Advice needed

LegacyUser

Hey,
I'm a long time user of boards.ie, I just chose to remain anom for this post. For the past few years I have been depressed. I have not gone to a doctor, but I know I am. I've read up on it and it seems I have all the signs. Lately I have started to feel really down again. I have been cutting myself for over a year. I don't like the way I am. Having to hide my scars with long-sleeves, feeling down, crying for no reason. I feel I'm nearing an emotional brake-down. I was wondering could anyone give me advice on what to do? I am still in school. If I was to go to the doctors, what would they do? I don't think I could afford the doctors without telling my parents, which is not an option, so how would I pay the fee?

Victor

Talk to your school guidance counsellor.

While cutting isn't "good" (please be careful of any open would), self-diagnosis of any serious condition isn't appropriate. Even doctors aren't allowed self-prescribe. Deciding you are clinicly depressed may not mean you actually are depressed. There is a difference between adult and teenage depression.

Most of all the doctors will want to talk to you, maybe recommend someone specialist and may prescribe medication.

Nevyn

www.aware.ie

The Aware Helpline
1890 303 302
The Aware Helpline

What is the Aware Helpline?
The Aware Helpline is a non directive listening service for people affected by depression, either as sufferers or as family and friends. The Helpline offers a non judgemental listening ear to people who may be distressed or worried, or just need someone to talk to. You can also call the helpline if you are worried about someone who may be depressed or for information about depression or Aware’s services.

When can I call the Aware Helpline?
The Helpline is open 7 days a week from 10am-10pm. From Thursday to Sunday, the helpline also operates after 10pm. Please remember that the helpline can be busy and some calls can last quite a while, so if you're trying to get through, please bear with us and don't give up.

How much does it cost to call the Aware helpline?
Calls to the Helpline are charged at local rate from anywhere in Ireland.

Will my call be confidential?
All calls are treated with strict confidentiality. All calls are anonymous. No one will ever be told that you have contacted us, and no third parties will be contacted.

http://www.psyke.org/faqs/selfinjury/

http://www.webmd.com/content/tools/1/quiz_depression.htm?z=3628_81000_0000_12_01

http://www.theblackdog.net/

chuckles30

check out irishhealth.com They have a whole section devoted to depression and a number of discussions about the topic where you can get advice from people who suffer like you. You're not alone and with help, you can get through this.

lolo2

PLEASE, PLEASE talk to either one of your parents or a teacher or maybe have a friend of the family/relative that you trust talk to your parents for you or write one of your parents a letter. Im sure your parents will only be concerned and want to help you to get better, I dont think they will give out to you. It sometimes helps if you tell somebody so they can help you organise to find some help, and you might find very relieved to be able to be open about how you are feeling. Often, it is feeling that you have to hide your depression that can make you feel trapped, and once you have opened up to somebody you trust that eases it a little bit.

You CAN get better, you CAN be happy again. The best way to do this is to seek help. Please dont go through this alone, try to share with somebody you trust.

LegacyUser

Well I can't really talk to my parents, as I don't get on with them. I think one od the reasons I'm down is because of my mam. She treats me like shíte, and I was having a fight with her last week and told her she makes me depressed and she just called me an attention seeker. I don't really fancy seeing teachers either, as I have the school counsellor for a class and I'd feel weird if I was having meetings with him and had told him things. Would it be alright to see my local doctor? And is it expensive? As I am broke.

Nevyn

You should have a family dr, dr fees are about 35 to 45 euros,
but you could fake being ill with tummy cramps or migraine and get your parents to make an appointment for you and when you go for the appointment ask to talk to the dr alone.

LegacyUser

If I was to go to the doctor what would (s)he do/say/ask?

If I was to go to the counsellor what would (s)he do/say/ask?

Is there any difference in which one I see?

Laguna

The counsellor is the best bet for you to go to talk to for anonymity, as this is Ireland, your local GP probably goes for a pint in your local and probably talks **** about people (if he's anything like my local GP). Parents, surprisingly, are not the best people to talk to if you're feeling depressed as they tend to react negatively. OP, I think everyones parents (well maybe not everyone, but a lot of people) treat their children (or one of them anyway) like ****.

LegacyUser

Well they only seem to treat me like shít. They never but my brother or sister down or anything. Thanks for all the advice.

The Black Oil

A GP would probably point you in the direction of a psychiatrist and or counsellor/psychotherapist which would obviously cost a bit for ongoing sessions, not a great option if you're still in school and have limited finances. You may be prescribed anti depressants to take the edge off your mood however, they won't address everything.

When you self injure do you notice if it's impulsive or something that builds up over a day, possibly a mixture of both? Sometimes it's planned too and people can develop a certain ritual around cutting such as having blades in a particular place and going about it a particular way, always locking the door on their room etc etc.

A good counsellor/therapist will help you identify triggers and work with you in developing alternatives to cutting. The main thing is to catch it early, the longer you are without help the more familiar self injury will become and perhaps to an extent the only thing you know in terms of a coping mechanism. There are many distractions you can try even basic things such as going for a walk, watching a dvd, writing, shouting into a pillow, squeezing ice cubes, drawing on your arm in red marker, the list is endless but whatever works for you.

Another possible strategy would be to make a sort of 'safe'/'happy' box basically something that you put stuff like supportive emails, positive thoughts you've written down, photos that remind you of good things/events, a book etc etc. And dip into this if you're not feeling the best.

A friend of mine (who self harms) uses this web forum hosted by the National Self Harm Network a charity in the UK, supposed to be a good supportive forum, well run and moderated. Be warned some posts can be graphic but they're usually flagged. http://www.nshn2.co.uk/forum/index.php

Look after your cuts. When you scars heal try lavendar oil/vitamin E oil/bio oil http://www.boots.com/shop/product_details.jsp?productid=1065551 however, it takes months for scars to fade. You can buy scar reduction patches but they're expensive.

I realise reaching out for help is extremely difficult as self injury is often a very secretive behaviour.

Take care.

the Guru

If you are a self harmer please go to see a psychologist, psychiatrist this needs to be addressed NOW

Well they only seem to treat me like shít. They never but my brother or sister down or anything. Thanks for all the advice.

Why does she treat you like **** and not the other children ????? what are you doing different from the others , are you the youngest and you maybe think that you are being treated differently , have you spoke to you siblings about your issues..................................

masteroftherealm

If you have a local doctor who you know please go see them they will not charge if you tell them what is happening they will help. But PLEASE do something about this, before it goes too far.
Ive been whre you are I know have sh!t it is, and I know how scary it is to be there.
PLease take the advice here.

Slutmonkey57b

Absolutely, go and see the doctor. The most important thing is to realise that your situation is not unique, and that others have been where you are and can help you.

LegacyUser

the Guru wrote:

Why does she treat you like **** and not the other children ????? what are you doing different from the others , are you the youngest and you maybe think that you are being treated differently , have you spoke to you siblings about your issues..................................

I really and truely don't know why she does it. I'm the oldest of three children. If she's annoyed she'll take it out on me. She gives me abuse for no reason and always puts me down. She makes me feel so small.
I have very low self-esteem (confidence) becuase of a mixture of her putting me down all the time and being bullied up untill I was 13 (when I lived in a kip, wa sbullied by scumbags)

masteroftherealm wrote:

If you have a local doctor who you know please go see them they will not charge if you tell them what is happening they will help. But PLEASE do something about this, before it goes too far.
Ive been whre you are I know have sh!t it is, and I know how scary it is to be there.
PLease take the advice here.

My family doctor is very far away from where I live, and I don't know him very well. If I was to go to my local doctor and explain my situation would I be charged?

LegacyUser

I went to a counsellor today but I didn't find it helpful at all. At the start he told me that everything is confidential, except if I am harming myself the he has to get my parents involved. So I couldn't tell him anything about the self harming part.
Would I be better seeing a doctor? Because I want to get everything off my chest and I don't feel like I can with the counsellor.

Victor

depression wrote:

I went to a counsellor today but I didn't find it helpful at all.

Many counsellors recommend going to a few sessions, maybe 6. I "ran away" after the first time and it took me 6 months to go back.

And not every counsellor works for everyone, find someone that suits you.

Talking to your GP might be a good idea, he might have some insights. He might also have a list of local counsellors or other people / groups that can help.

LegacyUser

Hallo,

I have had depressive episodes in the past. At first I was skeptical of counselling. I pushed myself to speak with a lady therapist. After several meetings she gained my trust. She got to the ROOT of my psychological problem. This really was a major FACTOR in coping and leading a normal life. I STRESS coping with problems, they did NOT disappear. It took several weeks of talking and listening to each other before any progress was made. I ask you to do likewise.

John C.

b3t4

I'm afraid at your age you will more than likely have to keep the self harming to yourself whether you speak with a doctor or a counsellor. Sh1tty and not very helpful I know. Some counsellors/doctors can be understanding if you explain that your relations are strained with your parents but more aren't.

Use the counselling to get to the problem of the self harming. Self-harming cannot stop till the underlying causes are somewhat resolved. As I've said in a resent thread self harming is like an addiction. It's easy, quick and very satisfying, so it can seem like it has all the answers when you are at your lowest and don't know what to do. Take a look at the thread at http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054875433

I know you said you would find it weird speaking with your school guidance consellor but it honestly isn't. It's nice to have someone in your school environment who knows what you're going through and can help you out, teacher, student or study wise.

The thing is you can get past all this. There is light at the end of the tunnel and that usually comes when you move out. It's a while away for you now but your life will turn around for the best when you do. If anything wait til that day when you have control over who you let in or out of your life. Your mother will not be as strong an influence over you then and you can begin to let go of the put downs etc.

Believe I know. I've been where you are and I'm out the other side with a few bad days from time to time. It'll take me another couple of years but it can and will get better. I'm now out of my home environment 4years and every year it has gotten better and better.

Best of luck,
A.

jabiru

my friend your cry for help is touching and deeply moving. i can feel your pain and understand your lonliness at this time. Don't be alone now.

you are in a very precarious situation at this time but please believe in yourself. you have the answer to this dilemma in your heart.

the path to freedom is quite simple but you need to be prepared for the journey that you must take to change your current situation and believe me you will never look back.

there is hope out there
get in touch..........try [email]/email modsnipped[/email]

jabiru