So you like someone but can’t make a move

LegacyUser

Well it’s not falling for friends because you liked the person that way before being friends with them but that’s way things developed. At one stage or another you thought you were reading definite signs she liked you, maybe you even went on some pseudo dates.

So everytime you see them you fancy them more and more but you also become more and more more powerless to make an actual move. Self confidence issues maybe, fear of rejection maybe too.

That’s me. If this was once, great … but I feel I’m watching a repeat of a previously watched movie. Just like two years ago, I find myself writing a Christmas card to someone, wondering what to say - probably nothing. I got an ever great friendship but I never got more, I never did make a move. Took me 18 months to see that girl with some perspective, as a person (the freedom).

And now I’m doing it all over again with someone else. Not sure whether hope something will happen or whether to hope to find a way to get those feelings out of my head. Leaning towards the latter, but still, everytime I see her, my heart jumps. Doesn’t help that she’s the kinda person I might not hear from for 10 days but than see five times in two days. Confidence goes from we really get along so I’ll make a move tomorrow, to I haven’t heard from her for a week, better forget it and over and over again.

I don’t have mind making a move on random girl at the local pub club but when I find someone I really fancy I find myself paralysed and lost for months.

Sorry for rambling on. Any advice - suggestions - ideas.

Riamfada

Make the move. If she dosnt bite then move on. How long have you known this girl? Has she given clear indications that she likes you? Its usually easy to tell. But to quote an old cliche there are plenty more fishies in the sea and as much as i cringe to quote that its true.

Hey Mr I have been rejected more times then I can count. Last night by my childhood sweetheart .......again! What do I do? Im going to get langered the next chance I get and start meeting some more people

LegacyUser

I know exactly how you feel tischristmas as I'm in a similar situation at the moment with a girl I fancy but that I haven't made a move on yet as I find myself overcome with, as you say, a sort of paralysis when it comes to doing something about it. It's really frustrating because usually I have no problem talking to women I meet. It's just that I see this girl fairly regularly and I've gone from thinking "yeah, she's nice" to "actually, she's really really nice". But with that comes a mounting trepidation which leaves me in a knot everytime I see her. I keep telling myself to snap out of it and can come to my senses at which point I resolve make first contact but then I see her and crap it starts all over again and I'm back to square one.

jj99

i know how u feel, and am in the exact same position myself. This girl however made it obvious to me that she had feelings for me a good while back, but for other reasons, i couldnt do anything at the time. now when i realise just how much i like this girl, she doesnt seem interested, and i cant do anything about, for fear of losing her freindship, case of missed opportunities id say:(

Kell

Right, folks, time for uncle Kell to impart some recently gained knowledge about the beauty of open'ness.

I live with the most wonderful housemate ever, who happens to own the gaff too. Now, imparting my feelings to her may have resulted in a crappy atmosphere and also being fúcked out of the house. Did it?

No.

All you have do is be grown up and hope they are too. You would never even think that my confession had happened at all and nothing has changed in my situation.

Why?

Because both of us are grown up. I suggest that all of you in a similar situation do likewise, feel the fear and do it anyway. I mean, whats the worst that can happen?

K-

This joyous yuletide rant and enlightenment was brought to you by the letter M and number 13.

Radsl

Kell wrote:

I mean, whats the worst that can happen?

exactly, we'll all be dead in a 100 yrs anyway. might as well try make the best of it while your here

Kell

Kell wrote:

feel the fear and do it anyway. I mean, whats the worst that can happen?

K-

This joyous yuletide rant and enlightenment was brought to you by the letter M and number 13.

Exactly at this stage just get it over and done with!!

LegacyUser

OP here.

All sounds so easy...
How does one go about telling a person you like them?
I can't quite imagine the conversation.

Grimes:

"How long have you known this girl?"

> Known her for 2.5 months now.

"Has she given clear indications that she likes you? "

>What's a clear indication?

>If it was an Irish girl I'd say absolutely yes but she's German and that confuses things.

JohnCleary

I had one extreme case like this...
Met this girl, got along really well, didnt even fancy her at the time, got to know each other, end up as best friends, I get a mad 'crush' on her... Cant stop thinking about her.. We kissed once or twice and said nothing more of it. Staying as friends...

2 years later I am so glad that I never pushed things because we would have never worked out as a couple, and we are the best of friends, I get along so well with her family (they nearly consider me one of their own) etc...

Its a very grey area, do what you think is best. I knew that I could mess up a relationship by being too obvious about my feelings towards this girl, so I shut up and said nothing.. The physical interest went away after a while

Red Alert

I have this problem right now too, and i'm just terribly confused! I've known this girl very well for a few years. I'm now single and she's now single too. i only realised i like her in the past six months or so and it hasn't gone away. i think she might like me too, but i don't know that, only she does. and that's what i'm terrified of asking her :eek:

Civilian_Target

If she's German, I think it's unlikely that she like you I'm afraid. My limited experience of German girls is a sign of interest is holding your gaze and then being very willing volunteers to play a game of tonsil tennis. However, I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule so.....

Go for it anyway. Seriously. Been in a similar situation, went for it, glad I did. Why be a pacifist when activism is so much more fun?

BEAT

go for it pleeeeze...you dont know how many times Ive seen someone post here with this type of problem and I always think you should just speak your mind.
If you are having these feelings she more than likely either has them too or is feeling like you are havig these feelings and doesnt know how to approach the situation...so just do both of urselves a favor and let her know how you feel.
Youll never be at peace until you do and you guys dont realise how much the girl wants the guy to make the first move...
and these days they rarely do so a girl is left thinking she is either undesirable or puts her feelings away because she doesnt want to feel forced to make the first move.
There is nothing a girl likes more than the guy actually making the first move...
so basically,
go for it...what have you got to lose really?

py2006

Christ this thread is the story of my life!

I liked this girl for years. I only really saw her once or twice a year as she was living abroad mostly and she always had a boyfriend.

However, she moved home a few months ago as she broke up with her boyfriend. She made contact with me and we became really good friends. But of course I fell her big time!

We began seeing a good bit of each other and on occasions I think she did have feelings for me. But I have made that mistake before in thinking a girl is interested when she isn't.

She then moved down the country to go to college and my heart sank. She comes home on weekends and we always met up for a drink but that has dwindled away over the last few weeks.

I couldn't make a move for several reasons:

1. She was VERY upset over the breakup. I knew she wasn't ready for another boyfriend.
2. I couldn't be certain she was interested.
3. The fear of making a move, she saying she isn't interested and then the friendship ends. (I know that sounds immature, but it actually does happen sometimes)
4. I was told by a friend she wouldn't be interested in me.
5. I have a couple personal probs at the mo that prevent me from having confidence to be with a woman.

So now it seems to be over. I enjoyed meeting up with her as the was a bit of a buzz to the whole "Could something happen?" thing that was going on.

I know people keep advising to MAKE THE MOVE but to be honest that might work for some people some of the time but it can have a bad effect too.

I was getting on real well with this other girl last year and my friend told her one night that he thinks I like her. I have hardly heard from the girl since.

muckwarrior

Well you can add me to the list as well. Years ago in school I was mad about a girl, but also really good friends with her. Well anyway to cut a long story short I didn't make a move at the time for fear of fcuking up our friendship. Then we went to college and gradually lost touch with eachother. To this day I wonder about what could have been.

LegacyUser

Civilian_Target
"If she's German, I think it's unlikely that she like you I'm afraid."

>Anymore on that?

JohnCleary
"Its a very grey area, do what you think is best. I knew that I could mess up a relationship by being too obvious about my feelings towards this girl, so I shut up and said nothing.."

>That's exactly it.

BEAT:
"Youll never be at peace until you do and you guys dont realise how much the girl wants the guy to make the first move..."

You see that's what I judt don't get.