crabs!!!!!!!!!! (Not about crabs. OP has weird phrasing)

spiceoflife

been friends with this girl for a really long time and we are pretty close, i mean she nos almost everything. thing is shes started to act kinda weird round me for the last 7 or 8 months, i thought it was just cos we started college but its not.

she was staying over in mine the other nite, i was at work so home quite late. when i got home i saw my bedroom lite was on so i new she was up...when i walked in she wasnt alone.

she was in bed with my brother!!!!!!!!!

they say they just want sex from each other!ist not as though they love each other! whats most disturbing is that i ,ive with my brother and since i found out they think its cool for her to come round, get her bit and then come in to me for a chat???!!!!

i feel so crap about it.......what should i do? should i move out?

aidan_walsh

Or tell them to get out of your room...

Agent Smith

what has this to do with crabs.....

CarolLorraine

Was she just a friend or did you have feelings for her too?

ApeXaviour

Firstly I think you should change the title. It really gives the wrong impression.

Secondly, is it usual for her to stay over just randomly like that? I would have thought this highly suspect bar if you had a party and it would be easier for her to stay in the spare bed/couch than to go home. I mean what age are ye? Do you still have "sleepovers" like?

Thirdly you should think about why it upsets you? Do you fancy her? Be honest with yourself. Would you rather she was with you and it's that that's making you uncomfortable? I get the impression this is the case. The fact that it's your brother might make you feel "well why can't she get that off me.. we have the perfect relationship otherwise"? It could be that you're in denial about this being the case (We've all done this at some stage). If so it's your problem really, I'd come up with some excuse and move out or deal with it.

If you're merely and purely mutually platonic friends and it's like your sister coming into talk to you after shagging her boyfriend. Then I don't see why you should be terribly uncomfortable unless they're being excessively loud or something. I mean come on, modern Ireland, people are allowed have casual relationships without feeling they're putting a burden on someone. Since you obviously are a bit jutted by the situation and if your feelings are crystal clear platonic for her then maybe you can sit her down and try explain tactfully how it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe you can come to some sort of compromise. eg they'll only do it while you're in work or something. I reckon though, if you fancy her even the tiniest bit however it will come through when you try explain why you're uncomfortable about it. So that's a no no..

spiceoflife

its that weve been freinds for so long. its more that theyve been lying to me and gone behind my back

i meant that they are crabs. couldnt think of anything better

ApeXaviour

I can understand where they would come from in that regard. They might figure you'd take it badly. Also it's not something you just announce though is it? "Oh by the way.. I'm shagging your brother".

When you found out about it they didn't try cover it up did they? No they were honest and open with you. I assume she's not "acting kinda weird" around you anymore? She even comes in after to chat, seems all gravy to me. So why are you uncomfortable? I think you should re-read what we've said above and do a bit of honest internal thinking.

Mezcita

I started scratching myself as soon as I read the title of this thread.

But now I'm strangely disappointed.

Ho hum.

pclancy

ROFL previous post!

OP: Dont take that ****e, whatever her and ur brother do, they shouldnt be doing it in ur face never mind your bed!

dundalk cailin

yea thats bad form using ur bed. ur male yea? as someone said, do u have feelings for her, u have been friends for 8 years..maybe its jealousy

Talliesin

Right, let's see if I can summarise here.

Your friend (who is not your partner) has a sex-life.

Your brother (who is also your flatmate) has a sex-life.

Really they should use his room and not yours, but what's the issue apart from that?

Beruthiel

Mezcita wrote:

I started scratching myself as soon as I read the title of this thread.

But now I'm strangely disappointed.

Ho hum.

mez
read this forums charter with regards to useless comments
B

I completely understand as this situation happened to me except it was my little brother my mate started shagging and was flirting shamelessly with him in front of everyone before everyone found out! it was going on about six months(it came out eventually) what hurt me the most I said to her to stay away from him otherwise id never speak to her again and she still chased him!!!
he was 3 years younger than her him only 17 and even though she was my BF she is really emotionally disturbed and not at all a stable enough person to be involved wit him basiclly she was in no way or form good enough for him and as a protective older sister I feel justified to say that

You will have to talk to your friend and tell her you feel hurt about their deception

Bluetonic

coolsmileygirl wrote:

what hurt me the most I said to her to stay away from him otherwise id never speak to her again and she still chased him!!!

Must have been a really close best friend if you gave her an ultimatum like that. :rolleyes:

Bluetonic

spiceoflife wrote:

i feel so crap about it.......what should i do? should i move out?

Sounds to me the only personal issue here is a case of the Little Green Eyed Monster.

ferdi

i think your pissed off that you've put in 8 years of ground work with this chick and your brother is the one who ends up getting in her pants. hell, i'd be pissed off too.

crabs suck.

Hagar

Bluetonic wrote:

Sounds to me the only personal issue here is a case of the Little Green Eyed Monster.

It may not be that simple. The friendship that the OP has with this girl may well mean more to him than seeing his brother get laid. I think the OP may just be a little bit too protective and should allow his friend the freedom to make her own choices be they right or wrong. Men can sometimes take on a fatherly role in these situations much as women take on a motherly role in others. The fact that they were doing it in his bed would just have a been a bit of a shock. Just like finding your daughter in bed with someone, it can just catch a person off guard.

The OP needs to re-evaluate his relationship with both parties and not let his judgement be influenced by the fact that one of them is his brother.

Bluetonic

Bluetonic wrote:

Must have been a really close best friend if you gave her an ultimatum like that. :rolleyes:

when it comes down to my best friend or my brother theres no question about it

Bluetonic

coolsmileygirl wrote:

when it comes down to my best friend or my brother theres no question about it

It seems a pity that it has to 'come down' to anything to be honest.

Are you never going to be friendly with anyone who your brother has sex with?

Whats the problem with your brother having sex with one of your friends?

Bluetonic

Bluetonic wrote:

It seems a pity that it has to 'come down' to anything to be honest.

Are you never going to be friendly with anyone who your brother has sex with?

Whats the problem with your brother having sex with one of your friends?

NO its not that its just that this girl in particular was really messed up( a severe alcohol problem and also had confessed before to me that she tried to trap an ex of hers into getting her pregnant because she wanted a child eg getting pregnant on purpose) I could not let her near my brother I am convinced she did it anyway because she knew how much I disapproved!!!

my brother at the moment is going out with my other mate they have been together 6 months now and they are very happy sure don't get to hang out with her half as much as I did but her and him are very happy together so that means im happy.

simu

Yeah, you should move out - give them a bit of space.

I really feel your pain, spiceoflife, and I think you'll be able to get through this with the support of PI posters!

Tar.Aldarion

Totally agree with Simu there, if you feel that uncomfortable about it, you should move out. Is there anybody else living there? how do they handle the tension? They may move out ( i think i would) if you don't sort it out.

Why is everybody assuming that s/he fancies his/her friend and for that matter that it is a he.
If she is just a good friend, which I assume is the case, as you didn't mention any feelings( and anyway what kind of fool falls for a good friend anyway :v:)
then I can understand the feelings about deception and betrayal, it's not right that you come home and you find your brother doing the hokey pokey (and who knows what else you saw, kninky)with a good friend of yours, she should have told you that your bro waws being used to get her 'bit' that lets face it, we all need.. You need to sort out those crabs too.

simu

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

Totally agree with Simu there, if you feel that uncomfortable about it, you should move out. Is there anybody else living there? how do they handle the tension? They may move out ( i think i would) if you don't sort it out.

Yeah, bad vibes are a bítch. You might want to get the parish priest to sprinkle some holy water on the house to get rid of them. Or a local psychic, if you're a non-believer.

My thoughts are with you, OP! Hold steadfast!

nesf

simu wrote:

Or a local psychic, if you're a non-believer.

My psychic told me not to play chess with a llama today. Not very useful tbh.

simu

nesf wrote:

My psychic told me not to play chess with a llama today. Not very useful tbh.

Think laterally. Between the squares.

Tar.Aldarion

Now now guys, this person has a serious problem, keep to the topic.
B... I mean T :eek:


Have you let them know how uncomfortable you feel yet spiceoflife?
You should let them know how you feel and discuss it. Maybe your whole house could get together, relax and sort things out.

Nevyn

Nesf , Simu you know better,
off topics posting will get you banned.
Do read the charter
have a nice day
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

You need to do some soul searching on this one.
Work out if you do have romantic feelings for your female friend or not, did you ever picture the two of you ending up together with kids etc....
Anyway if you do have romantic feelings for her, my advice would be to leave.
If you don't then my advice would be to chat to them together or separately and establish some basic ground rules, like not shagging in your bed, this is just basic respect for a flatmate.