depression?

LegacyUser

i know this is not a medical board but i'm hoping that maybe someone will have an idea of what's wrong with me.

i'm a leaving cert student, have a loving family and friends etc but i'm not happy. technically there's nothing wrong with me. i live with my mother, my father lives pretty far away with a young family of his own. i love his children so much, there's no resentment or anything on my part. i love his wife, we are really close. but i'm not, and probably won't be, close to him. i'm a girl and only saw him a handful of times growing up (due to distance). so i've visited them once a year for the past few years. i miss my siblings and stepmother so much, especially around this time of year. but i don't really miss my dad, and there's another thing - it's really hard calling him dad. i would like to have a regular father-daughter relationship with him, and i know that's what he wants, but for many reasons i will never have that.

for obvious reasons school gets me down. this year is stressful and i worry about the leaving cert, getting into college etc. also i find it really hard to keep up with my homework and study. one thing that hasn't helped is that i went through problems with my best friend. she has been my best friend since 1st year and our relationship went from seeing and calling each other every day to not talking at all. this started earlier this year and we talked about it and tried to fix it but then we were apart for the entire summer and didn't get a chance to work on it. when we went back to school in september, it all started again. she had made new friends and it was getting increasingly harder to reach her. i decided to react in the way that seemed to be the easiest and i stopped talking to her and stopped making all the effort. of course this was stupid but it was just all getting too hard. i couldn't deal with it. since then, we've talked about it again and are talking etc but it will take time to get back on track. she still has all her new friends, i'm fine with this but it seems as though she doesn't have much room for me outside of school.

i just feel like sh*t. i cry all the time and i have no one to talk to about it. i would have spoken to my 'best friend' but i don't know if i can now. i was so hurt and i cried so much over our friendship that i don't want that to come up all over again now that we've talked it through. we're not that close yet. one night recently i pretty much freaked out and couldn't stop crying hysterically for hours. it was really scary and i was on my own at the time. i'm pretty sure this had to do with repressed feelings. my mother knows about the friendship but doesn't know how much it affected me. i don't talk to her about my father either. i know i can talk to her about anything but i don't feel like i can.

i also have problems with my weight, i've struggled with it for years. when i was 15 i was a size 18. i'm now down to size 12/14 but when i'm upset i eat. and lately i've been upset a lot. i ate a whole packet of biscuits to myself the other day. it's disgusting. i still have weight to lose and i'm terrified of putting more on. if i keep this up i will.

sorry this is so long-winded. i just don't know what to do anymore.

Drella118

Hi. I think you really need to see a doctor. It does sound like depression but it could be something else, so you need to go see him. (s)he may put you on medication or may refer you to a counsellor or therapist who will be able to go through the issues affecting you and help you develop better ways of coping with them.

Hope this helps you. But please go and see a doctor, don't leave it untreated.

LegacyUser

thanks for the advice drella. do mean go and talk to my gp? would i be able to talk to him without him telling my mother? does doctor - patient confidentiality apply to somone under 18? i'm almost 18..

lolo2

Your GP will not tell anything to your mother if you do not want them to. (unless you are a danger to yourself or someone else). It might not be such a bad thing actually to talk to your mum?

Drella118

no, your GP will not tell anyone, including your parents. Once you're over 16, the normal patient confidentiality rules apply. But like the previous poster said, it would be a good idea to tell your mother anyway.

When you're 17 or 18 it can feel like your parents don't understand you or that they have nothing useful to offer you, but in the vast majority of cases they're surprisingly good when it comes to things like that and even if she doesn't understand exactly why you feel the way you do, she will be a very useful source of support for you.

All the best

AnonymousBloke

very sorry to hear of your situation.

for what it's worth, none of what you're going through sounds abnormal to me, under the circumstances. you're in your most stressful year of school, possibly life (i hated 6th year in school, remember it well) and you've gone through a major change with one of your best friends. these kinds of changes can bring up all manner of feelings, but there's nothing wrong with that.

can you talk to your mum- let her know how you really feel? i know you say you feel you can't, and it can be scary, but family and friends can be a great support if you're lucky enough to get on with them- sounds like you do with your mum. i have a younger brother (19) and he approached me to chat about stuff. he had been having a very hard time, and i had no idea. i was delighted he told me, because of course i wanted to do anything i could to help.
or is there a counsellor at school you can talk to? failing that, would you consider writing it all down, not for anyone to see, but just as a way of clearing it out- it can be very effective.

i wish you well

Atrocity

sounds horrible, what you're going through. If you ever need to talk about it feel free to pm me

gerTheGreat

this sound like something that i went through during my leaving cert days. it's something that is very difficult to deal with and it feels like it will never end. what i recommend is that you try to set a side some time to deal with each problem. over Christmas, you should probably go see your dad. explain how you feel - sometimes talking about it is half the battle. also you're upset about falling out with you friend. unfortunately this will happen again and again through out you life. what you have to do is concentrate on what you have. if the differences are unrecognisable, then you have to let go. try talking to other people, you never know who will turn out to be a good friend. don't worry about you weight, it's a minor matter and if you're still unhappy about it try taking up walking - you'll be surprised how therapeutic it really is, and it's simple and easy exercise. finally don't worry about the lc - it's not the end of the world, despite what people may say. i personally had to repeat it, but I’m all the better for it. you'll end up finding something that suits you.

i hope some of this helps, some.
remember in time it will all work out.

snorlax

actually depression is among the commonest reasons people in Ireland go to the GP so i wouldn't be bothered about that, if you need help never be afraid to ask. you could try ringing one of the help lines like samaritans and talking to them to see exactly what your options are.

LegacyUser

thanks to everyone. i know i have people i could talk to but i'd hate for my mother to worry and i don't really feel like i can admit how i'm feeling.. or something like that.
anonymous; there's a guidance councellor but she is also a teacher. that's about it.
atrocity; thanks i appreciate that, but not sure if i can send pms while unregistered.
snorlax; do you know if the samaritans number would come up on an itemised bill?
ger; thanks as well, but my dad doesn't live that close by.

thanks again.

lolo2

i know how hard it is to open up, but often when you do, you feel better.

yes, your mum might worry a bit if you talk to her, but that is part of her job as your mum and im sure she understands that. you do deserve to have somebody help you share your burden. she may already have an inkling that you are not feeling happy, which she may be attributing to leaving cert year.

she will probably feel much better that she will be able to help you work things out. i really really dont recommend that you bottle things up. i hope that you will talk to somebody.

FoXXy

dun worry hun we all go through these stressfull times but they sort themselves out
not sure who posted it earlier but do use this time of year to take time out n work on each issue that boters u... maybe write them out and thatll help u focus on what needs to be dealt with.
as for your friend, use ur time off from school to meet up wit her, get things back up n running because everyone needs a support system.
as for your mum, its her job to worry about you. i was in the same situation you were a few years ago and never went to my mum r dad about it. n i get annoyed with them for not noticing and helping... so at least make ur mum aware u need some tlc.. blame it on something less sever if u dont want to tell all just yet.
finally, for the leaving cert. just focus on yaself and handling the exams, theyre stressful enough but u can always repeat when ur more able for em

and if none of this works.. go to the doc n have a chat!
hope it all works out for u

Myksyk

Hi sad girl ... go to your GP and get a referral to your local clinical/counselling psychologist on you your local mental health team. It'll be free, confidential and worth the hassle. You have good insight into things by the sound of it and would probably benefit greatly from working on the issues you raise in a focussed, collaborative manner. Don't be afraid to do this; the anxiety you may experience in following this up will at least be because of a constructive, empowering action and has got to be worth it when compared to the crappy, 'stuck' feeling you have now, right?

Dragan

Hey sad girl, all the previous advice is saying to go through your GP, and i won't dispute that.

But i will try and offer you something else aswell.

Don't worry about being sad, or crying, or doing whatever you need to do. The one thing i will say is do NOT try and push it down, because it will just build, and build and build and you will go through a few more nights like you did when you couldn't stop crying. Everybody gets insecure, or sad, or scared or terrified. Nobody goes through life without wondering why they even try, or wishing they were better.

The voice in our own heads is the scariest one of all. And you do have people to talk to. Just post whatever is bothering you here and you will get some decent replies. It may help a little.

From my own experiece i have been in some situations that were really, really terrifying, and i have had my share of sadness. For a while i tried pushing it all down but it was a losing battle. Seek the proper help through your GP and you've made the first steps towards dealing with whatever sadness weighs you down.

snorlax

sad girl wrote:

snorlax; do you know if the samaritans number would come up on an itemised bill?

i think it might do, not 100% sure, i think its a freephone number so you could ring from your mobile/ payphone if you wanted to. i doubt people would recognise the number as being samartians. you can even email them to ask questions if you want, but do go and see your GP.

www.samaritans.org/talk/local_branch.shtm

Tel (Republic of Ireland): 1850 60 90 90

happy Christmas and i hope everything works out for you

AnonymousBloke

I don't understand the constant recommendation that this person see a GP. The OP is describing an emotional difficulty, very understandable under the circumstances.

Many GPs imo are too ready to prescribe drugs or refer to a psychiatrist when someone may just be experiencing upheaval that can be remedied by other means. Would a first step not be to reach out to family, then possibly a counsellor, and take it from there?

Atrocity

Many GPs imo are too ready to prescribe drugs or refer to a psychiatrist

Hear, hear

lau1247

Hey just offering my opinion..

As for your father's case..
Try talk to him..
See if he can spend time with you when you're off for holiday..
may it be easter of whatever..
As much as possible..
Or why don't you call him..
Have small talk..
Ask him how he is? what he did for the day?
Stuff to keep in touch with him..
But from my own experience..
Fathers are not the most talkative people..
My dad hardly talks to me..
I'm more closer with my mother in fact..
Anyway that's besides the point..
What I'm saying is take initiative..

As for the best friend case..
May I suggest you find other new friends too..
I know some peopl have this idea that friendship last forever..
Yes it's true for some people..

I had a good number of really close friends when I was in LC back 1 yr and half ago..
We would go out almost every weekend..
just hang out..
At that time I started to realised that the people that I have been friends with for some time began to eventually leave me..

It's like when they hit past 18.. suddenly their attitude changed 180 degree around..
Suddenly they almost don't seem to know you..

These people are not your friend..
They are just casual acquaintance..
You don't have to keep these people around..
Real friends are those who care for you..
You're still young..
See next yr as a new beginning..
College will be a good place to start fresh and evaluate what you learn from this..

One word of advice..
My mother told me this..
It is very important that you study the best you can for LC..
It is the door step to your future..
I wish I had listened to her saying more..
Bcoz at times I really regret that I couldn't do what I wanted to do.. I had to settle for 2nd best...

I've learnt that come school or homework time..
Switch everything around you off..
Work and concentrate on work alone..
When the time is up..
Switch work off and pick up the other stuff where you left off..

As for when you're depress..
You said that you eat..
Think of the consequences..
Where you've been and where you want to be..
As in which one you're more comfortable with..
the size 18 or 12/14 you?

Why don't you try something more positive..
Focus your depress energy into cooking or something..
My cousin's method is to cook..
Bcoz she know that it is more productive that way, she practice a skill and also reduced her depress thought..
And also I get to eat it after.. but that's not the point..

I hope you can see past this..
And wish you the best of luck..

HappyCrackHead

this might seem totally off topic, but you know those wrist band things that "cool people" wear? there's supposed to be a baby blue coloured one for depression (you know like the "blues"). i wanted to get them for all my friends, most of my friends for some reason suffer from depression, we all kinda gravitate towards each other.

Depression is something that a lot of people live with, pills can help, but... to be honest i dont hold with them. its a solution of sorts. there are lots other things you can do. one really... i dunno mundane way, is actually doing a lot of walking, walk four miles a day, walking/fresh air released endorphins into your body. there's some book on it that i cant remember the title of.

personally i live with my depression its not easy but it can be done. if you remember that every down has a corrusponding up. i did my leaving cert twice, and i'll tell you it wasnt pretty.

i have other possible solutions and ways of dealing that i've used throughout my life so far, if ur interested, pm me.

Kittyboo

Originally posted as "Hillybilly"

Sad girl, I read your first post and my heart went out to you. I know exactly how you feel. I'm 32, a good bit older i know, but I felt just like you just over a year ago.

I tried dealing with it myself but I guess I just wasn't strong enough. I cried alot, worried about little things alot and felt I couldn't tell anyone because I didn't know why I felt that way. I'm happily married, my husband is great and my daughter is the light of my life. I should have been happy but I wasn't. I felt I couldn't talk to anyone, my husband (who is my best friend), my mother or any of my friends. I tried to keep it all to myself and thought it would go away, but it only got worse.

Go and see your doctor. I disagree with some of the posters here that doctors are too eager to prescibe drugs. It depends on the doctor. Also, depression can be a chemical imbalance and drugs can right that imbalance. Even if you would prefer not to take medication, your doctor is the best person to put you in the right direction. Sometimes it's easier to talk it out with someone who doesn't know you as well as family or friends. It was only after talking it out with my doctor that I was able to tell my family and friends what was going on in my mind.

IT WILL GET BETTER, I promise. You have posted on this site, let that be the first step for you. Talk to someone face to face, an unbelievable amount of people in this country suffer from depression, you are not alone. When you start to talk about it you will probably find the problems you feel are so terrible might not be as big as you have built them up to be in your mind. You know the saying "a problem shared is a problem halved"? It's so true. Talk to someone, they will be only too glad to help, I'll bet.

Over a year later, I'm back to myself. I still don't know the cause, sometimes there isn't one. I wish you the best, you need someone to give you loads of hugs and tell you it will be ok. You might be surprised, you ma or da may be the one to give them to you. In the meantime, like some of the other posters, feel free to pm me anytime. You have people here who want to help you, you should take advantage of that.

I hope you feel better soon, please let us know, you will be in my thoughts.