Confused need advice EX boyf issue!!!

Kersh

I would ditch any gf for kissing another guy, or even allowing herself to be chatted up by a guy in a club (cos all he wants is sex)- (this really wrecks my head) .... but thats just me.

WhiteWashMan

tails2 wrote:

what nobody has seamed to have asked is how did you find out about his age.... maybe he see's you are the type of girl to rummage(sp?) through his stuff and constantly nag him about where he is going, who he is seeing and he doesnt like that kind of thing. maybe his ex did that... and he saw you where the same so doesnt want a similar relationship to what he had before...... so again, how did you find out his age

?

say what now?

his age is related to her being a nag?

maybe the OP likes to wear mens underwear? i mean, jeez, why dont we just add in that shes a mass murder as well while we are going off into the realms of 'what if's'?

WhiteWashMan

Kersh wrote:

or even allowing herself to be chatted up by a guy in a club (cos all he wants is sex)- (this really wrecks my head) .

*boggle*

what constitutes chatted up?
how do you know all he wants is sex?
does this mean she cannot chat to men or lesbians in a club?
does this rule exist outside of clubs, what about pubs?
what do you mean by 'allows'?
bit over controlling dont you think?
why does it wreck your head if someone thinks your girlie is nice?
how does one stop themselves being chatted up?
if your bird was 'chatted' up, would you dump her there and then so she could continue to be chatted up, or would you dump her later after youve told her that you dont it when men talk to her?
what if the chatting up is done by your best mate. is that still chatting up, or is it just friendly banter/talk/conversation?

tails2

tails2 wrote:

what nobody has seamed to have asked is how did you find out about his age.... maybe he see's you are the type of girl to rummage(sp?) through his stuff and constantly nag him about where he is going, who he is seeing and he doesnt like that kind of thing. maybe his ex did that... and he saw you where the same so doesnt want a similar relationship to what he had before...... so again, how did you find out his age

im not a nag im the opposite in fact I prefer separate enough lives when your with someone because of the things going on in my own life!!!
its a respect issue!!
I'd go mad if a fella questioned what I wore or who or were I went out on a night out so I def would not do it to him
and yes he was controlled and told what to do in his previous relationship

he let it slip how much he paid for car insurance and then
his mate let it slip when I said that to him and I cant tell him how I found out because if he knew me and his mate talked about him he'd go mad at his mate!!

WhiteWashMan

coolsmileygirl wrote:

im not a nag im the opposite in fact I prefer separate enough lives when your with someone because of the things going on in my own life!!!
its a respect issue!!
I'd go mad if a fella questioned what I wore or who or were I went out on a night out so I def would not do it to him
and yes he was controlled and told what to do in his previous relationship

he let it slip how much he paid for car insurance and then
his mate let it slip when I said that to him and I cant tell him how I found out because if he knew me and his mate talked about him he'd go mad at his mate!!

what a weird relationship. i dont think its healthy to be honest. but, you probably figured that out already

anyway, good luck with it.

WhiteWashMan

WhiteWashMan wrote:

so it is actually just about the sex?

and in my eyes, kissing someone and having sex is still doing the dirt on your boyfriend.
ok, i could forgive once off drunken kissing, but lets face it, this si someone you were doing it with off and on, so it really was more than just that.

buts its subjective, and if you feel you didnt do the dirt then so be it. of course, if thats your point of view, maybe you ought to stay with this guy.
i mean, most blokes wouldnt be too happy if you figured that going around kissing other blokes was ok.

yes i admit it was cheating hence the reason i fessed up and broke up with him a week later!!that was in january weve been an item since that kiss!

Kersh

WWW -
Guys dont go to clubs to dance, do they?? They go to get laid. To do this they chat to girls, you know to get into their knickers. If they are a stranger to my gf
then they should look elsewhere. Even if he didnt want sex(which is doubtful) im sure he doesn want to be her new best friend, so he should just piss off.
She would be allowing herself to be chatted up if the guy thought he was gettin somewhere, like the guy last weekend who started feeling her up. This caused a major row, as she put herself in that situation - to be chatted up.
Our relationship is quite simple - she doesn want me to be chatted up by girls, cos it makes her uneasy, so ditto for her. Every relationship is different, my last one wasnt like this, but this one is.

Kersh

Kersh wrote:

WWW -
Guys dont go to clubs to dance, do they?? They go to get laid. To do this they chat to girls, you know to get into their knickers. If they are a stranger to my gf
then they should look elsewhere. Even if he didnt want sex(which is doubtful) im sure he doesn want to be her new best friend, so he should just piss off.
She would be allowing herself to be chatted up if the guy thought he was gettin somewhere, like the guy last weekend who started feeling her up. This caused a major row, as she put herself in that situation - to be chatted up.
Our relationship is quite simple - she doesn want me to be chatted up by girls, cos it makes her uneasy, so ditto for her. Every relationship is different, my last one wasnt like this, but this one is.

yeah i agree this is one of the reasons i dont talk to/try to pull guys in clubs
they want one thing and i dont do strangers

WhiteWashMan

Kersh wrote:

WWW -
Guys dont go to clubs to dance, do they?? .

i usually go becuase there is nowhere else to get a beer. and yes sometimes i dance. i dont go for sex though.

Kersh wrote:

They go to get laid. .

see above. obviously not.

Kersh wrote:

. To do this they chat to girls, you know to get into their knickers..

so when you go to a club with your girlfriend, yo uare trying to get laid with some other chick?
why shouldnt your lady then go and shag someone else.
after all, you only go to get laid...

Kersh wrote:

. If they are a stranger to my gf
then they should look elsewhere. .

perhaps your girlfriend isnt actually the dirty whoring slut who will fall into bed with the first man who buys her a pina colada, as it seems you are implying. perhaps if someone chats her up she will chat back. i hadly see the harm in a little 'hi there, how are you conversation'.

i mean its not like my partner goes to night clubs, and starts having conversations along the lines of 'hi, i know youre here for sex, show me your cóck, and i will think about what i may be doing to it later'...

Kersh wrote:

Even if he didnt want sex(which is doubtful) im sure he doesn want to be her new best friend, so he should just piss off. .

crikey. jealous? insecure?

Kersh wrote:

.
She would be allowing herself to be chatted up if the guy thought he was gettin somewhere, like the guy last weekend who started feeling her up. .

i think this is a little different to being chatted up. being chatted up is pretty one sided. being felt up requires you to stay there and put up with it.

Kersh wrote:

. This caused a major row, as she put herself in that situation - to be chatted up.

not chatted up, felt up. and id suggest that you have more to worry about than your girl talking to people. there is obviously something wrong with your relationship if you can leave your partner alone long enough to be felt up by a random stranger.
where were you?
out chatting up women and looking for sex (after all, its what all men do in a club, right?)

Kersh wrote:

Our relationship is quite simple - she doesn want me to be chatted up by girls, cos it makes her uneasy, so ditto for her. Every relationship is different, my last one wasnt like this, but this one is.

ahhh, so youre remark was about your specific current relationship, but is not who you view being 'chatted up' in general?

although, it seems a bit unfair that shes allowed to be felt up, and youre not even allowed to talk to anyone female!

Kersh

You got one bit wrong - I dont chat to other girls on nights out. So therefore im not out to get laid. Im sure plenty of guys go to clubs for a drink etc, but if they are out chatting to ladies, then generally its one thing they want.
I got there later in the night (work), she told me what happened. Cue big row.
And yes, this is specific to this relationship. I keep asking her if she would be happy if the roles were reversed ... ie, if i was the one chatting to a girl who grabbed me, and she said she would be very upset, so that just about sorted that.

WhiteWashMan

Kersh wrote:

You got one bit wrong - I dont chat to other girls on nights out. So therefore im not out to get laid. .

but you said every guy goes out to get laid.

and since its specific to your relationship, its ok if your relationship was different?

im only asking becuase one of your previous posts said that youd dump your girl for allowing herself to be chatted up.
have you dumped her yet?

he must have been getting some good signs if he figured he could give her a good grope!

Kersh

I gave her a chance, after all it was our 1st night out together. Its because of this our relationship is the way that it is.
My last relationship was alot more easygoing. I could do anything (within reason), as could she, but thats over now.
and most guys do go to clubs to get girls. To put it another way, if you removed the girls ( i know , impossible, but if) , there would be very few blokes in that club.............

WhiteWashMan

Kersh wrote:

I gave her a chance, after all it was our 1st night out together. Its because of this our relationship is the way that it is.
My last relationship was alot more easygoing. I could do anything (within reason), as could she, but thats over now.
and most guys do go to clubs to get girls. To put it another way, if you removed the girls ( i know , impossible, but if) , there would be very few blokes in that club.............

you mean like the very popular 'working mans clubs' ?

Jesper

Gil_Dub wrote:

Animal...The drummer from the Muppet Show. Trade in your testicles mate...You've failed the test!

@OP - Good luck....Just don't rush at anything. As Mr. Armstrong was fond of singing "We have all the time in the world".....He's run out of time, but you've a good while to go yet, all going well!

WTF. Buddy you have a hairy purple headed monster as your icon :eek: That thing belongs in the closet with you!

Lad if I did trade in my testicles you cud put them beside your little icon and have a right dcik.
It'd be the perfect icon for you

Jesper

Seraphina wrote:

are you ashamed of her or something??
why wouldn't you bring her?

Was going to put it differently but ashamed probably isn't to far from the truth. I'm actually not that shallow but admit I'm a bit.
Simply she wouldn't fit in. I'm that middle age I can go out and have a good college piss up or do the chatty Xmas party thing. When I was 19 I probably only thought I could. She wouln't really like and since we haven't done any "big things" together this wouldn't be a good start.
At least I won't drown at this end of the pool

Jesper

coolsmileygirl wrote:

No I get the fact he doesn’t discuss it all wit me but not because im immature or wouldn’t have anything worthwhile to say im a lot smarter than him (not being bigheaded)
I am in his life just not as much as I want to be
No I don’t get why ur being pessimistic
Grand u don’t want to bring her to ur xmas got to say if he was my fella I wouldn’t either separate life’s is grand its healthy
Gives u more to talk about but all im saying am I want to be involved more!!!
U obviously just want sex off this girl and once u tell her that it’s ok

Right I'm bringing the conversation back here because it gets bit lost here onwards. I agree with WhiteWashMan though so CSGirl stop replying defensively to his mails and listen and answer you the hard questions posed. These questions and assumptions are for your own good; no one is here to persecute you!!!!!:( Kersh your relationship is soooo far on the other side of the relationship scale its good to have your opinions in for perspective)

CSGirl I'm not sure if you are a lot smarter than him. His game is a simple one and hard to loose. Give nothing

---

nothing to loose.
Is he staying awake wondering what to do. I think not. So reassess your position and consider the fact that your in an unhappy one sided "friendship" and are afraid to ask for more because you know he doesn't want a relationship! Which I'm afraid means HE DOESN'T WANT YOU!
Get it? the link is simple.

Separate lives are grand and healthy. Yup!
After 18 months and you HAVEN'T EVEN GOT HIM TO TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS and your only offering is an occasional rump in a car and some chit chat. That’s not healthy!!! Sorry.

And as far as me and my relationship goes. Sorry to burst your bubble but we haven’t slept with each other yet. O and we’ve been meeting on and off for 6 months. Its great when its not all about sex

Jesper

Jesper wrote:

Right I'm bringing the conversation back here because it gets bit lost here onwards. I agree with WhiteWashMan though so CSGirl stop replying defensively to his mails and listen and answer you the hard questions posed. These questions and assumptions are for your own good; no one is here to persecute you!!!!!:( Kersh your relationship is soooo far on the other side of the relationship scale its good to have your opinions in for perspective)

CSGirl I'm not sure if you are a lot smarter than him. His game is a simple one and hard to loose. Give nothing

---

nothing to loose.
Is he staying awake wondering what to do. I think not. So reassess your position and consider the fact that your in an unhappy one sided "friendship" and are afraid to ask for more because you know he doesn't want a relationship! Which I'm afraid means HE DOESN'T WANT YOU!
Get it? the link is simple.

Separate lives are grand and healthy. Yup!
After 18 months and you HAVEN'T EVEN GOT HIM TO TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS and your only offering is an occasional rump in a car and some chit chat. That’s not healthy!!! Sorry.

And as far as me and my relationship goes. Sorry to burst your bubble but we haven’t slept with each other yet. O and we’ve been meeting on and off for 6 months. Its great when its not all about sex

Well in talking to him last night for a few hours I decided I could ruin it ask by asking him to open up and discuss his feelings or I could just be friends with him and not give hints towards wanting sex from him bcuz I tried it before and we stayed platonic ..Until the next time I wanted sex!!

I agree with you saying Give nothing

---

nothing to loose I realized a long time ago he has nothing to give he’s just trying to get on with everying hassle free as possible

As much as I would like more I cant just stamp my feet and make it happen but being friends with him (just friends is not bad)
We still have meet up and did stuff together just it wouldn’t have ended up with us being naked
and despite me saying all of everything we’ve been out loads of times were we haven’t ripped the clothes from each other!!

I’m just going to be grateful for being able to have him as a mate because that rarely happens with ex's
I’ll try to move on and see other boys
He can give me his opinion on them and their like he always does!
At least he’ll still be there when I need someone to talk to!!!!

Kersh

And whats the risk that you will sleep with/kiss yer man while you have a new Bf??
As for Jesper, I think he pretty much hit it dead on - 18 months, and you cant speak to him... god.
as for wanting sex, go somewhere else for it, a club/pub dating site or something. See if he hangs around if the sex dries up.
But like I said, any new bf is going to be way put out by a fck buddy hanging around.

Kersh

Kersh wrote:

And whats the risk that you will sleep with/kiss yer man while you have a new Bf??
As for Jesper, I think he pretty much hit it dead on - 18 months, and you cant speak to him... god.
as for wanting sex, go somewhere else for it, a club/pub dating site or something. See if he hangs around if the sex dries up.
But like I said, any new bf is going to be way put out by a fck buddy hanging around.

I'm sure he'll hang around after we stop sleeping together he did before as I said before we've been mates a year and a half and were a couple for about collectively 6 months of that time the only thing that’s hard is forgetting about him when I'm with other guys or watching him meet other people:(

LegacyUser

I read your posts and I just want to say good luck
I hope you make the right decision there nothing worse than unresolved feeling with an ex especially around unusual circumstances such as his own.
I hope things work out for you both in the long run as you seem to have a friendship bond with him
Good Luck!!!

Ok last night in a phone with my ex the usual chat, what happened with him at the weekend etc. the subject of us meeting up for drink soon before xmas was brought up by himself!

He also dropped a bomb saying I think we should just say strictly mates from now on, I feel like its more than just sex and I cant handle that and I don't want to hurt you in the long run!!! he said I needed to meet a guy who can give me what I need in the future which is a relationship.

Even though I know he's completely right and it was inevitably the sensible thing to do
Nice of him to see the big picture and not want to hurt me but it still hurt!!!

Since when does a red blooded male give up a casual shag!
I feel about an inch tall though and my self esteem has definitely suffered (doesn't happen often)
I've already been trying to go out there and meet men at the weekends but with this after happening I feel like no man would want me:(

WhiteWashMan

maybe he has been treading this thread?

WhiteWashMan

WhiteWashMan wrote:

maybe he has been treading this thread?

No definitely not he doesn't even have a computer or access to one in work
he's a complete technophobe

LegacyUser

coolsmileygirl wrote:

He also dropped a bomb saying I think we should just say strictly mates from now on, I feel like its more than just sex and I cant handle that and I don't want to hurt you in the long run!!! he said I needed to meet a guy who can give me what I need in the future which is a relationship.

Even though I know he's completely right and it was inevitably the sensible thing to do
Nice of him to see the big picture and not want to hurt me but it still hurt!!!

Since when does a red blooded male give up a casual shag!
I feel about an inch tall though and my self esteem has definitely suffered (doesn't happen often)
I've already been trying to go out there and meet men at the weekends but with this after happening I feel like no man would want me:(

You poor girl! I would be devastated ! Don't worry this has probably happened because of something else that happened with him
Cheer up and don't cry!

LegacyUser

I would just die
you poor girl ,
rejection from someone you love must feel horrible
i would say something happened with him that day that caused him to lash out
Dont worry it will all work out

thought id tell you how its been the last while with this situation
we are still mates of course and i decided just to stay platonic until one two or three more occassions while we were both drunk and textin each other over the xmas we decided after all of the horny texting to meet up for an xmas drink
to my surprise we met up and his friends were there me and him like as if we were going out again having a great laugh just like old times
he asked me to drop him around the corner (he needed more money) and so i could drop the car off and asked in front of everyone if i was staying over in his (shock to me but i said yeah, so i could have a drink)
and exactly like old times we all had drinks and laughs

his mates girlf said to me wats going on with you two its like you've never been apart only i haven't seen you in 5 months
i just said to her we will always be mates and that's just the way we were
she said he's glad he has someone as most times when he's out he is depressed and drinks tooo much
went back to his after the drunken chipper and walk home
he assumed i was gagging for it which i was and he was too but i remebered his noisy bed and the fact we were both up in 2 hrs and the fact both his parents were in and didn't know i was staying
so there was fooling around and a hotel is booked for a night the weekend after next:D
i could spend ages analyzing it but i'm just letting it be
i had such a laugh i know its a mixed up sex buddy friend thing but i'm glad i have him as a mate and someone to hang out with also i realised i"m still in love with him:eek:

Caryatnid

coolsmileygirl wrote:

(even though I know I never have and prob never will have intense sex like that again with someone).

What a strange thing to say. Sex is different with everyone. You're clearly not even "in love" with this guy. Just wait till you make love with someone not only sexually compatible with you, but who is also in love with you, who you are in love with.

coolsmileygirl wrote:

(He also dropped a bomb saying I think we should just say strictly mates from now on,

That was a bomb? Seemed the completely obvious thing to me. There hasn't even been a proper relationship there for ages.

He's a liar, uses you for sex, you cheat.....

Forget about him and go out with your mates. You'll find someone way better that actually respects you soon enough (that's if you want it, and respect yourself though, of course).

loopyloulou

This thread is really bugging me because for everyone else its plain to see that this bloke DOES NOT want a relationship with you!!! If he wanted to go out with you he would call you all the time, want to see you and spend time with you etc etc...The fact that you can only find out about how hes feeling through his mate is absolutely ridiculous!! You mention in one of your txts about why he would bother keeping in contact with you for a year and a half if he was just looking for sex....why wouldnt he???? What bloke would not want no strings sex with someone they like and get it over a long period of time...happy days for him. Look, the way i see it is this, he just doesnt like you enough to want to go out with you properly! He can fill you full of lies about how he doesnt want to get hurt, hes had a bad experience before and all that and you can come on here and make excuses for him and say you understand all these things but really when it boils down to it, if you love someone and want to be with them you wont give a flying f*ck about whether your ex wrecked your head or not, you'll just get on with it because this new person makes you really happy! I dont blame you for feeling the way you do, ive been there, made the excuses for men about how they had to sort their heads out and that they just didnt want a relationship and how they didnt want to hurt me....Correction, they just didnt want a relationship with ME and they just didnt have the balls to say it!! Ive learned from my mistakes, ive wasted as much time as you have on men who i should have realised early on didnt want to be with me but why should they give up a regular shag. Its hard to accept the fact that thats what you are and it hurts aswell but seriously hun, i think youre wasting your time here. You keep going on about how hes a really good mate and you dont want to lose that but in another sentence you say youre still in love with him...what is it?? A friend is a friend and is someone you dont sleep with, thats the way i see it. Anyway, i hope it all works out the way you want it to, but somehow im not sure it will.

loopyloulou

loopyloulou wrote:

This thread is really bugging me because for everyone else its plain to see that this bloke DOES NOT want a relationship with you!!! If he wanted to go out with you he would call you all the time, want to see you and spend time with you etc etc...The fact that you can only find out about how hes feeling through his mate is absolutely ridiculous!! You mention in one of your txts about why he would bother keeping in contact with you for a year and a half if he was just looking for sex....why wouldnt he???? What bloke would not want no strings sex with someone they like and get it over a long period of time...happy days for him. Look, the way i see it is this, he just doesnt like you enough to want to go out with you properly! He can fill you full of lies about how he doesnt want to get hurt, hes had a bad experience before and all that and you can come on here and make excuses for him and say you understand all these things but really when it boils down to it, if you love someone and want to be with them you wont give a flying f*ck about whether your ex wrecked your head or not, you'll just get on with it because this new person makes you really happy! I dont blame you for feeling the way you do, ive been there, made the excuses for men about how they had to sort their heads out and that they just didnt want a relationship and how they didnt want to hurt me....Correction, they just didnt want a relationship with ME and they just didnt have the balls to say it!! Ive learned from my mistakes, ive wasted as much time as you have on men who i should have realised early on didnt want to be with me but why should they give up a regular shag. Its hard to accept the fact that thats what you are and it hurts aswell but seriously hun, i think youre wasting your time here. You keep going on about how hes a really good mate and you dont want to lose that but in another sentence you say youre still in love with him...what is it?? A friend is a friend and is someone you dont sleep with, thats the way i see it. Anyway, i hope it all works out the way you want it to, but somehow im not sure it will.

thanks for your honesty and i appreciate your advice
i've decided to see how it goes though
I was speaking to him last night and we had a long talk because we were originally going away for the night next week but he now wants to go down the country for the weekend i asked him why as were not a couple
he said i'm trying to make an effort so i said to him right i'm just leaving it to you because you know my story already
so were going away for the weekend next weekend

Civilian_Target

loopyloulou wrote:

<rant>

If both people want no-strings-attached passionate sex and there's no-one going to be hurt by it - why not?

Take all necessary contraception, be aware of what your situation (don't take any false notions of relationships) and go for it!