Fed Up With Everything

LegacyUser

Im fed up with life really, i feel there must be something wrong with me. Im in my mid 20's and just feel totally lost, everyone seems to be moving on, doing what people my age do, have long relationships, buy a place togther etc.
I am alone and i always have been really in the sense that i've never had a proper girlfriend. Sure i've gone out with girls, but for short periods of time, i've never had an intimate relationship like so many seem to have. Thinking about my situation has become almost a constant every day. Its just there, i feel different from other people in someway, it all seems so easy for people to be carefree in love. I am very guarded and have built a lot of walls around me, when a girl tries to get close i push her away before it gets serious. This really depressess me, i have love to give i feel, im just not natural with it.
Some days i just feel like screaming my head off, im so frustrated with life and i think of suicide occasionally.
The more time passess the more i feel like a bit of a freak, the more people ask if i've got a girlfriend, and wonder whats up with this guy?
I guess im just getting this of my chest and wondering if there's people out there in this situation and have people turned it around? I can't exist like this,
you can give me all the money in the world but without love i feel its a totally meaningless existence.

Sarah**

your right without love it does seem meaningless....do what i do...just go out and get hammered with your mates and their girlfriends/boyfriends and have a laugh then meet someone and go home knwoing you got qa kiss maybe more and then next weekend start again!!

^CwAzY^

Well, you know what your problem is so work on it..The next relationship you get into make extra effort not to push her away when it's getting serious.. Learn from past mistakes..

alleepally

I'm the same. I know how you feel. That's not a lot of help but you should know that there are many others in the same situation as you but the important thing is not to lose hope or think that "this is it" for the rest of your life. It isn't. There is only this moment in time and for good or ill you just take it as it comes, learn and grow.

Nevyn

You can not hang your happiness on another person.
You have to happy with yourself and with what you are doing with your life,
for your own sake not anyone elses.

What makes you happy ?
What makes you smile ?
What makes you content ?
What makes you laugh ?
What makes you feel at peace with yourself ?
What makes you feel like a worth while person ?

The answer to is this not being in love or having a person to love or someone loving you; or drink or drugs or self destructive behaviours.

Put your happiness first, treat yourself well.
We often treat and think of ourselves more harshly then we would ever let anyone do to a friend or family memeber.

Live the life you want and you never know what may happen and where it may take you.

AARRRGH

Why not live abroad for a while? I'm sure you'd have a blast somewhere like Japan. All the Japanese women would be interested in you... new language... new culture... new experiences... it'd be great!

The Free Man

maybe you should just click on dublindudes signature?

Atrocity

It's hell to feel that low. But everyone can hope that things will change in the future, it's all you can cling to at times. Occupy yourself, read, exercise, develop more interests. Go out and try to have fun. Just keep doing this and eventually when you've stopped thinking about it, you'll meet someone and the next phase of your life will begin.

condra

I can completely relate to your situation.

I suspect there are far more people in a similar situation than you might think. Im in my mid 20s aswell.

Im also single, broke and often get lonely despite having lots of friends. The feeling of having someone special who feels the same way as you is something quite fantastic and I think most people strive to accomplish this.

I dont think suicide is the answer, considering how life ebbs and flows, sometimes you just have to grin and bare it until things start going your way. Thats not to say you cant create your own luck to some degree.

Do you find it difficult to meet single girls your own age?
I dont think the girls we see out in pubs and clubs represent the average Irish girl very well. What I mean is, theres a large number of girls who you might never know about if you thought the only place to meet girls is out on the piss.

I suspect you feel like an "outsider" to some degree. There have been countless books written on the subject of "the outsider", one of which is called "The Outsider" and is written by Colin Wilson.

Sorry - this is all quite muddled. I just really hope you stay patient and you meet someone special sooner rather than later. And please also dont lose faith in women, our generation or humanity in general. Peoples acts of kindness always cheer me up and I try to remember them.

Fysh

OP, there's nothing wrong with you. There's lots of us out there who can relate to your situation, at least to some degree. I spent much of the last six months wondering how come most people I knew of my age group were either settling into long-term relationships, discussing marriage, or arranging buying a place together, when I'm still living much the same lifestyle as I did in college. It took me a while to realise that I'm happier this way, though (there's loads of time left later for buying houses, getting married etc). And there's no point looking for someone to *make* you happy if you can't be happy on your own.

The best thing to do is figure out some things that make you happy. If you have a hobby or hobbies with a local group, go and join it. If not, maybe think about starting one. Do things just because you want to. If you're getting bored of always going out on the piss at weekends, talk to some friends and plan something a bit different. If you move your focus away from meeting someone who'll stop you feeling lonely and instead focus on having fun, then you can enjoy your life a lot more. And the best thing is that while you're having fun, chances are you'll meet someone you like, and the fact that you're having fun and relaxed will count strongly in your favour.

(I should also add that I agree with womoma's comment about clubs in Ireland...for some, meeting people while out in clubs or on the piss works well. For others like me, it doesn't. This does not make you some sort of exception to the norm. Just means it's a bit more fiddly to meet people you get on well with.)

ferdi

OP, i completely understand and sympathise but unfortunatly i have no answers to share.

womoma wrote:

I suspect there are far more people in a similar situation than you might think...single, broke and often lonely despite having lots of friends

agree. i think we are the minority, but a very large one.

womoma wrote:

I dont think suicide is the answer, considering how life ebbs and flows, sometimes you just have to grin and bare it until things start going your way.

its definitly not the answer but that seems a hollow sentiment when you've felt like this for so long that you cant remember feeling any other way

LegacyUser

its definitly not the answer but that seems a hollow sentiment when you've felt like this for so long that you cant remember feeling any other way[/QUOTE]


this is how i feel, its been so long it might aswell be forever, with this in mind i get depressed about the future
nobody likes a moaner, i know that and i don't go on about my problems to others, im using this as an opportunity to do so

has anybody got out the other side of this type of situationand it has all worked out for the best?

some people out there seem to pick up new boyfriends/girlfriends like cheeseburgers in mc donalds

i know i think to much about it and at this stage it has become an obssession. but is there anything more to life? that is as fundamental and important to happiness as being in a loving relationship?

condra

that seems a hollow sentiment when you've felt like this for so long

Believe me when I say that I fully relate to what youre going through, and didnt want to come across that way.
When someone feels genuinly depressed or desperate, there isnt much anyone can say that will cheer them up.

i know i think to much about it and at this stage it has become an obssession. but is there anything more to life?

I think to some degree youve answered your own question there.
I think different people put different weight on the various aspects of life and "happiness". Although love and loving relationships are obviously major factors for many peopple. Some people do live for their family, their careers, their hobbies etc.

I would be of the opinion that there is far more to life than finding love. But thats not to say that anyone can be happy without it.

nobody likes a moaner

I think its very healthy to be able to discuss your feelings and this forum is a good place to do it.

I hope things go your way and Im sorry that I cant be of more help.

tbh

For all the guys in the mid 20's: I'm 31 now and kinda went through what ye all are going through, but I think it was to a much lesser extent then you guys. I hit a patch where I had lots of friends, and a steady stream of casual relationships, but I felt unfulfilled. As some of my other friends started to get married and settle down, I went into a few relationships with my head rather than my heart - as in, girls I like and respected, but didn't really have a spark with. My friends getting married used to trot out the cliche "When you know, you'll know" whenever I asked them how they knew they wanted to spend their life with someone - I developed the view that getting married was a matter of picking the person you have the best chance of not getting pi$$ed off with / pi$$ing off

Anyway, I went to Oz - I was 27 - on my own, and it really helped me get to know myself, and be happy in my own company. I accepted the fact I could end up on my own - although I didn't necessarily thought that I would - and I was totally ok with that.
Of course it's the old story - once you stop looking, you find it. I'm not married, but am in the best relationship I've ever been in, happy in my job, everythings grand (touch wood).

But looking back at all the stuff I had to deal with in my 20's, I can really see what each thing taught me, even if I don't always remember it. Honestly, everything I was worried about has sorted itself out for better or for worse, and I can't remember most of it. I have new stuff to worry about now, but I find I don't get freaked out by stuff as much.
Sorry for rambling there, just wanted to say - hang in there. In my case, everything worked out pretty much ok, and believe me, it was nothing to do with me Lots of people feel like you do, but nobody says anything - stupid really, but true for a lot of things.

hope that helps. By the way, have you ever thought that we're the age where millions of years of instinct are telling us to have kids before we get eaten by woolly mammoths?:eek:

LegacyUser

I can totally sympatise with you. I'm 25 female and feel hopeless on a daily basis. I've been to councelling, I've been hypnotised, been on anti- depressants and nothing has helped, I've cut myself off completely from the world, don't go out with friends, won't even go to the cinema in case someone sees me. I often think about suicide as it has to be easier than the feeling I get every morning when I wake up to realise I have to face another day of the same. I have put on alot of weight over the past few years and it has affected me so badly and I feel so helpless to do anything about it, I have failed at every attempt and I know if I got the weight off my life would be different but because my life is so miserable I have no will to get the weight off- if that makes sense, its a vicious circle I suppose and I would give anything to get out of it.

But I have to tell myself it will get better, it will pass and someday hopefully soon I will get up and start to live again. I long to be able to just go to the shop without worrying! You will be fine, it will all be ok just hang in there and try and think positively. You're not alone in the way you feel but I've realised suicide isn't the answer, nothing is worth that and anytime the thought comes into my head I try and think of the pain and suffering it would cause to my family. The bad patch will pass and you never know what great things are around the corner for you-just hang in there. And the other replies are right, you have to be happy in yourself and not look for someone to complete you or to make you happy.

tbh

I don't think in my whole life I've ever been so frustrated that I can't think of anything helpful to say. I really hope that everything works out for you, recluse, and the OP and all of ye who have posted.

LegacyUser

recluse wrote:

I can totally sympatise with you. I'm 25 female and feel hopeless on a daily basis. I've been to councelling, I've been hypnotised, been on anti- depressants and nothing has helped, I've cut myself off completely from the world, don't go out with friends, won't even go to the cinema in case someone sees me. I often think about suicide as it has to be easier than the feeling I get every morning when I wake up to realise I have to face another day of the same. I have put on alot of weight over the past few years and it has affected me so badly and I feel so helpless to do anything about it, I have failed at every attempt and I know if I got the weight off my life would be different but because my life is so miserable I have no will to get the weight off- if that makes sense, its a vicious circle I suppose and I would give anything to get out of it.

But I have to tell myself it will get better, it will pass and someday hopefully soon I will get up and start to live again. I long to be able to just go to the shop without worrying! You will be fine, it will all be ok just hang in there and try and think positively. You're not alone in the way you feel but I've realised suicide isn't the answer, nothing is worth that and anytime the thought comes into my head I try and think of the pain and suffering it would cause to my family. The bad patch will pass and you never know what great things are around the corner for you-just hang in there. And the other replies are right, you have to be happy in yourself and not look for someone to complete you or to make you happy.

You're right, thats what i think about when i contemplate suicide, about what pain it would bring my family and i don't think i could do that to them, thanks for your post, you are obviously someone who is very caring and i hope your problems ease. You deserve to be happy, we know deep down i think that it is a way of thinking that has got us in this predicament, it seems so hard to change old habits though! im gonna try and be as positive as i can.
Usually though i think, oh its not the end of the world being in my mid 20's like this, then another birthday comes along and it hits home again, nothing has changed. That really brings out the fear in me, my worst nightmare is that i'll be in my 30's like this, a token friend at dinner parties who all the couples wonder whats wrong with himwhen he leaves the room. They'd probably assume i was gay or something, which couldn't be further from the truth.
THis is the kinda crap that runs through my mind, just thought i'd share it with people for once!
Thanks

LegacyUser

Im back, another thing that really gets me down is when people post these things about breakups and how there really depressed.
Now im not for one minute sayinf there depression over losing a love isn't worthy in any way, im sure its excruciating.
But isnt it better that they had such a joyous experience in their life, so lucky to have made such a connection, both physically and spiritually.
The old quote is true,
Its better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all, people bear this in mind, im living proof

condra

No matter how sorry you feel for yourself you should never let that skew your ability to emphathise with others. People who think they are the only ones with problems are unbearable. Sorry.

chern0byl

Fed Up wrote:

you can give me all the money in the world but without love i feel its a totally meaningless existence.

How do you know? You have never been in love. I doubt it will do anything for you tbh. You dont seem happy with yourself and are using love as an excuse.

condra

sorry for being harsh- i really do hope things start going your way.