Diagnosed with disease

LegacyUser

I'm a regular poster on boards but I'm too ashamed to post under my real username. I was diagnosed with cancer in June of this year, I'd just finished my degree and it completely destroyed me, I'd worked so hard for three years only to be struck down with this disease. I thought I had a good few mates and when I got diagnosed I didn't expect anyone to come running to help me, but at the same time I wasn't expecting what they ending up doing, which was literally to stop talking to me. I'd meet my old friends out on the street before and after chemotherapy treatments and they'd no interest in talking to me, no one texted me and six months on, I get no emails/phonecalls or texts. People in my town have found out about my disease through unknown means, I told no one bar my parents and siblings, I can only assume someone who works at the hospital took it upon themselves to relieve me of my dignity, now that I'm known in town as "the lad with the cancer". I feel like a leper as I've become socially isolated, because of my treatment I don't have much energy and am unable to leave the house often and as a result I've become really depressed. Something else that upsets me is my future, if I end up surviving at all, is that I'm afraid that no girl would want me for a relationship as she'd be taking on the baggage of someone who has had cancer in addition to all the other problems that go with normal relationships. I was only 21 when I got diagnosed and now I'm 22, I don't feel like I exist and in the past six months, my whole life has been destroyed, I learnt that people I thought were my friends weren't my friends at all. I'm sorry for a depressing post like this and I don't expect replies as I just needed to say it somewhere, albeit it in an anonymous way on a vbulletion forum. Thanks for your time.

dudara

You've always got friends here, that's the glory of boards.

I'm sorry to hear what's happened to you. But you are alive, and life will get better

^CwAzY^

Sorry to hear about that.. Is it terminal?

galwaydude

first of all you have nothing to be ashamed about. im soo sorry to hear about you having cancer.Its a truly awefull. My mom was diagnosed with cancer last march and after 5 months of intense chimo and radiotherepy she got the all clear a month ago. She has a checkup again in 2 months just to make sure it stays away.

You dont have to feel alone as there are some very good orginisations out there. Boards was a godsend to me and kept up my spirits so boards.ie i thank you especially cathymoran and a few others. Talk to your friends, they are probably shocked and dont really know what to do or what to say.

With my own experience its was my moms family that got her through it.Mate pm me if your looking for advice.Your not a lepar far from it. Depression is quite common as your housebound for months on end. But my mom got through it and so can you.Shes like a different person now.

Tusky

Your friends are at fault here, not you. I know if something like this happened to one of my friends I would stand by them and support them. Shame on them. Try not to get bogged down with hating/blaming them though. Just try to get through it and be strong.

Enii

You sound as if you are suffering from depression. I think it might be a good idea to get professional help. Is there is a Cancer Society helpline that you can ring and talk to someone about all of this. In relation to your frineds, that is terrible that they were not there for you. Move on though. You will recover, you will go to work and meet more friends. Your life took a turn in your life that you never expected. You took the road less travelled but it was only a detour. You will get back on the path that you expected to go along. Good luck!

LegacyUser

My cousin was in the same situation, he got diagonised with testicular cancer when he was 19 or 20, was told even if they could clear it up, he might never have children. Now he has a handful of children and is as healthy as a horse.
I would think that your friends are scared by your cancer more than anything else, they don't know what to say to you and so are saying nothing. Also the fact that they found out through gossip probably makes them more uncomfortable about it.
If you have (had) one or two close friends perhaps you could call them and just talk to them about it.
I wish you the best of luck, it's awful to go though such a horrible time without any of your friends to talk to.

WhiteWashMan

Ashamed wrote:

I'm a regular poster on boards but I'm too ashamed to post under my real username..

whats there to be ashamed about. cancer doesnt strike bad people. it strikes people.

Ashamed wrote:

I was diagnosed with cancer in June of this year, I'd just finished my degree and it completely destroyed me, I'd worked so hard for three years only to be struck down with this disease. .

at such a young age. what sort of cancer is it?
i can understand you being knocked for 6. i could quote statistics at you, but im sure you know better what you have and what your chances are than i would

Ashamed wrote:

. I thought I had a good few mates and when I got diagnosed I didn't expect anyone to come running to help me, but at the same time I wasn't expecting what they ending up doing, which was literally to stop talking to me. I'd meet my old friends out on the street before and after chemotherapy treatments and they'd no interest in talking to me, no one texted me and six months on, I get no emails/phonecalls or texts. .

in all fairness, it takes two people to have a friendship. take a step back and think where they may be coming from.
what do you say to someone who has cancer?
i have no idea. perhaps you can tell me. personally, i dont handle that sort of thing very well, so i tend to be straight forward and matter of fact about it. if i met you, id say something stupid like 'so, you got cancer eh? what type is it and how long have you got and can i have your car when youre gone.' thats me.
your friends may have nothing to say for themselves. the probably dont know if you want to talk to anyone.
who knows.
only they do.
ask them. make contact. they may be frightened.

Ashamed wrote:

People in my town have found out about my disease through unknown means, I told no one bar my parents and siblings, I can only assume someone who works at the hospital took it upon themselves to relieve me of my dignity, now that I'm known in town as "the lad with the cancer".

hey, i felt like that when i lived in meath. although i was know as 'that jakeen bastárd'. althouhgh, potentially not as fatal as cancer, is still very upseting.

who knows who told. any one of you family could have told. people need to talk. things like your news no doubt caused shock and upset your family. and people need to talk about things.
but i dont see why that would make you feel like a leper. sure, it sucks to be singled out. but youre dealing with it.
it could be worse, you could called 'the lad who enjoys shagging goats while videotaping it and then putting it up on the internet....'

Ashamed wrote:

I feel like a leper as I've become socially isolated, because of my treatment I don't have much energy and am unable to leave the house often and as a result I've become really depressed. .

of course you do! jesus! youve got cancer and youre tired all the time from treatment! i could tell you not to worry about it, but that would just be ironic!

just try and keep the brain active.

Ashamed wrote:

. Something else that upsets me is my future, if I end up surviving at all, is that I'm afraid that no girl would want me for a relationship as she'd be taking on the baggage of someone who has had cancer in addition to all the other problems that go with normal relationships. .

fortunately for you, women come in all flavours, and there will always be one to suit you, no matter what.
hell, if serial killers on deathrow can get married, i have no doubt that it will be a bit easier for you. hell, if i can get married, it should be a cakewalk for you. at least you have a chat line like, 'so, ever wondered how chemotheropy is administered?'

as for your baggage, we all have it.
and you know what, if you survive, i have no doubt you will have a lust for life that us normal boring people dont have. take strength from your situation. be proud.
to be honest, if i were you and i got the OK, id be out shagging every chick i could find. and i would tell them all i had cancer and now im sured, so they should have sex with me.
and you know what?
half of them probably would...

Ashamed wrote:

I was only 21 when I got diagnosed and now I'm 22, I don't feel like I exist and in the past six months, my whole life has been destroyed, I learnt that people I thought were my friends weren't my friends at all. I'm sorry for a depressing post like this and I don't expect replies as I just needed to say it somewhere, albeit it in an anonymous way on a vbulletion forum. Thanks for your time.

you still have your whole life ahead of you. ok, it may a bit shorter than mine, but you know what, it may be longer.
dont discard your friends so easily. you dont know what they are thinking.
you are clearly depressed, and thats ok and understandable.

why not start a blog. let us know how you are getting on. and dont be ashamed of your condition. you cant fight it if you too busy trying to deny your situation.

best of luck, and can i have your car when youre gone?

eth0_

^CwAzY^ wrote:

Sorry to hear about that.. Is it terminal?

Have you ANY tact? For a start, that's a horrible thing to ask, and it's none of your business!

Ashamed - it's horrible how you've been treated.

As someone already said, you have friends on here. I'm sure there are support groups you can join. Most people find things like cancer really hard to deal with, they don't know what to say or how to act around someone who has the disease. Not that this excuses your "friends" behaviour.

Do you not have an onocology councellor or psychologist? It should be part of any cancer treatment program...fighting it mentally is just as important as chemo and drug therapy.

Beruthiel

Ashamed wrote:

I'd meet my old friends out on the street before and after chemotherapy treatments and they'd no interest in talking to me, no one texted me and six months on, I get no emails/phonecalls or texts.

they were never friends, no friend would have done that to you in your hour of need, it's an awful way to treat anyone.

I've become really depressed. Something else that upsets me is my future

hardly surprising under the circumstances, have you gone to your GP to see if he can make some suggestions on how to help you with that?

if I end up surviving at all, is that I'm afraid that no girl would want me for a relationship as she'd be taking on the baggage of someone who has had cancer in addition to all the other problems that go with normal relationships.

honestly, I do not think you should worry about that, there are many out there who can see past something like this, and isn't that the type of person you'd want to be with anyway. Don't dwell on this, I seriously don't think it will be an issue.

I was only 21 when I got diagnosed and now I'm 22, I don't feel like I exist and in the past six months, my whole life has been destroyed, I learnt that people I thought were my friends weren't my friends at all. I'm sorry for a depressing post like this and I don't expect replies as I just needed to say it somewhere, albeit it in an anonymous way on a vbulletion forum. Thanks for your time.

post here for as long as you need to, that's what PI is for, sometimes it helps just to put your feelings down somewhere.
can I ask if you have a treatable cancer, is there light at the end of the tunnel? If your doctor has said there is then you need to focus on that.
For now that’s all you should expect from yourself, do whatever it takes to keep yourself going, stop worrying about other people and outside influences, deal with it at a later stage when you are more up to that particular challenge. You have enough on your plate right now without giving a damn about what other people think - time to get yourself a 'fuk them' attitude.
take care
a

Sifo

Hey Dude,

Sorry to hear that. I can't they'd do that to you, this is a time when you need them and they just turn there back on you. F*ck them, they're acting like idiots. I know you're feeling depressed, but that's not going to help you right now. You need to be positive and believe that you can beat this. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Don't worry about relationships later on in life, I had a brain tumour when i was 12 and Im happy healthy and I'm in a couple of relationships atm, keep your chin up.... you can beat this...

ferdi

i really dont understand why your friends abandoned you in your hour of need....i just dont get it, its seriously ****ed up. all i can say is you were unlucky on two counts - health and ****ty friends.

well screw em, they are obviously ignorant pricks who you dont need in your life.

i know you wont want to go near anymore meds or doctors if you can avoid it but from reading your post i think you'd be wise to get ye to a GP or similar to sort out the depression your suffering from. Nothing like feeling low to allow a malignant condition to reassert itself.

annR

I went out with guy who survived cancer . ..I was mad about him and he dumped me. Don't worry about that side of things.

Get some help and tell your family you need some help to stop feeling so hopeless.

MicraBoy

Why are you ashamed to have cancer? You need to answer that question first and foremost.

You say that you told only your parents and siblings and yet everyone in your town now knows. So here's a scenario to consider. Your friends had to find out about your cancer from some random 3rd party. How would that make them feel? Combine that with what you said about not being able to leave the house, I'm guessing that means you haven't been making much effort to communicate with them either. Fair enough you are the one with cancer after all.

I think you should realise that if you feel so ashamed, when you have no grounds to, how difficult is it for other people to broach the subject with you. They are not even supposed to know about it. Some people find it extremely difficult to deal with stuff like this, and I suggest you are not making it any easier.

So what are you going to do about it? I think positive mental attitude is a key part of recovery from cancer. So start being more positive.

1. Stop being ashamed. This is not your fault.
2. Start talking to people. Tell your friends face to face about whats wrong, how you feel, how you are coping. At some point some one is going to have to be the bigger man. Why not let it be you?
3. Get support. Ask your friends for support and understanding. Make it so the big C isn't something that you associate with weakness and lack of dignity. Make it so you can talk about it with them without feeling ashamed. I also think you need counselling, may be thats the best place to start.
4. Enjoy life as much as possible. Get out and about when you can, and do the things you always wanted to do. Live each day for the day, and don't worry about the future.

Don't let this thing beat you.

therecklessone

Probably repeating what a lot of others have said, but the repetition might help reassure you.

Ashamed wrote:

I'm a regular poster on boards but I'm too ashamed to post under my real username. I was diagnosed with cancer in June of this year

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Absolutely nothing.

Ashamed wrote:

I'd just finished my degree and it completely destroyed me, I'd worked so hard for three years only to be struck down with this disease.

I'll put this in rather stark terms...think of how much more difficult this would be to deal with if you were in your final year now. What you're going through is stressful enough without having to worry about essay deadlines and exams and stuff.

Ashamed wrote:

I thought I had a good few mates and when I got diagnosed I didn't expect anyone to come running to help me, but at the same time I wasn't expecting what they ending up doing, which was literally to stop talking to me. I'd meet my old friends out on the street before and after chemotherapy treatments and they'd no interest in talking to me, no one texted me and six months on, I get no emails/phonecalls or texts.

I'll second what WWM said above, maybe they haven't a clue how to respond. You're a bloke, they're probably blokes, blokes don't do feelings very well. Take his advice and make contact with them, if you feel the need have a "clearing the air" chat with them, explain what you have to go through. IMO, the best thing they could do for you is to help you forget what you're going through every now and then. You won't know unless you try.

Ashamed wrote:

People in my town have found out about my disease through unknown means, I told no one bar my parents and siblings, I can only assume someone who works at the hospital took it upon themselves to relieve me of my dignity, now that I'm known in town as "the lad with the cancer".

You'd be surprised how the news can break. My dad was diagnosed with cancer in 1998, a couple of months later I met a friend of a friend one eveing. Exchange went like this:

My mate: This is Ronan, you know his da, he's the guy with the silver hair works in the supermarket.
His mate: The fella that's dying?

It knocked me for six, even though I knew it was the truth (he sadly passed away five years ago), hearing it from a stranger. But thats the way things are, its very hard to hide a serious illness from the outside world. Whats important is that whatever others do, you don't allow your illness to define you. You're still the same person you were before you were dignosed, and you've still got a lot to offer to your friend and family.

Ashamed wrote:

I feel like a leper as I've become socially isolated, because of my treatment I don't have much energy and am unable to leave the house often and as a result I've become really depressed.

Posting here will be a huge help, as will talking to somebody close in the real world, but you need to talk to your GP or the Irish Cancer Society about qualified help. Seriously, they're trained to deal with this much better than ordinary Joe Soap's and will help get you back on track.

Ashamed wrote:

Something else that upsets me is my future, if I end up surviving at all, is that I'm afraid that no girl would want me for a relationship as she'd be taking on the baggage of someone who has had cancer in addition to all the other problems that go with normal relationships.

Amateur psychology time, but I think this is an extension of your depression, and to be brutally honest, its something you do not have to worry about. Its been said, but I'll repeat for effect. We all have baggage, every single one of us.

Best of luck chap.

LegacyUser

Oh my God, I can't believe what your saying is true, thats absolutely awful.

Why are ashamed? Cancer didn't target you because you did something bad. I don't understand why you feel ashamed, cancer effects us all, if we ourselves do not contract it, then someone close to us will, you have nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, you should be proud of yourself for staying so strong and battling this illness.

I do not want to start making excuses for your friends, all I can say is maybe they are very young and do not know how to react to this situation. Thats not much of an excuse, I just cant understand why they would abandon you like this in your time of need.

Your thread has actually upset me and I am not one for getting upset easily.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please pm me and I will pass on my details.

Congratulations for keeping your sanity under all this stress, you really should be proud of yourself, you are handling things very well.

BuffyBot

was only 21 when I got diagnosed and now I'm 22, I don't feel like I exist and in the past six months, my whole life has been destroyed, I learnt that people I thought were my friends weren't my friends at all.

As others have said, you've done nothing to be ashamed of, so that is something you need to work at getting your head around. I can't say I understand why you are ashamed - embarassed, maybe, but ashamed no. You haven't done anything wrong, and the fact that you developed cancer isn't a reflection on you.

I'm going to make a few assumptions here. The first is that I'm going to assume that your former friends were around the same age as you. If so, then I think that what has happened has probably scared the living daylights out of them. Young people generally don't deal with death on a regular basis, especially when it involves people in their peer group. They reacted badly, probably because they didn't know how to react. Again, it's not so much that they went out of your life because of you, but because of your disease. That's no excuse for what they did, but understanding it may help you get your head around their actions. The world is full of new, potential friends which are made of tougher stuff, so try to remember that.

I'm going to assume that your cancer is in remission, or is treatable as you talk about the future. Plenty of cancer survivors go on to have normal, healthy relationships. Again, see my point about the world being full of people made of tough stuff. You might be surprised who you find out there.

As for your life being destroyed, well no one can make you feel any different. The thing to remember is that when something is destroyed, it gives you a chance to rebuild on it. Make changes, find new people, and do new things.

turbot

I know people who've pulled through situations like the one you describe and gone on to live fantastically successful lives; so be strong and realise that there is more to what can happen in you life than what you can imagine when you are feeling depressed.

BTW, Have you tried any alternative treatments to compliment your medical treatment?

May the force be with you!

J.R.HARTLEY

listened ashamed, if you wanna pm me if you wanna talk fire ahead.
i was diagnoes with stage 4 lung cancer last year and know exactly what you're going through,

first off, you gotta realise, you've done nothing wrong, we didn't ask for this it just happened, we have a problem like lots of people do and we just try and live our lives as normal as we can.

as far as your friends, don't stress it. my best mate was all awkward and didn't know what to say, i saw him once in 5 months, my best mate, we played together as toddlers, iwas 25 then and he wouldn't go near me, so i went over to his house, and said, dude i have cancer big f'in deal, now lets go for a pint! people feel awkward, they don't know what to do or say, cause there is still a perception that people with cancer should be lieing in a bed sick, or that friends will put their foot in it if around you.
Cancer doesn't change who you are just how you live, and what you do to survive.
A lot of people distance themselves cause they are scared and don't want to lose a good friend, you just have to talk to them and reassure them that your not going anywhere, you'll be here in 5 years and in 55 years, thats the important thing to remember you have to keep telling yourself that you're going to win. i've already relapsed once and was told by everyone once that happens you're screwed, except my latest treatment is successfull and the doctor is amazed that i'm responding so well, take heart, there's a lot of cool new stuff over the horizon thats gonna help you through, i know it's tough, some days i'm at the opposite end of the scale to you, bnecause i never let it get to me in public people think i'm stroionger than i am, i get the "sure, whats wrong with you, you're looking great? " and the "it's easy for you you've been sitting around all day doing nothing!" and you feel like thumping someone and saying i've been sitting around all day hoping i'm not f'in dieing. but days like that come and go you gotta pick yourself up and go on.
i'm not gonna tell you about people who've survived cancer and gone on to do blah blah, cause you and i know sometimes thats the most depressing part, with over 250 different types of cancer very few people have the exact same disease, so whoopy do if blah blah did great you worry about yourself only,

of course your life is destroyed, a huge chunk of it is now altered by the disease, don't let it own those years though, live for yourself. your life is destroyed, but only your life as you knew it, you know have the chance to set yourself a new life, different goals or maybe the same, but one things for sure, when youcome through this your outlook will never be the same, nothing can stop you.
like i said PM if you wanna talk.

LegacyUser

hi ashamed,

I don't have cancer, but i have a disease since I was born (but only diagnosed with it when I was 5). It impacts my life hugely, I have to take around 40-50 tablets a day, regular trips to the doctor, stays in hospital, etc. and it is chronic.

It's not easy, it wasn't meant to be, but I live with it. I suppose it's easier for me to say that you'll get used to it than you actually getting used to it, as I have had it all my life so I don't know any different to miss regular existance - to me, it's always been the way I live. So it probably is harder having to adjust to something you aquire to. However, as time goes by, it will just become part of your routine and you won't even notice yourself doing things for your condition - in fact, it'd be weird not to do them. It took me ages to get used to not taking a nebuliser when I came off it!

About your friends: that doesn't seem the greatest situation, but I feel that as WhiteWashMan said, some people don't know how to react. They literally don't know. I'm lucky, my closest friends are all in healthcare anyway so they understand it (to an extent). But I have met people who have really upset me because they either freeze over when they find out, or totally treat me as if I have 60 seconds to live before I collapse. However, the thing to note is there are the two types of people out there - those who will understand, or try in a positive way, and those who won't. You have to make the effort also in helping your friends to understand. I'm not saying give them false pretences that you're going to live forever, but just be honest with them. Firstly, I think, you have to come to terms with it yourself though, accept it. It's a hard thing to do, but once you've accepted it, others won't be as frightened to accept it with you.

Also, be honest about it. It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of to have an illness. I'm not saying go around with a sandwich board stating "I have cancer" but be upfront about it. I realised this when I was about 12/13, when I was staying in friends houses other than my closest friends, and suddenly I produced 6 or 7 bottles of tablets and I couldn't sneak into the bathroom to take my nebuliser. I wasn't going to hide it. It doesn't make me any less of a person at all. Again, I think this is going back to accepting it yourself.

Ashamed wrote:

Something else that upsets me is my future, if I end up surviving at all, is that I'm afraid that no girl would want me for a relationship as she'd be taking on the baggage of someone who has had cancer in addition to all the other problems that go with normal relationships.

Trust me, any girl who truly loves you won't mind about the cancer or not. I've had about 5 serious relationships. I have told all of them about my illness. Only one of them reacted adversly to it, and even at that he wasn't hurtful or anything, just not completely ok with it. I was still with him for almost a year, and we broke up for entirely different reasons.

It is hard at the start of a new relationship for me, because I never feel that I am completely honest with my partner until I've told him, and until then I don't feel settled. My current partner, I felt comfortable enough around him after only a week. Previously, it's taken me a month - 2 months before I tell him. But I wouldn't ever not tell a partner, simply because it's as much a part of me as my eating habits or what music I like or what my favourite colour is. a relationship is meant to be about trust, honesty and love - if you trust someone and you're honest with them and love them, you'd tell them. if they trust you and are honest with you and love you, they'd be understanding about you having cancer.

Finally, about the whole survival thing. I will also die younger, who knows when, averaging late twenties-early thirties (i'm 20 now). it is very tough to get to grips with that kinda stuff. but you, and I, and anyone else who may have a shorter than average life, have two options to us. We can lie in our beds, crying about the fact that we're going to die younger, wishing we had more time to live. Or, we can live. We've only got a short time, but hell, we should make time out of it. And if you do survive, every minute will be a bonus that you'll be grateful for such that life will mean everything to you.

I truly believe anyone who has been diagnosed with anything really appreciates the vibrancy of life and looks at life with an entirely different viewpoint from a completely healthy person. I think it's the only advantage of having an illness. But it's almost worthwhile.

Keep smiling, if not for any other reasons than it takes less enegy than frowning

Best of Luck
xxx

Victor

keep_smiling. Thank you for sharing.

Ashamed

Ashamed wrote:

I'm a regular poster on boards but I'm too ashamed to post under my real username. I was diagnosed with cancer in June of this year, I'd just finished my degree and it completely destroyed me, I'd worked so hard for three years only to be struck down with this disease. I thought I had a good few mates and when I got diagnosed I didn't expect anyone to come running to help me, but at the same time I wasn't expecting what they ending up doing, which was literally to stop talking to me. I'd meet my old friends out on the street before and after chemotherapy treatments and they'd no interest in talking to me, no one texted me and six months on, I get no emails/phonecalls or texts. People in my town have found out about my disease through unknown means, I told no one bar my parents and siblings, I can only assume someone who works at the hospital took it upon themselves to relieve me of my dignity, now that I'm known in town as "the lad with the cancer". I feel like a leper as I've become socially isolated, because of my treatment I don't have much energy and am unable to leave the house often and as a result I've become really depressed. Something else that upsets me is my future, if I end up surviving at all, is that I'm afraid that no girl would want me for a relationship as she'd be taking on the baggage of someone who has had cancer in addition to all the other problems that go with normal relationships. I was only 21 when I got diagnosed and now I'm 22, I don't feel like I exist and in the past six months, my whole life has been destroyed, I learnt that people I thought were my friends weren't my friends at all. I'm sorry for a depressing post like this and I don't expect replies as I just needed to say it somewhere, albeit it in an anonymous way on a vbulletion forum. Thanks for your time.

dont really know what to say, but felt i had to reply, probably the most upsetting post ive ever read on boards.ie and im not ashamed to admit it.
dont be ashamed man, these things happen in life, im sure youl pull though and be on the mend, then youl have a chance to start your life again anew.

forget about your friends, theyre acting like assholes. If they were true friends theyd put theyre awkwardness aside and be there for you! 1 of my best friends died over a year ago and i know with all my heart i wouldve dont anything to help him if i had the chance. I cant believe they acted like that, it should be them whose ashamed

1good friend is better than 50 aquaintances, trust me, ive learned. As long as you have your family to stick by you, youl be cool.

Whatever happens, Dont lose Hope. When things start to work out for you, youl appreciate life more than the rest of us ever might

bp

hey
i dont know exactly what you are going through but i have gone through something like you (but not as bad). at 17 i was walking home from the DART (7min walk) but took me half an hour. turn out that i have an auto immune disease. basically (long story short) my immune system thinks my liver is a foreign anti body and tries to get rid of it and because of this i couldnt bend my knees, elbows or move my hips (it is a side effect). at first i was told that it was curable and that was good but then they did a biopsy and discovered that it was cronic so that is me sick for life. anyway i missed the second half of fifth of school but was put on steroids and immune supresents so all was going well until 1st year of college when things went really bad. turned out that i had an allergy to my drugs and ended up in intensive care, i lost over two stone because i couldnt eat, i lost my voice and my hearing cause i was so sick. i spent three weeks in beaumount and wasnt able to have visitors in case they passed something on to my because my entire immune system was gone and failed first year because i was so sick in my exams (before i went to hospital.)

long story short got better and am now on full time steroids but was told the last time that i saw my doctor that i will most likely get liver cancer and soon ( i am 23 and go for liver ulta sounds once a year so make sure they catch it in time). i have only told a few people - so as not to get the "look", and the people i have told have all said dont be silly you wont get it etc but it is very hard for them to deal with. i had time to think about it before telling people but the people i told were upset about it because it was sprung on them. your friends just dont know what to say.

you are a young man who is hopefully on the road to recovery. you will always have friends on boards and people you can talk to. being sick with cancer is nothing to be ashamed of people just dont know what to say because there is such a stigma attached to it.

when i first got out of hospital i couldnt go out and yeah you do get depressed but you have to try. text one person and meet them for tea. as regards going out with people, we all have baggage and if someone cannot deal with you having had cancer then they arent the person for you. your friends may be scared to talk to you incase they say the wrong thing.

good luck and pm me if you want someone to talk to

Gazza22

Hi,

Well first of all, you have absolutely nothing, i mean Nothing to be ashamed of. I blame your 'friends' for you feeling like this...their actions have actually made you feel like your illness is something to be ashamed of. I think they should be utterly ashamed of themselves, they're completely out of line. I know that if i was in their position i would support you every step of the way....

Though they may be feeling a bit awkward, some people just can't deal with these type of things and although they are avoiding you, they may mean no harm...maybe you should try and contact them and have a chat?

I am really sorry to hear of the cancer, you are very young. Don't worry about relationships ect. in the future, just concentrate on recovering. Though you are still alive and i wish you the very best of luck with your treatment and your future

BEAT

my god, I cant believe people reacted that way!
you have nothing, absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!
I am sorry your having a tough time of it and feel alone.
I dont know if I know you or not but if you ever want someone to talk to feel free to send me a pm

SexeeAussie

Ashamed......DON'T BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trust ME.......not disclosing anything, just don't be ashamed.................tis not your fault.

Cancer does not discriminate.................................

You are brave, soooo brave.

It is never an easy thing. No matter what 'type' or level of cancer, it is incidious.

Be strong, don't let the people in your town get you down, there are people who understand and care.



{{{HUGS}}}

Rach

Nevyn

SexeeAussie DementiaMan
Banned for one week for personal abuse and off topic posting.

Do read the charter
have a nice day
Thaedydal

condra

Hey OP.

Defintly the most upsetting thread Ive read.

I relate to your situation to a certain degree, having had a debilitating condition since finishing college 4 years ago.

When suddenly your whole life stops and you become ill or disabled, it takes quite a while to accept it and come to terms with it. Youll have to be stronger now than youve ever been but when you come out the other side youll be able to take on anything.

In the last 4 years Ive realized who my true friends were, and it amounted to a small percentage of the origional pool of friends!
Regardless though, Ive sometimes had to have a "man to man" with a couple of mates and basicaly tell them that Im goin through a hard time and need their support.

I think you should try your best to communicate with some of your more cherished friends that you need them to be there for you. I think theres a good chance that many of them are just completely awkward about the situation.
If you can somehow have a "sense of humour" [for want of a better phrase], about the situation when conveying it to your friends, they might feel more at ease.

Please be strong and proud and stay positive. We're all routing for you mate.

Sleepy

annR wrote:

I went out with guy who survived cancer . ..I was mad about him and he dumped me. Don't worry about that side of things.

Get some help and tell your family you need some help to stop feeling so hopeless.

Just to second that, a girl I used to go out with had beaten cancer twice. If anything it made her more attractive to me because I like strong women and knew that she must have had incredible mental strength to have beaten the disease and gotten on with her life so well.

Agent Smith

Hey Ashamed,

First off, You have NOTHING to be ashamed of, You cant "catch" Cancer like The Flu, hepa/b/c or HIV. Your " friends", To be blunt, are acting childish.

you know the Story, your doing whats right going to Cemo,
My Grandfather Died of Testicular Cancer for the sole reason as he thought he was " a Big man" who wouldnt face it, he thought it was "nothing" and in the end refused to have surgery because he thought it would make him " less of a man". he was 62 when he died.

your young, you have a lot of sence. if your so called " friends" acted mature, they would see past it.

If you ever need to talk Ashamed, feel free to PM me, everything will of course be kept in the strictest of confidance.


Joe

rrrrr

Ashamed wrote:

I'm a regular poster on boards but I'm too ashamed to post under my real username. I was diagnosed with cancer in June of this year, I'd just finished my degree and it completely destroyed me, I'd worked so hard for three years only to be struck down with this disease. I thought I had a good few mates and when I got diagnosed I didn't expect anyone to come running to help me, but at the same time I wasn't expecting what they ending up doing, which was literally to stop talking to me. I'd meet my old friends out on the street before and after chemotherapy treatments and they'd no interest in talking to me, no one texted me and six months on, I get no emails/phonecalls or texts. People in my town have found out about my disease through unknown means, I told no one bar my parents and siblings, I can only assume someone who works at the hospital took it upon themselves to relieve me of my dignity, now that I'm known in town as "the lad with the cancer". I feel like a leper as I've become socially isolated, because of my treatment I don't have much energy and am unable to leave the house often and as a result I've become really depressed. Something else that upsets me is my future, if I end up surviving at all, is that I'm afraid that no girl would want me for a relationship as she'd be taking on the baggage of someone who has had cancer in addition to all the other problems that go with normal relationships. I was only 21 when I got diagnosed and now I'm 22, I don't feel like I exist and in the past six months, my whole life has been destroyed, I learnt that people I thought were my friends weren't my friends at all. I'm sorry for a depressing post like this and I don't expect replies as I just needed to say it somewhere, albeit it in an anonymous way on a vbulletion forum. Thanks for your time.

1. Grow up. I have been diagnosed with a heart disease. I will have an operation in a few weeks and I'll have to have it every 10 years as I get older. If bacteria gets into my bloodstream they could find a nice nesting spot on my faulty valve and build up, inducing heart failure. I can drop dead at any moment. What do I do about it? I GET ON WITH MY LIFE. I don't feel sorry for myself. I could, but I don't. Get a hobby.

2. move away from your area. It builds character. Find new friends. Learn social skills.

tabatha

i have never read so many sad posts in all my life. we never really know what is going on in peoples life do we? when i was 16 i got pregnant (back in the late 80's). not like today, it was not a heard of thing really. anyway, i had my baby and kept it even though people thought that i was dirt. then my baby died. what did i learn from this? that life is to short to worry about tomorrow. live for today and make it the best day you can. my dad died this year from lung cancer. he was 53. he "gave up" when he was diagnosed. you cant do this. you have to fight and fight hard cause no one else can do this for you. be positive. plan ahead. plan your life and look forward to it. think of it as a hurdle that you have to overcome that is going to make you a stronger person. you are in my thoughts and prayers.

rrrrr

tabatha wrote:

i have never read so many sad posts in all my life. we never really know what is going on in peoples life do we? when i was 16 i got pregnant (back in the late 80's). not like today, it was not a heard of thing really. anyway, i had my baby and kept it even though people thought that i was dirt. then my baby died. what did i learn from this? that life is to short to worry about tomorrow. live for today and make it the best day you can. my dad died this year from lung cancer. he was 53. he "gave up" when he was diagnosed. you cant do this. you have to fight and fight hard cause no one else can do this for you. be positive. plan ahead. plan your life and look forward to it. think of it as a hurdle that you have to overcome that is going to make you a stronger person. you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am SO sorry. I really admire your attitude.

sideFX

dudara wrote:

You've always got friends here, that's the glory of boards.

I'm sorry to hear what's happened to you. But you are alive, and life will get better

Ditto!

condra

1. Grow up. I have been diagnosed with a heart disease. I will have an operation in a few weeks and I'll have to have it every 10 years as I get older. If bacteria gets into my bloodstream they could find a nice nesting spot on my faulty valve and build up, inducing heart failure. I can drop dead at any moment. What do I do about it? I GET ON WITH MY LIFE. I don't feel sorry for myself. I could, but I don't. Get a hobby.

2. move away from your area. It builds character. Find new friends. Learn social skills.

rrrrr

1. How dare you be so insensitive, rude and hurtfull to someone who is obviously going through something so devestating. Youre not just insulting him and his intelligence, youre insulting everyone who has ever had to deal with serious illness.

2. Ive read some of your posts [all 18 of them] and I think your general attitude stinks. Youre bitter and cynical and full of inner rage.

3. Most people post in the personal issues section because they are empathic, warm, encouraging and understanding. You show no signs of these traits.

4. Posting in point form is annoying and patronising - isnt it!

5. Dont tell people to "learn social skills" until you develop your own.

6. Shame on you, youre a nasty piece of work.

*
MODS- I think you should take a serious look at some of the posts this guy has made. It is my opinion that he is not a nice person at all. I could think of other words for it but will bite my lip.
*

O.P. - pleease do not consider a word of the vile hatefull venom rrrrrr is spitting. Stay strong and hopefull and you will not become as bitter and deluded as he.
The initial post by O.P. saddend and maddened me but rrrrrrs post was completely out of line behaviour for anyone who gives a damn about other peoples feelings.

ravenhead

rrrrr wrote:

1. Grow up. I have been diagnosed with a heart disease. I will have an operation in a few weeks and I'll have to have it every 10 years as I get older. If bacteria gets into my bloodstream they could find a nice nesting spot on my faulty valve and build up, inducing heart failure. I can drop dead at any moment. What do I do about it? I GET ON WITH MY LIFE. I don't feel sorry for myself. I could, but I don't. Get a hobby.

2. move away from your area. It builds character. Find new friends. Learn social skills.

RRRRR - You should be ashamed of yourself, get over yourself, I have a very similar condition to what you're describing & I think what you've said to ASHAMED makes me sick... If you really did have something like what you say you have, you would NEVER tell a sick person to GROW UP & GET A HOBBY.

You obviously haven't been sick for long.....