Wanna Cyber

Alkers

From another forumn:
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

---

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

---

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something



Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

---

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

---

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

TerrorFirmer

LMFAO

Best post I've ever seen in the Humour forum.

Where did you get it?

I'm still laughing

Nietzschean

Hopefully you will get banned...... while the OT wasn't very funny thats just uncalled for.

Nietzschean

MobileInfantry wrote:

Where did you get it?

bash.org i'm guessing

masteroftherealm

Nietzschean wrote:

bash.org i'm guessing

Yup! Its almost as bad as the

IO/IO/IO Is toooooo the bus we go..
:v:

Endurance Man

Hhahahaahahah :v:

Alkers

Chopperdog wrote:

What the fu*k is all that sh*t?
FFS, get out and get a proper life, this is a humour forum and no matter how you may construe it, that is not even remotely funny.
I know forum and posters are seen as nerds but Jesus fella, you are really out there with the fairies.
Might get a ban for this post, what do the rest of you out there make of this crap in the post above....

Sheesh - I thought it was funny so I posted it up. What's the problem with that, I don't think it's offending anyone and it certainly wasn't supposed to either.
I've never been on bash.org - It was on the Epicmtb cycling club forum, I thought it was hilarious so put it up here.

Nietzschean

masteroftherealm wrote:

Yup! Its almost as bad as the

IO/IO/IO Is toooooo the bus we go..
:v:

awww lol thats classic

I've never been on bash.org - It was on the Epicmtb cycling club forum, I thought it was hilarious so put it up here.

Well thats where it came from to be put on there.... bash.org is full of quotes like that(and that one is on there)

masteroftherealm

Chopperdog wrote:

What the fu*k is all that sh*t?
FFS, get out and get a proper life, this is a humour forum and no matter how you may construe it, that is not even remotely funny.
I know forum and posters are seen as nerds but Jesus fella, you are really out there with the fairies.
Might get a ban for this post, what do the rest of you out there make of this crap in the post above....

Jesus man calm down FFS your on an internet forum your surrounded by geeks and nerds, we DO and will find this funny!!
Go to bash.org!

And yup when ya spend all day online for a life you do fly with the faeries,
the magical internet faeries *Flitters around*
Calm down!!

jaggeh

we have better home grown stuff, do a search for lucy lamorte
'she' cybered a few guys off boards

Chopperdog

Sorry folks,
Just dont find that stuff remotely funny. Everyone to their own. Sorry for any offence caused, not having a great day and the poor unfortunate poster got the brunt of it.....

Sleipnir

ah very funny. Especially;

"DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.

Brilliant!

The Free Man

lololo

especially the wizard guy....

masteroftherealm

Chopperdog wrote:

Sorry folks,
Just dont find that stuff remotely funny. Everyone to their own. Sorry for any offence caused, not having a great day and the poor unfortunate poster got the brunt of it.....

Heh ehe heh get used to the seeminly "boring" humour that you wont get and youll be looking at threads going...."Why have 1000people loved this?Its crap"

thegloriousend

Word on the street is that poster "Simona1986" is Bloodninja.

yossarin

someone re-posts the bloodninja logs here every year or so, and i'm always happy to reread them. classic internet comedy!

GLaDOS

Very good!

Pigman II

:d

Diarmsquid

There's a link to that in Piste's sig. Read it before. Hilarious.
Piste's sig.

thehurricane

Nietzschean wrote:

Hopefully you will get banned...... while the OT wasn't very funny thats just uncalled for.

how can u not find that funny?

Chopperdog

He was talking about a post that had been removed.

Alkers

No no, he called the original thread not funny. The "uncalled for" comment was aimed at your post which has been removed.

RE*AC*TOR

welcome to 2003

mayordenis

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

welcome to 2003

a vintage year for e-comedy

rabbitinlights

Still funny as fúck.

BRilliant!!!!!

Tobias Greeshman

Coulda swore I seen them before, but I had a serious problem holding a straightface in the office here, reading them... Fecking class!!

failsafe

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

That had me in stiches. I absolutely loved it, best post i've read in ages.

Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

...First time i've ever cried with laughter reading a post.

that was brilliant!really funny!

jonski

An oldie but a goodie .

There was another one that went along with it where they traded pictures and she was worried that he would think she was fat , anyone remember that ?

edit: nevermind , found it in that other guys sig.

Wavey

LMFAO

Nothing as bad as bursting out laughing in a quiet office.

LMFAO again.