embarressed about virginity

LegacyUser

well, here's the deal; I'm a virgin, 20 y/o, female. And no i'm not ugly, in fact people have asked me if I'm a model. that is sort of part of the problem. i dont look slutty in any way but every guy i meet seem to think that i'm a hardcore pornstar or something like it(and no i'm not saying anything that can possibly make them think that way).
i have told some of the guys i have met but noone believes me, and it pisses me of. I really want to but not with someone i don't like(can't see a problem with that).
i dont really know what i'm asking. i guess i'm starting to feel old and friends and people around me appear to be more experienced. i get cold feet when men expect something they cant get, but still i dont want to do it with someone as unexperienced as me. In general, does men get dissapointed if they find out that the woman is a virgin?

Heyes

bnm wrote:

well, here's the deal; I'm a virgin, 20 y/o, female. And no i'm not ugly, in fact people have asked me if I'm a model. that is sort of part of the problem. i dont look slutty in any way but every guy i meet seem to think that i'm a hardcore pornstar or something like it(and no i'm not saying anything that can possibly make them think that way).
i have told some of the guys i have met but noone believes me, and it pisses me of. I really want to but not with someone i don't like(can't see a problem with that).
i dont really know what i'm asking. i guess i'm starting to feel old and friends and people around me appear to be more experienced. i get cold feet when men expect something they cant get, but still i dont want to do it with someone as unexperienced as me. In general, does men get dissapointed if they find out that the woman is a virgin?

Right First and most importantly YOU have absolutaly nothing to be embaressed about. I know people a lot older than you that are virgins, and I respect them so much for not just jumping in the sack with anyone. If someone has a problem with you been a virgin, then to be straight with you it is THERE problem, they are the shallow individuals that see it as been an issue that it is not.

Lads do talk about it, and from what ive heard I dont think they see it as been a problem, its more like they dont want to disapoint you. So its not a negative reaction your getting, its more like the lads putting pressure on them that is not there.

Please dont let this be bothering you, because as I said before it is the individual that says something whos problem it is. Most if not all would respect you and your decisions, and be happy that you are not the individual that will jump in the sack with anyone.

Dont let this issue bother you.

DrummerBoy

^^^^What Heyes said.

What ever happens stick to your guns and don't just loose your virginity for the sake of loosing it! If it takes a little longer then fine. It'll be worth it. I know far to many women that really do wish they were in your situation! Although that is easier for them to say and probably harder for you to believe. Grass is always greener and all that.

The two type of reactions that I've come across guys having when they find out about someone being a virgin is as follows.
The one to stay away from is the guy who wants to have sex with you for the sake of being the first guy to do so. The other is the guy who respects your choice and takes everything at a pace you are comfortable with. The guy who wants to be with you for you and not just to be the first guy that will be with you.

Don't worry about the cold feet thing. If the guy is worth you sleeping with him then you should be worth the wait

A.

Zillah

In my experience the only people who give a **** about other people being virgins are virgins. Seriously, take your time. It is not an issue.

Zombrex

bnm wrote:

well, here's the deal; I'm a virgin, 20 y/o, female. And no i'm not ugly, in fact people have asked me if I'm a model. that is sort of part of the problem. i dont look slutty in any way but every guy i meet seem to think that i'm a hardcore pornstar or something like it(and no i'm not saying anything that can possibly make them think that way).
i have told some of the guys i have met but noone believes me, and it pisses me of. I really want to but not with someone i don't like(can't see a problem with that).
i dont really know what i'm asking. i guess i'm starting to feel old and friends and people around me appear to be more experienced. i get cold feet when men expect something they cant get, but still i dont want to do it with someone as unexperienced as me. In general, does men get dissapointed if they find out that the woman is a virgin?

If you really look like a model, the guy won't care if you are a virgin at all.
(BTW can I have your number )

In fact some guys like that, they get nervous about their own performance if they think a girl has been with a lot of guys (who could have been a lot better than him). If a girl is a virgin they are sure it will be the best sex u have ever had (yes guys do worry about this stuff).

You should probably tell who ever you are with that you are a virgin though, so they go slow with you and are careful not to hurt you since it is your first time.

If you are with someone who is laughing and you and not believing you that you are a virgin, they sound like an assh**e and you probably wouldn't want to be with them anyway. There loss.

fair play if you are still a virgin!i lost mine a while back and im afraid i actually regretted it a lot!i was basically used by an ex who ignores me to this day

Riamfada

The whole thing is actually not a big deal at all. The only people who talk about it are Virgins. When you start having sex you realise that it wasnt such a status and more of a private matter.

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin and there is nothing right with it. Enjoy life at your own pace

snorlax

im 20 (ill be 21 in March) and im still one. i don't see it as a problem and i intend to wait until im ready (when i meet someone who respects/ cares about me enough to take my feelings into account).
yes i have met people who have mocked me / put pressure on me (especially of late) but mostly it's because they're annoyed i won't get into the sack with them in the first place and that i'm fussy.

i'm determined that my first time will be with someone whom i really like and i don't give a damn how others, mainly shallow muppets percieve me. quite recently i had someone whom i didn't even like trying it on and he was absolutely determined he would change my mind on the issue. no dice. ill wait.

Tar.Aldarion

snorlax wrote:

im 20 (ill be 21 in March) and im still one. i don't see it as a problem and i intend to wait until im ready (when i meet someone who respects/ cares about me enough to take my feelings into account).
yes i have met people who have mocked me / put pressure on me (especially of late) but mostly it's because they're annoyed i won't get into the sack with them in the first place and that i'm fussy.

i'm determined that my first time will be with someone whom i really like and i don't give a damn how others, mainly shallow muppets percieve me. quite recently i had someone whom i didn't even like trying it on and he was absolutely determined he would change my mind on the issue. no dice. ill wait.

OP have that attitude.
Make sure you care about them so you will not look back and regret.
There is nothing wrong with you whatsoever, no embarressment needed.
If somebody is shallow it's their problem, don't be under any pressure.
Also good guys won't see it as a problem and will just wory about disappointing you tbh.

Blisterman

A lot of guys would see, you being a virgin, as a good thing. They definatly wouldn't be dissapointed.

SillyThings

Blisterman wrote:

A lot of guys would see, you being a virgin, as a good thing. They definatly wouldn't be dissapointed.

yea, shows you have a goood head on your shoulders. absolutely nothing to be worried or embarressed about. Now pm me your number!! just jokin, you should be proud in a way. if you want to hold out for "the" mr right, or "a" mr right, do that. take it at your own pace.

blahblah06

Lads use are a waist of space. The Op is upset about ppl just wanting to have sex before they get to know her. Thats the impression i got a anyway. OP dont mind any lads. dont do anything until your ready or you will regret it. If they wont wait for you then there not worth losing your virginity to.

Saviour_Angel

Take it as a blessing that your still a virgin...
I lost mine when I was 16 and I regret it...

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, only selfish and self centered people carry on like it's a big thing...
If you find someone that you like and they feel the same about you, then there isn't anything to worry about...
Take it at your own speed and remember the first time is crap, (my experience as a guy),
Just remember that it gets a lot better and you'll wonder what you ever did without sex...

NB: Don't let anyone pressure you into having sex, it's your body and your decission to do what you want...

Tar.Aldarion

blahblah06 wrote:

Lads use are a waist of space. The Op is upset about ppl just wanting to have sex before they get to know her. Thats the impression i got a anyway.

You say so and then go on to give the same advice as everybody.

hullaballoo

OP, it's about the most attractive thing in the world for a girl to be non-slutty. But that's only for men who are non-shallow.

I don't mean to generalise too much, but unfortunately this is true in my experience; I would imagine that, being an attractive girl, you would be approached by mostly attractive guys, guys with a lot of confidence and maybe a bit too much confidence. Now, from my experience of these guys, there is usually a fair chance that they will probably be shallow enough, and even simply looking for a one-nighter.

So maybe, if you're looking for someone to appreciate your personality a bit more, you could lower your sights a bit, go for someone you secretly find attractive, but wouldn't admit to it, maybe someone who is a little shy etc. He will no-doubt appreciate you from the start, and he won't count his chickens before they hatch. ie he'll wait for you to make the first move on the whole sex front.

Now, maybe I completely missed the point of the thread, but that's my evaluation of the situation and response thereto. Let us know the end result.

Firetrap

Try not to let your being a virgin bother you. It's up to you how/when/if you lose it. Maybe being a virgin is protecting you from the sleazebags who are only out for a one nighter. As lots of people here would tell you, one night stand sex is nowhere near as good as sex with someone you care about and who cares about you.

If you do end up going out with someone who you like, if they have any decency in them at all, they'll understand. You're not going to be a different person after you lose your virginity...

hullaballoo

allie e17 wrote:

You're not going to be a different person after you lose your virginity...

Hmmm...I'm not so sure, perhaps you're right but I'd say I changed a lot after I first had sex. I think I became more manly in my attitude etc. Could be complete coincidence though...

turbot

BNM,

I think you honour the universe by having a good time in it.

Many people are insecure and socially competitive. Because of this, many people allude to being advanced / ahead of their time by losing their virginity early and even sleeping around. Others do this for fun because they really enjoy it. Others because of social pressues.

The reality is that it's much smarter and personally beneficial to have a healthy attitude towards sex, and do what it takes to have a good sex life. This includes only having sex with people you really want to have sex with. Good sex can be so fantastically enjoyable that you are better off doing it really right.

Think of losing your virginity *right* as giving your notions of sex a really good first impression, to pave the way for huge amounts of pleasure and even mind blowingly, reality rippling, cosmically quaking orgasms...

Respecting yourself and making smart decisions as to who you have sex with also sets a really good precedent for how you treat yourself for ever more.

So follow your heart, choose someone you really like and remember that being hard to get, while sexy, graceful and good hearted at the same time, will only make you more desirable. Learn to enjoy the tease of not putting out... and the grace of only doing so in a really good way.

BTW, you might enjoy reading:
"Women on Top" by Nancy Friday, which is a collection of female sexual fantasies.

In my experience; I wouldn't be dissapointed to find out you were a virgin unless I was really horny and just wanted a one night stand. Even then, that you cared enough about yourself and respected yourself enough to have sex right would mean that when you did have sex with me, you'd be even more precious.

- Thomas

condra

bnm-

Youre not a slapper. Guys dont like slappers.

Youre a virgin. Guys like virgins.

I think rushing into it with someone you dont fancy and care about and respect [etc] may be a mistake.

Either way, I wouldnt worry about their level of experience. Sex is not a skill people learn, it comes naturally, and when people try to act experienced, the fun is taken out of it.

Without getting too graphic, some of the best sex Ive had has been pretty uncomplicated, [missionary position, me on top], but what made it so special was the attraction and passion between the two people.

Im sorry I cant be of more help, but I think the less you worry about it the more comfortable you will be, and even if youre a little nervous about it, I reckon the lucky guy will be one very happy camper.

Best of luck.

BeardyGit

Right - Here's a little tip for any of the girls who haven't figured this out themselves yet....

Now I know, before any of you liberated bunch of youngsters chime in, there's always the exception to the rule when it comes to the lads, but - If you lay it on a table for most of us, we'll take it. I know I have. I know all of my friends have too. And I know that sometimes that's fine with both people. But don't 'put out' just for the hell of it or because you think you'll get nowhere with a guy unless you do. You're wasting your time unless you just want sex and don't care if you won't be respected afterwards.

Here's what happens (more often than some of you guys and gals would like to believe I'm sure):

Boy meets girl
Boy and girl both get hot and bothered
Boy tells girl she's hot
Girl tells boy she's hot
Boy and girl get all hot together
Boy gets rocks off
Girl cleans up while boy passes out
Boy mumbles himself awake
Boy tells girl lies to make her feel good, and splits
Girl thinks there's more coming because boy was 'nice' and told her lies
Boy knows there ain't because he got what he came from and it was too easy.

She put out. Simple as that. Now sure, you might end up as F buddies. But rarely. And yeah, you might end up having a short (and it's usually short) relationship. The reason? The lads like to take what they can get but I don't know anyone who likes to think their girlfriend is easy. And let's face it, unless you've known your conquest for quite some time and know otherwise, it's going to play on your mind that maybe this girl you were messing with a while back is the village slut where she comes from. It's going to bug you that it was all too easy and that if it happened with so little effort on your part, it could happen with someone else. I know. Madness. But it's true. We've all been there.

I was a complete **** with girls who dropped their knickers when I dropped a few beers, a kebab and a taxi home to their place. I'm not proud of it (really). And I didn't learn to treat a girl properly until I was made to wait (really wait) for the action I was after. In the meantime, I had to hang out and get to know her. I fell for her bigtime, she became a great friend, and I ended up having a great girlfriend instead of the usual one night stand that formed the bulk of my 'romantic' experience up to that point. I'm a changed man ever since (many years now) - Just because I met someone who wasn't easy. It's all it took and I'll never look back.....

Do yourself and assholes like me a favour will you? Save it up and don't offer it up until you REALLY KNOW that you're good and ready to do anything with your fella.

I know girls who've fallen for the "blue balls" line and were pushed from a bit of a fumble to lying back and thinking of Ireland - Friends of mine who were pressured by so called boyfriends who left a cloud of dust in their wake once they'd got a bite of the apple. Now I've never stooped so low, but I know plenty who have. Boys and young men are immature and selfish. For many it *IS* a trophy to pop your cherry. You'll only ever know you're dealing with someone who's genuinely interested in you if you hold out on them for a while anyway.....

Here I have to say something else of course (because I talk and type too much). There are plenty of other things you can be doing in the meantime if you're inclined to want more than a snog and there'd be nothing new about that approach. If you're ready to explore or experiment with your sexuality, then by all means go ahead (*). Don't decide to do so just as an escape from having sex though. If you're not ready, you're not ready and any asshole who can't understand and accept that shouldn't get anywhere near the grail in the first place. But if you really are, for the love of all that's unholy, educate yourself. Read up on the risks associated with whatever you want to do (There is a risk in EVERYTHING you do). Don't listen to online/schoolyard/workplace gossip and ignore the crap that you'll read in teen magazines....It's nonsense for the most part. Find a reliable source for information on sexual health (look in the stickies) and make sure you're taking the precautions you need to take.

Right, I guess I should go now. Sorry for sort of rambling in your thread OP but I figure anyone likely to read your post might benefit from my musings on this subject. I'm not a prude by any means - I just don't like seeing so many being taken advantage of so bloody often.

Cheerio,

Gil

*(Standard boards terms and conditions apply. This post is regulated by the Mods and certain restrictions may be applied).

condra

Gils rather cynical post is unfortunatly full of truths.

Firetrap

womoma wrote:

Gils rather cynical post is unfortunatly full of truths.

Yes. And should be made required reading

cournioni

bnm wrote:

well, here's the deal; I'm a virgin, 20 y/o, female. And no i'm not ugly, in fact people have asked me if I'm a model. that is sort of part of the problem. i dont look slutty in any way but every guy i meet seem to think that i'm a hardcore pornstar or something like it(and no i'm not saying anything that can possibly make them think that way).
i have told some of the guys i have met but noone believes me, and it pisses me of. I really want to but not with someone i don't like(can't see a problem with that).
i dont really know what i'm asking. i guess i'm starting to feel old and friends and people around me appear to be more experienced. i get cold feet when men expect something they cant get, but still i dont want to do it with someone as unexperienced as me. In general, does men get dissapointed if they find out that the woman is a virgin?

Save it for someone you love. You'll be glad you did. I'm slightly regretting losing mine in a one night stand, because basically it means nothing to me now. But hey, you live and you learn.

Ciaran500

Even more proof that Gil should write his own book, or at the very least get a sticky.

Mr Sparkle

Gil_Dub wrote:

Right - Here's a little tip for any of the girls who haven't figured this out themselves yet....

...

The lads like to take what they can get but I don't know anyone who likes to think their girlfriend is easy. And let's face it, unless you've known your conquest for quite some time and know otherwise, it's going to play on your mind that maybe this girl you were messing with a while back is the village slut where she comes from. It's going to bug you that it was all too easy and that if it happened with so little effort on your part, it could happen with someone else.

.....

Do yourself and assholes a favour will you? Save it up and don't offer it up until you REALLY KNOW that you're good and ready to do anything with your fella.

I know girls who've fallen for the "blue balls" line and were pushed from a bit of a fumble to lying back and thinking of Ireland - Friends of mine who were pressured by so called boyfriends who left a cloud of dust in their wake once they'd got a bite of the apple. Now I've never stooped so low, but I know plenty who have. Boys and young men are immature and selfish. For many it *IS* a trophy to pop your cherry. You'll only ever know you're dealing with someone who's genuinely interested in you if you hold out on them for a while anyway.....

...

Such a good post by Gil, I had to register just to endorse it!!

sideFX

bnm wrote:

well, here's the deal; I'm a virgin, 20 y/o, female. And no i'm not ugly, in fact people have asked me if I'm a model. that is sort of part of the problem. i dont look slutty in any way but every guy i meet seem to think that i'm a hardcore pornstar or something like it(and no i'm not saying anything that can possibly make them think that way).
i have told some of the guys i have met but noone believes me, and it pisses me of. I really want to but not with someone i don't like(can't see a problem with that).
i dont really know what i'm asking. i guess i'm starting to feel old and friends and people around me appear to be more experienced. i get cold feet when men expect something they cant get, but still i dont want to do it with someone as unexperienced as me. In general, does men get dissapointed if they find out that the woman is a virgin?

Try not to worry about it hon, seriously. You sound like a top burd. It's a pity the youth of today don't have the same outlook, eh?

It will happen when it happens. It's really as simple as that. The good thing for you is that if you keep that attitude you'll be able to look back on it and smile. And by holding out for the right fella etc you'll enjoy it even more.
I wonder how many people can say that? I wonder how many look back and cringe or were so outta it can't remember?

I can't speak for all men only for myself. I think it's sweet to be honest. The real question should be asked by men ... are u dissapointed?

Don't forget too everyone was a virgin at one stage so nobody can throw stones

sideFX

Heyes wrote:

its more like they dont want to disapoint you.

Just read that one ... see I told ye

sideFX

Deleted User wrote:

i actually regretted it a lot!i

What did I say ... now I hope ur not stressing anymore

the_syco

bnm wrote:

In general, does men get dissapointed if they find out that the woman is a virgin?

Some men want a woman who is still a virgin, and seem to think anyhting else is "unholy" (for lack of a better word). In this instance some men are quite odd. So don't think that you're "weird" for still being a virgin.

For those who call you fussy, they can fúck off, tbh. If a guy tries to pressurize you into sex, walk away. What would you prefer: the memory of your "first time" being with someone you love, or a memory that you try to forget of someone that you f*cked in an alley, and broke your heart 3 minutes later?

chern0byl

Wicknight wrote:

yes guys do worry about this stuff

Yeah they do. The ones with no confidence, no technique and basically rubbish.

OP: your situation isnt normal but i dont understand why you are embarassed. I get they feeling that you are not exactly sexually experienced and need to spend some time doing the other things to get comfortable with being more sexual. I dont know of anybody that i have ever been with that went straight from kissing to jumping into bed.[maybe im assuming too much?]

BeardyGit

chern0byl wrote:

Yeah they do. The ones with no confidence, no technique and basically rubbish.

OP: your situation isnt normal but i dont understand why you are embarassed. I get they feeling that you are not exactly sexually experienced and need to spend some time doing the other things to get comfortable with being more sexual. I dont know of anybody that i have ever been with that went straight from kissing to jumping into bed.[maybe im assuming too much?]

I think you're assuming quite a bit. First off, even confident and experienced sexual performers can be nervous and suffer an element of anxiety when about to get all coital with a new partner for the first time. To suggest otherwise would suggest you're an highly accomplished and somewhat super-human bedroom impressario.... My apologies if I'm mistaken, but I doubt you're that good.

Furthermore I'd suggest that describing the OP's situation as "not normal" is also a little misguided and quite counterproductive. Certainly, while the majority of us have been foolish enough to start having full blown (ahem) sex before we were really ready for it, there are a considerable number of teenagers and even some into their early twenties who make a conscious decision to abstain. That doesn't mean these individuals aren't honing their sexual capabilities, it just means that they're holding off on the finale until they've seen the rest of the show. So I would take issue with labeling anyone who practices such a refreshingly mature approach to their early sex life as being anything abnormal. Not in the majority? Sure. "Not normal"? I don't agree and I doubt I'm alone in this.

Now don't go getting your knickers in a twist, my reply is most certainly not a personal attack - I'm just saying that the implication that there is any negative slant to be taken when discussing someone 'saving themself' is almost a touch offensive to my own sensibilities and somewhat traditional values. It's just how I see it, okay? Really, nothing personal in it.

Now, let's all be friends.

Gil

chern0byl

Gil_Dub wrote:

"not normal"

Yeah, they were badly chosen words.

Gil_Dub wrote:

would suggest you're an highly accomplished and somewhat super-human bedroom impressario.... My apologies if I'm mistaken, but I doubt you're that good.

Im just relaxed when it comes to sex. It is a natural thing afterall and i dont feel any huge pressure.

Heyes

chern0byl wrote:

OP: your situation isnt normal

Disregard that bit.... no one can brush everyone with the same brush. Some loose it early, some loose it late, some loose it in between. No one has a right to decide what is normal.

Just relax and enjoy the journey. Trust me on this there is no point stressing over it. You WILL be happier you waited rather than doing it with some random bloke or someone you dont have feelings for.