last night's shenanigans

LegacyUser

Going Unreg for this........I'm in a funny mood today

So, here goes. Lately I've been hanging out with my ex, call him Dave, who i was with and treated like **** about three years ago. He broke it off and i copped on how much i actually did like him, but i didn't do anything as regards making amends cos i felt like he deserves better and i have alot of baggage. More recently i've been drifting from my female friends and he,knowing this, very sweetly, has started ringing me, asking me to go out with him and his friends and we've just been getting on really well. In my Christmas card, I wrote that one of my biggest regrets is not realising three years ago what a star he is and basically that went down well.

We went out last night, me and another girl and five of his male friends. We got very drunk and at one stage, they went out to dance to a song i didn't like. I just sat watching him and he kept making gestures for me to come out but i wouldn't. Ten minutes later, he's dancing with a girl and i jump to conclusions and assume they're with each other for the night (even though they were just dancing). So i go off and score this fella i've been with before.

meanwhile, two things happen, my sister who's a Bi Polar Manic Depressive and who's been a bit hyperactive these past few days due to a **** up in her medication goes over and talks to Dave, but i have no idea what was said. And two, dave sees me with his own two eyes with the other fella. No sign of girl he was dancing with earlier. I end leaving club with the fella and when we're outside I see that Dave has now hooked up with a randomer. Gutted. So i just walk on with other fella.

I was supposed to go to dave's friend's house after but i just messed with the other fella before finding my sister who was making a tit of herself. Today, i ring Dave to say sorry for not going back to house party and he doesn't answer.

Rings back about an hour later, saying 'What do you want? I can't talk long.' I was a bit taken aback so i just said 'Ok, doesn't matter. Give me a text later when you's know what you's are at tonight.' He says 'Why? what's the point?' I can't even remember what my reply was to that but we hung up anyhows and now I dunno what my next move should be. Like did my sister say something that has annoyed him? (I've been advised not to confront her about anything while she's like this) he knows my sisters on medication but he prob won't have copped on she wasn't herself last night.

I guess i'm just looking for advice on what to do next. Ring him? Text him? Give him space to see if he contacts me? I really do like him but i just don't know how he feels about me this time around. And i'm scared to ask incase i mortify myself and i just LOVE hanging out with him so much.

Heyes

I think you need to give him space for a day or two and give him some time to think about what happened.
From what im after reading it would be of my opinion that he probable thinks your messing him around, he may have felt that the feeling maybe recindled and then he see s you off with some other bloke and your sister is off saying something probable kinda harsh to him, so he s probable like "what the hell ?!!"

Just give him time, and then call him... dont bother texting, just go direct. I know it s tough as you like him, and like spending time with him, but just sit back and wait on this occasion.

Let us know what happens....

chump

Well it sounds like he was making a big effort to start things up with you again... and you acted the sh!t ... just like you did three years when he broke up with you because of it... and from his POV you wouldn't dance with him last night when he was trying to get you to, although you had led him on (card), and then you went and scored some lad and the last he saw you was when you were walking home with him (to play scrabble perhaps?) and then on top of this whatever your sister said to him...

to be honest, why would he bother? (going on the facts)

lazydaisy

Well since you had already treated him like ****, perhaps he thinks your up to your old tricks again and messing him about.

Deeds are far more tellers of truth than some inscription on a christmas card.

Whatever your sister said, who cares, you scored with someone else and he saw it, so if that doesnt send a message loud and clear I dont know what does.

Its probably hard for him to believe anything you say. If you want to build up credibilty you have some work to do.

Dont text. In person or on the phone. Unfortunately your going to have to come clean about seeing him dancing and jumping to inaccurate conclusions.

Heyes

lazydaisy wrote:

Dont text. In person or on the phone. Unfortunately your going to have to come clean about seeing him dancing and jumping to inaccurate conclusions.

on seconds thoughts i think you might be right

Chad ghostal

tbh i'd say do him a favour; apologise to him (if you actually mean it) and then stay away from him

The_B_Man

YE, whats so hard about sayin u thought he was wit that girl so u went off with someone else? The only problem is that it is very unlikely that he will wanna go near u after u makin him feel like SH1T when he saw u with that other fella. Obviously, he had started to feel a bit of a spark comin back and u totally gutted him by the sounds of it. Maybe give him a happy new year txt sayin nothin more than "Happy New Year!" then leave it a while ie a cupla weeks. After that, follow the 2 text rule (dont text him twice in a row, wait til u get a reply).

What needs to happen now is for him to get over seein u with some other bloke. chances asre he'll feel cheated. Problem is, he might get over u completely and not wanna get with u at all!

Basically, you were in the wrong for bein irrational. If i had a penny for every time a womans.....grrr!

lazydaisy

B Man - if she hadnt already had a history of treating him like sh** youd be quite right. But with that, the actions of the OP just seem like a head f***, whether intentional or not.

Zombrex

To the OP, you didn't really do anything wrong (after all you have not been with the guy in 3 years), but at the same time it is clear he still fancies you, that he still likes you. If he was just a mate he wouldn't give a toss about you going off with someone in the club.

I don't know if you knew this all along, but really you shouldn't be using someone for emotional support (you say you have been drifting from your friends and he has been there for you) when you know (which at the very least you do now) that he still has feeling for you.

If you don't want to go out with him I think you need to distance yourself from him a bit.

Victor

daisycup wrote:

Today, i ring Dave to say sorry for not going back to house party and he doesn't answer.

.........

Rings back about an hour later, saying 'What do you want? I can't talk long.' I was a bit taken aback so i just said 'Ok, doesn't matter. Give me a text later when you's know what you's are at tonight.'

Send him a text saying sorry for the two of these.

But to be honest, I smell burnt bridge everywhere.

garthv

You sound like a nut job,
Stop f*cking with this guy's head, I've had my fair share of women like you and to be honest if you like him so much leave him alone.

EvilPixieOne

You just messed him around again! You're getting with other people in front of him while you say you're trying to get back with him. You can't treat somebody like that. Just leave him alone is what I think, do him a favour

Zombrex

Just to clarify, is she actually trying to get back with him? It seems like she is doing the friends thing from the original post (her friends have drifted away, she loves hanging out with him etc", but I can see where the confusion would lie.

So OP, are you interested in getting back with him?

coolhandluke

Headwrecker,hopefully his mates are now trying to get it through to him to stay well away from you.

MrJoeSoap

To the OP, what clubs are open Christmas Day?

Agent Smith

bondi beach, 92, afaik

Time Magazine

I gotta disagree.

I'd say send him a text to say sorry. One of those long messages that actually take three messages to send . Say you felt weird/pressured/lonely when you were on your own while everyone else was dancing. Say sorry for "ditching you guys" or something. He'll pick up the hint that you're sorry for kissing someone else. Say how much craic you were having with him the last few weeks.

Apologise and say "I hope we can get over it" and offer to buy him a pint. Work it from there, I'd say.

That said, don't screw him over again.

MrJoeSoap

agent smith wrote:

bondi beach, 92, afaik

Bloody heathens!

That would explain the sign though...

The_B_Man

lazydaisy wrote:

B Man - if she hadnt already had a history of treating him like sh** youd be quite right. But with that, the actions of the OP just seem like a head f***, whether intentional or not.

hmm good point. hadn't factored that into the equation.


with that in mind, i tihnk u shud ring him and tell him that hes too good for u and that ur a minger and a gimp and u smell etc etc.

best thing u can take out of this is that u made him feel better. give it up. like i sed, either u can fook off or, if u hav respect for him, give him at least a compliment by doin wat i just sed! simple as! god help him if he ever goes back to u! u need to learn that treatin ppl like SH1t has consequences, unlike "movies"! leave the poor chap alone! he deserves better!

so, now that thats outta the way, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do, watcha do?

LegacyUser

Hey, thanks for everyon's opinions. He didn't text me about going out last night but one of his friends did so i said i'd just see them in the nightclub. He never said a word to me all night and i just left him be and avoided be left alone with him. Felt so weird but there was just nothing to go on, no hint of a smile or ANYTHING and i realise now that he really does deserve better. So i's backing off. I left early so i dunno how his night turned out. Thanks anyways for reading and your advice, tis much appreciated. Happy new year to each and all.

Zombrex

If you do want to get back together telling him that would be a better idea that shifting a stanger in front of him (there is playing hard to get and then there's ... etc) ... you broke up with him, he isnt going to come back to you and say lets give it another go, no matter how flirty you are with him. You are going to have to put yourself out there and tell him how you feel, that you want to give it another go. He might turn you down (especially now), but just hanging around him ain't going to make it happen.

If you don't want to get back with him then it is best to leave him alone, it is clear he still has feeling for you and that he is still going to be upset if you are with other guys. So really it could never work out with you two just being friends because he wants more, or at the very least he is going to get jealous.

BoozyBabe

Eh??

Don't think it was your sister who annoyed him, it was you?

You've been hanging around, getting on really well, you tell him in the Xmas card that you regret treating him like sh!t before.

As far as he's concerned, he thought ye were going somewhere again & was letting you back into his heart, forgiving you for treating him like sh!te before, he's asking you to go out & dance & you don't.
Next time he looks at you, you're with someone else & leave with that someone else.
(Treating him like sh!te again)

How could you possibly think it was because of something your sister said that has him annoyed????

pinkybrain

Sounds like you got totally paranoid after seeing him dancing with another bird, and then were easily picked up by some other guy. Its obvious you have strong feelings for him, but if you cant control yourself in those situations then he SHOULD be scared ****less to bring the relationship with you any further, hence the "why bother" statement.
But if you really think he is the one, then there is a chance. A subtle way would be to do it through a friend of his, one he really trusts. Tell him you fooked up, were drunk and paranoid etc, after seeing him with someone else it stirred alot of emotions you felt dumped, you were hit on and you were an easy target.
If he really is a sucker, as most men are, he will believe his friend, and you will have another chance.

Its amazing how nobody ever blames alcohol in these situations, but I'm sure it was high on the list of causes.
Good luck.

Victor

pinkybrain wrote:

and then were easily picked up by some other guy.

I think the picking up went the other way around.

Kersh

He probably thinks you are a slut, from what i have deduced. Not surprised he is staying away. I doubt your sister is in anyway involved in any of this, its all your making. You didnt even give the guy a chance to finish dancing before you scored some guy.... you deserve his reaction, and he deserves better.

LegacyUser

Victor wrote:

I think the picking up went the other way around.

Nope, yer man came over to me as it happens and for once, i entertained him for longer than i would have cos i'm not a slut, as Kersh was making out. And Dave knows i'm not a slut, which is why he might be so annoyed. It looks as if i was genuinely interested in scoring the other fella again, when i was doing it out of jealousy of something that didn't even happen. I texted Dave earlier to see if he wanted to meet up later for a chat, he replied and said he'd get back to me, so fingers crossed. But should i just work on building bridges and remain friends or should i just lay my cards out on the table, tell him everything and hope he feels the same?

Like what if something else has been going on that i don't know about and he's not being himself for a completely different reason and he's happy just being my friend? You know the way people can read into things and see what they hope to see? I'm afraid i might be doing that.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Lay your cards on the table and be honest with him. If you want to see if he will give it another shot, then tell him. Trust me, life is way too short for stupid little games. Hope all goes well later

Zombrex

daisycup wrote:

But should i just work on building bridges and remain friends or should i just lay my cards out on the table, tell him everything and hope he feels the same?

Well you are doing a pretty sh!t job at building bridges, so at this stage I think if you actually want a romance with him you are just going to have to come out and tell him. Otherwise you are just going to continue to confuse the crap out of the poor lad which eventually he is just going to get sick of it (if he hasn't already)

The_B_Man

also, just coz ur honest and tell him the truth, ie laying ur cards on the table or watevr, that doenst mean he has to get back with you. dont expect him to, just coz ur comin clean. u'll have to show more effort than that to convince him.

LundiMardi

imo, if you feel anything for him, you'd leave him alone.

shoegirl

daisycup wrote:

I guess i'm just looking for advice on what to do next. Ring him? Text him? Give him space to see if he contacts me? I really do like him but i just don't know how he feels about me this time around. And i'm scared to ask incase i mortify myself and i just LOVE hanging out with him so much.

Well all I can say is that you got a second chance and ***ked things right up. If I was him I'd probably feel now that you are an utter a**ehole and I don't know how easy it will be to get that trust back.

I'd say apologise and hope for the best, but to honest I would expect a frosty response. Learn from your mistakes and don't treat genuine people like crap in future. You reap what you sow.:v:

Victor

Thats a bit over the top isn't it?