Boyfriend needs space

DawnMc

--

SpittingImage

don't mean to be harsh, but is a relationship full o rows really worth it?

DawnMc

I know what you're saying SpittingImage and maybe you're right. It's just that when we're not rowing, it's so so good. Also, thiis year has been full of freak things which wrecked up my head and made me unbearable!!
It's like I can't be with or without him.
It's only been one day and I miss him terribly already

Tiddlywinks

If its really good when you two aren't arguing then maybe its worth trying your very best to sort it out.. maybe you should trying telling each other even if the least little thing bothers you so that it doesent build up into a big row. it sounds like you both need someone but are you sure its each other?? If you are then stick it out if it was a rough year for both of u then hopefully next yr will be better..

DawnMc

Thanks Tiddlywinks. I had a very rough year and he has been my rock. We're both really extreme people - either up or down - no in between so it's a disaster in a way but I'm crazy about him and just realised today how much

SpittingImage

Doogle1985 wrote:

He is cheating on you, probably with a much hotter girl. End of, it's over, move on, let him be with his new girlfriend.

You have already ruined one relatioship for him (the one with you) don't ruin this one for him.

Go to the Mustard forum and don't come back.

SpittingImage

Doogle1985 wrote:

Now thats just plain harsh son. There is no point in getting this girls hopes up, when in the cold light of day, what I said is possibly what is going on? S

Sorry if I ain't gonna sit here and spout the bull**** you all want to here, but such is life.

No excuse for your sheer rudeness though, thats just bad news.

Ok, what from her thread could possibly suggest that her boyfriend is having an affair?

DawnMc

Doogle1985 wrote:

He is cheating on you, probably with a much hotter girl. End of, it's over, move on, let him be with his new girlfriend.

You have already ruined one relatioship for him (the one with you) don't ruin this one for him.

Oh it's so very true. Away to the mustard forum with you

DawnMc

SpittingImage wrote:

Ok, what from her thread could possibly suggest that her boyfriend is having an affair?

I can say with 99% certainty that he's not.

rrrrr

b

IvaBigWun

Doogle1985 wrote:

He is cheating on you, probably with a much hotter girl. End of, it's over, move on, let him be with his new girlfriend.

You have already ruined one relatioship for him (the one with you) don't ruin this one for him.

Emmmmm Mods??!

Phucks sake :rolleyes:

panda100

Hey-this relationship really isnt meant to be at the moment-if you'd been together for three years and rowing thing maybe different but 9months u should still sorta be in the honeymoon period of young love. He really doesnt sound ready to have a relationship with someone at the moment if he locks himself away for days by himself.There's nothing wierd about this he's only 20 and needs to just spend a bit of time working on himself and so i dont think he has the capacity to have another person in his life at the moment.I would say give each other space and let him do a bit of personal growing and yourself too and you'll both come back stronger individuals who wont end up having petty arguments about things.

DawnMc

Sounds like you're prob right Panda but I don't know. I think I might say that to him (If he gets in touch soon)

WhiteWashMan

DawnMc wrote:

Hey all,
Here's my thing - me and my boyf constantly break up. It's kinda our thing really. Stupid and childish I know. I've had one hell of a year this year with lots of **** going on so that's prob why I'm all over the place.
Thing is, I get really annoyed and tend to fly off the handle over stupid things like he doesn't meet up etc and I'm really not a needy person usually but am ultra dependent on him as I lost most of my friends this year. I know it's not fair on him but he's no angel either.

He has, in the past, broken up with me on numerous occasions but always begs me back a few days later. In fairness, he breaks it off as we would be constantly arguing and I am probably quite unreasonable.
Last night, we were out in town with another couple. There was some tension between us and I tried to talk bout it saying 'we don't talk to each other hardly', 'we don't click' etc (prob quite hurtful for him)
He proceeded to grab his jacket and shout 'I don't care anymore' and left. I was shocked and ran after him. We spoke briefly and he hugged me and began to cry. It shocked me yet again. He said he has ****e going on in his life at the moment and is very stressed and that this stress is not because of me but coz of college etc. I was really worried bout him but he said he needed to get away. We hugged for a while and he got a cab home.

When we first got together, he told me he sometimes gets very depressed and locks himself away for days.

I rang him bout an hour after all that. I said we have something special, do u think and he said he knows we do but that he needs some space and hopes I can understand that.

We're together 9 months (on/off)
Both early 20's

ok, im not sure what is great about your relationship here.
you say the times you are together are great. but how long is that?

believe it or not, a relationships are not supposed to be full of hard work, constant rowing etc.
anyone that tells you differently is either in one, or is just plain wrong. its fine to be passionate and firey, but that doesnt equate to constant rowing, tantrum throwing and general toys out of pram behaviour.

you both keep breaking up. which means you both try and manipulate each other through emotional blackmail.

youve been together for nearly a year, and yet he wont talk to you about his stress with college until a fight? thats not good for a relationship.

you dont communicate, youre both emotionally immature, and to be honest, it looks like youre both together more through comofrt than actual respect for each other.

break up. spend some time being single. enjoy your formative years. sleep with people, have rampant weasle monkey sex. dont tie yourself down in a relationship that isnt owrking, and dont waste his time either.

IvaBigWun

WhiteWashMan wrote:

have rampant weasle monkey sex

lol, brilliant - how does that work exactly?

To the OP: Have sentt you a PM, I was also in a *mad* reletionship like this. If I was to do it again Id have left it after the first breakup and salvaged the friendship. These rows will just get more intense.

tj-music.com

WhiteWashMan wrote:

anyone that tells you differently is either in one, or is just plain wrong.

I totally agree. I know from my line of work that this could lead to a domestic violence "on-and-off" relationship. Once the respect is gone, harsher things might creep in. It is not easy to be strong at times but to end the relationship is the only responsible thing to do. Whatever it is between the two of you - it is not love.

Love doesn't feel bad as much as you feel bad about your relationship.

SpittingImage

tj-music.com wrote:

I totally agree. I know from my line of work that this could lead to a domestic violence "on-and-off" relationship. Once the respect is gone, harsher things might creep in. It is not easy to be strong at times but to end the relationship is the only responsible thing to do. Whatever it is between the two of you - it is not love.

Love doesn't feel bad as much as you feel bad about your relationship.

I think domestic violence may be a bit extreme, the guy has problems but to presume that on anyone isn't right.

tj-music.com

I said COULD. I was exaggerating a bit as I was trying to paint a picture I don't want any of them ever to experience.

Beruthiel

dawn
everything wwm has said above is spot on, I have nothing to add to it.
time to move on

DawnMc

Okay guys, thanks for all your help. To be honest, I don't think it's worth throwing it away. We both have issues and are quite immature when it comes to relationships but I think we can work it through. I have taken all of your excellent advice on board and will talk things through with him and see whats going on with him. He didn't leave me when my head was a mess so I don't think it's fair for me to leave him. We really do have some excellent times.

Angels

Just wanted to add something to that Dawn, if you know in your heart n soul that ye can make it work then stick by him it seems to me that you really like this fella & he likes you the same both of ye get messed up feelings from time to time. I'd suggest if u can at all talk to him, talk to him about everything. I do this with my guy after we fight from time to time, its better to talk things through.

Best of Luck Stick with what your heart says!!

DawnMc

Thanks Angels, only prob with talking is he is not the most tactful of people and we usually end up fighting!!! I think thats why he's reluctant to have big talks as I usually fly off the handle. I'll try and maintain my cool this time and try and work through stuff. You have all been very helpful, thanks

*Oul_Doll_Cork*

It sounds exactly like my last relationship!

Some people just bring out the worst in you! If ye are fighting like that constantly it only leads to stress & it's not worth it!!

Myself and my ex are still really good friends, thing is we never fight as friends! We just weren't meant to be in a relationship together I suppose!

alfa147

tbh u sound like a wreck the head dawn. my last girlfriend was like that.

the problems lie with you and u sound like ur really hurting ur bf. if u don't kerb ur attitude and think before you talk then u'll lose him or he'll cheat on you.

Your relationship is doomed otherwise.

dudara

The people you love the most are the people that probably exasperate you the most. Fact of life.

Only you can decide if all the fighting and stress is worth it. But you know that such a situation cannot continue forever.

Seraphina

DawnMc wrote:

Thanks Angels, only prob with talking is he is not the most tactful of people and we usually end up fighting!!! I think thats why he's reluctant to have big talks as I usually fly off the handle. I'll try and maintain my cool this time and try and work through stuff. You have all been very helpful, thanks

err i think that's your problem right there. no offence but from the info you've given us it really does sound like you're the one starting the fights.
what are they related to? if you're fighting over things every time you try and talk its never gonna work.
i used to to that alot with my first boyfriend. but i was 16 ffs. you dont really sound like you've grown up from that stage yet.

Sifo

Hey Dawn,

I know where your coming from, Ive been in a couple of relationships like that. When your so crazy bout someone that your thinking bout them all the time, you spend way too much time together and begin to smother each other. Sometimes its gets to the stage that when everything else is going pearshaped you can turn to this person and everythings magic. Reality is that all these frustrations could come from the fact that those other things in life that need to be faced head on are just being put to one side and they keep building up causing you to get frustrated over the smallest unrelated thing. You need to concentrate on yourself right now and so does he.... if your meant your meant to be.... end of rant... good luck.. x

DawnMc

Thanks everyone. You're prob right Seraphina, I do fly off the handle but at the time, it seems justified. I'm glad we're both having some space at the moment. Makes me realise how much he means to me. Sifo, excellent advice thanks. You hit the nail on the head