big mess

Annoyed

I'll probably get slated for this, its a long story.Had a similar thread up before but I asked it to be removed(thought it would open up another can of worms as a certain person uses this site - but I dont care now).I was with this girl for 3.5 years, best years of my life (I thought). Got on great with one another and one anothers family, soul mates, wrote love letters, spent all spare time together bla blah blah...

She told me one day she felt funny around me. The following day I confronted her about this and asked her did she want to break up, that I didnt want to be made a fool out of. She cried her eyes out and begged me not to break it off. Of course I didnt. anyhow 6 weeks later she broke it off (july) BY TEXT, she moved away, got new friends and job.Felt we fell into a comfort zone, that she realized how much fun she missed out on etc. I couldnt believe it - reacted badly, really badly. Did stupid things like listen to her voicemails(wrong I know - dont need to told that), begged for her back, begged for her to give me a reason. She wouldnt for a whole month. I missed my best mate and my girl. It was worse few months ever. She felt we would of broken up anyway (maybe she was right). We smothered one another for 3.5 years, wrong I know but didnt see it then.

One day, after a month I got this email off her sayin "sorry for bein a bitch, I still love you but Im not in love with you. Nobody will match up to you, I miss your family, I miss us. Hopefully we can be friends, Ive lost enough already I dont want to lose my friend". I made 1 last chance to get back with her, but to no avail.

So a few months passed, we bumped into one another, things were said that shouldnt have been said. Didnt talk for a while, until one day I decided to text her to see how she was. Bad timing. Found out she was on foreign holidays with this "best friend" of hers (girl she met in work in June, on holidays in September). She replied to my text "I dont miss you, I dont miss us, get the **** over it, I wanted to be friends but I dont give a **** now. have a nice life". I replied I didnt want it to be like this and I left it alone.

A month or 2 later, after no contact with her, I got these prank calls off private number. It pissed me off cas it went on for a week so I rang phone company and they told me to ring Gardai. I did, and after a while I got 2 mobile numbers and a house phone. 1 of the mobiles was my exs. I told Gardai I didnt want anything done about it. Yesterday I got them again, after a good period of not getting them and I snapped. I rang my ex up - asking her how she was, just being friendly. She was bitchy and didnt want to talk. So I told her about pranks and how the Gardai gave me her number. She denied it. After that horrible conversation I felt really sh!t. I couldnt believe how this person who shared Everthing with me for 3.5 years just doesnt even want to be civil. Maybe its for the best but its hard to take. I know I should get over it (And will prob be told that here) but it is very confusin as to how this happened. I cant get her out of my head, first love and all that. Its all big mess now and I never wanted it like this.

Finally I sent her a text sayin "sorry, thought we could be friendly at least. Hope you and your family have a good Chirstmas. bye". I know some may think I shouldnt have rang her but I just wanted us to be friends and pranks to stop.

Was I right to let her know she was one of the numbers Gardai gave me? Cas I feel like a fool now(espec since when we broke up first I listened to her voicemails). I feel like sh!t because while I was with her I did nothing wrong and we got on really well. Im over breakup, just wish things could be better.

Kiera

Its not really a big mess. The only thing you can do now is try and get over her. I know its easier said than done but i promise, if you keep yourself busy for a few months the pain will have eased and you’ll feel a lot better. Try joining the local football club or gym. Anything to keep you busy in the evenings so you don’t get a chance to think about her. Worth a try.
G'Luck x x x

Annoyed

Kiera wrote:

Its not really a big mess. The only thing you can do now is try and get over her. I know its easier said than done but i promise, if you keep yourself busy for a few months the pain will have eased and you’ll feel a lot better. Try joining the local football club or gym. Anything to keep you busy in the evenings so you don’t get a chance to think about her. Worth a try.
G'Luck x x x

yeah your rite, for nearly 4 years I really adored her and saw her as my best friend. She told me everything, I told her everything. I know couplese breakup but not like this for no reason. the word shallow comes to mind. I know who my mates are now. Surprised actually how many good mates I had.

Seraphina

i think it was perfectly fair to point out that you contacted the gardai and knew it was her phoning you. she thought you couldn't find out who it was, but you did. i'd say the harrassment has stopped now yeah?

i'll never understand myself how things can turn so bitchy, there's obviously alot of pain involved in the break up, but in fairness, you trying to get back with her every time she talked to you was a bit silly! you should have known it was over when she said she hoped you could be friends.

there is always a reason for the break up. you say above 'not like this for no reason' the reason was, she was unhappy. you were clearly oblivious to this (no offence, alot of break-ups come as a shock as people assume their partner is as happy as they are)
you need to accept this. it doesn't make her shallow, it makes her human. she's not a bad person for not wanting to be with you anymore, i'll never get how many people call their ex's every name under the sun (unless they actually did something horrible)
you cant blame someone or be angry at them for not wanting to be with you any more. in the end, people will look after their own interests. you cant expect people to stay with you to keep you happy when they aren't.

Annoyed

Seraphina wrote:

i'll never understand myself how things can turn so bitchy, there's obviously alot of pain involved in the break up, but in fairness, you trying to get back with her every time she talked to you was a bit silly!
....
you need to accept this.
....
to keep you happy when they aren't.

I understand that, I was at that get back with me routine for a good two weeks! It happened suddenly(text, middle of the week!) but I did eventually accept it. What I cant understand is that why she didnt explain herself or talk to me about it before breakup, and why she is acting how she is now. But I dont really care. I think its a shame after all we did and shared that we cant be civil. but cest la vie I suppose. I never expected her to stay with me if she wasnt happy, but for a whole month I wanted to know why? Imagin thinkin things were okay then out of the blue its ended(after cryin for me on a crowded beach beggin for me to stay with her).It took her a month to say why n apologize. She requested to be friends, and when I tried...I was told to f**k off. That hurt then(I know its stupid but we all have feelins dont we?). I just dont understand it.

Im glad people think I did right thing informing her about the Gardai. Nothing will come of it. I dont recognize the other numbers they also gave me, tried ringing them they ring out. I just wish things didnt end up like this, dont want to be hated for no reason. sh!t happens - truthful saying.

kittenkiller

She fell out of love with you.
She ended things.
She must've thought she would be happier without you.

After she ended things you continued to as you saw it 'woo' her.
Her friends probably saw it as 'stalking'.
They might be feeling hostile towards you.
If they are, they might've encouraged her to play silly games with your number.
Things like that sometimes happen unfortunately.

You'll never get back on good terms with her if whenever she utters a single word to you, you play the 'let's get back together' card.
She doesn't want to get back together!!
If she did, she'd say so.

Yes, nearly 4 years together is a long time & I'm sure you were the closest you thought possible.
But she didn't.

These things happen.
Show yourself some respect & leave her alone.
If she does silly things ignore them til she stops or sobers up.

Get over it.

Annoyed

kittenkiller wrote:

She fell out of love with you.

'stalking'.

You'll never get back on good terms with her if whenever she utters a single word to you, you play the 'let's get back together' card.
She doesn't want to get back together!!
If she did, she'd say so.

Show yourself some respect & leave her alone.

Get over it.

so it didnt take too long before the get overit responses came out. Yes she fell out of love with me, I didnt stalk her. I bumped into her on occasions and asked her why without a response(a month of madness but twas fairly hurt).

I played as you call it the "lets get back together card "once after she emailed me saying "I love you and always will, no one will match up to you, you were my first love etc". I picked out the good stuff of that mail and asked her back, yeah I realize now it was a nice goodbye but then I didnt.

I have shown some respect to myself. Ive made decision to leave her alone. I dont give a f**k waht her new mates think. I just wanted a reason, I tried to get over it and I did, she requested to be friends, I left it a while and when i txtd to say hi I was told to f**K off! then I get prank calls which I find out from Cops.

Yeah I took this badly, did stupid things I regret that but sometimes I do feel lonely. my older brothers girl is expecting again, and the minute he told me I got this urge for a sec to ring my ex, out of habit. But of course I wouldnt now.

I know I messed up, and if you read start of thread I said I dont need people to tell me to get over it, I am over it. Just wish me and her could of been mates after it all. 4 years of no massive rows or breakups, ended by text, 5 months down the road dont even speak. Case closed really.

tbh

Annoyed wrote:

I said I dont need people to tell me to get over it, I am over it..

No offense, but clearly you are not over it.

Amazotheamazing

Really don't think "get over it" is constructive advice.

OP, I've been nearly exactly where you're at, and it was crap. I did however learn alot about myself, not all of it good.

You need to fill your time constructively, go out and occupy yourself. Personally I wouldn't drink too much (maybe allow yourself a few benders) since it's depressant and you'll inevitably do something you'll regret, ie drunken phonecalls etc.

Find new hobbies, new passtimes, new groups of people, you know who your friends are now so work from there.

I won't rush to judgement on your ex, no-one presents their best side during a painful break-up. I wouldn't advise any future contact, at least until you've scored a few girls and your confidence is back up, and even then you should wait a while.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

This may sound incredibily strange, but the first thing i thought of when i read your original post is that maybe she could be taking drugs? May sound strange, but she has a whole new group of friends and she turned so much against you, that is what i thought of

BeardyGit

Although you might think you're entitled to an explanation for why she broke up with you, the reality is that you're entitled to NOTHING. Best you can do is stop analysing what you think might be HER reasons for breaking up and start looking at yourself a little more closely.

Accept that you've not dealt with the breakup very well. Accept that you've probably caused at least as much anguish for her as she's caused in return with the prank calls and whatnot. Accept that you can't make things right with your ex. It's not going to happen. You were dumped and that's all there is to it.

As far as you're concerned, everything was fine(ish). Got that one wrong, didn't you? You'll not make the same mistake again though, will you? Spend time asking yourself the questions instead of moaning because she wouldn't give you the answer. Chances are, she just can't explain it anyway. So figure it out yourself, you're in the best position to decide what could have gone wrong. And if, after all of that, you decide everything's good with you and it's just that she's the Uber-bitch ,WHY would you care what her reasons were anyway?

Pay some attention to yourself for a change and stop trying to find external 'reasons' for why these things happen. Sometimes you just grow apart. Sometimes you grow too close. Sometimes **** happens and you just have to get on with things. Sometimes you realise that you're a **** because you listen to other peoples voicemail, read their email or root in their garbage. Sometimes you learn that just because you point out that you know it's wrong, doesnt make it acceptable or protect you from the repercussions (you *DO* realise she knew you were listening to them, don't you?). Karma baby, Karma.

You should always take something positive from an experience and right now, you're not. So how about the fact that you now know how not to act if you're dumped again in the future? That's positive in my book mate.

Gil

Annoyed

Gil_Dub wrote:

Although you might think you're entitled to an explanation for why she broke up with you, the reality is that you're entitled to NOTHING.

Accept that you've not dealt with the breakup very well.

(you *DO* realise she knew you were listening to them, don't you?).

So how about the fact that you now know how not to act if you're dumped again in the future? That's positive in my book mate.

Gil

I think she could of ended it a little better then she did, and I think we all deserve an explaination when being dumped. My family always asked(she was v close to them) what did I do? what did she do? and i always said to them "i dont know, me just faded out"

I have accepted I didnt deal with breakup well, I am ashamed for listenin to voicemail. I KNOW it was wrong.

I know she knew about me listening to voicemail, because I told her when I finally realized I was doin wrong and when I stopped it.

Yeah Ive taken that positive view on that.

I know I screwed up, I know I reacted badly, I know I miss her as a friend. I know its my fault as well. Just a little bit annoyed that I cant fix it now, and that the past 4 years means f**k all. And before someone comes back to me and says "get over it", I KNOW.

Gordon

OK, Annoyed. You've got four threads on PI about this and you have registered four nicks to post on them.

Firstly, please don't sign up any more accounts to post on PI. If you want to be unregistered - sign out and post anonymously.

Secondly, I am not deleting this thread upon your request this time.

you were right to complain to the gaurds, but after she did that to you you should have left it.........for good, no friends, no nothing, as painful as that is, it wouldve been the right move

when are girl asks "can we still be friends?", you should often reply no,
when you break up, move on (if you can), living in the past after a break will just make you want to put something back together which you probably shouldnt, which is probably too broke to fix.

you say your over it mate, but your not, the trick is not to go looking for a distraction (a rebound) but to be open to the other women in your life.
You have to forget about this girl, shes ****ing up your life and youve let her away with it too many times before.

Delete her number, try and move on

LegacyUser

You are one of the most obsessive people on here. You have posted a few threads telling us the same story.
Its hard to feel sorry for you when you tell us how long its been since you broke up.
You are the reason all of this turned nasty.
Why cant you just leave it alone?
You are not friends and you never will be.
You have tainted any good memories she may have had of the relationship with your pestering behaviour.
Do yourself a favour and break all contact with this girl. Stop posting here about her too. Just stop doing things that are going to have her at the forefront of your mind all the time.
I know my words might sound harsh but I really do think its what you need to hear.

SHE IS NOT, AND NEVER WILL BE, YOUR FRIEND = LET IT GO!!!!

Annoyed

sillysausage wrote:

You are one of the most obsessive people on here. You have posted a few threads telling us the same story.
....
I know my words might sound harsh but I really do think its what you need to hear.

Yeah, 3 threads, 3 different nicks, over 5 months, same ****. Im stoppin posting here. I know your right. I f**ked up. I know

LegacyUser

Annoyed wrote:

Yeah, 3 threads, 3 different nicks, over 5 months, same ****. Im stoppin posting here. I know your right. I f**ked up. I know

I don't mean to have a go at you but your feeding off your misery and the attention your getting here on this topic.
I don't want you to stop posting, but you should post about other things, get into after hours, contribute to some light hearted threads.
You need to find the fun side of you again and get off this obsessive trip your on right now.