Lacking in Sex Drive

Clár

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year and am very much in love, but our sex life is not the best and its all my fault. I have never had a very high sex drive but since going back on the pill 2 months ago it has gone completely.

My boyfriend would do it twice a day (if not more) if i was up for it. I give ina few times a week and let him have his way him but he is a sensitive soul and he knows my heart is not in it and he does not end up enjoying it so its a double edged sword.

When i was off the pill i at least wanted it occasionally but when i was actually having sex i would be petrified of getting pregnant and therefore not really enjoying it. I dont want to loose my boyfriend because of this problem but i think i will, he deserves to feel wanted and desired.

I have been a little depressed lately and that does not help me get in the mood. Sex really is not that important to me, god i would prefer a cuddle. I think me and my boyfriend are great together in every other way, except this as we are on 2 totally different wave lenghts.

Has anyone else ever gone throught this kind of thing, all my mates maintain they are nymphos and also my fella's mates say the same about their partners. Am i a freak to not be one

AARRRGH

You sound exactly like an ex I had!! Was awful for my self-esteem. Please make him very certain that the problem is you, not him.

I don't know what the solution is. We couldn't find one...

Downtime

It's probably the pill that you are on that is affecting you. Talk to your doctor about it and see if you can change it.

LegacyUser

How long are you 2 going out? I had a relationship like this before, its very difficult. Unless you make it crystal clear the problem lies with you, your bf will get very concious of it and suffer..
It could well be the barnd of pill you are on.
It could be a past experience affecting your current sex life..

The Troll

Sounds like the problem maybe with the sex rather than with you. If you were having an orgasm everytime you had sex you may feel differently about things.

This is of course an assumption, but please correct me if i'm wrong.

As for your boyfriend, yes he definitely needs sexual satisfaction, as do all men. Lack of, can be a very destructive force even in strong relationships.

I'd say you need to talk to him about how you can go about improving things for both of you, otherwise you're rushing into a dead end.

AARRRGH

The Troll wrote:

Sounds like the problem maybe with the sex rather than with you. If you were having an orgasm everytime you had sex you may feel differently about things.

No, I seriously disagree with this. For a girl to have an orgasm, the physical sex act is only a small part of it. Most of it is in her head...

Clár

dublindude wrote:

You sound exactly like an ex I had!! Was awful for my self-esteem. Please make him very certain that the problem is you, not him.

I don't know what the solution is. We couldn't find one...

Yeah i make a point of always telling him that i do fancy him and its not his fault i dont want sex.

Is it what broke you and your ex up?

dudara

Various friends of mine are on different pills and our experiences have varied dramatically, so I'd really suggest trying different pills and finding one, hopefully, that suits you.

Personally, i'm on microlite and I've found it excellent. The worse according to some of my friends has been Yasmin, but then the pill is different for different people

AARRRGH

Cl&#225 wrote: »

Yeah i make a point of always telling him that i do fancy him and its not his fault i dont want sex.

Is it what broke you and your ex up?

Yes. We were together for three years. Everything was fine for about 6 months, then she decided she didn't want sex anymore.

She blamed me for it for about a year, but then she realised she actually had no sex drive.

I was the only person she had ever slept with (i.e. a virgin before she met me.)

We'd have sex about once a month (!!!!) and it was very much her lying there like she was dead, asking me when I'll be finished... LOL.

I really loved her, so that's why I "put up with it".

Eventually though, I just couldn't take it anymore (I have a high sex drive at the worst of times!) and I started cheating. It was more for my self-esteem than anything else.

We broke up eventually, and she has apologised to me since then (her life went seriously downhill after we broke up. Turns out she had more issues than she realised.)

I'm not at all suggesting your boyfriend is going to start cheating on you, but it's likely he will start doubting himself, you, and the relationship.

We (or more accurately, I) tried everything to spice things up - she simply couldn't get any interest in sex.

Something I did notice - one night when she was drunk (and a little stoned) we were having sex and she freaked out, started talking like a little girl, like she was being abused or something. It was like a flashback? Of course, it could have been the alcohol/etc. speaking, but I do wonder if she had been abused and refuses to deal with it. Of course, this is just my theory on her, not at all trying to relate it to you, but maybe it's something to think about.

Have you had this problem (no interest in sex) with other guys?

EDIT: she was never on the pill, so her issue was not pill related.

azezil

The Troll wrote:

Sounds like the problem maybe with the sex rather than with you. If you were having an orgasm everytime you had sex you may feel differently about things.

This is of course an assumption, but please correct me if i'm wrong.

My thoughts exactly, I thought for a long long time I didn't have a sex drive at all, turns out I just wasn't doing anything I enjoyed, very different attitude now

Clár

Im on Yasmin, but i dont wanna do on another pill as im on yasmin for my skin and am afriad of experimenting with other pills.

I dont orgasm through penetration and i find it a bit boring and it ends up just being sore after a while. I know if i did come thru penetration maybe i would be more willing to have sex which i know is a bit selfish, but its actually getting myself to have sex thats the struggle. I dont feel very sexy even tho i know my boyfriend fancies the pants off me.

I am after buying a durex vibration ring that you put on the mans penis. I am for the first time a bit excited about sex as we will be using it when i see him next. My fella is good in bed and he does try everything to make me orgasm but i just dont have a g-spot end of story.

PeterGriffen

I had to leave her because I couldn't face a life without sex. I broke up with her a month before the wedding date, but out sex life had been non existent for a year before that. It's a real blow to the mans self esteem.

Clár

I really loved her, so that's why I "put up with it".

Thats why my boyfriend say he will put up with, because he love me so much.


I'm not at all suggesting your boyfriend is going to start cheating on you, but it's likely he will start doubting himself, you, and the relationship.

I know what ur saying tho i trust him 100% but he gets girls throwing themselves at him.


Have you had this problem (no interest in sex) with other guys?

I was on another pill with my ex of 2 years but my sex drive was a bit higher but i was a good bit younger then. When iv been single i would not even think about sex on or off the pill, a low sex drive runs in my family. I am gonna make a conscious effort to spice up my sex life and i woul dlike to have a healthy sex life and also want to make my partner happy.

dudara

I know a girl who didn't have sex with her boyfriend for the best part of two years, due to some problems of his. It was really rough on her, made her feel very unwanted.

It works both ways.

PeterJL

Clár,

Can he make you orgasm via clitoral stimulation ?

You don't have to answer this if you prefer not but are you OK
about helping him out say if you are not in the mood for full
penetrative sex, eg handling him, mutual masturbation, oral, etc ?

My partner of 8+ yrs is a lovely person in many ways but I
am finding that we are really on a slippery slope as far as
her understanding my needs is concerned. I don't mind
whether we have full sex frequently - it is the lack of
physical intimacy which bothers me. It breaks away the
feeling of bonding between me and her and I don't think
she fully realises that. When I try to approach it sensitively
once she realises the topic is about sex she closes down
the hatches and gets very defensive.

We do make love (once per month typically) but I find
that to be very lonely and with no other acknowledgement
by her of my sexual needs in between times (that is like
350+ days per year) it gets very tough to feel the level
of closeness to such a person. For us it is full sex once
a month (if lucky). She does actually get into it then
and does orgasm (clitoral stimulation which I have always
been very attentive to).

-P

PeterGriffen

but its actually getting myself to have sex thats the struggle.

Is it really so difficult for a women to go ahead and do it for their boyfriend even if they are not in the mood? Men don't have that problem, in the past my girlfriends have been able to get me in the mood in about 1 minute, even if I was not in the mood beforehand.

Clár

Yeah Peter he makes me cum clitorally during oral sex, it can be a little awkward to do it during penetration so thats why i bought the vibrating ring. I would give anything for us to come together. One thing i have never ever done with him is fake it, he asked me from day one not too so i never have.

At times i would be enjoying the intimacy of sex and when making appreciative noises he would think im faking it and get annoyed so i cant win

I would never make my man go a month without sex, thts unfair of your partner. I would do my best to make sure he gets it at least 2-3 times a week which i think is reasonable. But when he wants it every nite it looks like im knocking him back all the time, i mean watching Emmerdale i aint gonna want it

PeterGriffen

Actually 3 nights a week is fair, it's not like he is being deprived in that situation.

Clár

Is it really so difficult for a women to go ahead and do it for their boyfriend even if they are not in the mood? Men don't have that problem, in the past my girlfriends have been able to get me in the mood in about 1 minute, even if I was not in the mood beforehand.[/QUOTE]

Yeah i think it is personally, its harder for a woman to get if your not in the mood andit ends up hurting. And you aint gonna be bouncing round and getting all into it if your not in the mood.

Iago

The Troll wrote:

Sounds like the problem maybe with the sex rather than with you. If you were having an orgasm everytime you had sex you may feel differently about things.

Miles off, sex drives are personal and subjective and rarely if ever have anything to do with the pleasure derived from the act itself. I've known a few people male/female who just had no real interest in sex itself, no reason for it just weren't that interested.

Normally, although I hesitate to use that word as every situation is unique, there is a reason behind it. Be it hormonal, lack of interest in the act, relgious upbringing, stress related, lack of confidence, previous bad experiences, effects of medication, whatever it may be. Some of these you can work around in a loving relationship, i.e. lack of confidence, stress or bad experiences.

However if it's hormonal or some deep rooted emotional/psychological issue then it can be a long hard and sometimes fruitless road to find a solution. From conversations I've had with people there are three ways you can look at this in the context of a relationship.

1. You can realise that a relationship is greater than the sum of it's parts and that sex while being great and all is not the be all and end all of the relationship and you can work on other areas in order to compensate for any confidence or esteem issues that may arise. There are other ways to bond you know! The problem with this is that it requires a very strong emotional friendship to be able to do this and compensate in other areas, and only some relationships will prove strong enough to get through this.

2. That this lack of sex drive isn't an issue at all, and both parties are perfectly willing to continue the relationship without the issue ever being raised. There are no confidence/esteem issues as both partners are happy with the situation continuing as it is and therefore nobody is any the wiser. Rare I know but it does happen more often than you would think.

3. The most common situation that manifests itself, is frustration on the part of the person who can't understand why their partner isn't interested in them sexually anymore. In the short term this can be explained away, and the lack of sex drive can be accepted and dealt with. As time moves on frustration increases bringing with it feelings of inadequecy and self-doubt, questions are raised about the validity of the relationship and whether or not the "lack of sex drive" is because it is being satisified elsewhere. The longer it goes on the more the relationship seems to be platonic rather than sexual and you move into a pseudo friend/brother-sister type relationship. Attention from other people you are attracted to becomes welcome and inviting rather than just a distraction and eventually something occurs that ends the relationship.

This seems to be by far the most common outcome in these type of situations if steps aren't taken to resolve it. In saying that you could argue that if the relationship isn't strong enough to get through something like this then you're better off finding out sooner rather than later.

As with everything in life, the key is constant and reassuring communication, if you can talk about things in an open and honest manner, and try to work on solutions together than you should be able to see your way through this and anything else that life throws at you.

for the OP if it is the pill that is causing this, maybe you could look at alternative forms of contraception, again open and honest communcation with your partner about the options open to you should ease both your minds moving forward.

PeterJL

Clár,

Just out a matter of interest what age bracket are you in ?
I'm guessing mid to late twenties at most ?

I agree with you about the once a night business. I think that
sexual tension and short term abstinence is useful for the dynamics
of the relationship. Also I wouldn't get too hung up about cumming
at the same time. It is lovely when that happens but I personally
know that when I am over conscious of trying to do that it often
doesn't work out because one or other party can become
tense just over-focussing on the others orgasm, i.e it can
make things less relaxing.

You say he can make you climax orally. Why not manually.
That's how I've been able to make my partner/DW climax
all these years.

My partner/DW though isn't at all comfortable about receiving
oral yet alone giving.

PowerPuffGirl

If you feel like the issue is not resolving itself, you could try the counsellors at Well Woman http://www.wellwomancentre.ie; they're very good and professional. They're great at not making you feel like a freak (because you most definitely are not); lots and lots of people have problems like these and that you can get over these things.

(I do think that you'll get more out of seeing one of their counsellors if you're doing this for you; not your boyfriend...)

Clár

PowerPuffGirl wrote:

If you feel like the issue is not resolving itself, you could try the counsellors at Well Woman http://www.wellwomancentre.ie; they're very good and professional. They're great at not making you feel like a freak (because you most definitely are not); lots and lots of people have problems like these and that you can get over these things.

OMG Thanks a mill for the recommendation, i was considering something like that. My sister said i should go see someone. I never would have thought of the well woman clinic although in hindsight i remember seeing they had a councelling service when i was in seeing the doctor.

Its definitly something i need to do before Xmas.

Clár

Just out a matter of interest what age bracket are you in ?
I'm guessing mid to late twenties at most ?

I am 22 and my boyfriend is 21.

I agree with you about the once a night business. I think that
sexual tension and short term abstinence is useful for the dynamics
of the relationship. Also I wouldn't get too hung up about cumming
at the same time. It is lovely when that happens but I personally
know that when I am over conscious of trying to do that it often
doesn't work out because one or other party can become
tense just over-focussing on the others orgasm, i.e it can
make things less relaxing.

I know wot your saying, but my fella is the one hung about it. He feels like a failure coz i dont cum but its not the case.

You say he can make you climax orally. Why not manually.
That's how I've been able to make my partner/DW climax
all these years.

I get annoyed when he "flicks the bean" noone does it quite like me. I do it myself sometimes but again he feels like a failure. Not my fault tho he needs to address that!

PeterJL

Hi Clár,

I think I get a clearer picture now. It is tricky for you to orgasm
during regular penetrative sex and your partner has some feelings
of inadequacy that he can't make you cum (eg - flicking the bean
--<aside: I never heard that phrase before but its very descriptive
and cute>). I guess this overall frustration is just adding
to the diminishing of your sex drive.

I wonder can both of you sit down and talk about this calmly
even in a light hearted fashion ? I know that in my relationship
probably due to both of our faults and mostly by my perception
of my wifes awkwardness about being open about sex as a
regular health/well being issue that we slipped into the habit
of never having a relaxing discussion away from the bedroom
about our sex life and this has led to big problems later on.
If I were to do it all again I'd definitely advise that you establish
open communication about sexuality between yourselves.
Apart from everything else your sexual desires or lack of desires
are private things but by sharing your ideas and even frustrations
in a calm manner you are sharing innermost feelings which in
itself is a bonding excercise.

I know that by getting to a stage where I don't feel my wife
is receptive to us sharing our fantasies and desires as part
of a recreational and intimate conversation that I feel a whole
part of my personality which I wish I could share with her
has been left to wither away and that washes away my overall
feeling of connectedness to her. Sometimes I think maybe I
should just write this down so she knows how it is affecting
me because trying to say it verbally never seems to
hit home to her and I know she is a good person.

I thought Iago's reply was really good. Wow! Iago is
someone who is fanatical about cards/poker but gosh
he/she has a very intelligent understanding of relationship
issues.

Clár

There are other ways to bond you know! The problem with this is that it requires a very strong emotional friendship to be able to do this and compensate in other areas, and only some relationships will prove strong enough to get through this.

I agree with the above, and as it is the frist year of the realtionship im hoping it all turns out ok and we finda happy medium.

for the OP if it is the pill that is causing this, maybe you could look at alternative forms of contraception, again open and honest communcation with your partner about the options open to you should ease both your minds moving forward.[/QUOTE]

I will look into another form on contraception as Yasmin is known to effect your sex drive. But i cannot come off the pill thats for sure, but i could try another pill.

dudara

Cl&#225 wrote: »

I will look into another form on contraception as Yasmin is known to effect your sex drive. But i cannot come off the pill thats for sure, but i could try another pill.

I'd definitely recommed talking to your doctor about another contraceptive. It might be trial and error but you should be able to find one better suited to you

Clár

PeterJl we do nothing but talk about this, it got to a stage where it was all we talked about. My partner is a very loving and sensitive person and wears his heart on his sleave. Where as i am probably the least sensitive person EVER and just find it hard to deal withhim when he gets upset over me rejecting him, im just not used to having such a sensitive man in my life.

As for you writing a letter to your wife, i think that is a very good idea. I am a firm believer in putting your thoughts down in an email or letter. As i was saying i am not the best at saying nice things. But i do write my boyfriend sweet emails, texts and also send him letters.

Something i should add is we dont live in the same country. So when i was saying that we have sex 3 times a week, that it cause we see each other every 2 weeks for about 3-4 days at a time. We lived together for the summer in Ireland and we we did on average have sex 2-3 times a week. I think its hard when we dontsee each other very often im expected to be in the mood and sometimes im just not. Be it tiredness from flying or wotever.

I am moving to Scotland in Jan so fingers crossed when we see each other all the time we can see how things work out. I think living arrangements can effect your sex drive too, i live at home with my Dad and he lives with his family so its a little impractical.

Iago's advice was spot on so has your Peter and i very much appreciate it

annR

Clar

You not being in the same country as your boyfriend is probably a big factor here . . .it means that there is probably some pressure to have sex whenever you are together and that never helps. Maybe you should just try changing the pill in case it is having an impact on your sex drive, but otherwise wait until you guys are at least together . . .I don't see how you can sort it out if you can't be together. Can you put it on ice till then.

A

Dragan

Howdy!

If i might make a suggestion?

Do you have anything that is a sure fire to get your motor running? If not then i suggest you and your fella try different things ( I'm much too polite to offer suggestions and i'm sure you can come up with them on your own. )

Is there a particular body part that when played with can set things stirring?

One thing i discovered early on is that sex is very rarely about the private!!!

Is there anything you do that makes you feel sexy? Get dressed up? Make up? Anything at all.

Try and find what it is that makes you feel good about yourself, your boyfriend will be delighted, believe me!

Sleepy

Cl&#225 wrote: »

i mean watching Emmerdale i aint gonna want it

Maybe if you turned off the TV for a month you might find your libido picking up?

I get annoyed when he "flicks the bean" noone does it quite like me. I do it myself sometimes but again he feels like a failure. Not my fault tho he needs to address that!

Then teach him how to do it like you

daRobot

dublindude wrote:

Something I did notice - one night when she was drunk (and a little stoned) we were having sex and she freaked out, started talking like a little girl, like she was being abused or something. It was like a flashback? Of course, it could have been the alcohol/etc. speaking, but I do wonder if she had been abused and refuses to deal with it. Of course, this is just my theory on her, not at all trying to relate it to you, but maybe it's something to think about.

Thats really weird man, something similar happened with an ex of mine and I thought the same thing.

Same bedroom behaviour too..... Freaky


>OP

I think it's pretty important that you make good attempts to solve this problem.Sex for some girls in a relationship can take a backseat in relation to emotional closeness, but for guys, I don't believe that's the case.

Basically, take some steps to solve this one quickly if you wanna keep your fella

genegenie

Hi Clar!

I'm also on the pill for my skin problems, but I'm on Dianette. My experience of being on Dianette isn't a very good one. I have constant mood swings, I've gained weight (size 6-8 to size 10-12) my breasts swell at certain times of my cycle (usually go up two cup sizes, though my bf loves it, this can be very sore!) and I have completely lost my libido... I know the pill affects everyone differently, but just thought I should mention my reactions in case you're considering switching to Dianette.

Have you ever used antibiotics for your skin? It might be an option for you to try a pill that's not intended for acne treatment and may not lessen your libido and combine that with antibiotic treatment. I've been using minocycline with Dianette for the past few months so that when I stop using Dianette (soon, please God soon) I can avoid rebound acne. I'll then consider using a regular pill (I used Cilest before, suited me very well, no loss of libido at all). I know there's some controversy about antibiotics lessening the pill's contraceptive viability, but my GP isn't entirely convinced about this. I also use condoms though, just to be sure.

At the end of the day, it's your body. You shouldn't have to put up with being unhappy when there are so many options for treating skin problems and so many different types of pill out there. If you discuss your issues openly with your GP they'll surely help you to hit on the right combination to save your libido and help you enjoy your relationship on another level. Good luck!

Clár

I was on Dianette for about 4 years and i experienced some of the same side effects, weight gain big boobs etc. My sex drive was actually slightly higher tho.

tbh my skin is not bad enough to consider acne treatment, i just get pre mentrual break outs you see and the gym does not help. I am mainly on the pill for heavy periods and to keep my skin clear and as a contraceptive obviously. Now that im older my acne breakouts are not as bad as they used to be and the pill is the only drug per se that i use. (i dont even take pain killers)

I would definitly recommend getting off Dianette as soon as you can as i have heard that your only supposed to be on it 6 months max (i was on it 4 years eek!). My sister suffered an erosion in her womb and has pre cancer cells on her cervix and she believes it is from Dianette. BUt it could have been anything but it does make you think.

LegacyUser

Im in the same boat whereas my gf has a very low sex drive.We have talked and talked about it. When we have sex sometimes i get the feeling she just lies there waiting for it to be over. Im lucky if we make love 2, 3 times a month and we are supposed to get married next year. I dont know really what to do and leaving is not an option. Any suggestions.

dudara

same_issue wrote:

Im in the same boat whereas my gf has a very low sex drive.We have talked and talked about it. When we have sex sometimes i get the feeling she just lies there waiting for it to be over. Im lucky if we make love 2, 3 times a month and we are supposed to get married next year. I dont know really what to do and leaving is not an option. Any suggestions.

You can't get married if this is the situation, or so i believe. It's not going to improve the minute the ring goes on her finger

PeterJL

I agree with Dudara on this.

If it really as if during intercourse she seems uninterested then that
is an extremely bad signal.

As a married guy who is experiencing difficulties in intimacy with my
own wife I don't think it has ever been that way. The issue in
our case is that my wife is rarely in the mood but when she is
in the mood she does of course get into the swing of things
even if the foreplay is a bit one sided (mostly a relaxation
back rub for her with little reciprocation).

I think the idea that she is unanimated during the actual lovemaking..
not to be crude but "lay back in think of Ireland" then that sounds
like a very real reason to get out unless (and this may open
up a can of worms) you can sensitively get to the root of
her lack of emotiveness during sex and in terms of her sex drive.
Have you established why she is like that when she makes love?
Is she aroused (not to be crude but is she wet ?) because if she
is it is very odd for her then to go through with intimacy
in a cold manner. Something sounds like its wrong. However,
that is a male perspective and there are some greate insightful
women on this forum who may offer a better angle.

However, my advice is bring the issue to a head. It may seem
very cruel at the time to make sex the make/break issue for
marriage but if it troubles you pre-marriage it ain't going to
get better after and that's almost a given.

-P

LegacyUser

Ye i know dudura.

When we do have sex she just lies back motionless.Sometimes when she gets in the mood,we have great sex but thats all too often. Like the previous poster she prefers to have a cuddle than have sex and that is putting a serious strain on our relationship. All our major rows seem to center about her low sex drive.

Nevyn

Bloody hell if you could not eat or digest or walk or hear properly you'd go to the Dr and say there is something wrong and see what can be done to fix it.
Same rules should apply here, if there is something wrong go to the dr.

PeterJL

I still think there is a big hangover to the sort of pious Ireland where
things of a sexual nature were seen to be outside the sphere of
normal healthy living. Bizarrely it seems to even remain into marriage.

In some societies which are established and liberal more women (and
men) realise that sexuality is a health/wellbeing/emotional issue
and that there is medical/psychological help out there and by
seeking it one isn't branding themselves as a failure.
However, the stigma seems to continue.

-P

Thaedydal wrote:

Bloody hell if you could not eat or digest or walk or hear properly you'd go to the Dr and say there is something wrong and see what can be done to fix it.
Same rules should apply here, if there is something wrong go to the dr.

turbot

I suggest you educate yourself about what good sexual experiences mean:

Read:

"Sex, Drugs & Magick" by Robert Anton Wilson

I think the descriptions in this book are so compelling, you could give it to someone who is really conservative, and totally change their whole life.

My take on enjoying sex more is you basically have a feeling connected with an activity, that forms the basis for how you expeirence that activity. So if you see sex with dread, the neurochemistry you access makes it less enjoyable, and consequently you have a lower sex drive.

So it's good to really explore what really turns you on and use that as a route to successively associating better feelings with sex.

Keep in mind that:
- Good nutrition usually helps you access better biochemistry (read Patrick Holfords books on nutrition and go to the organic markets around dublin)
- Exercise / relaxation / meditation all get you into the experience, that can then be even more enjoyable
- Learning to make someone else feel a lot of pleasure usually has the consequence of helping you to feel more yourself.
- Learning to harness your own experience more gets you into it; whether you take up art, play music, write movie scripts... all of these experiences help you to purposefully explore your own experience of living and in the process you can become wiser about them.

- Thomas

PeterJL

Is there any possibility she could meet you "half way" as the saying
goes.

For example. Let's accept that it is unlikely for her to desire
full sex anywhere near as often as you would prefer. Would
she consider cuddling up and perhaps allowing you to
masturbate next to her in a sensitive way where she
knows she is helping you by being there for you even in
a passive way. After you climax you would probably be in
mega-cuddle mode anyway. Maybe this is impractical.

However, from within my own situation the problem I have
is that I don't believe my wife would understand that as
a compromise at all. She might consider it as a selfish
thing the man was doing. But wait a second ... in an intimate
relationship does the partner with less desire prefer for
the high-desire partner to go off in private and have a ****
frequently?). I can say as a guy who resists straying that
eventually the man will find the coldness of pleasuring
themselves in private difficult and will detach their
masturbation fantasies from their wives and will fantasise
about others....

food for thought...

same_issue wrote:

Ye i know dudura.

When we do have sex she just lies back motionless.Sometimes when she gets in the mood,we have great sex but thats all too often. Like the previous poster she prefers to have a cuddle than have sex and that is putting a serious strain on our relationship. All our major rows seem to center about her low sex drive.

PeterGriffen

same_issue wrote:

Im in the same boat whereas my gf has a very low sex drive.We have talked and talked about it. When we have sex sometimes i get the feeling she just lies there waiting for it to be over. Im lucky if we make love 2, 3 times a month and we are supposed to get married next year. I dont know really what to do and leaving is not an option. Any suggestions.

Don't do it. Don't get married. Eventually your relationship will deteriorate into a brother - sister type relationship and you will feel frustrated and angry at your girlfriend. I nearly made that mistake but I got out just in time and it was definitely the right decision. I'm now ith someone who has a sex drive much closer ot my level and am much happier.

Dermington

Cl&#225 wrote: »

i just dont have a g-spot end of story.

You can never go near the g-spot and still come through penetration...

LegacyUser

I know what you are saying peter but i owe it to myself to try and resolve this problem with my gf.I would certainly hate it if it did turn out to be like a brother/sister type relationship.Maybe im just reading the situation with my gf wrong.

Clár

Dermington wrote:

You can never go near the g-spot and still come through penetration...

Do you mean clitorally because i think if you do not have a g-spot well then yudo not have a vaginal orgasm.

Nevyn

dear sweet suffering gods and goddess.
Every woman has a G spot and it is internal not external.

http://www.talksexwithsue.com/Gspot.html
http://www.talksexwithsue.com/sexindex.html

spooiirt!!

I think im lacking in sex drive too... when i see a hot girl, i dont really think about having sex with her, i think about kissing and a bit of oral sex, but nothing more. Ive had sex about 7 times, but ive never really enjoyed it, ive never come during sex either, i always seem to get bored and just lose my hard on. Blowjobs are ok though, i come from them. My last GF ditched me cos i didnt wanna screw, and she got bored of me going down on her. Anybody else just not interested in shagging like me?

spooiirt!!

spooiirt!! wrote:

I think im lacking in sex drive too... when i see a hot girl, i dont really think about having sex with her, i think about kissing and a bit of oral sex, but nothing more. Ive had sex about 7 times, but ive never really enjoyed it, ive never come during sex either, i always seem to get bored and just lose my hard on. Blowjobs are ok though, i come from them. My last GF ditched me cos i didnt wanna screw, and she got bored of me going down on her. Anybody else just not interested in shagging like me?

I've only ever heard of a guy who didn't want sex in one case see below it might not end up being a problem now but it will in the long run for a girlf etc wife so I'd look into it if I were you just to make sure its not a psychological thing!!

My mums friend married a guy who wasn’t into sex only companionship and really only did it in the early stages of their marriage and to procreate they have 4 kids now grown up!!!
she on the other loved sex and is 60 now and just finished a 12 year long affair with a man 15 years younger than her it was bcuz he wanted her to leave her husband and she never would becuz her and her husband are best friends!!!she just accepted early on that he wasn’t into it
I myself thought all of this was ridiculous why would you marry someone who wasn’t into sex!!! I suppose back when my mams friend got married thing were different!!!

Nevyn

People ( both men and women ) having varing sex drives.
We are all sold the dream that the one person who we settle down with will
meet all our needs and make us that happy it is often not the case.
If the secret of a successfull marriage is that you don't do that and you can have an arrangment like you mother's friends why not.

Thaedydal

Thaedydal wrote:

People ( both men and women ) having varing sex drives.
We are all sold the dream that the one person who we settle down with will
meet all our needs and make us that happy it is often not the case.
If the secret of a successfull marriage is that you don't do that and you can have an arrangment like you mother's friends why not.

i kow but i wud feel so cheated if i got married and the had to have an affir in order to have sex!!!