Making New Friends

LegacyUser

I dont want this to read like a desperate message/post or like im soliciting myself here (not the purpose).

How do you/can I make new friends? I didnt think it was going to be so hard.

I am in my twenties. Recently out of a long term relationship. Post break-up, Ive just realised what little friends I have. Ones that I do have are all paired up and basically have no time for me. I love to go out, have a chat/club etc and am looking for like minded friends (not looking for lurve at the mo. Had enough of that). Basically, I need to get my life back and meet new people because at the moment I really dont have one. Please no wise cracks. This is really getting me down :-(

Feel lonely sitting in at the weekend.

I have joined a gym (showing effort and initiative) but nothing.

What can I do?

WhiteWashMan

the gynm will get you fit, not expand your circle fo friends by a huge amount.
im a little sceptical about your old friends not having time for you, and it seems a bit silly to not consider meeting up with people who are in a couple. why rule them out?

have you actually tried getting back in contact with your old friends, or are you too afraid to?

i think the advice most people would give is to join a club or something. what about people from work? can you not go out with them?

SexeeAussie

Are you a boy or girl? I think that makes a bit of a difference at that age.

I have to disagree with whatshisface above me, I think the gym is a great place to start...especially if they have a 'do' at the end of the year. You may have checked out some talent there but decided not to make small talk on the treadmill as you are puking up your lung contents and sweating enough to fill a large dam.....BUT at the 'do' all is different. We have 'real' clothes on....makeup.....hair done......perfume and other lovely things. It's an opportunity to have a drink and make small talk....

Sports clubs are good for that as well. Social sports...like indoor cricket, soccer, volleyball etc......

I had my first child at 19 so I didn't have a lot of friends my age..it is tough when everyone has their established social circles......

Another avenue is to try the net. Those dating sites can be ok

Goodluck and don't lose heart!

ando

IMO the gym is not the place to go to make friends. I was sorta in your situation around 15months ago after leaving college and working in a lonely enough job I lost contact with friends. I wanted to expand my social scene so I joined a voluntary organization that met up once or twice a week, I got to know everyone and decided to make an effort to make good friends with 2 or 3 of them. I started organizing things like Karting, nights out etc etc. On nights out, they would introduce me to their other friends and girlfriends friends etc etc. I think it’s important to be in a club that meets up every week so you can get to know ppl

Don’t underestimate your old friends either. Suggest you meet up for lunch or whatever. "Friends come and go, but there are a special few you should hold onto". I usually go and have a game of pool with an old friend every two weeks or so and I love it

LegacyUser

AnonAnon wrote:

I dont want this to read like a desperate message/post or like im soliciting myself here (not the purpose).

How do you/can I make new friends? I didnt think it was going to be so hard.
....
Feel lonely sitting in at the weekend.

I have joined a gym (showing effort and initiative) but nothing.

What can I do?

I know how you feel its ****

LegacyUser

My now x left me at a bad time in my life, making all new friends when she cleared off. left me in a situation and a half! Its hard believe me especially coming up to Christmas. May be the gym could be good, but Id think up of other places too though

LegacyUser

I have tried to get in contact with old friends, but none seem interested. Not like havent tried. The old "we should meet up soon" and never hear from them again applies. Guess everyone has their own lives, but its not until something happens that you realise who your friends are (or lack of).

Alot of people I was friends with have also moved away to different parts.

I am so eager to make new friends (I am mid-twenties by the way).

I have to make a big effort and am trying. I live near limerick city and am trying to find things to get involved in. I kind of dont know where to start. I like the idea of a club or organisation (as one poster suggested).

Would be nice to have new mates for christmas.

condra

Hey man.

What is your occupation if you dont mind I ask?

Most of my current friends I met in work and college, and most of them I met whilst working as a waiter part time. I think the workplace is often where people make friends but obviously some occupations dont allow for this.

I cant imagine gym people being particulary engaging to be honest.

Have you considered something like a night course? A friend of mine just started one and its a small class, everyones friendly and they go for pints and lunch together all the time. I made some brill friends at a FAS course some years ago.

Dont forget night courses dont have to be career choices- my brother did a cookery course and had great craic.


Another thing which just sprung to mind are things like organised lan parties and games of poker, most of which can be sorted on the likes of this site.

I really hope things work out for you man, thats a ****ty situation to be in.

Please keep us posted.

^CwAzY^

Go travelling to Australia or somewhere if you have no ties in Ireland, you'll meet loads of people in hostels/work/pubs/etc because a lot of them are in the same position as you.. millions of miles from home and millions of miles from their friends..

Miss Fluff

You don't say what age you are or whether you live with your folks but why don't you move in to a shared house in Limerick city itself? Move into a house with 4 or 5 other people who have a spare room going, great way to meet new people and if they are heading to the pub, chances are they will invite you too.

Kell

AnonAnon wrote:

Feel lonely sitting in at the weekend.

What can I do?

Well you can stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your áss out the door and talk to everything that moves. Its really that simple.

You reap what you sow and if you put in the effort you get back the rewards of same. Look, you said your friends have not much time for you. Have you asked them out every weekend coming up, or mid week or at any time they are free? You dont have to sound desperate about it either, just "hey man, like to hook up, when you free" usually does it. And dont text either. Its so lame and much easier for them to ignore and subsequently forget about.

When you are out in a one on one with a (single) mate, sit at the bar and make idle banter with every girl who orders a drink (not to be mistaken with drooling over them and chatting them up). Pretty soon, you'll come home every weekend with a fresh batch of new numbers (call them all) and pretty soon you'll have a greatly expanded social circle with people only too happy to see you.

Seriously, it really is that easy. Look, I know your confidence has taken a battering over the break up, but no point in thinking "what if, no they wouldnt come out, and erm.........". Feel the fear and do it anyway.

K-

Kobayashi

Kell wrote:

Well you can stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your áss out the door and talk to everything that moves. Its really that simple.

Never a truer word. I moved here from Scotland a few months ago knowing not one person. Easier for a guy admittedly but I can guarantee most folk in the local pubs knew who I was after about a month and I started getting asked to play football, join them in the next pub, etc. Just a comment or two at the bar whilst waiting for a drink is an easy conversation opener, if people can't be bothered, no harm done, just back to watching the golf/football/rugby/hurling on TV.

As an aside, if you can afford it, the Aussie idea is a great idea. Not specifically as a way of making friends but the nature of the experience throws you in amongst others on their own. The scenario becomes less intimidating when you get back.

sideFX

AnonAnon wrote:

I dont want this to read like a desperate message/post or like im soliciting myself here (not the purpose).

How do you/can I make new friends? I didnt think it was going to be so hard.

I am in my twenties. Recently out of a long term relationship. Post break-up, Ive just realised what little friends I have. Ones that I do have are all paired up and basically have no time for me. I love to go out, have a chat/club etc and am looking for like minded friends (not looking for lurve at the mo. Had enough of that). Basically, I need to get my life back and meet new people because at the moment I really dont have one. Please no wise cracks. This is really getting me down :-(

Feel lonely sitting in at the weekend.

I have joined a gym (showing effort and initiative) but nothing.

What can I do?

Havent read any replies yet but here's my humble advice.

I'm in my early 30's and was in the same boat this time last year.

Things happen for a reason. The last year is the longest I've spent single since i was about 17/18. Anyway all me mates were settling down, getting married etc etc

I started going out with the work crowd a bit. Went to their Sports & Socials etc. That helped a lot. But thing is it left me nowhere at weekends only at home lonely.

So it slowly dawned on me it was time to get to know myself a bit better.

I joined a football team and went back playing football. There's Sat afternoon gone. Met mates there.

Then I realised I wanted to get some further education. Went back to college (not easy) but met lots nice people and lots of honeys there too.

I specially spent more time with my immediate family. People who I basically ignored for 12 yrs or more and slowly became mates with my folks.

Do you have anything in the world you ever wanted to do but never managed to find time?

Sports/Dancing lessons/Photography/Yoga/Meditation/Walking/Fishing ...

There must be something, yeah?

Anyways, it's a horrible station to pull into but when you leave it there's a hundred and one routes open not just the one or two ...

Have fun!!

cournioni

I don't want to make this sound like I'm taking the piss or anything, but join a club. Join something you might be interested in that involves other people. That is the best way of meeting people.