Polish Humour

Nobis

I'm gonna to give you some jokes more or less popular in my country where CIA prisons propably have been:)


1)Steve meet his friend and say:
-Did you hear Paul? The church gave permit for using condoms.
- No! Really?
- Yea, but they must have a hole.

2)Two nuns walking thrugh the city centre and seeing two metals one talk to the other one:
- Look how dirty they are. They must haven't seen a shower!
When nuns gone one metal ask the other.
-You know what shower is?
- No. I am not believing

3) In local church one young women is (I don't know how is it in english hmmm.. I mean telling about her sins to the young Priest).
And she said
- I was sucking a dick
-Blushed Priest first time was listetning other people sins.
He say
- I am first time hearing abou this type of sin. I have to ask Parish-priest what he give for that.
He went to the Presbytery but Parish-priest wasn't there. But there was some (Priest helpers:|?) he ask them what Parish-priest give for sucking a dick (he mean a kind of penance)
One of them answer
- Parish-priest give some sweets

4) The last supper. Jesus entered, looked and there was a big party. Expensive food and wine. He ask Paul:
I told you it must have been a modest supper. Where you find money for that?
-I don't know propably Judasz (I don't know how in english) sold something-answer Paul

5) On religion lesson a nun ask children:
- What is it? Have a russet cement, eats nuts, and jump on the trees?
- Jasio answer:
99% it is a Squirrel but as I know you it can be Jesus

6) 200zl bank note died and went to the hell. And the 100zl, 50zl, 20zl , 10 zl. They also have been sent to the hell. 5zl coin died but it also went to the hell. And also 2zl, 1zl. When 0.5zl coin died God took it to heaven.
Other bank notes and coins were complaining
- Why she is in heaven? and we aren't?
God answer:
-Tell me when I saw you last time in the church?

I gave you a piece of religious humour but if you would like other kind of jokes and you like this kind of humour just let me know:)

P.s. Sorry for mistakes in english. I am still learning:)

Stompbox

I liked them

danniemcq

haha some of them are brilliant!

GLaDOS

4) The last supper. Jesus entered, looked and there was a big party. Expensive food and wine. He ask Paul:
I told you it must have been a modest supper. Where you find money for that?
-I don't know propably Judasz (I don't know how in english) sold something-answer Paul

Hehehehehe!

Crash

I like number 6 - think i'll have to translate it to euro's for my next pub joke

simu

Good stuff!

ferdi

lol

Chopperdog

Well done Nobis, Keep them coming!

Naos

Haha.. Number 6 was good
Nice work Nobis, keep it up.

jaggeh

very good jokes.

is it wrong that his poor english was better than most of the moron posters on boards?

Chopperdog

Jaggeh,
At first I thought that was a dirty, low, bitchy comment you made on the standard of English used on Boards, but then the more i thought about it,the more I agree with you...!!
God help us all....:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

.

HybridTech

Nice one. Liked 6 best too.

Nobis

Now I am gonna to give you jokes about Russia

1) In one of Moscow's pre-schools teacher asks children:
-In which country children have got the best toys?
- In Russia! - answered children
- In which country children have the most beautifull clothes?
- In Russia!- children answered proudly
-In which country the happiest people live?
- In Russia- children once again answered
Suddenly teacher see that one child is crying.
-WHy are you crying baby?
-Because I wold like to live in Russia!

2) 1980 Moscow, Ceremony of starting OIympic games. Leonid Breżniew comes to microphone take text of speaking and start reading:
-o, o, o
-o, o
Fastly one organizer cme to him and says:
-Mr Citizen General Compan, text of speaking is little bit higher this what you are reading know are olympic circles!

3) Major talk to soldiers who are going on war in CZeczenia.
-I will pay you 3$ for each Czeczenia's soldier's head.
-After 15 minutes every soldier have three heads in hands.
-Easy guys we are still in Moscow !

4) Two Russians meeting. One talk to the other.
- I have two news for you. One good one bad.
-Gimme good first
-They have found Lenin's mother
-Really?! And bad?
-She is pregnant once again;/

5) Russian soldier talk to his Major:
-Major, tanks are coming!
-Take a granade and damage them
-Yes Sir.
Soldier come back
-Did you damged them?
-Yes Sir.
-Good, give granade back to me

6) In Wladywostok fishermen caught a big whale. The measured it. From head to tail it was 25 metres long. From tail to head 30. Fishermen sent a docment about that whale to Russia Science Institute. Answer was:
"We don't know why it is like that but russian science have known some similar problems. For example from monday to friday are four days, and from from friday to monday only three"

7) Russian soldier talk with American.
American say:
We have the best conditions, best equipment...
After few minutes they were talking about food....
-Our army gives us food reach in 8000 calories every day! - says american
- You are lyiung nobody can eat 30 kilos of potatoes in one day!

I am waiting for comments! :D