SAD - Seasonal Afective Disorder

LegacyUser

Hey Guys,

My mum is a sufferer of SAD - or Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is something that apparently a lot of people suffer from, it basically causes the person to get depressed in the winter months when it is cold and dark.

More info here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder
http://www.psychiatry.ubc.ca/mood/sad/sadfaq.htm

Anyway it has now got really bad so I thought I might post here to see if anyone else has any experiences with it.

My mother loves spring & summer and is always active outside gardening etc. Now that it gets cold and dark by 5pm it totally changes her routine and she has started to get very very depressed. It does not help that all the kids have now left home, some overseas, and my Dad is away travelling with work a lot. So unsurprisingly she is very lonely. All this, and the SAD, is like a vicious circle and it has got to the stage where she is saying she has no life and wants to commit suicide. My mother can be a very negative person at times and any suggestions we make to try to help her she disregards. I realise that when you are suffering from depression it feels like there is no way out and you don’t want to do anything to help yourself. I have told her this may times, and explained all the technicalities of what depression does to your brain, but I don't think she understands.

Many years ago she was an alcoholic, but sobered up and was fine for more than 15 years, but now because of this she is back drinking form time to time. I try to tell her alcohol is a depressive and only makes things worse. She feels her life is not worth living as all the family are off doing their own thing, and really all she wants in life is her family around her, unfortunately that is the one thing she cannot have. She constantly complains about how all her friends are so busy with their families, always busy doing things and she doesn’t have that in her life. We suggest getting a job or doing voluntary work. My mother has never had to work in her life so she probably feels embarrassed as she is not educated and could not handle figures etc…

We are now at a loss as to what to do. She will not go to AA as she is embarrassed someone she knows would see her. I want her to go to professional counselling but she does not want that either.

I would appreciate if anyone can offer advice or if anyone has been in a similar situation how best to deal with it.

Thanks

alleepally

Just a suggestion, you might want to check out light boxes for sufferers of SAD. Do a search on google for sad light box.

xzanti

<snip>

If they're not available for purchase in Ireland, then I don't want it mentioned here. dudara

LegacyUser

I think everyone gets a little depressed in the winter. I noticed that the place I work in was full of life for the summer. The minute it started getting like winter, around october/novemeber, the place was like a morgue in the making.
I think everyone gets SAD to some degree just as they get the flu or a cold in the winter. Animals hibernate in the winter, its for a reason, humans have a depressive reaction to the winter months too.
I felt really different in a sluggish depressed way during the last few weeks too! I feel anxiety almost.
I think however that December is better for wearing SAD off as you get christmas then the spirit of new years and then ur headin for spring and summer
So Im over the worst I think.

Ag marbh

I suffer with this also and dread the winter months which results in me hating every christmas. I've been on anti-depressants before for it but they just don't seem to work so next year im going to spend my winter months away in Thailand instead of spending my Summer over there. When I see the sunshine I feel unstoppable and really hyper sometimes almost manic.

ando

Ag marbh wrote:

so next year im going to spend my winter months away in Thailand instead of spending my Summer over there

thats a really good idea, even if you cant get away for months, a few weeks during the dead of winter would be great

Nightwish

I had this for a few years, I thought I was getting better last year but kinda lost the plot a bit, however, this year I'm even better again. Light Boxes are available for purchase in Ireland, but its only mail order. Theres more info, and help at www.brighterday.ie

democrates

Sorry to hear that, hopefully the posts have lit candles more than cursed the darkness. I've studied some psychology out of interest and helped friends in need over the years by talking through things with them. I'm no professional but here's my two-cents anyway:

The most important thing is to tell her you love her to bits for all the kindness over the years (if that's not entirely true focus on the good she has done) and that what you want for her above all is to be happy.

You could surprise her with a special gift (How about one of those patio heaters?) from all the kids, including, most importantly for a woman, a card with words that leave her in no doubt that she is deeply cherished. Something she can proudly tell her friends about.

As for the underlying problem. It's possible she could be feeling guilt over any effects the prior drinking problem had on her kids growing up for example. If so, her actions may be cries for help, the emergence of a repressed need to gain closure on the past so that she can move on with contentment.

While she can smother her anxiety in activity during the sunny seasons tending to new life in the garden, the hours upon hours alone indoors on dark days when leaf-children have fallen from the trees are when the ghosts of the past emerge to torment her.

It sounds like she feels as if she's dying of lonliness, saying she wished she had her kids back, suggesting on the face of it the empty nest syndrome. That could be it, or part of it. All the kids are gone off and now she feels out of the loop and unimportant, and the other mothers might be inadvertantly making it worse by talking about their kids all the time.

She can't go back in time and have her kids around as you say, and maybe it's risky to try and cheer her up by sending grandkids for minding during the day just at the moment given her current disposition.

But add to that, she doesn't want to go to AA or counselling or work or to anyone or anything else. Your words about health aren't getting a response either. She blocks off all avenues of action, except the one and only door she's leaving open - that she's lonely and wants her kids around her.

I find it hard to believe she really expects that. Could it be that she wants to address her mother-child relationships, to raise some issue there but it's a painful topic to just blurt out so she's having difficulty doing so? As above it could be guilt about the earlier drinking, she may think her kids have a bad opinion of her, or don't love her because of that or something else. You never know what people are thinking.

Alternatively, it could be that she's not happy with the relationship with your dad, and almost saying her life is worthless without the kids could be a roundabout way of expressing that point.

Or it could be the same issue that drove her to drink the first time, or something completely different, from her childhood even.

If it were me, I'd call for a visit and when you're settled, start asking questions. Not an intense interrogation, but calmly and caring, with open-ended questions starting around how she feels during winter, then asking why she things that is etc, to get to the cause.

If she's resisting, encourage her by saying it's ok, nothing she says is wrong, that's just where she's at right now. Make it feel safe. If she says she feels a certain way, don't just say we can all feel like that from time to time, which puts the onus back on her to get on and deal with it like everyone else, say that must be very difficult for you, and, what do you think might be causing you to feel that way?

If at any point it looks like she's on the verge of saying something but can't quite and clams up, play the ace, say in your own words "you have a right to a happy life, it's not too much to ask, and I want you to be happy, we all do because we love you". Be prepared for tears, and to give her a hug, that's a good thing, it can be a great release for a tormented soul because you're recognising her solitary pain.

Go from how dark days can be depressing, to the empty nest syndrome, ask if she'd like to be called on the phone a bit more, or visited more, and if it isn't all over with tears and hugs by then and there's more depth to it, go on to ask how she feels about her relationships with her children, then your dad if you feel comfortable with that line of discovery.

Be sure she's in no doubt that she's loved and cherished. Listen carefully to everything and watch the body language. If after all that it looks like she's still down and the issue hasn't been dealt with, encourage her to talk about anything that might be bothering her. Don't pressure, tell her it's ok if she doesn't want to discuss it. Maybe she'd find it easier to talk to a woman.

If she still seems unrelieved by the end, or more upset, she hasn't dealt with the issue whatever it is. Ask if she'd like to have a chat again, or if seems too stressful for you or something you don't feel able to do properly, maybe another of your sibs, your dad, or if none of these are viable try to convince her to see a counsellor, I think GP's can set this up, and there must be loads so she can go somewhere that she won't meet anyone she knows.

It might take a family intervention to get her to move on this, and that might be just what she needs to see that you all care, and to get the issue dealt with so she can move on to happy days.

Whatever the outcome, when you're wrapping up bring it around to something trivial like what she's got planned for the garden next year or something, and finish on a positive note as you leave with a smile.

Aside from that, in the long term it would be good for her to have some lady-friends who she can socialise with during the day, for walks, shopping, coffee, whatever, but she should avoid any who constantly crow about their bustling nests.

I could be way off the mark in all the above, but then you might see something that clicks or works in another scenario. In any event, the best of luck.

OMcGovern

My mother had a similar enough problem.... but not with SAD.
She was a housewife for 20 years.... probably an alcoholic (undiagnosed) with dramatic mood swings with alcohol, emotionally unstable, a nervous breakdown, and a history of threats of suicide.

She left school before doing the leaving cert, but went on that "return to work" program. She ended up doing a variety of FAS courses to get retrained in computers and accounting packages. She's had no trouble getting work as a credit controller in a variety of companies.
Also done some volunteer work in charity shops.

She's still not 100%, but the work gave her life purpose and filled in the void that was left behind when all the kids left home.

regards,
Owen

ronbyrne2005

Unreg22222 wrote:

Hey Guys,

My mum is a sufferer of SAD - or Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is something that apparently a lot of people suffer from, it basically causes the person to get depressed in the winter months when it is cold and dark.

More info here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder
http://www.psychiatry.ubc.ca/mood/sad/sadfaq.htm

Anyway it has now got really bad so I thought I might post here to see if anyone else has any experiences with it.

My mother loves spring & summer and is always active outside gardening etc. Now that it gets cold and dark by 5pm it totally changes her routine and she has started to get very very depressed. It does not help that all the kids have now left home, some overseas, and my Dad is away travelling with work a lot. So unsurprisingly she is very lonely. All this, and the SAD, is like a vicious circle and it has got to the stage where she is saying she has no life and wants to commit suicide. My mother can be a very negative person at times and any suggestions we make to try to help her she disregards. I realise that when you are suffering from depression it feels like there is no way out and you don’t want to do anything to help yourself. I have told her this may times, and explained all the technicalities of what depression does to your brain, but I don't think she understands.

Many years ago she was an alcoholic, but sobered up and was fine for more than 15 years, but now because of this she is back drinking form time to time. I try to tell her alcohol is a depressive and only makes things worse. She feels her life is not worth living as all the family are off doing their own thing, and really all she wants in life is her family around her, unfortunately that is the one thing she cannot have. She constantly complains about how all her friends are so busy with their families, always busy doing things and she doesn’t have that in her life. We suggest getting a job or doing voluntary work. My mother has never had to work in her life so she probably feels embarrassed as she is not educated and could not handle figures etc…

We are now at a loss as to what to do. She will not go to AA as she is embarrassed someone she knows would see her. I want her to go to professional counselling but she does not want that either.

I would appreciate if anyone can offer advice or if anyone has been in a similar situation how best to deal with it.

Thanks

i have had depression etc for six years,imo your mother doesnt have SAD (if SAD does exist-i have my doubts- its a mild depression )your mother seems a lot more depressed than the mild depression associated with SAD , a lot of it seems psychological so she really needs to speak with a professional psychotherapist/counsellor,for a first visit you could go along with her to give her comfort,also as others have said get family toghether to giver her a boost and see how that helps,also maybe a sun holiday with some of the family to canaries or something might give her a boost,but if she has these feelings throughout the day for more than a few weeks she needs professional help imo before she gets worse or does something serious while drinking(most people who attempt suicide are under influence of alcohol or someother depressant).tell her not to be worried as professional therapists are completely confidental and usually not near your home so no one is going to see her who knows her and even if they do what the f*ck does it matter,her health is the most important thing.the mistake i made when i first got depressed was not seeking help soon enough and it got worse.

anyway you and family support her talk with her do anything you can that you think will help and if these dont work in next week or ten days see a therapist asap and if she wont go consider calling out GP or some other professional to her home.

BeardyGit

Just a quick thought (although knowing me it'll lead into a long post anyway).

My mam worked very hard to raise us. Problems were few as far as we could see but it didn't mean they weren't there. I know that when we started to move out and on with our lives it was difficult for her. Indeed, it took several years before she started to reach a balance point and become her own woman again instead of simply a mother and a wife. Depression certainly reared its head from time to time (although never formally diagnosed we could all see the signs) and menopause didn't help. All difficult things for her to go through and ultimately there was little any of us or my Dad could really do to help directly.

The catalyst for a change in her case came about when we took the initiative and booked her on a night class in computers. She wasn't overjoyed but it got her out of the house once a week and through it she made new friends and realised that there is life after motherhood. After completing the course (ECDL) she realised that an old dog can learn new tricks and I guess the impetus to continue learning and obtaining recognition for her abilities had been firmly planted in her mind. She went on to spend a one year part time course and then a two year full-time course. All the time, she was meeting new people and receiving credit from those outside her immediate circle of family and friends for her achievements.

Now I'm not saying your Mam should do a computer course. But it might be worth just booking her on a class you think she might enjoy, without the pressure of exams (but something with a clear path into further studies), and if at all possible, make the effort to pick her up and bring her there. If you're both lucky, she'll realise she can have a real value now her role as a parent has become 'part-time' so to speak, and that she can make friends and achieve something for herself at the same time. All positives I'd imagine.

My mam's now working again (part-time) after almost 30 years out of the workforce. She does it for 'pocket-money', social company and a sense of personal achievement and the accompanying benefit that she can be proud of herself (and that we can be proud of her for what she can do, not just what she did in the past by raising us!).

There you go, told you it would be a long post!

Best of luck anyway,

Gil