Girls - would you date a Transvestite?

Seraphina

TGirl wrote:

As for cheating... well, I really don't consider being with a guy cheating if I'm in a relationship with a girl. If there is emotional attachment to the person you cheat with, or some deeper kind of attraction, then yes - it is cheating. I would never cheat on a girl by being with another girl, because I like girls too much, and may become emotionally involved. But with guys, it's just fulfilling the female need within me to be taken by a male, nothing more.

frankly, you're just starting to sound selfish.
thats cheating, plain and simple, its not fair to expect *any* girl to be happy with these kind of antics - would you be ok with her being with another girl ?? (and not being involved in any way or getting to watch )

you cant have everything, you're going to have to learn how to compromise, sorry!

Blisterman

Yeah, thats cheating, whether it means anything emotionally or not.

ravenhead

Seraphina wrote:

frankly, you're just starting to sound selfish.
thats cheating, plain and simple, its not fair to expect *any* girl to be happy with these kind of antics - would you be ok with her being with another girl ?? (and not being involved in any way or getting to watch )

you cant have everything, you're going to have to learn how to compromise, sorry!

Couldn't agree with you more, Sepaphina.

OP you really need to get a grip & have a good talk with yourself. I'm sorry to say this but you are Bi-sexual, there is no other way about it, the fact the you say you only go with guys when you're in your female form is only an excuse ....

Raskolnikov

I'm curious to see what you look like, send a pic!

Nevyn

Raskolnikov

Please scroll up an read post # 43 it is 11 posts before yours.

LegacyUser

I am starting to accept what you've said; yes, I'm being selfish. It doesn't matter what my reasons are, at the end of the day it is self-indulgent, selfish and not good morale when one is in a serious relationship with another.

That said, I continue to justify it on the basis that I am not my female self, and my female self is not me - there is a separation of some sort between the two. This is my whole justification, and I can say honestly if asked, "I have never had any sexual relations with someone of the same sex", because - in a childish sort of way - I say "my other side did all that, not me". I understand this is quite childish, and foolish. But I have not come out of it yet.

Well, if you're being honest with yourself when you talk about your "guy mode" and "girl mode", it's certainly a possibility that you are schitzophrenic. Have you tried talking about this with a professional?

At the same time though, the two have to meet sometimes. For instance, if I have to buy female clothes in guy mode, there is a crossing. If I have to send emails as a female when I am not fully in female mode. That is why I have discounted this possibility a little. Perhaps, as someone else has said, it is a lazy excuse, a cop out.

Perhaps I'm just very sexually confused. Perhaps I was abused as a child, or in a previous life, and even though I don't remember it, it has messed about with my sexual coding?

Thaedydal, I will not "post" a pic, but will provide a link to one if you allow it - is that ok? I will not reveal my face, just body. I don't there is any problem with this.

Nevyn

Really for your sake TGirl I would suggest you don't as it will only draw a lot of personal comments and chances are a lot of them will be negative and I don't fancy having to warn and ban most people for those posts.

I would also suggest again that you find someone to talk to in a professional
capacity about some of these issues and how you live your life and how to bring more harmony to it.

bassey

i would like to see a pic, i can garuntee i will not even make reference to it afterwards, especially not negative.

Amazotheamazing

Do you call yourself (or your female self) by a particular (first) name? Is her personality very different to yours, would she drink the same drinks, like the same music, etc?

Nevyn

bassey may I direct your notice to post #43.
This is not turning into a chance to gwak at someone that is differnt.


Oh and please note that this is not a dating or hooking up site and solicting
postings and email addresses will be deleted.

Suaimhneach

Honestly, I would not appreciate if half way through a relationship I was told yourself was otherwise gendered during certain times of the year.

Prefare my men to be men, ya know. In terms of masculinity. Even in subtle ways. Its good to be in touch with your feminine side, but not *that* close.

Amazotheamazing

Funny how despite a generation of equality (or at least getting nearer equality) many or most women still like manly men, and men are perplexed by such total crossdressing. I wonder in 50 or 100 years guys like Tgirl be "accepted" (I'm looking for a different word, normal?), or is there an innate sense in both men and women of what men "should" be?

secret_squirrel

TGirl wrote:

That said, I continue to justify it on the basis that I am not my female self, and my female self is not me - there is a separation of some sort between the two. This is my whole justification, and I can say honestly if asked, "I have never had any sexual relations with someone of the same sex", because - in a childish sort of way - I say "my other side did all that, not me". I understand this is quite childish, and foolish. But I have not come out of it yet.

How many girls do you think will understand that arguement? Very few, certainly a tiny amount of the 'normal' girls that you profess to want.

Let me ask you a question? What do you want from this thread? So far it seems like you are looking for attention more than a solution to a problem.

MarkR

Wow. Only popped in here becuase the title reminded of something in work I came across. Never posted in this forum before, but if you can't admit to yourself who you are, you're never going to have anyone accept you for who you are.

LegacyUser

I too am a Transvestite - and I have to say I would be worried by some of TGirl's comments here.

Firstly the whole about gay sex is far beyond IMO the remits of TVism or cross dressing. I for one would never and have never been interested in either attracting a man or having a sexual encounter with a man regardless of how I am dressed. I don't dress for that reason. I think it goes beyond and is something perhaps that you should think about. Maybe you do have bi-tendencies - I can only second guess - but that is not normal TV behaviour.

Secondly, cheating is cheating - doesn't matter who with or the circumstances. You can't use the mode excuse here in fairness.

Thirdly I am not "scene". I have gone out for occasions, but not for no reason (or atleast without a good excuse ). If that is what you want to do and you do it I have great respect for that. It takes a lot of courage. I just wonder is there a bit of indulged exhibitionism here - offering for example to post pictures (Thaedydal objections noted) I believe just cheapens the thread and moves the real focus off what the thread is about.

Forth(ly?), I know you asked (real) girls the original questions. I am not in a position to answer this otherwise as I am single - and I have been since I accepted what I am, because when I did I fully understood the consequences of the whole thing, and I for one don't have an easy answer - having had enough trouble accepting this - I am not going to put it on anyone elses shoulders if I can help it. However its been a decade, and I'm starting to realise that perhaps this was wrong, there is a lot more to me by far than TVism, and at that its doesn't have to be a bad thing. But that's a point of view and not for today.

Fifthly, just on your comment on female and submissive. I have to say I find it very empowering to be dressed as a woman - in my mind (disclaimer: may be warped). Beyond the taboo aspect of it - it is perhaps exploring a bit of your personality in a way that most people will never experience.

Anyway TGirl, I don't mean any of this as criticism - its just another point of view - whatever way it all goes - best of luck.

McGinty

TY Girl, personally I don't have a problem with a man who wears women's clothing per say, if I was to develop an intimate relationship with a man, and learned that he enjoys wearing womens clothes I could accept that. I would be relatively normal, but I draw the line at your activities, you engage in sexual relations as a 'woman' but wish to have a normal relationship with a woman. You have to make a choice, you either have a normal relationship with no flirting or sexual activity as a 'woman', or engage in the lifestyle your in at the moment. I agree with tv2 in that you sound very exhibitionist, and you want to have your cake and eat it.

TV2, i respect your approach, there are some men who do enjoy wearing womens clothes, in a sense it helps to destress them, a fairly famous transevite is Vernon Coleman www.vernoncoleman.com a pretty manly looking man, and he wrote a book entitled why men wear dresses, but he is as herteosexual as they come, for him he likes the texture of womens clothes and it helps him to destress. I also can empathise with those men who like to wear womens clothes, because as women in this sense we have the best of both worlds, we can wear mens clothing, be socially accepted for this and wear feminine clothing, and enjoy the wide range of styles, textures etc and enjoy it comfortably.

nobodythere

TGirl wrote:

Might post a pic if enough of you request it!

Curiousity killed the cat... go on then.

Rozie

TGirl, most people here don't have a clue what they're talking about. A while back I posted a thread on people being attracted to transsexuals. Anti-TS comments are still very much acceptable behaviour in Ireland, and Anti-TV just as bad, if not worse.

One thing I found in the other topic was how much people were flaunting their right to not be attracted to a TS, and to not have to care about how ridiculously lonely they may be.

This is wrong for a number of reasons; and even more so in your case. Sexuality means you're attracted to one gender or the other, or both, in different amounts. Apart from gender, no single factor should apply; even secondary gender characteristics. Even a T-Girl having a penis is a temporary fixture. If you truly love someone, it shouldn't matter; it's down to embarassment of people "finding out" that guys and most lesbians wouldn't go near pre-ops with a 10 foot poll. People are being off put by preconcieved notions; and the same is true here; your dressing up doesn't have to apply to them in the long run.

I don't see any reason apart from prejudice(though not of the normal variety) that girls would have such a serious problem with it. I mean I can understand being irked and creeped out by it, but not to the degree that some in this topic are talking about.

To me, this is just reminiscent of how american neo-cons mask their prejudice as "belief". As a good comparison, someone earlier said they have no problem with transvestites, only if their boyfriend turns out to be one. Replace with the "gay" and "son" and it sounds nastily familiar.

I'm not calling people bad for having these prejudices; but they need to realise that they are mostly likely down to prejudice as much or more than "Personal preference".

For instance, I like large girls, and make no shame of it. But, there is a thin girl who I like who is curvy and beautiful but still a little too thin; and it doesn't bother me that much.

It's the persona that counts, the over all being. Details like fetishes, or what gender you were born as are secondary, and shouldn't matter. That's not to say that people aren't entitled to dislike those characteristics; but being put off entirely is just being arrogant, and flaunting your right to be that way even more so.

The reason tranvestites and transsexuals have so much trouble is down to prejudice. It's something you have to bear with, and hope you find someone who is open minded and accepting of it. Ireland is still a deeply conservative country with a nasty mentality towards things like this - though the younger generaiton will rarely admit to it, it's still there.

May I suggest looking around in Cork - where there seems to be a much stronger alternative culture, and a lot of my T friends come from there and have no problem.

Btw, you're not a nut, you're not Schizo. What you're experiecing is a little weird and different, but there is nothing about your case that screams "Nut" to me. Don't listen to people that don't know what they're talking about. Some are trying to help, others just being a little pushy; it's just fear and lack of understanding.

You should not have to compromise yourself to appease to someone's ignorance. Find someone open-minded and accepting instead of chasing shadows of people you probably wouldn't want to be with anyway.

Talliesin

Blisterman wrote:

Yeah, thats cheating, whether it means anything emotionally or not.

Cheating is doing something your partner wouldn't agree to. That's why it's called "cheating", you aren't playing by the rules.

If you value being completely monogamous with your partner then great, but the six and a half billion of us that are not in a relationship with you don't have to do the same.

I'm partly in agreement with Rozie and partly not. Sexual orientation is about one gender or another, but sexuality goes further. As such I think it's a mixture of both prejudice and preference that comes into play (the same is also true about "admirers" who favour TVs and/or TSs). We all have a lot of triggers that set us off in one way or another and they interact in different ways. Secondary sexual characteristics are part of how we determine what gender someone is before orientation can come into play after all.

Personally I tend not to find TVs attractive, though there are exceptions (doesn't matter here since you're asking about women). I do find most TVs a lot more attractive than most of the women you see in Dublin with orange-dyed skin though, so if the fake tan you mention was orange I'd probably find that a bigger turn off (or the washboard stomach, grand on a man and not a total turn-off on a woman, but the curve from the navel down is the sexiest curve in all geometry).

Just where the line between prejudice and preference is is hard to say in any given case. How much of what I've said above about either TVs or women who dye their skin orange could be categorised as which I couldn't say.

When people aren't actively discriminating against you in terms of either attacking you or denying you opportunities in education, employment, etc. then there's a time for standing up against it and a time for just getting on with your own life.

If you are open and upfront with all your prospective partners then yes, prejudice is going to make some of them reject you and it'll reduce your chances, but to my mind it'd make for a better relationship when you find people who don't have a problem with it. To my mind the risks would be worth it, YMMV.

Ignore the comments that you could be schizophrenic. Everyone has more than one persona, and it's perfectly natural for a TV to feel and act very different depending on whether or not their dressed. Hell I act and feel different if I'm in drag, and I only do that for fancy-dress parties (and not very well).
That, schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder are three different things.

*WTF is with the beta-carotene overdose look anyway? Still they only seem to mate with men in Abercomie tops and that's pretty unattractive to my mind as well.

hepcat

Somebody asked am I gay. No, I am a regular heterosexual guy. But when I dress female, I do feel 100% female, and thus adopt many of the traits of a real girl, including the need to be taken by a masculine male. Strange eh? I go from being a hetero guy, to being a hetero girl. It's almost like a complete psychological change takes place when I dress. Used to freak me out when I started first dressing (back when I was 12 or 13), but I'm 24 now and have accepted myself, and have had positive sexual experiences in both male and female "mode". Although I understand it may be difficult for others to accept this...[/QUOTE]

You are NOT a regular hetero guy if you ever "need to be taken by a masculine male". And its not just cross dressing you're hiding, it's more. Not fair top your GF at all.

Rozie

Ugh, I hate fake tan. I like my skin nice and white and pretty and a little more natural looking, thank you very much

White girls don't look good with tans in general, IMO.

secret_squirrel

Rozie makes some good points - however to be fair judging from previous posts She has had a hard time of it in Ireland - some of it due to her own attitude. That doesnt negate her comments however.

What I am really concerned about is the fact you want a 'normal woman' and in so much as there is such a thing in Ireland, you will find they are fairly conservative. Meaning Exclusive Relationship (regardless of your gender at the time) and strictly hetero. Now if you a looking for a girl to bring home to mammy fine. But a girl who can deal with you particular situation - very very unlikely.

Either you need to compromise on your behaviour or on the kinda woman you are looking for. Trying to go for both is just going to cause you a whole world of hurt. It will be deserved tbh, you are coming across as far too selfish and narcisssitic to get whats really good for you.

Rozie

Rozie makes some good points - however to be fair judging from previous posts She has had a hard time of it in Ireland - some of it due to her own attitude. That doesnt negate her comments however.

None of my hard time has been down to attitude. I don't act the same way I do in real life, but if someone insults in challenges me then I'll tear them down. Most of the time people have better ways of hurting my feelings IRL, though.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

None of my hard time has been down to attitude. I don't act the same way I do in real life, but if someone insults in challenges me then I'll tear them down. Most of the time people have better ways of hurting my feelings IRL, though.

that, or you'll run to the LGB board and post a whiny thread bitching about the mean people who didn't agree with you.

dudara

Ah Mordeth, behave, will ya?

Rozie

Mordeth wrote:

that, or you'll run to the LGB board and post a whiny thread bitching about the mean people who didn't agree with you.

Where some people made utterly hurtful and unneccessary remarks that people other than me also pointed out, and I was slammed for even daring to suggest they might be in the wrong. The LGB board here is without a doubt the most intolerant of Trans issues I've seen in my life. People made comments essentially confirming that it was alright to speak out against transseuxals, but not gay people. That means the board is discriminative against transsexuals and I was perfectly within my rights to make the posts I did in this thread.
Most LGBT boards would disallow any member to call an m2f "he", let alone some of the things that were said in that thread.

If this is the kind of behaviour you're defending by calling my perfectly natural reaction out of line, then you too must hold some level of discriminative or at least completely asympathetic views.

Quite frankly, you're not helping the convservation, I was sharing my experiences that were relevent and on topic since I had essentially asked a similiar question earlier, you are just trolling, so please stop. The people who call troublemaker on someone are nearly always the biggest trolls themselves.

dudara

Rozie and other posters, please note that I don't want this thread turning into a rehash of previous issues. So everyone, behave or there will be bannings.