Asking someone out.

Egon

Right, since around halloween I've been with this girl (a housemate) and at first it was kissing here and there, but since then it's gone to sex & we've gotten very close, pretty much coupley. We've known each other for about a year and a half, been best friends from practically the beginning, and it's only just lately that anythings happened.

Neither of us has mentioned going out with each other, but I'd really like to be going out with her. I'm meeting her tomorro & we're going out for pints, I'd like to ask her, but I've never done it before (I've been with girls, just had a proper girlfriend before) so I'm just looking for a bit of advice as to how i should go about it?

Thanks for any advice ye can give!

aidan_walsh

You're already sleeping with her, why is it so hard to ask her out? I think you can feel assured that she's attracted to you...

I'm just looking for a bit of advice as to how i should go about it?

Spit it out, tbh.

Egon

I know it shouldn't be difficault, but if shes thinking of us as just fcuk-buddies, then it'll all go tremendously pear shaped & I don't want to end up losing her completely...

Gone West

You Are Going Out With Her

Egon

Fair enough, but neither of us has said it, so if she was to get with some other dude, she's not in the wrong is she? I'm thinking Aidans right, and I should just spit out but I'm still gonna be ****ting it incase she says no...

aidan_walsh

Well, thats always the way. All you can do is take the risk and hope for the best.

Egon

Thanks, pretty much just needed to be told I have to just get it out of the way! Just trying to come up with something to say if she says no...not doing to good!

lazydaisy

Why dont you just ask her how she would feel about being exclusive? Or ask her something to the effect of "Do you think we are a couple?" or "Im prepared to just be with you, would you be prepared to do the same?" So its not like your asking her to do something for you, but more like your getting her perspective, that way the feeling of risk is minimized.

Egon

If I could do it in a very non serious way, neither of us are very serious, and I could end up going waaay to serious by accident and end up blowing the whole thing. I just need to find the right balance...

little miss

tbh, if you're friends already you're bound to find the right balance. She wouldn't be sleeping with you if she didn't like you! Just be casual about it... Bet she's been dying to say something too but scared of ruining things. Be brave - and let us know what she says! Good luck!:)

Laguna

IMO you're already going out with her as you've been having sex with her etc etc. Have you thought she might get offended at you 'asking her out' now, she might take it as you viewing everything that's been going on up until now (sex/kissing etc.) meant nothing to you as you didn't class it as a relationship already..

dundalk cailin

well i was kissing a guy all thru the summer...neither of us took the step to becoming a couple, i went away for a while, when i came back at halloween we were together, it was just that because i was away for the year that we didnt go that step, now think he's kissing someone else, and i was suprised how hurt i was that he wasnt 'mine'. now i know my situation is differnet (i didnt sleep with him) but i think you should go for it, ask yourself how you'd feel if you saw her with someone else? and i think that you;s have the good basis of being friends before. at least there's nothing stopping you, i guess its my own fault for going away, but you cant help who you fall for

dundalk cailin

and i know that the guy i was with was interested in being my bf if i hadnt been away cos he told me at halloween pretty much that if i wasnt away then we would

Aie, just say "just to check - are we going out or not?"

cocopops

I'd wait for some day that we were giggling and hyper and then say 'ya know this hot body of mine is in pretty high demand so if you wanna put your claim on it, you'd better speak up now so i can let everyone else down gently....what do you say we make this more of a boyfriend/girlfriend thing?':D

Scraggs

my mates boyfriend before they were officially going out asked her one day if he had to fill out a form in the q where it asked relationship status what box would he tick......thought that was cute...

just say it straight out.......
[let us know]

Sleepy

bluewolf wrote:

Aie, just say "just to check - are we going out or not?"

I'd second this...

shakaman

Can I ask what age OP and said female are, sounds like conversation between a young couple.

I've been in this situation a few times and to be honest it just develops in to a relationship. Asking seems v childish.

Laguna

Scraggs wrote:

my mates boyfriend before they were officially going out asked her one day if he had to fill out a form in the q where it asked relationship status what box would he tick......thought that was cute...

just say it straight out.......
[let us know]

You sure I didn't see this happen in some Reese Witherspoon movie?

TBH i think you should talk to her and have the dreaded are we/are we not in relationship talk
i always hate the limbo stage between meeting a guy and going out with him i always think during this stage that if he decides he just wants to date me and not be in a relationship he should clarify to me as soon as he decides other wise i'l be paranoid that he's dating other people as well as me because your not going out with someone till there's a discussion about only being faithful to one another
i suppose the fact you's are sleeping together is a signal that its a already a relationship but i def think in the case of some girls out there(for blokes anyway) clarification of a monogamous relationship isn't a bad idea
and its as romantic as hell when a bloke tells you your the only girls he wants to be with:p

Egon

Shakaman: Both of us 19. Personally, i'm just asking so that things are clarified, no need for people to be really hurt needlessly!

So, I basically chickened out yesterday, were having such a good time, didn't want to go making it all serious. Both of us missed being with each other (sure, only away for just over a week but hey!) so I'd say its looking hopeful!

Shes coming down to stay at my home place on tuesday and wednesday so I think I'll go with the "just to check - are we going out or not?"

Will let ye know how I get on of course, thanks for all yer help!

Nevyn

I think you should not be saying 'are we going out' esp as most of the time you seem to be staying in

Maybe you should make the chat about 'Hey we never talked about us being exclusive;' but to be sure you follow that up swiftly with that you don't WANT to see anyone else and you hope she feels the same.

Webmonkey

Get a friend to come up to both of ye and say are ye going out or what? - You look at her and smile and start saying yeeees, hopefully she will kick in as well and say yes with you.