How do you get rid of feelings for a friend???

py2006

grasshopa wrote:

Aye aye women will be bitches. The whole friend/potential boyfriend is established when you first meet someone. If you're friendly towards a girl for too long she'll find it hard to see you as anything else, even if your friendliness is just shyness on your part to make a move or show interest. Though sometimes you can just be bored and desperate for a girlie so you feign an interest ... yeah yeah he who has not sinned etc etc, guyus will be bastards women will be bitches.

But if you really do have feelings for her, it will kill you slowly.

Sorry I just gave you absolutely no advice at all

Well, one reason why I never made a move was the fact that she was just out of a relationship and very upset about it. So I stood back from that! If I had made a move earlier, I think it would have only been a kiss and thats it. She wasn't ready for a relationship.

However, its been about 5 months now. We have become good friends. Although we only really see each other now for a few hours over the weekend as she is studying in Castlebar and comes back to Dublin for weekends where she works.

She is considering transferring to Galway for next year and getting a job there which means she wont be coming to Dublin much anymore

py2006

Ok, I am seriously pissed off now! A friend of mine this weekend pointed out to me that I am like her lap dog! As soon as she wants something or asked to meet up with me I go running like an idiot! Yet when I ask to meet up with her its like, "maybe, perhaps.....if I have nothing better to do". Also she said she would text me on fri about going out and she never did. And here was me sitting by the phone like an idiot waitin on her. I eventually ended up ringing her and she told me she wasn't going out.

I was absolutely fuming and really pissed off. Not with her but with myself. I could have made alternative arrangements. She was supposed to text me again tonight but I never heard from her.

So clearly she has little or no interest in me otherwise I would have heard from her.

I made a New Years Resolution that I wouldn't chase after lost causes and drop everything I am doing as soon as she calls!

I have deleted her number from my phone so I wont be texting her first. The next time she asks to meet up for a drink or a coffee and I am gonna make sure I aint available.

I am sick and tired of coming accross as pathetic and willing to drop everything for her.

AHRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! :mad: :mad: :mad:

nobodythere

"And here was me sitting by the phone like an idiot waitin on her."...

Exactly... like an idiot. She'll never like you if you're too keen. Give up on her liking you. Read about the ladder theory. On second thoughts don't, that will just make you an evil grumpy bastard like myself. It seems from your last post that you're just pissed off that it's not going to happen and you're unwilling to accept the nature of your friendship as the way she defines it. If it's true what you're saying, the way she defines it is that she expects more from you than she expects to give you back. Call it being used.

But then again I don't know if you speak the truth or if you're blinded by your anger and your undying boner.

You have nothing to be mad about, get your own life, stop sitting waiting by the phone, she just wants to have a little fun but don't go too far out of your way for her. People will use you. Full stop. Girls need 'emotional support'. Most girls anyway. I've done the running around for friends who won't help you out when you need it, and while you might care about them it's not worth it because you can't just give and give and give and expect nothing in return. It might be the ever-so-noble thing to do but horse**** I say, friendships are a two way thing and anyone who is not willing to reciprocate that is not worth it.

Listen, she's obviously not too attached to you, she doesn't see you in the same way. She's readily willing to move across the country so she's obviously not too tied down. Cool it for a while, be a casual friend to her. Give her what she gives you and don't give it in spite or anger or to prove a point. But if she starts complaining then that you're never there for her or whatever fscking let rip on her. Some people need a good old fscking boot up the ass.

Plus by your anger it would seem that the only reason you ever go out of your way for her and be her lap dog is so that you can get some reward from it in the end. And now you're just fuming because it's not coming.

Tar.Aldarion

py2006 wrote:

Ok, I am seriously pissed off now! A friend of mine this weekend pointed out to me that I am like her lap dog! As soon as she wants something or asked to meet up with me I go running like an idiot! Yet when I ask to meet up with her its like, "maybe, perhaps.....if I have nothing better to do". Also she said she would text me on fri about going out and she never did. And here was me sitting by the phone like an idiot waitin on her. I eventually ended up ringing her and she told me she wasn't going out.

I was absolutely fuming and really pissed off. Not with her but with myself. I could have made alternative arrangements. She was supposed to text me again tonight but I never heard from her.

So clearly she has little or no interest in me otherwise I would have heard from her.

I made a New Years Resolution that I wouldn't chase after lost causes and drop everything I am doing as soon as she calls!

I have deleted her number from my phone so I wont be texting her first. The next time she asks to meet up for a drink or a coffee and I am gonna make sure I aint available.

I am sick and tired of coming accross as pathetic and willing to drop everything for her.

AHRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! :mad: :mad: :mad:

Dude just em ask her, you will end up going a little crazy and the depression will get worse and worse til you can't sleep, leave your room.
If she doesn't feel the same, at least you know and you can *try* to get over and accept that.
It's really hard to not do what they ask ain't it.

py2006

Ok, sorry about the previous post. I was a little pissed off at myself but I was also a little drunk.

I am just annoyed at myself as I have been made to feel like a lifeless idiot.

We had a wonderful chat over a few drinks last week and I was looking forward to hooking up with her this weekend and I just felt like such an idiot when she clearly wasn't too excited about meeting up with me.

I really am pathetic. I guess its hard to believe I am 28!

She just txted me there now as she arrived back at her place down the country. This has happened before, I don't hear from her when she is home but as soon as she gets back to the country I get a text asking me how the weekend went.

I don't know what to read into that.

Baggly

py2006 wrote:

Yea, but thats easier said than done! I do believe it will come out eventually over a few drinks!

dude, i fall in the bite the bullet category, but i dont fall in the do it over drinks category. unless ur really graceful when under the influence of a few.

and i know u prolly dont mean roaring drunk, but things always seem better than they actually are, and if you have a clear head, it may go more smoothly.

and with regards to her comments regarding other guys and what she likes, people dont have a clue what they want or like until they dont have it.

ask her to set u up with a friend or something, and if she does tell her u wanted her, and if she doesnt it ll prolly be cause she is jealous.

i say probably cause thats how it would pan out if we abandoned this 'logic' stuff.

noone....sorry, no girl will like me saying it, but the best way, and the quickest in the long run, to get a girl is to treat them mean and keep them kean. it sounds like thats what she is doing to you

mean as in be a bit distant, have other plans, talk bout other girls. that sorta stuff. keep her guessing.

sounds like your friend may have been right

nobodythere

You could always PRETEND you're drunk so you don't have to deal with the consequences if things go horribly wrong

paulmartin

petermonaghan wrote:

noone....sorry, no girl will like me saying it, but the best way, and the quickest in the long run, to get a girl is to treat them mean and keep them kean. it sounds like thats what she is doing to you

mean as in be a bit distant, have other plans, talk bout other girls. that sorta stuff. keep her guessing.

This is exactly right. Forgot all this sensitivity and trustworthiness crap women go on about. That's the exact opposite of what women want. Arrange to go out with your mates. Then if she asks to meet up, say your going out with your friends and asks her if she wants to come. Do not offer to pay for everything. Treat her like a friend, not a girlfriend. If she doesn't want you to be her boyfriend then she doesn't deserve and can't expect you to treat her like a girlfriend. Definately try to get with and talk about other girls.

Your living your life around her, which is a big mistake. When she said she was going to text you, she likely assumed that you would go out whether she went out or not, and she was only planning to text you if she was going out. She doesn't realise your living your life around her, although on a subconscious level she probably does and finds it highly unattractive. If she says shes going to text or ring you, don't text or ring her till she contacts you. Deleting the number is probably a good idea (unless you know it off by heart - i wouldn't be surprised at this stage). Next time she asks you how the weekend went, tell her you had a great one. For your own sake don't do every favour she asks you to do. That is not what women find attractive at all. If a girl done everything for you, it would'nt make you any more or less attracted to her, i guess.

Ultimately I don't think anything well ever happen (especially when she moves away) so just learn from the experience, hold on to a valuable friend, and most importantly, find someone else and quick. Besides she'll find you more attractive if your not too available (why i dont know, some women are strange!)

py2006

paulmartin wrote:

This is exactly right. Forgot all this sensitivity and trustworthiness crap women go on about. That's the exact opposite of what women want. Arrange to go out with your mates. Then if she asks to meet up, say your going out with your friends and asks her if she wants to come. Do not offer to pay for everything. Treat her like a friend, not a girlfriend. If she doesn't want you to be her boyfriend then she doesn't deserve and can't expect you to treat her like a girlfriend. Definately try to get with and talk about other girls.

Your living your life around her, which is a big mistake. When she said she was going to text you, she likely assumed that you would go out whether she went out or not, and she was only planning to text you if she was going out. She doesn't realise your living your life around her, although on a subconscious level she probably does and finds it highly unattractive. If she says shes going to text or ring you, don't text or ring her till she contacts you. Deleting the number is probably a good idea (unless you know it off by heart - i wouldn't be surprised at this stage). Next time she asks you how the weekend went, tell her you had a great one. For your own sake don't do every favour she asks you to do. That is not what women find attractive at all. If a girl done everything for you, it would'nt make you any more or less attracted to her, i guess.

Ultimately I don't think anything well ever happen (especially when she moves away) so just learn from the experience, hold on to a valuable friend, and most importantly, find someone else and quick. Besides she'll find you more attractive if your not too available (why i dont know, some women are strange!)

Yep, woman are mad alright. They say they want mister nice guy who treats them with respect but when it comes down to it they instantly run to the guy who is a total bastard, who couldn't give a flying crap about them and treats them like shít. As soon as they get that guy they give out about how he treats her!

I did delete her number (I don't know it off by heart), she texted me saying how did my sat night go and I said I had a "great time" and that I "met up with the girls from my course in town".

So hopefully that made me look less looser-ish and pathetic.

py2006

Quick update: She asked me to go into town with her tonight and I said I was unavailable! HAH!

I'll probaly regret that later!

nobodythere

Wow you sure showed her..... quit being so paranoid

Tar.Aldarion

py2006 wrote:

Quick update: She asked me to go into town with her tonight and I said I was unavailable! HAH!

I'll probaly regret that later!

That's silly, she is your friend. Although sometimes it's hard to act rationally and it's best to avoid the girl in question.

py2006

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

That's silly, she is your friend. Although sometimes it's hard to act rationally and it's best to avoid the girl in question.

I know, its just that a mate of mine said I was like her lap dog. Everytime she said jump I said how high etc etc