Not For Me Yet Thanks!!

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, Im a 19 year old female virgin. I love going out socialising every week, and meeting new guys. But i am too scared to go any further than kissing.. ive never had a proper boyfriend, that doesnt bother me too much. Ive had the opportunity numerous times to lose my virginity, but ive always said no. Im worried that guys think im leading them on, some of them get annoyed because i wont sleep with them. Im a really friendly girl, and I 'score' easily (for want of a better word!) but all to often the guy wants more!! is it wrong to just enjoy kissing, and not want more? im all to aware of the risks associated with sex, plus if the guy is pissed off with me when i wont sleep with him, how do i know that if i had, he wouldnt have gone round talking bout me? Its kind of wrecking my head, cos i dont want to give the wrong impression, but i dont want to stop kissing guys if all they're after is sex? Sorry to go on, but what do i do? Am i wrong in not wanting sex (for the time being anyway, im only 19 after all) My friends are not virgins, that doesnt affect our relationship, but obviously they're not in the same position as me!! Any advice appreciated!!

Atrocity

If you don't want to do it, then you shouldn't. As you said, you're only 19, there's no rush. Just wait until you're ready and then it will probably be a lot better and the wait will have been worth it.

Heyes

Atrocity wrote:

If you don't want to do it, then you shouldn't. As you said, you're only 19, there's no rush. Just wait until you're ready and then it will probably be a lot better and the wait will have been worth it.

id like to second that

hullaballoo

Thirded. Motion carried

LegacyUser

dont ever do anything you dont want to. as hard as this is to believe people will respect you for it in the long run

Red Alert

well seen as you 'score' easily the fact that you haven't slept with anybody probably intrigues a lot of them. well done for being a virgin at 19, I was too!

Exon

Only child brains are just after sex tbh! But I must admit it's not the most attractive thing in the world when a girl is too 'tight' but it's even less attractive when she's too 'loose'. What about touching/oral sex?

The Corinthian

Firstly, at nineteen I wouldn’t be concerned about being a virgin.

Secondly, moving forward as you get older it will become increasingly unusual for you to want to retain your virginity. As we get older we tend to become more sexually active and we begin to take for granted that sex will be part of any intimate relationship we have; as such you will find that the pool of men who will accept your stance will shrink. However, I wouldn’t worry about that for a good while yet.

BeardyGit

Right - Here's a little tip for any of the girls who haven't figured this out themselves yet....

Now I know, before any of you liberated bunch of youngsters chime in, there's always the exception to the rule when it comes to the lads, but - If you lay it on a table for most of us, we'll take it. I know I have. I know all of my friends have too. And I know that sometimes that's fine with both people. But don't 'put out' just for the hell of it or because you think you'll get nowhere with a guy unless you do. You're wasting your time unless you just want sex and don't care if you won't be respected afterwards.

Here's what happens (more often than some of you guys and gals would like to believe I'm sure):

Boy meets girl
Boy and girl both get hot and bothered
Boy tells girl she's hot
Girl tells boy she's hot
Boy and girl get all hot together
Boy gets rocks off
Girl cleans up while boy passes out
Boy mumbles himself awake
Boy tells girl lies to make her feel good, and splits
Girl thinks there's more coming because boy was 'nice' and told her lies
Boy knows there ain't because he got what he came from and it was too easy.

She put out. Simple as that. Now sure, you might end up as F buddies. But rarely. And yeah, you might end up having a short (and it's usually short) relationship. The reason? The lads like to take what they can get but I don't know anyone who likes to think their girlfriend is easy. And let's face it, unless you've known your conquest for quite some time and know otherwise, it's going to play on your mind that maybe this girl you were messing with a while back is the village slut where she comes from. It's going to bug you that it was all too easy and that if it happened with so little effort on your part, it could happen with someone else. I know. Madness. But it's true. We've all been there.

I was a complete **** with girls who dropped their knickers when I dropped a few beers, a kebab and a taxi home to their place. I'm not proud of it (really). And I didn't learn to treat a girl properly until I was made to wait (really wait) for the action I was after. In the meantime, I had to hang out and get to know her. I fell for her bigtime, she became a great friend, and I ended up having a great girlfriend instead of the usual one night stand that formed the bulk of my 'romantic' experience up to that point. I'm a changed man ever since (many years now) - Just because I met someone who wasn't easy. It's all it took and I'll never look back.....

Do yourself and assholes like me a favour will you? Save it up and don't offer it up until you REALLY KNOW that you're good and ready to do anything with your fella.

I know girls who've fallen for the "blue balls" line and were pushed from a bit of a fumble to lying back and thinking of Ireland - Friends of mine who were pressured by so called boyfriends who left a cloud of dust in their wake once they'd got a bite of the apple. Now I've never stooped so low, but I know plenty who have. Boys and young men are immature and selfish. For many it *IS* a trophy to pop your cherry. You'll only ever know you're dealing with someone who's genuinely interested in you if you hold out on them for a while anyway.....

Here I have to say something else of course (because I talk and type too much). There are plenty of other things you can be doing in the meantime if you're inclined to want more than a snog and there'd be nothing new about that approach. If you're ready to explore or experiment with your sexuality, then by all means go ahead (*). Don't decide to do so just as an escape from having sex though. If you're not ready, you're not ready and any asshole who can't understand and accept that shouldn't get anywhere near the grail in the first place. But if you really are, for the love of all that's unholy, educate yourself. Read up on the risks associated with whatever you want to do (There is a risk in EVERYTHING you do). Don't listen to online/schoolyard/workplace gossip and ignore the crap that you'll read in teen magazines....It's nonsense for the most part. Find a reliable source for information on sexual health (look in the stickies) and make sure you're taking the precautions you need to take.

Right, I guess I should go now. Sorry for sort of rambling in your thread OP but I figure anyone likely to read your post might benefit from my musings on this subject. I'm not a prude by any means - I just don't like seeing so many being taken advantage of so bloody often.

Cheerio,

Gil

*(Standard boards terms and conditions apply. This post is regulated by the Mods and certain restrictions may be applied).

BeardyGit

Oops - Sorry, wrong thread but I'll leave it here as it's probably fairly relevant here anyway.

LegacyUser

no not oral sex, but touching yes

i think in a way im too immature, not ready to grow up, ive never had a proper boyfriend as i mentioned, anytime a guy seems interested in becoming my boyfriend i get kinda put off..i dont like the thought of not being young free and single!! maybe i should just enjoy my singledom for a while??

bobbi

i think its great you should wait and be wanting to loose it to that one special guy!I know so many ppl including myself who wished they had waited.I know i was too young(15) and i don't even talk to to the guys anymore.I wish i had waited. You should be proud, virginity is a sacred thing:)

The Corinthian

bobbi wrote:

You should be proud, virginity is a sacred thing:)

Let's not exaggerate.

savoyard

Virgin19 wrote:

plus if the guy is pissed off with me when i wont sleep with him, how do i know that if i had, he wouldnt have gone round talking bout me? Its kind of wrecking my head, cos i dont want to give the wrong impression, but i dont want to stop kissing guys if all they're after is sex?

If a guy is pissed off you won't sleep with him and shows it, you've probably made the right decision not to sleep with him! If he's got any respect for you, he'll accept it.

Just be careful of the situations you put yourself in, especially if you've had a few drinks. There are guys out there who won't take no for an answer, who won't accept that you have the right to stay no whenever you want and will pressurise or force you into doing something you're not comfortable with or ready for.

I think you're totally right hanging until you're ready. You don't hear too many women say the first time was great - you might as well wait until you know you want to have sex with someone rather than seeing your virginity as something to get rid of asap.

The Corinthian

savoyard wrote:

If a guy is pissed off you won't sleep with him and shows it, you've probably made the right decision not to sleep with him! If he's got any respect for you, he'll accept it.

That's a pretty sweeping generalization you've got going there...

Kersh

Ok, V19, do all us 'good' guys a favour right. If you score easy for kisses, then please make sure that when you do sleep with someone that you are not so easy to score getting in the sack. Nothing is worse than asking your partner - 'How many have you slept with?' and the answer being 23 by the time you are 25 , know what i mean.....
My current gf lost hers way after you.... so dont be worrying.
I do agree with most on here that a guy only wants his rocks off. Go meet guys elsewhere than in clubs. The calibre of guy is fairly poor there.

Dragan

Virgin19 wrote:

Hi everyone, Im a 19 year old female virgin. I love going out socialising every week, and meeting new guys. But i am too scared to go any further than kissing.. ive never had a proper boyfriend, that doesnt bother me too much. Ive had the opportunity numerous times to lose my virginity, but ive always said no. Im worried that guys think im leading them on, some of them get annoyed because i wont sleep with them. Im a really friendly girl, and I 'score' easily (for want of a better word!) but all to often the guy wants more!! is it wrong to just enjoy kissing, and not want more? im all to aware of the risks associated with sex, plus if the guy is pissed off with me when i wont sleep with him, how do i know that if i had, he wouldnt have gone round talking bout me? Its kind of wrecking my head, cos i dont want to give the wrong impression, but i dont want to stop kissing guys if all they're after is sex? Sorry to go on, but what do i do? Am i wrong in not wanting sex (for the time being anyway, im only 19 after all) My friends are not virgins, that doesnt affect our relationship, but obviously they're not in the same position as me!! Any advice appreciated!!

Don't rush it, wait until YOUR ready. Plain and simple. Some moron who gets pissed off at you because you won't have sex is purely that, a moron.

I could never understand it. What are they trying to do, have a temper tantrum and hope the giril puts out to shut them up???

Man, blokes are stupid.

Anyway, do what your doing, if the bloke wants to be a ick because you won't have sex then thats his problem. Just be careful though, if your meeting blokes in clubs then i'm assuming you don't know them all that well. Watch yourself and even the nicest seeming blokes can be total scumbags behind closed doors.

The Corinthian

Dragan wrote:

Don't rush it, wait until YOUR ready. Plain and simple. Some moron who gets pissed off at you because you won't have sex is purely that, a moron.

Another sweeping generalisation. Look on it this way, a guy is going out with a woman for X number of weeks, months or even (God forbid) years. She’s fine with kissing and cuddling and foreplay, but the final release is out of bounds.

That’s her choice, grand. But he’s not allowed to get frustrated? What planet are you on?

Certainly I’m not suggesting that a man should use the ‘blue balls’ argument to coerce (although when convincing becomes coercion is a debatable point) a woman into having sex, but to suggest that (sexual-religious morality aside) we’re going to grin a bare it indefinitely either is pretty unreasonable.

savoyard

The OP said she wasn't in a relationship of any sort and (I think) most posters are talking about whether or not you should be worried what a bloke you've kissed a few times in a club thinks when you won't have sex with him - not what a bloke you've been going out with for months thinks.

You seem to be comparing apples and oranges TC....

Nevyn

It depends on what a couple decided is acceptible sexual pratices for them in thier realtionship and there are many types of releases that do not include
vaginal penatration.

The Corinthian

savoyard wrote:

The OP said she wasn't in a relationship of any sort and (I think) most posters are talking about whether or not you should be worried what a bloke you've kissed a few times in a club thinks when you won't have sex with him - not what a bloke you've been going out with for months thinks.

You seem to be comparing apples and oranges TC....

No I'm commenting on what other posters (nothing to do with the OP) have said, in that they've made a number of sweeping generalisations without reference to any specific circumstances or situation.

savoyard

Well, if you look back, you can clearly see both posts you've said were generalisations were directed at the OP, not at other poster's statements..

Nevyn

This is not humanities or a debating forum.
Please keep your posting on topic and addressing the issue raised by the op
inter personal sniping will not be tolerated.
Please read the charter
Have a nice day
Thaedydal

The Corinthian

savoyard wrote:

Well, if you look back, you can clearly see both posts you've said were generalisations were directed at the OP, not at other poster's statements..

If you directed them at the OP or not is irrelevant as they're still generalisations - you've said nothing about it only applying to a specific situation, only a simplistic assertion that any man who may want to have sex with her is obviously some form of sex obsessed troglodyte - this is how stereotypes begin, after all.

Now, I assume that you don't actually believe in such a generalisation, so my only criticism is that you should watch what you suggest as it can actually form the opinion of someone for years to come if taken verbatim - in short, write what you mean.

The Corinthian

Thaedydal wrote:

This is not humanities or a debating forum.

I'm not really addressing an issue in the humanities, more one of being careful what or how you advise. However, I do accept it is OT. Apologies.

Dragan

The Corinthian wrote:

Another sweeping generalisation. Look on it this way, a guy is going out with a woman for X number of weeks, months or even (God forbid) years. She’s fine with kissing and cuddling and foreplay, but the final release is out of bounds.

That’s her choice, grand. But he’s not allowed to get frustrated? What planet are you on?

Certainly I’m not suggesting that a man should use the ‘blue balls’ argument to coerce (although when convincing becomes coercion is a debatable point) a woman into having sex, but to suggest that (sexual-religious morality aside) we’re going to grin a bare it indefinitely either is pretty unreasonable.

Were not talking about going out with someone for a long time here, we are talking about picking someone up in a club, as far as i can tell from the original posters comments????

My "sweeping generalisation" is just that, any bloke who picks up a girl in a club and has a temper tantrum because she won't put out has some serious issues.

Plain and simple.

Of course relationships are different, but that is not what we are talking about here.

The Corinthian

Dragan wrote:

Were not talking about going out with someone for a long time here, we are talking about picking someone up in a club, as far as i can tell from the original posters comments????

That’s not what you said. You never mentioned picking someone up in a club, you were talking about men in general.

My "sweeping generalisation" is just that, any bloke who picks up a girl in a club and has a temper tantrum because she won't put out has some serious issues.

If you’d actually specified the circumstances then I’d probably agree, but you didn’t - you can’t even suggest that the circumstances you’ve just described are in response from the OP, as she never suggested that the guy has “a temper tantrum”.

So either we have to second-guess what you mean or we have to take what you said at face value. And at face value you were talking utter crap. Problem arises when the OP doesn’t realise this and accepts what you say as Gospel.

The OP should lose her cherry when she feels good and ready and not before. However that’s not to say that a guy convincing her of this should not be part of the process. If a guy is being unreasonable, he’s being unreasonable - but just because he’s looking for it does not automatically mean he has “some serious issues”.

And that’s what your "sweeping generalisation" crudely implies.

Dragan

You know what, ever since i have started posting on this board i have been clashing with Mods, and here is another one.

As far as i have been told many times, and even threatened with a view barrings by mods we stick to the topic laid down by the original poster.

The original poster said she was not in a relationship, so that is the way i went.

If you want my honest opinion, ANY BLOKE, be it in a relationship or not, who throws a temper tantrum when the girl won't have sex is a moron.

Now then, thats an opinion, call it a sweeping generalisation if you want to, but either way it is my opinion. Last time i checked most message boards were about opinions.

And if the OP was to take ANYTHING said to her on a goddamn message board as gospel then i would be sincerely concerned for that person.

Dude, you really need to relax, if you have a disagreement with something that is said, then state it plain and simple. To be honest calling ANY posters thoughts "utter crap" because YOU happen to disagree with them is more the actions of a poster, not someone who is a MOD. Am i wrong in thinking it is your job to control such antics on the board, and keep the flow of conversation polite?

Either way, you are entitled to your opinion, and me to mine.

The Corinthian

Dragan wrote:

You know what, ever since i have started posting on this board i have been clashing with Mods, and here is another one.

Do you want a medal?

If you want my honest opinion, ANY BLOKE, be it in a relationship or not, who throws a temper tantrum when the girl won't have sex is a moron.

I agree, but that’s not what is being discussed here, you’re the one who decided that these guys are having temper tantrums, the OP never said anything about that.

Now then, thats an opinion, call it a sweeping generalisation if you want to, but either way it is my opinion. Last time i checked most message boards were about opinions.

And if those opinions are ill founded then don’t be surprised if someone takes you to task for them.

And if the OP was to take ANYTHING said to her on a goddamn message board as gospel then i would be sincerely concerned for that person.

Then I suspect you’d be sincerely concerned for a lot of people. Why do you think there are labels on microwaves warning people that they’re not suitable for drying household pets? Come to think of it, if that is your opinion, why are you bothering to post here?

Dude, you really need to relax, if you have a disagreement with something that is said, then state it plain and simple. To be honest calling ANY posters thoughts "utter crap" because YOU happen to disagree with them is more the actions of a poster, not someone who is a MOD. Am i wrong in thinking it is your job to control such antics on the board, and keep the flow of conversation polite?

I called what you were saying utter crap because it was an ill thought out, mildly offensive, opinionated generalisation that was right up there in terms of validity with the old ‘all Men are Rapists’ line.

As for my moderator status, that applies only to those boards I moderate, anywhere else I’m just Joe Bloggs.

Either way, you are entitled to your opinion, and me to mine.

Of course, but if you want to voice that opinion accept that people may point out that you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Anyhow, this thread is going wildly OT at this stage and I suspect the OP has her answer.

LegacyUser

well, as i said, im talking bout guys 'picked up in a club'..yes i know that they mey seem all nice etc and be a lot different, but to be honest, im not having much luck finding guys in different situations, also when i do meet a nice guy; he doesnt seem interested in pursuing a relationship with me, now do i think that is because i dont 'put out' on the first night.. it feels like a bit of a catch22 situtaion, i meet guys in clubs, who arent exactly marriage material, etc, but i cant seem to meet nice guys otherwise, or those that i do dont seem interested in anything more than friends, so then i go out the weekend, and this is the only real way of having a bit of a laugh, and getting a kiss!? god life is so hard sometimes!!!

savoyard

The Corinthian wrote:

However that’s not to say that a guy convincing her of this should not be part of the process. If a guy is being unreasonable, he’s being unreasonable - but just because he’s looking for it does not automatically mean he has “some serious issues”.

.

If a 19 year old girl you are not in a relationship with and that you're casually kissing says "I don't want to have penetrative sex with you", the bloke should accept it and move on. And vice versa. It is not his place to "convince" her: he should accept her decision. If he has a problem with that, I wouldn't waste any time worrying about his opinion and I'd steer well clear of him in future. That's my opinion and that's my advice to the OP.

As I'm sure the OP knows all anyone on boards like this can do is offer their own opinions based on their own experiences.

The Corinthian

savoyard wrote:

It is not his place to "convince" her: he should accept her decision.

Of course it’s his place to "convince" her - ever heard of seduction, or is that too politically incorrect nowadays? Certainly if a guy is badgering or coercing her then it’s time to show him the red card and move on, but you appear to be taking an extreme view.

So, a guy gets with a girl, suggests doing the wild thing, she says no and that’s it? He’s not allowed to bring it up again? Perhaps he should passively wait for her to bring up the subject in future?

I mean, really, have you actually thought through what you’re saying?

Dragan

The Corinthian wrote:

Do you want a medal?

I agree, but that’s not what is being discussed here, you’re the one who decided that these guys are having temper tantrums, the OP never said anything about that.

And if those opinions are ill founded then don’t be surprised if someone takes you to task for them.

Then I suspect you’d be sincerely concerned for a lot of people. Why do you think there are labels on microwaves warning people that they’re not suitable for drying household pets? Come to think of it, if that is your opinion, why are you bothering to post here?

I called what you were saying utter crap because it was an ill thought out, mildly offensive, opinionated generalisation that was right up there in terms of validity with the old ‘all Men are Rapists’ line.

As for my moderator status, that applies only to those boards I moderate, anywhere else I’m just Joe Bloggs.

Of course, but if you want to voice that opinion accept that people may point out that you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Anyhow, this thread is going wildly OT at this stage and I suspect the OP has her answer.

I agree with you, this has gone completely off topic. Simple fact is that we will not end up agreeing on this, as it all hinges of what different people interperet the words "pissed off" to mean!

And as for the microwaves things, thats more to avoid law suits that actual directions I fear. Anyone who puts "Spot" in the mircrowave to dry him off deserves a cooked dog! ha ha ha

hullaballoo

bobbi wrote:

I know i was too young(15) and i don't even talk to to the guys anymore.

I presume that was a typo

Beruthiel

it would be just wonderful, if we all could get this thread back on topic now!
B

savoyard

The Corinthian wrote:

Of course it’s his place to "convince" her - ever heard of seduction, or is that too politically incorrect nowadays? Certainly if a guy is badgering or coercing her then it’s time to show him the red card and move on, but you appear to be taking an extreme view.

I mean, really, have you actually thought through what you’re saying?

If I say no, I mean no. I don't need some bloke I barely know trying to convince me that I don't know my own mind and I don't mean what I'm saying. To me that's not seduction, it's badgering. I've been in those situations - I'm sure if you asked the guy he thought he was seducing or convincing me. I didn't appreciate it. It's putting someone who has already said no under pressure to change her mind. Why not just accept that she means what she says?

Once again, I'd like to clarify that I am talking about casual encounters here, and specifically casual encounters between a 19 year old who doesn't want to lose her virginity yet and guys she is not in a relationship with. I am not talking about two people who are in a relationship or dating seriously. That's a totally different discussion.

The OP has every right to decide when she wants to lose her virginity and to who. The guys she kisses on random nights should respect her groundrules - because you're attracted enough to someone to kiss them doesn't mean you want to have sex with them and it's quite a leap for them to expect otherwise. Obviously there are some guys who don't understand this, so you do have to use your common sense and feel confident enough to just walk away if you feel uncomfortable with the situation or you feel you're being talked into doing something you don't want to do.

The Corinthian

savoyard wrote:

Once again, I'd like to clarify that I am talking about casual encounters here, and specifically casual encounters between a 19 year old who doesn't want to lose her virginity yet and guys she is not in a relationship with. I am not talking about two people who are in a relationship or dating seriously. That's a totally different discussion.

Right - now explain to us where the OP suggested that she was talking about casual encounters. Then return to your original response and explain to us where you suggested that you was talking about casual encounters.

Now, if she wasn't talking about casual encounters and you didn't mention casual encounters when you first decided to give her your pearls of wisdom, then you'll forgive us if you sound as if you're coming out with wild generalisations.

Dragan

Virgin19 wrote:

Hi everyone, Im a 19 year old female virgin. I love going out socialising every week, and meeting new guys. But i am too scared to go any further than kissing..

Sorry dude, but that really does give the impression that the OP was talking about casual encounters.

"Every week" and "new guys" gives ME the impression that it would be pretty casual at least.

That is what i based my response off anywho!

savoyard

She says she's never had a proper boyfriend in the second line and repeats in another post. I don't know how you read that, but I read it as she's never been in a relationship and therefore the encounters she has are casual.

Look TC, we're obviously on totally different pages here. That's what I understood from her post (and on re-reading still understand), that's what I responded to and what I have continued to respond to. I'm baffled as to what you are responding to.

This sniping is not helping the OP. I stand by the advice I offered. You obviously don't agree with my advice: fine, you've made that very clear. It's up to the OP to take on board or dismiss whatever we say.

Victor

The Corinthian, Dragan, savoyard

This is not your thread. Go away.