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Panda walks into a bar...

  • 26-11-2005 3:54pm
    #1
    NikNik
    Closed Accounts Posts: 221 ✭✭


    Don't know if this has been posted before...

    A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bartender and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please"

    So the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.

    All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter.

    The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!"

    The panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"

    "Why yes," the barman answered. "You're a panda."

    "Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.

    The barman was unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary. After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:

    PANDA:1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves

    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

    Bear and Squirrel:

    Deep in the woods sat a bear and a squirrel at the communal latrine.
    "Hmmm" says the bear to the squirrel, "Do you find that **** tends to stick to your fur?"
    "Yes it does" replies the squirrel.
    "Great!" says the bear, and wipes his ass with the squirrel


Comments

  • #2
    Karoma
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,396 ✭✭✭✭Karoma


    *shakes head with so much disappointment*
    http://eatsshootsandleaves.com/ESLquiz.html


  • #3
    Somnus
    Registered Users Posts: 2,345 ✭✭✭Somnus


    NikNik wrote:
    Eats shoots and leaves

    I like it :D


  • #4
    GLaDOS
    Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 23,224 Mod ✭✭✭✭GLaDOS


    1st one is OLD

    Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test



  • #5
    joejoem
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,424 ✭✭✭joejoem


    A better one. One day a panda got very sexually aroused but couldnt find a female panda. While walking through town he bumped into a prostitute who took him into a darkened house and he proceeded to have his way with her. When he finished, he stood up and started to put on his panda pants as he shuffled for the door. "Hey!" she screamed, "where do you think your going?", "you owe me money, dont you know I'm a prostitute?" The panda looked confused, so up jumped the prostitute and took down a dictionary from her shelves. She flicked through the pages for a minute and pointed out the word prostitute - performs sexual acts for money

    At this, the Panda took the dictionary, flicked through the pages and found panda. Handed the book back to the prostitute and said "Yeah? Well I'm a f*cking Panda!" and walked out.

    The prostitute looked down at the dictionary which read
    Panda - Eats, shoots and leaves


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