opinion guys?

LegacyUser

i'm in college, female, 22 never had a boyfriend, i've only been asked out by 2 guys in my life about 5 years ago.so its coming up to the new year,time for fresh starts and all that. theres a guy i've seen around college who i fancy, i think he might like me too, his friends give him not so subtle digs when ever i walk past. heres the thing i've never actually spoken to the guy, and never been fortunate enough to run into him on a night out so no chance of striking up conversation there.i'm sick of not having a boyfriend and have come to the conclusion that i could wait for eternity for someone to ask me out but its never gonna happen so f**k its about time i took matters into my own hands, i'm fairly shy so this is completely out of character for me. i only see the guy in college and am seriously considering asking him out when i go back after christmas.i just wanted guys opinions (or girls) on how they would feel if some random girl asked them out? would i look like a complete psycho/stalker?

Selik

Ask him out and take it from there.

Simple as.

vibe666

do you know about the points system?

if not then you need to watch a bit of friends.

basically, you need to decide on your chances and go from there.

give him a general overall rating out of 10, and then decide on your own rating for the same. If you think your rating is within 3-4 of his then go for it, you'll be fine. men only have within 2-3 at best, so if you'd rate yourself above him then you're onto a sure thing, as generally men have lower standards than women.

sorry if this is sounding a bit heartless, but all it really comes down to in the end is basic maths.

first impressions are all important. If you think you're reasonable looking and you score close to him then you can go up and ask him out with little fear of rejection. not that rejection is all bad. you learn from it, refine your techinique, get a better idea of what is attainable, and move on, trying not to get too hung up about it. think of it like job interviews. the more you have, the better you get at it, and the better your chances are next time because you know how to handle things that little bit better.

anyway, either his mates are giving him digs because he likes you, and is trying to pluck up the courage to do something about it just like you, or because they're taking the piss because they've noticed you looking at him, and are winding him up about it because he's out of your league and the fact they'vwe noticed you looking is just another reason for them to wind him up, just because of the whole macho bloke thing.

anyway, assuming you've decided to go for it, try and bump into him somewhere (when his mates are not around, they'll mess things up for both of you) and say hi, flirt a bit, and chances are he'll ask you before you ask him, unless he's as shy as you, in which case you might have to make the first move.

take it easy, don't go inviting him to a wedding or anything like that, make it something social, rather than romantic, something where you can get to know each other better and see how you get on. make sure you give him an easy way out just in case you've read things wrong, it'll be better for both of you if he can make a simple excuse without it sounding bad, and you won't feel as bad and can back off too before you get in too deep. minimal fuss, minimal room for disappointment.

You sound like a sensible girl, so don't go thinking that he's going to expect to go all the way right away. If things go okay, then he does like you, and he's shy enough that he won't be expecting too much from you on a first date, so don't go thinking that you have to jump right into bed with him on the first night.

he'll respect you more for it, and things will go a lot better for you. If he's pushing for you to sleep with him, then he might just be planning on you being a notch on his bedpost (not saying he is, but men can be funny creatures, especially in their early 20's in college) which I doubt very much you want to happen.

just take things step by step, he might be your true love, but he's most likely just a step along the road, so enjoy it while you can and see where things go.

above all, make sure you post back to let us know how you get on!

[align=right]13.16.137.10[/align]

In IRL

I would be flattered if I was the guy but, why not talk to him first and see how that goes? Instead of putting your mind on asking him out. I know you fancy him a lot but... Don't put too much pressure on yourself. One day go op to him and just casually talk to him maybe?

Let us know how you get along

omb0wyn5ehpij9

very well written vibe666!

faceman

LOL @ vibe666

seriously tho sarah-s just ask him out n then just go with the flow!

[Jackass]

well i'd try to at least have some foundation to asking him out...if a nice girl asked me out, out of the blue, that i never talked to before, even if i did like her i'd be a bit ...i dunno... "what's the story here?"

Just go over and introduce yourself, no big deal..."hi, how are you? im blank", "what are you studying here?" "how was your christmas?" "get up to anything at new year?" "did you go to the college christmas party? Great craic wasn't it?" "What did santa bring you?"... All of those are better than "Hi I'm Blank...wanna come out with me tonight?"

or even conveiniantly have your mates hanging around outside before lunch, when you see him, have a 10 minute conversation, then say, "Hey were gonna go and get some food now if you wanna come join us?.."

All far less stalkerish! (even if you were waiting outside a building for him! hehe, he'll never know )

omb0wyn5ehpij9

I agree with dubguy, i think your best bet is to talk to him first, and see how it goes from there. I would also be a little freaked out if a girl out of nowhere turned around and asked me out, no matter how hot she was !

UberNewb

Next time you walk by him look at his crotch and tell him "Your fly's unzipped!" smile and walk on by. If he likes you the next time you walk by he'll reply with some witty come back he's spent ages thinking up. Bingo now the ice is broken!

Jokes are great ice breakers even better if his fly is unzipped.

Red Alert

yep, just give him an offthecuff remark that will get the conversation going. try and bump into him near the lift or photocopier or whatever, you get the picture.

LegacyUser

or because they're taking the piss because they've noticed you looking at him, and are winding him up about it because he's out of your league and the fact they'vwe noticed you looking is just another reason for them to wind him up, just because of the whole macho bloke thing.

this is what i'm afraid of!

give him a general overall rating out of 10, and then decide on your own rating for the same. If you think your rating is within 3-4 of his then go for it, you'll be fine. men only have within 2-3 at best, so if you'd rate yourself above him then you're onto a sure thing, as generally men have lower standards than women.

unless my self perception is completely distorted we're probably both pretty much equal on the attractiveness rating, but men are strange creatures!

well i'd try to at least have some foundation to asking him out...if a nice girl asked me out, out of the blue, that i never talked to before, even if i did like her i'd be a bit ...i dunno... "what's the story here?"

to be honest if the situation was reversed i'd be very wary that he was taking the piss, thats why i really dont want to come across as a stalker, but the guy is always surrounded by at least 5 guys so i never get the chance to strike up conversation.

anyways thanks for the replies/opinions i suppose its just a case of trying to get him on his own and working up the courage to get talking to him now! easier said than done!

Dathai

I'd try talking to him a bit before you ask him out, actually just talk with him and make sure he likes you.Presumptions ALWAYS happen with crushes.It comes hand in hand.Your mind automatically makes you think that the other person likes you.So I would go talk to him and find out about him.
If you are nice and pleasant to him, and then see him again, and think you might have a chance, I say go for it.

ando

DubGuy wrote:

well i'd try to at least have some foundation to asking him out...if a nice girl asked me out, out of the blue, that i never talked to before, even if i did like her i'd be a bit ...i dunno... "what's the story here?"

yea, happened to me a while ago and yes I taught that aswell. I'd agree with the hole foundation thing first

Steoob

BrynW wrote:

I agree with dubguy, i think your best bet is to talk to him first, and see how it goes from there. I would also be a little freaked out if a girl out of nowhere turned around and asked me out, no matter how hot she was !

man i wouldn't i'd be like...em yes...im into spantaniouesness-ness-ness

Laguna

Hmm, I think it's a steep move from never having a boyfriend to just blurting "Wanna go out" to some unknown guy you see around your college, not that I'm saying it'll happen, but on the off chance he turns you down it'll be a savage knock to your confidence (once bitten twice shy?). I'd do what everyone else has suggested here if I were you, try and find some way of getting to know him on a social level first, for example, if you happen to see him in the college library/canteen, sit near enough to him and when you get the chance, try to strike up some small talk with him. Oh and by the way, I'd be flattered if some girl out of the blue came up and asked me out!, I uh, probably wouldn't know how to react though!, I'd probably laugh nervously and then run off, later I'd reckon she was taking the piss and be annoyed.. there's no way of winning with me.

The_B_Man

too right Tom, but in fairness, this girl should stick to wats normal in Irish culture! she should wait til college starts back, meet him in the pub wen he's drunk and let him "caveman" all over her then go in for the kiss! simple as!

i know u sed u never see him in the pub but thats the prob! he's obviously a regular bloke wit no balls to ask u out in college. have patience. u'll eventually see him out wen he's drunk. Laguna had the kinda right idea by sittin beside him wen hes sober. tho COULD come across as stalkerish if not done correctly.

look, either he likes u, hence his mates "subtle digs", in which case its just a matter of time, and I suggest u "accidentally" sit near him in canteen or library BY YOURSELF (preferably library in secluded corner and also outside his mates view).

or...
well, or he duznt like u. simple as that.

Lets recap:
Choices
1. sit near him,
2. ask him out,
3. forget about him.

well there u go. wat do u think?

Cabaal

Just ask him out, anything could happen that may change your chances of EVER asking him out.
From personal experience ask him out or you may regret it for the rest of your life.

Laguna

Cabaal wrote:

From personal experience ask him out or you may regret it for the rest of your life.

Don't think I agree here, you'd hardly regret not asking someone out you don't know on a social level for the rest of your life would you?, as at the moment her attraction to him is 100% physical. Sure, you'd regret not asking out someone you were close to as a friend too, but a complete stranger?..

[Jackass]

this reminds me of that sketch in naked camera with the girl hanging around outside the cinema trying to convinence lads off the street to go with her...and inviting random lads to weddings and stuff!

anyway, you're right sarah, you've just got to wait for an oppertunity, either in college or a college social or something, to get him alone and just strike up a copnversation...there's nothing weird about introducing yourself to someone and having a conversation, so don't worry about the whole courage thing, you've nothing to be afraid of.

spooiirt!!

Ask him if it turns him on if you spit in his face.

Nevyn

spooiirt!! that may do it for you but not for a lot of people.
Remember off topic and unhelpful postings will get you banned from this forum.
READ the Charter.
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

Sarah-s - This is a tricky one. I was in your situation but in reverse the direction... I'm the guy and was mad about a girl back in college. She was on different course, different year.... Obvious eye contact every time we passed by... but I was simply too shy (I was 20). I'd have come across as a total oddball if I had just approached her and asked her out. In fact, I'm still shy if I'm too crazy about someone in the beginning. Maybe he is as shy as I was? I'm terribly fussy (more about personality than looks) and maybe that's why - I tend to put all my eggs in the one basket which is probably why I haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years. It's a lot easier if you know him as a friend or informally at first. That's the one thing I'd emphasise to you... if you think you might be serious about him (even though you are only 22 and have never spoken to him), don't rush. Form a bit of a backbone... then decide if he's right for you. Otherwise, there's an increased chance things will get screwed up. I must admit, as a bloke, I prefer to make the move. You should however drop hints. You can give him the eye. You can smile at him. But here's my take - I don't trust a fast mover of a woman. Don't ask me why. I just don't. And lose the thoughts of "I'm fed up of not having a boyfriend".... if you rush, you screw up. What comes easy comes wrong.

That said - it might go right for you: Here's a true story - I'm 28 now. One night while out in town waiting for the green man to cross the street, I turned to the girl standing beside me around 11.30pm and said:

Me: "Hi! Let's go for coffee."
Her: "Ehh.. when?"
Me: "Now!"
Her: "OK"

And that was it... we went, we had a laugh, but never went out with her. She had been on her way home from work. Never even snogged her... I was just checking if I still had anything in the tank. I keep in touch with her the odd time for the craic but we ain't going out! I acted all confident when I asked her out even though inside me, I might aswell have been trying to hold in a gigantic crap. Out of curiosity ladies... what would you have done? By the way, she's from Eastern Europe. Does that have anything to do with her being so aggreable?? :-/

Anyway, good luck Sarah-s.

Victor

Sarah-s wrote:

theres a guy i've seen around college who i fancy, i think he might like me too, his friends give him not so subtle digs when ever i walk past. heres the thing i've never actually spoken to the guy

Based on what the last poster said, first objective: walk past him and say "hi"! Look sincere.

ferdi

since you can never get this guy on his own, just go up to him with his group of mates. if they start taking the piss (they may take the piss out of him but are very unlikely to take the piss out of you), tell them to **** off.

however, if you've been noticing eachother mutually for a period of time, eye contact, little smiles etc and he hasnt already made a move this means he is a shy as you or you just dont ring his bell.

Laguna

Dr Love me Not wrote:

By the way, she's from Eastern Europe. Does that have anything to do with her being so aggreable?? :-/

In my opinion, yes it does.

Too many rules in the dating game these times imo. I mean if you want something bad enough too happen you have to initiate some sort of ice breaker.

in a way i can see why we are a little suspicious and sceptical about women/men asking women/men out before getting to know them as there is nut jobs out there and they are often closer then we think. Still its an awful shame to let life pass by for the sake of sceptism/suspicion or even plain bravado. You may regret it in years to come. make the first move. it could be a simple sincere hello as someone said. it may give him the confidence to do all the running.