Orgasm trouble

Japonica

Hey all,

Here it goes. I have just started a new relationship with a guy I am mad about, and am really attracted to. The problem is that I think I find it difficult to relax during sex and I presume that is why I have not yet had an orgasm (ever).

I used to go out with a guy for 5 years before and did not have an orgasm during this time and by the end of the relationship I was finding it difficult to enjoy this intimate moment together which as you can imagine caused a few problems and was one of the reasons we split. He was a considerate guy but it just did not happen and I therefore found it more and more difficult to relax.

I feel quite self conscious about this and my new partner is being very considerate to make sure I enjoy this intimate moment as much as possible. I just don't want to mess things up. (I have not yet told him that I have not had an orgasm). I am even wondering whether I need to go to see some one? I have not had many sexual partners but I'm sure that this has nothing to do with it. I just don't want to mess this one up. I'm 28.

Let me know what you think ugys...

I would love if this Christmas could turn into a fruitful experience for me....

AARRRGH

Can you have an orgasm when you masturbate? If not, I'd start from there! Once you know what works for you, it can only help...

Blisterman

Have you talked to a doctor about this?

FrankGrimes

If you can't come even from masturbating then I'd recommend getting some form of non-penetrative vibrator. Your man might not be comfortable with a penetrative one. If you can't come with a virbrator giving clitoral stimulation then there is a physical problem. If you can then you can take it as a starting point and work from there - he will feel happier about coming if you already have done.

LegacyUser

Thats definitely bullsh1t FrankGrimes. My gf cant orgasm at all with a clitoral vibrator, no matter how hard she tries, yet she can have one no problem, when we have sex. All girls are different as to what they respond to with regard to having orgasms. To the OP, try a little experimentation. Fast/slow/deep shallow, from behind/on top, you know, a few different things, see which ones really tickle, but above all else, let go emotionally, get into the moment, and kiss lots.

the Guru

I agree with both Frank and 12. maybe try a rabbit in your own time and learn to climax beacuse if you are relaxed with yourself then in turn this should help you during intercourse , maybe try other positions such as your partner trying oral on you . All girls are different and in some cases it trial and error but dont let it get you down it will happen for you ... experiment its fun !

turbot

A friend of mine who said she had trouble relaxing during sex and hardly ever had orgasms described how she had a long, hot bath and afterwards had sex with her boyfriend on the bathroom floor.

Remember, you can't force yourself to relax, you *can* simply surrender to the experience.

- Thomas

Japonica

Thanks guys for your responses. I do think that it has to do with me trying to relax and enjoy the moment fully. Yes, maybe a little bit of self exploration may help also. I suppose if I do think that there is a problem at the back of my mind I will find it hard to relax and enjoy so I might aswell try and sort it out for myself as soon as possible. At least I know that there is a treasure of gold at the end when I succeed in reaching this goal!!

Thanks again guys!!

Beruthiel

Japonica wrote:

The problem is that I think I find it difficult to relax during sex and I presume that is why I have not yet had an orgasm (ever).....

not even orally?
Many women cannot orgasm during penetrative sex but have no problem orally – why not concentrate on that for a while and see what happens – you do of course, need to teach yourself to relax

have you never cum during masturbation?

Japonica

Yes I have on my own. I suppose thats a start isn't it.

Beruthiel

Japonica wrote:

Yes I have orally on my own. I suppose thats a start isn't it.

no
I meant orally, as in your b/f going down on you

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

no
I meant orally, as in your b/f going down on you

maybe she's flexable?

shouldn't this be in the sex forum?

RE*AC*TOR

Achieving orgasm is as much about mental stimulation as "pressing the right buttons". To take the pressure off your boyfriend for the moment - try getting some erotic fiction - and masturbate, when you have some time on your own. Knowing how to give yourself and orgasm will make it infinitely easier for a considerate boyfriend to do it for you.

You need to take the pressure off yourself as well - continuously focusing on whether you achieve orgasm or not - will only be counter-productive. Enjoy the journey - the destination will follow.

Khannie

What Ruthie said. Oral to start (and possibly finish!) with some manual stimulation. Once your partner is half decent at it, it'll help to get you there (and should definitely help you to relax). Also, knowing how to get there yourself will definitely help.

From what I understand (someone correct me if I'm wrong), woman on top offers the most clitoral stimulation (and therefore a higher chance of climaxing).

The relaxation part will come with time. Having difficulty in relaxing at the start of a relationship is not uncommon.

g'em

Japonica wrote:

Yes, maybe a little bit of self exploration may help also.

This is the key bit. Spend some quality time with yourself, find out what you like, don't like- if you don't know, there's no way he will. And as much of a cliche as it is, don't worry about it. The more you worry about having an orgasm, the less it'll happen.

And when it does happen....

chuci

some people find pelvic floor exercises help too to strenghten up the muscles down there it have to and it worked for me.but some gals just cant seem to have an orgasm from penitration alone. also what all the other posters said about it exploration and finding out what you lake so you can tell your current boyfriend what to do. oral sex too though is great too. maybe if you do that before having sex as it will heighten all your senses.

best of luck