Did I f*ck up?

LegacyUser

[Sorry for the long post. A bit long and boring compared to most here but I just had to get it outta my system]

Ok, I guess the story starts when I broke up with my long term girlfriend a few months ago. Also finished college last year. There was a girl in my class that I always kinda liked, but I guess when you're in a relationship you just put these kinda things to the back of your mind.

A while after the breakup I went on a weekend away with her and a few other friends, and I ralised that I do indeed really fancy her. After that we started texting a lot etc. One evening we went for drinks together, and we were both flirting with each other, I didn't make a move but at this stage I was starting to think that she fancied me too.

I was delighted when shortly after she asked me to go to a gig with her, I took that as confirmation that she liked me and made the decision to make a move on her that night. Went for drinks after the gig, i was flirting like mad with her, but I didn't really get a response. Well, she wasn't exactly giving me a cold shoulder, but she didn't really make any indication that she wanted me to kiss her, so i didn't.

After this I resigned myself to the fact that she just wanted to be friends or whatever. But then one night when I was out she texted me asking did I want to meet up with her. So met up with her in a club. She was being quite flirty with me but I was sure at this stage that she just wanted to be friends so didn't make a move. She did though . I was on cloud 9 when she turned around and kissed me. So ended up having a great night and the next day I was over the moon at the prospect that it looked like something was finally happening. We were texting each other the whole time over the next week and we arranged to meet up again that saturday night. But then on the saturday night she basically told me that she couldn't be bothered going out. Was a bit disappointed, but hey, not the end of the world like.

After this there were days that she was mad to talk, and then days that she’d almost ignore me. A week or 2 later she asked me out for drinks with her and her workmates. So, a while into the night she reached out and held my hand. We ended up in each others arms, hands all over each other, BUT, she wouldn’t give me a chance to kiss her . Whenever I got close she would turn around to talk to her friend or whatever. Even her friend said something like “jesus would you two just snog”. But it didn’t happen. So went home that night feeling quite frustrated and confused. She sent me a text to say she got home ok and I replied “Godammit, I really wanted to kiss you tonight!”

Well that was a couple of weeks ago, and all has been very quiet since. If I text her I may or may not get a reply. Complete contrast to the 10 or 20 messages a day I was getting a few weeks ago. So basically I’m left wondering what the hell did I do wrong??? I know that she did like me because I heard one of her workmates say it. But now she very obviously wants nothing to do with me. I can’t help but wonder should I have come on a bit stronger? Was she waiting for me to grab her by the head to kiss her? I’d usually be the type to just get over it and move on, but the problem is I can’t help thinking about her. I just can’t help but think that I missed out, that I f*cked up, but the problem is I don’t know how I f*cked up.

Citizen Jake

You seemed to have behaved well throughout and kept a level enough head despite all the mystery. I'm not sure how you ****ed up exactly but you were obviously keen and she knows it. And that's the rub. If anything, she has stolen the initiative. In a hour, day or week from now she'll probably be in touch, or she probably won't. You will discover as you go through life that this whole relationship thing is a power game. The old adage treat them mean keep em keen is as true to women as it is to men. I think she has you on a leash mate. She knows you're keen and sometimes its not challenging enough when something is that obvious. Both women and men enjoy the chase. Take it from an old soldier, this could go on for quite a while if she hasn't already decided to cut you loose.

If she gets in touch again agree to link up but take the first opportunity to ask what's going on; without being all anxiety however. If she replies that she just wants fun or no commitments, keep your dignity intact and say you just want to be friends then (if you can handle that). Otherwise, continue to be her doormat. Jake

LegacyUser

Ok hate to be talking down to you but at the same time I've got two words for you: grow up. Just call her ask her out for a date and see what the craic is. I'm guessing you're not 13 so don't act like it.

vibrant

I can't make head nor tail of it. It sounds like she was trying to do a little game of "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" - I mean by keeping you on your toes by wondering if things are running hot or cold. Now though? I can't understand! You mentioned her friends were passing comments - perhaps they gave her a terrible slagging and she's just decided to move on out of embarrassment? She sounds a bit inexperienced. You didn't "f*ck up" as the heading goes - SHE did!

I wouldn't be in too much of a hurry to get back in touch with her if I were you.

Preset No.3

You dont live in Phibsboro? She sounds exactly like someone I know! No you didnt **** UP!! No way at all! If you are genuine nice guy, she will see past that and cop on, if not, that you have to pull back! More for your own sanity! Good Luck with it!

forget about it man......................not your fault
she didnt know what she was at, sending confusing messages.....
maybe her mates gave her a slaggin because she made a prick of herself the night she introduced you to them, fondling but refusing to kiss you would look immature and basically ridiculous to anybody paying attention to what was going on

if you really are interested, dont reply to her messages for a while, see what happens...........

when there isnt real communication, theres only fear, which leads to a power struggle.....trust me, i know:v:

Miss Fluff

You deffo didn't do anything wrong, sounds like you behaved really well!

Sorry to say it but she knows you're keen. Time to enforce Operation Keep-At-Arms-Length, i.e. STOP TEXTING and when she does initiate contact (which she will, believe me!) either don't respond or take a day or so to do so, essentially you'll be sending out the message that you have a very busy fulfilled life without her and that she's not a priority, so immature I know, but if she wants mind games then give her a good match!

Mezcita

Ah... the old "mickey tease" trick. Reminds me of the horror of my teenage years.

Don't ring or text her and if she really thinks she has lost you she will come running.

Zombrex

a tad confused wrote:

So basically I’m left wondering what the hell did I do wrong???

Who says you do anything wrong? ... everyone seems to think when they are young that what ever the woman does is the correct thing, so if she holds your hand that was correct, but if you wanted to kiss her that must be wrong. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to kiss her (of course I am not saying force yourself on her, but just thinking about it isn't wrong)

It sounds like this girl likes the attention and flirting but doesn't like the idea of going out with you, or making it seem like she is more interested in you than she probably is. Basically she wants her cake and eat it too while also eating cake with other lads down the road if she wants to.

My advice, instead of following her around like a lost puppy in head lights, or playing games with her so she will like you, have some dignity and forget about her. Ask yourself why are you spending so much thought and energy playing a game based on her rules, jumping through her hoops.

I am not saying this girl is being nasty, or a tease, or playing you are anything like that. Maybe she is playing you, maybe she has real reasons for this behaviour, maybe her last boyfriend was a prick and she is scared of relationships. But all these things are her problem, and if you want a proper relationship and she doesn't there is not much point trying to make her change.

You can spend the rest of your life trying ways, tricks and tactics to make girls like you or view you differently or change how they feel, or you can learn to know when it ain't happening and cut your loses and move on. The sooner you learn that little life lesson the happier you will be.

joejoem

Thats just the way some girls act, they completley f*ck with your head. You havent done anything wrong at all, and I wouldnt worry. The best thing (in my opinion) you can do is play it cool, act like it doesnt bother you.

DamoKen

Mezcita wrote:

Ah... the old "mickey tease" trick. Reminds me of the horror of my teenage years.

unfortunately it doesn't necessarily stop after that . As had already been said OP best thing to do is just quit texting yourself, I don't mean a tit for tat either. Personally if that happened to myself (and it has) I'd just forget about and move on, not much fun just being a convenient date for someone when it suits them. It sounds like this girl doesn't know what she wants really, and isn't taking you into consideration, the fact you've known each other for a long time should at least mean she'd treat you with a little more respect. I'd forget about it myself and she could do a bit of growing up and realise people are not just doormats! She might just realise this if you stop running at her beck and call

um7y1h83ge06nx

Sounds like she has a possible bad case of pr*ck-tease-itis. You didn't do anything wrong as far as I can see. Maybe she's immature, not sure how she is feeling, just an attention grabber, or a combination of the above.

So don't feel u did anything wrong, chill out, take a stand back, and play things by ear. Maybe then you might find out what is really going on with her, for better or for worse.

LegacyUser

Cheers guys,
Yeah, I think you're right. I should stop feelin like I did somethin wrong. In hindsight I think theres very little that I'd have done differently. As far as I'm concerned the ball's in her court now, I ain't gonna chase her no more.
Someone mentioned her previous boyfriend might have been a dick. He was! It was actually a guy I knew, but we've talked about that and I'm pretty sure she knows that I'm nothing like him, so I don't think thats the issue.
I've been in these situations before and I've just got over it and got on with it. But for some reason this time it's a little easier said than done

LegacyUser

Don't worry about it man. You did nothing wrong. Pretty much top advice in this thread, I can't give anything else. Just keep your head up, act confident and the rest will follow. Don't worry about it, she just lost you....you didn't lose her. That is the attitude you need right now.

Kell

a tad confused wrote:

but the problem is I don’t know how I f*cked up.

Ask yourself how much it really matters? If she is fúcking with your head at this stage, give her a wide berth and move on.

Yes, it really is that simple.

Dont waste your time with people who cause you to worry about something you may or may not have done.

K-

vorbis

you probably came across too nice to her. You let her control everything. In a way you're making her feel that she is more important than you. I'd wager that on the night she kissed you, you were acting a bit indifferent towards her (i.e. not flirting). With some women, it seems that if you're not a challenge, you're boring. As people are saying, lose the contact for a while. Make her to the first person to send a text next time.

Bláth

cheesedude wrote:

Don't worry about it man. You did nothing wrong. Pretty much top advice in this thread, I can't give anything else. Just keep your head up, act confident and the rest will follow. Don't worry about it, she just lost you....you didn't lose her. That is the attitude you need right now.

I agree - it's her loss. Listen, you did nothing wrong - sounds like she doesn't know what she wants - and you were getting caught in her indecision. Forget about her and get on with things. I know it's not always easy but do you really want a bird who runs hot and cold?? There's ALWAYS something better round the corner - a cliche but true - when one door closes another opens. Shut her door and give your time to someone who cares. She knows how you feel - ball's in her court - although if she comes running..... she'll probably panic and go cold again! So don't waste your time!!

Good luck and keep up us posted with the new ladies!

McGinty

Hi, a woman's perspective, I would agree that its sounds like (sorry to say this, but the silly cow) was ****ing with your head. Women like that make me really mad, and I have known some former friends of mine to act this way and it really pisses me as it gives us (yes me lol) decent women a bad name. Don't play her stupid games, and if you don't mind me saying, don't bother with these stupid boring mindless head games. They are crap. Let her on, she has a problem. I read your thread and if I was into you, I would pick up your flirting and would have a nice time for whatever lenght it would be. This girl obviously has insecurity problems, her problems are hers, not yours, so she needs to deal with them, not take them out on you. You didn't do anything wrong from what I can gather, you were gentlemanly but also made it obvious you were into her. There are lots of women out there that are not into mind games. I believe wickednight made some really good points and I would concure with him. Mind you I have experienced the same problem with guys, maybe its because of silly cows like the girl your chasing.

cordelia

Mcginty is dead on with this.
You did nothing wrong. She's messing with your head in an attempt to keep you "keen."
I personally have no tolerance for this kind of behaviour, be it man or woman. It's just a load of utter nonsense to play games like this. Power plays, nothing more. If she's doing this now, what is she going to be like in a month or two?
You sound like a good, honest guy and you deserve to be treated better. There are a lot of honest, lovely women out there that don't have their heads up their arses so go find them.
Honestly, I've ended a friendship with someone because I couldn't stand the way she thought nothing of being a pr!ck tease to men, taking advance for drinks and expensive dates, playing the hot and cold scenario. It's just contrived and shows no class as far as I'm concerned. After she did it to a male friend of mine I walked away from her.
Yes, no one wants to come across too strong, leave a little mystic so they want to see you again, but it's not necessary to be manipulative either.
Good for you to copping this on early.

Dr. Loon

I didn't read all these long replies. Couldn't be arsed. Sounds to me like she's ****in' with ya. Simple as that. If somebody is ****in with ya. **** em.