away a long time ago. but every thing i say is truth, im not trying for the poor me tactic that you imply. im just saying how i feel... but thanks

thats all well and good but you seem to be still doing it. I don't know if you are still seeing him (or when you ended it) but you are obviously still in regular contact.

I am being a bit nasty but to be honest I have lost too much patients to pussy foot around you as if all this is new advice.

You were told all this last month, you went on about how worried and upset you were back then, and now here we are again and you are still worried and upset and you still feel really bad but yet still not walked away.

when you say "i feel really bad" but then do it anyway what are we supposed to think? You found out he was married over a month ago, yet here we are.

So I mean what exactly do you want?