Struggling...help?

LegacyUser

Hey guys

I'm a regular user so want to go undercover for this one. Here goes...ex broke up with me a couple of months ago...no explanation...nada....after the hysterics and tears he said he wanted to stay friends with me....so we tried that...bear in mind it was a LDR so the "friends" thing was maybe a phone call/e-mail/text once a week since. Thing is I'm not at all over him...miss him like crazy...and I'm finding all this "friends" thing incredibly hard so much so that he is the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last at night. I hate feeling like this...I have college exams in a couple of weeks and I can't settle down to study because my mind wanders back to him. So I was thinking of just cutting all ties...no contact whatsoever....hate doing this over the phone though...can anybody please help...any advice would be better than the way I'm feeling now...thanks for reading.

spurious

To be honest, cutting all ties is really the only way to go in your situation.

It is unfair of him, knowing how you feel about him, to have you just remain as 'friends'. Time to find the plenty of guys out there who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

This guy broke up with you with no explanation, and you are worried about using the phone to tell him you want to have no more contact?

Your priority at the moment is your exams, then to find someone who deserves you, and it's not this guy. You will do better.

BeardyGit

Email. Cruel it may seem but if you take your time and send it the day after you compose it, you can lay out your thoughts clearly and explain your reasons. It'll also give him a chance to re-read what you're trying to get across. No chance for a reaction then and there (ignore any negative response you get at first, if at all) which means you can make the clean break you deserve.

It's terribly difficult when you're in this situation. I'm guessing that the reasons really aren't that obvious to either of you and that you've just 'worn out' the relationship you had. Sometimes it goes that way. But right now you need to take control here and get your own life back on track. You owe it to yourself.

Best of luck with your exams too!

Gil

Little-Devil

If you have college exams i think it would be a good idea if you cut all ties for the moment anyway. Id say it will be hard because you will wonder what he's doing and who he is seeing etc. Once your finished your college get in contact with him again. You could always say to him that your falling behind and you have to knuckle down etc

440Hz

Cutting contact is the best way forward tbh. Its tough, but best for you in the long run. I had a similar situation (not LDR) but happened coming up to exams as well. Unfortunately I didnt find the guts to cut contact until months later and after lots of upset in between. I think Gill's idea of an email is a good way to do it. I did it over the phone, but it was really tough, and if you dont think you feel up to it then best not to, cos you could end up saying things you might not have planned to! best of luck with it

WhiteWashMan

cut contact.
you cant have a 'friends' relationship after the fact. it wont work. one person will always want to be more than friends.
even being fúck buddies doesnt work, although having been in a long distance relationship you wont have that.
tell him you cant do it anymore, you need to live your own life and youre hope he is happy in his life, and if you ever move closer together, youd be happy to meet for a coffee.

then go pass your exams.

styer

If he left you, it is very unfair if he knows how you feel for him to ask to remain friends, don't let it affect your exams I think you should cut all contact. If you are having trouble studying try starting off a session with some multiply choice / quick and easy questions to try and focus the mind rather that trying to start off reading through pages and pages of text (no too sure what you are studying). should help you get something done

Phoebe77

Phoebe77 wrote:

Hey guys

I'm a regular user so want to go undercover for this one. Here goes...ex broke up with me a couple of months ago...no explanation...nada....after the hysterics and tears he said he wanted to stay friends with me....so we tried that...bear in mind it was a LDR so the "friends" thing was maybe a phone call/e-mail/text once a week since. Thing is I'm not at all over him...miss him like crazy...and I'm finding all this "friends" thing incredibly hard so much so that he is the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last at night. I hate feeling like this...I have college exams in a couple of weeks and I can't settle down to study because my mind wanders back to him. So I was thinking of just cutting all ties...no contact whatsoever....hate doing this over the phone though...can anybody please help...any advice would be better than the way I'm feeling now...thanks for reading.

I totally advise it but sadly i could not manage it myself as he got back in contact with me every time!:(
i have a good friendship with the ex though:) (sort of) as in if its platonic it works out grand collectivly weve been friends longer than we were with each other
Just explain it to him and talk to him and say listen i cant be just friends iwth you he'l have something to say on the matter!!! gather some strength first;)

LegacyUser

Hey all

Thanks for all the replies and advice. I bit the bullet this evening and rang the ex to tell him that I couldn't do the whole "friends" thing anymore...had my speech prepared and all and to be honest I made a great start but he said then that he still wanted to keep in contact and then the waterworks started. I'm still mad at myself for letting him hear me upset but I really couldn't help it...now I'm back right where I started. I mentioned it plenty times that it was too hard for me to talk to him but the conversation ended with him saying he'd call me over Christmas to see how I was and to take care of myself. AAAHHH! This is wrecking my head.........

WhiteWashMan

he is being selfish.
and you are being a wimp.

at what point is this doing you any good at all?

come over for christmas?
tell him to fúck off and cut communication.

LadyJ

Cut all ties. It's the only way.

No visits,no calls,nothing.

It's a nightmare but it's definitely worse when he calls over and then you have to deal with the utter emptiness you feel after he leaves.

Phoebe77

Phoebe77 wrote:

Hey all

Thanks for all the replies and advice. I bit the bullet this evening and rang the ex to tell him that I couldn't do the whole "friends" thing anymore...had my speech prepared and all and to be honest I made a great start but he said then that he still wanted to keep in contact and then the waterworks started. I'm still mad at myself for letting him hear me upset but I really couldn't help it...now I'm back right where I started. I mentioned it plenty times that it was too hard for me to talk to him but the conversation ended with him saying he'd call me over Christmas to see how I was and to take care of myself. AAAHHH! This is wrecking my head.........

Thing is he prob does wanna keep in contact but just say no
he doesnt want to seem like a bastard doing it.. They never do, at least mine didnt ! The hard bit is over now
Good luck with the future though he'l call one day and it will shake ya!!!

LegacyUser

Thanks again to all...just to clear up one thing...he said he'd call me as in ring me over Christmas not actually call to see me...he lives 2 hours away so I don't think that gonna happen. Coolsmileygirl I think you hit the nail on the head...he's trying to save face....he actually used to work with my brother so I'm guessing he's doing the "friends" thing for that reason only...to look like the nice guy in this.

Phoebe77

Phoebe77 wrote:

Thanks again to all...just to clear up one thing...he said he'd call me as in ring me over Christmas not actually call to see me...he lives 2 hours away so I don't think that gonna happen. Coolsmileygirl I think you hit the nail on the head...he's trying to save face....he actually used to work with my brother so I'm guessing he's doing the "friends" thing for that reason only...to look like the nice guy in this.

Well i'm guessing your brother would go mental if he messed you around so thats probably why!
yeah probably at least things are being ended civily!
Look back on him as a nice guy who it didnt work out with!:)

LegacyUser

Get your brother to tell him that you dont want contact anymore. That will normally work.
I dont mean threats or implied threats, just that he is backing you up and your ex sees that he has been asked to say something.

LegacyUser

Cheers for advice but can't do that I'm afraid, my brother didn't approve of the two of us getting together at all...and even though he would have worked and socialised occasionally with my ex (he has since changed jobs so he doesn't have any contact with him) he wasn't at all pleased when we started seeing each other...he never used to ask how he was etc...he actually never even mentioned my ex to me in all the time we were together.