Is it time to make amends with family at Christmas??

LegacyUser

Hey so is Christmas a time for forgiving and forgetting all the bad things that happened in the past year and years?

I recently caught my dad kissing a woman that works for him in the pub. I was out havin a few drinks with him at the time. I lost the plot naturally as he and my mam aren’t officially separated and still aren’t. He has said to me before this that he still loves her and didn’t want to end the marriage and wasn’t cheating on her despite not coming home for many a night. My mam is no angel with a bit of a drink problem and had a rough time recently with the menopause and losing her mam. She also has had a sh1te life, sisters dying quite young, her dad dyin when she was pregnant for the 1st time and my dad being pretty much a w@nker for most of their marriage until last 5 years with abuse, both verbal and physical. (All that has stopped now thankfully)
So after I caught him he has cut myself and my siblings out of the picture. He hasn’t even tried to contact any of us to explain the situation. I haven’t really had a relationship with him, but have sometimes worked with him and when we try to bond all he cares about is his work, his money and how he renovated the house.

Christmas is coming up and myself and siblings are seriously considering not going home for xmas. My parents are still living together and the other woman is still working for my dad and my mam has read his phone bills and he is still calling and texting her at all times and couldn’t all be work related. My grandparents on dads side usually have xmas dinner with my family and the thoughts of playing happy families doesn’t appeal to me at present as I would imagine they know nothing of the situation. Myself and my siblings are talking about bringing our mam up to one of our houses and having dinner with us.

What should we do?? Please Help!!!

elexes

let me be one of the fist to say

how the **** should we know

personally i would go but thats just me i find it hard to hold grudges at times and will always give somone a second chance .

if your parents are going to split up then there is nothing you can do about it. if your mom is ok with the situation then there is nothing you can do without comming out as the bad person

maby give him a ring asking what the situation is for xmass and turn up for a hour or so

Canis Lupus

Agrees with Elexes second sentence.

You have to do what u think is right here cos you sound like an adult as do your family members.

cow girl

i think you should go for your mams sake. think how hard it is for her

DawnMc

It's a very difficult situation for you.
It must be really hard for you to have all that going on.
Many people would find that extremely hard to forgive.
Is blood thicker than water?

Shellie13

Doogle1985 wrote:

It will be lonely for you, but i'm sure you big-enough to cope. If not, just drink a lot :cool:

Wow-sound advice there!

Jim10000

Give them the choice.... ask your parents if they want you all there, if they don't seem that pushed then organise an alternative and if she wants, include your Mam in it.

I don't see why you should have to endure a possibly crappy Christmas for the sake of Happy Families when your Dad's not making any effort.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. Was talking to my mam yesterday and my dad is in denial about the whole thing and is actually blaming her for the situation and that I was making it up. Thats the thing that is annoying me. If he said that he was leaving then I could accept it, but the two of them are still living together and its as if nothing has happened.

Chavster

Support you mom and fcuk your dad is my advice. Being family doesn't excuse the fact that he's an arsehole.

Went through something similar myself where my dad nearly left my mom an emotional ruin. In the end myself, bro & sis rallied around her and threw him out.

It was the best decision ever

LegacyUser

Chavster wrote:

Support you mom and fcuk your dad is my advice. Being family doesn't excuse the fact that he's an arsehole.

Went through something similar myself where my dad nearly left my mom an emotional ruin. In the end myself, bro & sis rallied around her and threw him out.

It was the best decision ever

yeah thats what we're thinkin of doin, but was it a hard decision at the time?

Angels

Scrooge? wrote:

Thanks for the replies. Was talking to my mam yesterday and my dad is in denial about the whole thing and is actually blaming her for the situation and that I was making it up. Thats the thing that is annoying me. If he said that he was leaving then I could accept it, but the two of them are still living together and its as if nothing has happened.

Well the best thing you & your siblings can do is bring your mam to your house for christmas, so that ye'll have a nice day together.

Other then your Dad i have a similar dad to yours (he has cheated on my mam once before but i wasn't even born at that stage).

He treats me in a similar way to you & if could be i'd love my mam to leave him so we could have a happy xmas together & leave him on his own for the day see how he likes have to fiend for himself.

I think you should take your mam away from him for the day she might just enjoy xmas day for once. Believe me it's not nice trying to play happy families it just doesn't work & it ruins xmas day!!

Chavster

scrooge? wrote:

yeah thats what we're thinkin of doin, but was it a hard decision at the time?

Yes it was hard at the time but you have to try and look at it objectively (which is a challenge in itself). Weigh up the pro's and con's of getting rid of him - i would say the pro's outweigh the cons from what you have posted.

Let NONE of these enter into the decision:
a) What other people will think
b) Money (ie your mam losing an income) - This will sort itself out in time

At the end of the day though your mom will have to want to get rid of him, if she doesn't now I think you should try really hard to convince her.

It's definately a toughie especially at this time of the year and I wish you the best of luck with it.