Scouse Optimism!

sharkman · 02-12-2005 12:20pm #1

Michael Owen and Rafa in deep conversation discussing terms.

RAFA 'So Michael, such a shame you did not get one of these'
(holds up a CL Medal)
MO 'Yeah well, maybe i can win one for us this year'
RAFA 'Maybe, so how would you like a premiership medal Michael'
MO 'That would be fantastic'
RAFA 'For you?'
MO 'Well yeah, and for the club too of course'
RAFA 'Mmmm, you are a team player aren't you Michael?'
MO 'Of course, anything for the team'
RAFA 'OK, because I have a plan which will win us the title, and it is completely reliant on you to work.'
MO 'what, you bring me back, all is forgiven and I play every game and score 50 goals becoming the top scorer in one season ever in the history of the club?'

RAFA 'Almost'
MO 'Almost? I really am sorry about walking out on you, I do the love it here and will do anything you ask, if you bring me back.'

RAFA 'Anything? OK here are my terms. I want you to miss every chance all season, even penalties. I want you to end the season on 0 goals.'

(MO goes white and gulps)
MO 'no no no no no, I am a goalscorer and it is world cup year'
PAUSE
MO 'I get it, its a joke, hahahaha'
RAFA 'No Michael, I am deadly serious, you score and I drop you.'
MO 'I don't understand'
RAFA 'You said you are a team player yes?'
MO (hesitantly) 'yes...'
RAFA "Imagine it, Michael Owen returns to Liverpool, the biggest signing of the summer, the golden boy of english football, the media darling, englands star striker.'

MO 'I'm with you so far, I just don't get why I can't score any goals.'
RAFA 'You become the story, you take the pressure for the team. You are so high profile that you not scoring will be a far bigger story than our form. We will go on a record winning spree, game after game setting an all time clean sheets record, pipping chelsea to the title, all the time the press ignore the team because you, Michael Owen have not scored a goal all season. The press in this country are that stupid, which will allow your team mates to play without any media spotlight, and bring the trophies home. Do you understand now?'

MO 'I think so - I dont score - we win games - press ignore our amazing run where we win every game and set a record for clean sheets - because they are so focused on me not scoring - therefore allowing our run to continue because noone is feeling the pressure as I am taking it all.'

RAFA 'Exactly Michael, I knew you would understand, think of it this way, this season you well get no goals, but you will get medals, think of this season as demonstrating your loyalty to the club after you abondoned us.'

MO 'But Gaffa, what if I get a penalty???'
RAFA "yes especially penalties, blast them over the bar, the press will have a field day interpreting it as an act of frustration.'

(MO looks sheepish)
MO 'I'm sorry, if it wasn't world cup year coming up, I might consider it...'
RAFA 'In which case I bid you good day, I hope you score lots of goals and win lots of medals at newcastle.'
(Michael Owen walks out Rafa walks him to the door. He then has a thought and turns to his secretary.)
RAFA 'Can you ask Peter Crouch to come to my office straight away please'
RAFA walks back into his office with a sly smile