Advice

LegacyUser

Hi Folks,

I'm a married man with two wonderful kids and a third on the way. My problem is that my wife has really no interest in the sexual side of the marriage and I'm at the end of my tether. This has been going on for about 3 years and I have tried speaking to her several times and at the time she promises things will improve. However it never happens. I adore the the two kids and wouldn't lert any harm come to them. My wife is a wonderful girl and I love her to bits too but the lack of sex issue is beginning to put a serious strain on our relationship. Lately I have considered having an affair with no strings attached. I know is totally wrong but I just feel I have no alternative as I've tried several times to bring up the issue but she just ignores it.

Seriously where do I go from here?

Beruthiel

you need to tell her all of the above before you do anything rash, I would also suggest a professional for you

BoozyBabe

Read PeterJL's other thread from a few weeks back.

All your questions were answered back then.

Nevyn

I would suggest that you ty get your wife to go to couples couselling with you.

Irish Insitituste of couple counselling,
38 upper fitxwilliam street
dublin2
ph (01) 6443906
mrcs@eircom.net

If you are not in dublin I am sure they can refer you else where.

Nasty_Girl

Has it always been like this or just since the kids were born?
The last thing a pregnant woman needs is to be cheated on or brought to counselling over sex if you ask me but then everybody handles stuff different and also I guess things will be crazy when the new baby comes as well.

You could always try playing with "toys" together, or alone even.
Affairs are rarely "no strings attatched" imo

PeterJL

cidoma

roughly what ages are the kids ?

In our case they are 3 & 5 respectively but my wife was hardly intimate
with me in the year and a half or more before having our first child.
Going back on it that was what has gotten to me. She just suddenly
came up all sparky one day with the suggestion we try for our first
child. He is a fantastic child and it was in itself a beautiful journey
to see her pregnant with him and give birth to him and to cherish him
now. Also we were married for several years and taking our other
issues aside it was a good time to have a child. However, the bite
comes in that she approached the whole subject with me in terms of
it being a great idea and that we could have fun in conceiving the
child (in the context that she had hardly touched me in months
leading up to that).

What I find difficult is that if I had more balls at the time I probably
should have not been so quick to agree to trying for a child being
in any way tangled up with the idea of ressurecting an otherwise
very barren love life. I am the kind of personality who doesn't want
to think she did this in any conceited way but I think it is all to
do with her value system which sees sex within marriage as purely
being there for the functional role of having children and that
any thing else is a cheeky or bold bit on the side which really
isn't in Gods plan. She would probably laugh if I summed it up as that
because I think it is deep rooted and not something she would
be necessarily fully conscious of the fact that her upbringing
would have shaped her to think that way.

Does this ring any bells with you cidoma ?

-P

kittenkiller

Please please don't have an affair!
You can never go back & undo something like that.
Sit your wife down when the kids are being looked after by someone else & suggest couples counselling.
Dedicate the whole evening to getting yourself heard.
Tell her the day beforehand that you need to talk & you've arranged for someone to look after the kids.

Very rarely does an affair help a marriage/relationship.

Let her know that you don't feel the need to jump on her at every given opportunity, but that you miss the closeness that having sex makes you feel.

Listen to her if she says anything about it.
Make her feel loved & sexy & wanted.

Then if all else fails I guess you'll have to chose between sex & marriage unless your wife is extremely understanding.

Just keep in mind all the hormones flying through her at the moment & try to be as sensitive as possible.

Best of luck.

jonny68

An affair would not be the right thing to do,perhaps counselling for you both might be an idea as someone on here suggested already,good luck.